#sometimes retracing my steps helps me remember but not always unfortunately it's very annoying

[cerise-on-top]

Hiiiii how have you been love bug? (Please tell me if your uncomfortable with that term since you are non-binary and they/them I’m not sure what nicknames you are uncomfortable with it’s just what I call my friends and just a nickname I have for people in general🫶🏻🫶🏻 ) so I’d like to to request farah with a adhd reader who is hyper forgetful and sometimes has meltdowns ( as someone with adhd)🧡🧡🧡

Hey! I'm fine! Bought some more yarn for my leftover blanket today, which I'm excited to work on! And don't worry, I think love bug is really cute! I don't mind most nicknames, but thank you for being considerate, I really do appreciate it! Hope you're doing well as well ^^

I don't have ADHD, so I don't know at all what it's like for someone with it! I had to do some research on it, so I don't know if these are actually viable methods of helping, but I tried! Please do correct me with something that might help and I'll add it in this post afterwards! I hope this is enjoyable to you regardless! Thank you for the request!

Farah with a Reader with ADHD

Farah doesn’t particularly know a lot about mental illnesses. She may be traumatized, yes, but that doesn’t mean she ever had the time to research any of them. So she’s definitely not the best person to go to when it comes to things like these, but she tries, even if she can’t always understand everything that’s going on. You’re suffering, and that’s enough for her to know she should do something to help you.

You being this forgetful may be a cause of concern for her, though. It’s not every day she meets someone who forgot what they did five minutes prior. It’s especially concerning when it’s something important, though, like seeing a doctor. Although she may be worried for you potentially developing something as severe as dementia eventually, she’ll try to push her worries aside and help you to the best of her abilities. If you ever need reminders, she can help you. Farah remembers and retains things very well, she’s never had any issues with it since she had to in order to get by. If you need to remember something, she’ll remind you a few times a day. You have an appointment? Don’t forget about it tomorrow, I’ll tell you again then. However, she’s also a big fan of post its and will write down whatever it is you may need and place it somewhere she knows you’re going to see it. I know, out of sight, out of mind, but she’ll also text you and have you make reminders on your phone for important things so you don’t forget. Won’t get mad at you for forgetting your anniversary, she can see that it’s hard for you to remember things and won’t yell at you or anything either. However, she will mention that it was your anniversary, or maybe her birthday. For the most part she just wants to spend those days with you, if she can, and will thus remind you. Again, you don’t need to feel ashamed for forgetting, she’ll tell you that it’s quite alright and that you shouldn’t worry. She’s patient like that.

If you have a meltdown in front of her, she definitely would not know what to do at first. Depending on what kind of meltdown it is, she’ll react differently. If it creeps up on you, slowly making you irritated, then she’ll ask you what’s wrong. Regardless of your answer, she’ll ask you how she can help you, if you would like to be left alone or if you would like to take a small break in any way. She gets it and she’ll get you away from whatever is stressing you out so you can slowly recharge. If you really do want to be left alone for a while, she will comply, but will knock on your door to check up on you every once in a while and will bring you some food as well. Farah just wants you to be well, so she’ll take care of you how she thinks might help. Food is always good, food usually helps her, so she hopes it’ll do the same for you as well.

If it’s a sudden meltdown where you don’t know where left and right are anymore, then she’ll get you away from everyone else at first. While she can’t imagine what it’s like for you, it likely isn’t very pleasant for you to be crying and screaming in front of other people. Hoping that you trust her, she’ll try to ground you, asking you how you’re feeling, what you’re feeling and how she could help you. What happened is also another question she would ask you. Again, she won’t really know what to do on her own, but she tries her best. Farah will talk to you in a soothing tone and try to distract you at first so you can calm down a bit. Whether it be cracking a joke or asking you about your top five favorite reptiles. Even if you can’t answer her properly, she’ll just reassure you that it’s okay, that everything is just bad in this moment and that it’ll pass. She’s with you this entire time and won’t leave you unless you want her to. Asks you to breathe a bit with her. In all your time being together, she’s likely learned a breathing technique or two that might help you.

