#so im making myself miserable in all aspects of life. like no. stop that. pls

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#apologies for being whiny yet again but alas humans r social creatures and i have no desire to interact with physical ppl lmao #its just that im so so tired. ive been working on this manuscript for the last 2 weeks and i hate it so much. so i spend all week like i #cant wait for the weekend when i can avoid this. but my obsessive brain must have something to get obsessive abt and if its not work then #its something else and rn i can feel it creeping into my drawing. like i just want to draw all the time. more and more and more. i can feel #the goalpost shifting on what's qualities as acceptable and on one hand i feel like ive gotten a lot better in a short period of time but #but also it means i sit there for like 6hrs coloring until my legs hurt and ive wasted so much time and i spend hours filpping back and #forth. unable to commit to drawing any one thing. which is very annoying. idk its just exhausting bc all i can think abt is all the things #i should be doing instead but im stuck there until i can get x thing done #and i put so much pressure on the time i have to draw that most of the time im too paralyzed to do anything #bc executive dysfunction annoyingness. and my brain makes me stay up so late and wake up so early. im just tired #so im making myself miserable in all aspects of life. like no. stop that. pls #its just this like crazy frantic anxious energy constantly spinning in my chest #and its like oh u should make friends or something so u can get out of ur own head but like idk ppl are exhausting and i dont like #listening to myself talk. i find it personally annoying lol. i feel like some sort of alien when i go to lab meetings. like i see what's #happening and i understand the structure but like in a synical way. like im not reacting how im supposed to. the interactions dont make me #feel anything. i feel the same way when i go to the zoo or something. like im supposed to feel something but its not there. im forming #memories but then when i hear ppl reminisce abt it. its like oh yea i guess that did happen. i dont have the fond memories u seem to have. #i dont feel anything abt it. so then whats the point of doing things like that? its just a waste of time and money if im not gonna enjoy it #my emotions seem to shift between light misery and an obsessive almost manic focus. so ill smile abt thing but something deep in my chest #feels wrong. weird emotional disonace. agh. idk its just annoying and ive gotta sort myself out b4 i have to take a like 18hr car ride with #my boss in like 3 weeks or something. blah! i should just sleep more. that would prob help #unrelated #in a lab meeting once i got asked what i do to relax and im like. i dont. and my boss was like what abt drawing? #and i was like ahah i like to draw but im so obsessive abt it that its something i have to do #so its not so much fun as it is stressful so yeah i dont relax

[littlx-songbxrd]

oof i feel the boredom thing bestie i got you anyway feel free to answer as many or as few as u want

1, 4, 14, 16, 23, 29, 32, 36, 39

+ if there’s anything u wanna come rant ab pls feel free <33

ARTIE ILY

YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT??

ILY

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE HELP AHHHHH

1. Whos your celebrity crush?

Jessie Mei Li, Amita Suman and literally every woman in the shadow and bone cast

I have a finsta, and I created it only because i couldnt keep reblogging shadow and bone pics on my main. Its literally a shadow and bone stan account.

But.... CAN YOU BLAME ME????

C an y o u r a i n?

4. Do you think its ok to separate the art from the artist?

Absolutely not, under no circumstances.

Let me explain

I am of the opinion the entire "separate art from the artist" idiology actually causes more problems than the mentality intends. You can absolutely enjoy media from problematic creators, nothing in this world can be 100% pure and not without its questionable aspects. No one is without fault, you can't go into media putting its creator in a pedastal and expecting a complete ethical person because you will sooner than later be dissapionted because these people are just human.

They will make mistakes, their media will sometimes screw up, and thats ok. Its when a creator refuses to awcknoladge or take fault for their mistakes that a problem comes in.

Its wrong to expect to perfection of a creator, but giving them the benefit of the doubt does not exempt them from critisism.

Wether its a simple mistake caused by ignorance, or inner bias the creator believes to be in the right. A work of art is a living breathing manifestation of a creator, and even if we rather pretend otherwise this creator opinions will be splattered all over their work, including any of these bias.

By saying you separate art from the creator I feel people deny the very problematic aspects of media, rather focusing on the good and thinking by denying the creator the bad aspects also dissapear.

Im not saying you can't enjoy problematic media. *points to my blog* id be quite a hypocrite if i said as such

But rather than denying the author, I think its much more validating to see both the artist and the art. Awcknoladge the bad, and love it regardless. It does a world of good for the marginalized groups being wronged by these types of media because by saying "separate art from artist" it just feels like people are putting blind folds all the problems within the material.

