#soft crier billy is my weakness sry if this is ooc LOL

[psychdelia]

feeling dramatic and thinking about post s3/s4 billy joining the party, specifically steve, robin, eddie, and nancy. he’s quieter now, a little paler, hair longer and chubbier (because i said so >>:)))

but the main difference is how he wears his heart on his sleeve now. has no energy for the anger that used to constantly simmer under his skin. he cries a lot more now, it’s the easiest and only release he can handle. the first time he cried in front of everyone was when he and max reunited, leaning heavily and sobbing into her shoulder, choking out apologies. the second time is when eddie tells them what happened to chrissy because this can’t be happening again and he’s terrified of the monsters that lie below hawkins, terrified to become their next victim again.

thinking about the way he watches steve and nancy, longing and yearning. wishing it was him who was able to talk to steve, laugh with him, touch him. even just be close to him. his expressions give away everything on his mind, and if they didn’t then his eyes wet with unshed tears surely does.

the third time he cries in front of them is when eddie and robin catch onto the way he looks at nancy and steve. at first they thought it was because he liked nancy, which billy stupidly snorted at. once they figured out it was actually steve, his heart dropped and he had to beg them through tears to not say anything. to just drop it and not tell anyone. because even though neil had fucked off when he was still dead to the world, he was still terrified. didn’t want people in hawkins to find out the new zombie boy raised from the dead was also a raging queer with a fat crush on the same guy he beat up years ago.

the fourth time is after steve got dragged back down into lover’s lake, billy being the first one to stupidly jump in after him. he barely reaches steve on time, practically straddling the guy as he rips the monsters on his torso away from him, out of him. when steve’s up and manages to slam and rip apart the one that had been choking him, billy breaks down into sobs. he’s overwhelmed and tired and his adrenaline is dropping just as fast as it came. he’s leaning heavily against steve, legs wobbly like jello as he cries into the guy’s bare chest, gripping at his shoulders so tight. even through his own pain steve comforts him, tells him he’s okay. they’re both okay. billy just cries harder, shoulders shaking as he shakes his head. he can’t handle losing anyone anymore, especially not steve.

robin and eddie awkwardly stare at the ground, looking anywhere but at steve who gives them confused looks as he cradles billy, not understanding why this is what sent billy into a meltdown. he always thought the guy still wasn’t too fond of him.

nancy, though. nancy’s not stupid or blind. she would catch billy’s longing looks, the way his eyes would drop the second nancy looked back when she felt him staring. she caught the way he would always be watching steve, eyes far too soft for them being just friends. it’s her turn to watch them now, frowning with her lips pursed as she connects the dots. steve seems to sense everyone knows something he doesn’t, but with an armful of crying billy hargrove in the upside down, he decides it’s best to wait to ask any questions.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #i am being so utterly dramatic #if anyone sees this #please drop anything into my inbox #the harringrove brain rot is so real right now #i would love s4 headcanons <<33 #i cannot get them out of my mind #especially billy just yearning as he watches stancy #wishing it was him instead of her #soft crier billy is my weakness sry if this is ooc LOL #let this boy cry in peace #crybaby billiam rights #and clueless steve???? #chefs kiss