Once your meltdown is over, she’ll be very gentle with you, especially if she can see you’re beating yourself up over it. You really shouldn’t feel ashamed for something that you can’t help, it’s not your fault. If you feel especially down, she’ll give you a kiss on the forehead and get some ice cream with you. Something like a meltdown seems exhausting to her. While she doesn’t want to seem like she’s rewarding you for having a meltdown, she does want you to be kind to yourself afterwards, that’s what the ice cream is for. And if you don’t want ice cream, then some berries, fruits or a small snack will suffice as well. Either way, she’s there for you the entire time until you feel better.

#cod #cod x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #I didn't think anyone at all would notice or remember that I'm non binary #I don't really mention that fact as much as other things but it makes me happy that some people do pay attention! #also love bug is a really cute nickname! your friends must be very lucky to have someone like you in their lives! #again I don't have ADHD I only have schizophrenia and there doesn't seem to be too much of an overlap among them #so I really don't know what it's like to live with ADHD but I get the forgetfulness #I have so many reminders on my phone and on small paper notes it's incredible #I also journal every day so I don't forget what I did during the day. that's one of my best habits yet #but yeah I'm also the kind of person who can't remember what they did five minutes ago and it's so very frustrating #sometimes I wanna look something up on google only to forget five seconds later what it was #sometimes retracing my steps helps me remember but not always unfortunately it's very annoying #but we are just so very strong for living with our mental illnesses!! #being mentally ill is exhausting and I can't think of any positives either #I know it may seem hard at times but it's important to be patient with oneself. I learned that the hard way #so please do be kind to yourself anon! you deserve it! you seem like such a nice person!

[rubyastari]

What I’ve Learned From Being Pickpocketed...for The Third Time!

“On July 30, at around 8:00 pm at Karet-Kuningan Trans-Jakarta Shelter, South Jakarta, somebody behind me had dared unzipped my backpack and taken my phone and wallet away. I'd realised then about 30 minutes later. My phone number is **-***********.

Fat chance that I'll ever get any of them back. So I'll be doing a lot of 'first things first' tomorrow, from visiting the police station to the bank to the Trans-Jakarta centre with a police warrant for a permit to watch their cctv records.

Whoever has my wallet and phone now, they'd better pray they'll never have to deal with me.”

 Alright, I know I sound scary when posting that on my social media. I guess many people could already tell just how freaked out I’d been when that happened.

For your information, this is the third time I’ve been pickpocketed. Believe me, this is not because of my pure recklessness. Jakarta is shady in so many ways. In short, let me recount the other two similar incidents:

1.    At the mall.

The first time I got pickpocketed was at one of the malls in South Jakarta, about a decade ago. (Yep, you can tell how old I am now!) That night with Ma, I was searching for a pair of new shoes for me.

The M.O. was the same: somebody had snuck behind me, unzipped my small backpack, and then taken out my wallet. Thankfully, my old phone back then was so small and right at the bottom of the bag inside. It was safe.

Of course, I never got the wallet back. I was so crushed that day, because it was the most beautiful wallet (with cat pictures on it) that my sister had given me for my birthday. Plus, I lost the photos of my friends and I.

What had annoyed me the most? The police officer at the precinct close to home had asked for IDR 10K (as part of the admin fee) for him to type my missing wallet report. I remember gaping at him before replying: “Sir, I lost my wallet. I have no money, okay?”

Unfortunately, he wouldn’t budge. I ended up handing him the note from Ma...sulkily of course. That was some protection and servive, eh?

 2.    The bus, a few years after.

I forgot what year, but it happened while I was on the bus – on my way to work. Feeling tired from lack of sleep, I’d fallen asleep.

I’m sure you can tell what happened after that. I woke up to find my bag unzipped...and my wallet gone. Thankfully, not my phone. I’d stored it somewhere in the inner pocket of the bag.

Still, that was bloody annoying.

The good thing was, the police officer was kinder and more sympathetic than the first one when the same thing had happened to me.

Since then, I’ve hated public buses. Trans-Jakarta is relatively okay, as long as the other passengers are not literally pushy like a stampede!