My only exeption for this rule would be when supporting said art is putting the marginalized people in danger in current time, someones life is worth more to me than some kind of media.

14. Oh!

Okok so idk the traductions in english so umm ajjdhfjfkf

So its a cortadito (little 6oz cup of black coffee)

But most time i add a lil bit of milk and sugar.

Also you definetly didnt ask for brand but, yes me and my family are addicts and we drive like 1 hour into mountain regions just to get mountain coffee. Yes were normal

16. If you had to get a tattoo rn, what would you get and where?

I promised my friend that if i ever did get a tattoo itd be a sun tattoo (cause they want a moon one) so...

Smth like this! And in that spot

23. If you could break one of your bad habits, which would you choose?

Oh my god so many!!

But rn? I guess I'd want to stop self sabotaging. I alwsys ruin things because of my insecurities. I wsnt to stop, I want to be avle to feel prpud of myself and stop denying myself things.

Oh and procrastinating

Pls brain let me-

Let me do things

29. What quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?

Anything that romanticizes "hardwork" as an excuse to burn yourself out. Too many people growing up fed me all that inspuration that i need to work till i get the job done amd then ill feel better congrats now i feel useless if i cant finish things that make me miserable.

Hardwork =/ = burning out

Youre supposed to feel good about the challenge, not want to die.

32. How old do you get mistaken for?

In the words of my friend

"You know with your uniform if we werent friends id definetly mistake you for a middle schooler"

I am applying for college artie

36. What do you think youd be arrested for?

Not.if rain, when

When i get arrested for protesting against our current political status in the US......

I definetly will get arrested some day and im okay with that

My moms ready

39. Describe your aesthetic

I'm horrible at description but

Chaotic witch works i guess? Most my clothes are colorful (white/yellow/light blues) with lots of patterns and space jewerly?

My friends say my energy kinda radiates "luz from the owl house and leo valdez" do with that what you will

#artie/rain!! #ily

[yousaidyes]

Hey! I just stalked your blog and had a blast reading your tags!!!! 😂😂 They're fucking amazing and really on point, and actually so well worded that I can't help but ask... Have you considered writing byeler fics? Sorry if this feels out of nowhere lmao it's just that it seems like you get them really well. Consider if you haven't. And it's okay if you don't want to. I'm just being greedy bc I ran out of your tags and felt sad and I wanna know more. 💀

whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. whoa. what?!

okay i just had to stalk my blog and go through all the tags myself to see what could have possibly brought this on. and you know what, anon? I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. all i've done is ramble pointlessly like an idiot bc of how crazy i am about this ship and the characters??? it's just me babbling without thinking and trying to get stuff out of my system. and believe me, i've seen people who ramble much better than me and are much more coherent. so like i'm totally lost rn. not to mention, totally flattered. and flustered. and embarrassed. 😂 lmao i wish you had messaged me and told me this in private. and since you ran out of my stupid rambling, i could've easily provided you with more of that over there. im always down for byler talk. 💀 not saying i don't appreciate this. because i do!!!! but pls, can you just come off anon and we'll talk? im getting a feeling that you won't. you already would have if you were about that, it's kind of obvious. but please, you're too sweet for having a one way conversation with.

to answer your question.. yes! of course i've considered it. mainly because there are just so many ideas untouched and territories unexplored and sometimes i just feel like taking matter into my own hands and create content for myself instead of whining about the lack of it. but something always holds me back. probably the fact that i can't write to save my life; i don't have the damn talent. 😂 i know how to read but that's about it. XD i think i get byler fine - i'll agree with that - but talking crap over tags that no one's gonna see and writing an actual story for them that everyone's gonna read are two completely different things. and since i have no experience with story writing whatsoever, i don't wanna take the risk of writing something that doesn't do justice to the characters and their relationship. i love these idiots too much for that. and i easily get pissed off whenever i see someone fucking up writing them in-character in a fic i'm reading. like no, don't do that. will isn't a miserable gay baby to protect and mike isn't a homophobic douche. they're in love with each other; they're endgame and should be written that way only. and although i'm obviously not gonna write them like that and gonna try my best to not make them ooc, i still fear that i'll end up messing them up somehow, bc of lacking even the basic experience and skills to write. skills to write anything at all, forget things like proper characterization and everything which is like the most significant aspect of any fanfic in my opinion.

although there's no harm in trying, even when there's no stopping failure. i'd be lying if i said that the thought of writing things i want to see others write the way i want which is impossible isn't appealing. 😂

#this was so sweet #i went off here because i know you're not gonna come off anon #i still insist tho bc this is embarrassing as hell 😂 #have some mercy anon