#so my brain and body dont wanna do it. and this specific project has potential to b even worse that what i usually do so fml

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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#im just gonna b a whiney bby for a sec bc im tired and i spent too long out in the sun :-P #we left at like 7.30 for sampling and got back around 4 so like it was a long day. it wasnt too awful tho #only kinda awful. but thats not what i wanna complain abt. i wanna complain bc we have this project looming #bc our machines r coming back. so i have to make sure i can connect the stupid cameras thru code stuff and make sure the chambers r built #and i dont wanna do any of this bc i kno this project is gonna cause me physical and Phycological pain #like all the projects we're collecting for. last time i had to work with the samples i got a little too close to a like full of breakdown #so my brain and body dont wanna do it. and this specific project has potential to b even worse that what i usually do so fml #sigh... i just dont wanna be here doing what im doing anymore. ive stopped having fun. my boss is like wow u r gonna be the person ppl #think of on X topic once u get all this published and its like. god i dont fucking care. #when i think of the data all i can think of is how awful it was collecting it. everytime it cuts a bigger and bigger wound in me #like i think its done long term damage to my psychy. i burned out too hard too many times. #so i dont wanna do it. i dont wanna push these projects forward. and i dont wanna collect more data from 2 other sites bc i kno the more i #collect the worse its gonna be. ugh. whatever. im sure itll b fine. bc im less invested in what im doing so maybe this time ill have a #healthier way of dealing with it idk. im just sick of it. and that's really sad. #ugh. whatever. i have a big meeting with a guy tomorrow and idk what device im gonna use to zoom with him #bc my computer screen is fucked and the camera makes me look like im at the bottom of a well... #i need a new computer... agh. whatever ive gotta reread some of his papers #i hope he likes me. he's at a way too prestigious school so im like. way too intimidated. but like im sure he just wants passion #ans ive got passion. Hopefully ive also got the stuff for knicking a full ride scholarship as well #yea right... but idk ill fucking go for it bc why not #hhhh i just wanna b in a future what i have the perfect phd program and its all sorted out #unrelated