 Those two events had occured when I was still living in my family. This one was different.

I had to admit, I’d freaked out quite much that night. After calming myself down, I retraced my steps and asked anyone at the last bus shelter I’d been in. No such luck. I returned home empty-handed and with absolute fury.

First things first, I requested all my ATM cards in the wallet to be blocked – via online. Then I emailed my boss to let me skip work to do all the missing/lost/stolen reports.

After that, I alerted anybody I thought I needed to be alerted. My family, my friends, and even my freelance clients and my current editor. (I’m working on a book.)

Of course, I tried to do some work that night, but only managed to finish a little. I’d been too upset, so I finally fell into a very, restless sleep.

-***-

The next morning, I tried locating my phone via Google. No such luck. Whoever did it must have turned it off or exchanged my SIM card. To secure all my data, I digitally deleted my phone.

Then I went to the nearest police station, which was far from pleasant. (Is it ever?)

For the record, this is no Hollywood action movie where the cops are always willing to help by jumping straight into action. Just like before, I could only file a report and then...that’s it. Nothing else. Don’t expect too much.

Maybe I shouldn’t act all privileged. We’re talking about government officials, law enforcement who are overworked, exhausted, underpaid, and probably have seen too much of ugliness in the world already. No wonder they’ve become skeptical...almost rather cynical.

No wonder one of the officers on the second floor, who had read my first report made by the first officer on the first floor, sneered at me:

“This is just a general missing case.”

GENERAL. Thank you so much. How belittling.

Not wanting to stick around their negativity, I left the police station and went straight to the bank instead. All day long, it was totally an emergency treatment for the loss.

Don’t ask me about work that day. I’d tried to catch up with as much as I could, even when I didn’t go to work at all. (Thank you, digital life!) Even with my freelance stuff, I’d lagged behind.

What I’ve learned from being pickpocketed? Just don’t get pickpocketed. You have no choice but to be careful and more aware with surroundings. This is important, especially if you’re on your own in big cities. You never know.

Don’t expect too much from the local law enforcement. This is not a movie where the good guys always win. Sometimes you have to accept that you don’t get what you want.

That’s just it.

If you ask me, I can forgive the officer’s cold response – as long as the cops pay more attention to cases like rapes, human-trafficking, and murder. I still know how to earn more money.

 R.

#writer@work

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/emotional-home-run-supernatural-1211-regarding-dean/

An Emotional Home Run for 'Supernatural' 1211 Regarding Dean

This week’s Supernatural made me emotional before we even knew what was happening, simply because I knew that this was it – the Dean loses his memory episode. The tiny preview clip shook me weeks ago, and then I asked Jensen about it at a recent con. Would it break my heart? He said that it at first would make me laugh, but then… His silence spoke volumes. He knows how much I adore the fictional character he plays, and I’m quite certain he knew the scene with Dean in the mirror was indeed going to destroy me. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s just say I was looking for signs of the impending amnesia even before they came, which made the opening ten minutes full of trepidation. That doesn’t mean I didn’t also laugh. A LOT. One of the reasons I’m certain that Supernatural is the best show ever is its brilliance in combining humor and angst in a single episode – sometimes in a single minute! This episode accomplished that repeatedly. Dean chases the witch, gets hexed by the witch, kills the witch, wakes up with a bunny. (Why did he wake up with a bunny? Who knows. Does writer Meredith Glynn love bunnies? Was somebody’s pet bunny on the soundstage that day and wanted to get in on the action? Does Jensen Ackles have a secret fondness for rabbits? No clue. I assume it refers to Dean’s rabbit comment in the previews. At any rate, it was adorable.) Ackles got ample room to exercise his comedy elbows…. I mean skills….in this episode. The face he made when the woman walking with her baby in the stroller looks aghast at him and gives him a dollar made me giggle even as I was dreading what was going to happen. Was that Kevin Park’s beautiful dog Kuma making a cameo appearance with the dog walking guy? Padalecki also got to show off his considerable comedy skills as Sam initially believes that Dean was on a bender and thus can be both bemused and annoyed at his lapses. Dean eats waffles, gets slapped by a woman he doesn’t remember, almost pukes over a murder victim with bags of bloody money pulled from his stomach…just another day for the Winchesters. And then things get not at all funny. Dean can’t remember which key to use to start the Impala. Oh god. This is the writing of someone who understands exactly what makes Dean DEAN and also knows how to rip my heart out. I half expected Robbie Thompson to peek out from behind an office door. (And yes, this is my highest compliment). To destroy me further, he then puts the car into reverse and crashes her into a newspaper stand. The icing on the cake? Sam: Dean! Dean: Who’s Dean? OMG. Let me pay Meredith Glynn another compliment. Many of the best stories I’ve ever heard about the Winchesters haven’t been on the show – they’ve been in fanfiction. I told Jensen the day I asked him about this episode that the amnesia Dean or amnesia Sam trope is one of my favorite flavors, but that it also kills me every time. That’s what I was hoping for from this episode – that it would live up to the amazing stories I’ve read that tackled this trope. And guess what? That’s what I got. Dean is in denial at first, insisting he’s fine – because who wouldn’t do that? Who wants to believe something as truly horrifying as the thought of losing your mind? Losing yourself. I’ve worked with people struggling with memory loss, and it’s profoundly terrifying. Lose your memory completely, and you’ve literally lost yourself, your identity, your ability to love or be loved. I can think of few things more terrifying. This episode, and Ackles and Padalecki’s brilliant acting played on that terror perfectly. Dean forgets the word for lamp, which in itself could be funny….almost. Sam puts a post-it note on it to remind him. Soon the room is covered in them. Sam alternates between being frustrated with his brother and starting to feel desperate and helpless, which Padalecki evoked perfectly. Finally, Sam calls Rowena. Rowena: Is he all smooth from the neck down, like a candle… Sam: I don’t know! And I’m not checking. Me: Darn. It’s getting less and less funny, as Sam turns around to find that Dean has disappeared. He just went out for ice, but even that simple thing is no longer simple – Sam is frantic, searching and calling out ‘Dean!’ until he finally finds him, trying to get into the wrong room. I think that was the point that the parallels to real life memory loss started to hit me. If you’ve ever witnessed someone going through something like that, it’s heartbreaking – and terrifying. And this episode got it so very right. They retrace Dean’s steps from the night before hoping to kill the witch and break the spell. With dizzying speed, the show veers back and forth from humorous (Dean, looking heartbreakingly innocent and about five years old, exclaiming “That’s awesome” when Sam tells him that witches and vampires and monsters are real and that they kill them), to heartbreaking, as Dean loses memories again and again. They eventually find the woman who slapped Dean in the bar and get a description of what he was up to and can’t remember the night before, which involves four shots of tequila and Dean riding Larry the mechanical bull. Dean: (hopefully) Was I good? Waitress: You were amazing. Sam: (eyeroll) The waitress apologizes for possibly taking advantage of a roofied Dean, which was a nice inclusion. Then the brothers review the video camera tapes from the night before and see Dean chase the bad guy out the back door. Dean: (attempting to read his own lips): No salsa real mittens… Sam: (exasperated) You can’t read lips. It’s funny, but it’s so not! Sam and Dean continue to retrace Dean’s steps into the woods, while Sam tells Dean who they are and what they do. That in itself was heartbreaking, Sam sounding like the big brother for a change. Dean, in his place of innocence, listens and then exclaims “Best job ever!” Sam doesn’t agree, citing all the grim realities. Dean: I don’t know, we kinda sound like heroes. Me: Damn right. Meanwhile, the dead witch’s siblings find his body and Rowena appears at the motel to help. Or to get her hands on the powerful spell book that the witch family have in their possession. Or maybe a little of both, if you love Rowena like I do. Dean: Your hair’s so bouncy! Rowena to Sam: Do we have to fix him? Sam entices Dean to sit down on the bed (actually he just grabs him by the shoulders and puts him there) with a promise of Cinemax. Dean’s selective memory interprets that as Skinemax, which he’s apparently quite comfortable with while Sam and Rowena are there too. It turns out to be a cartoon, but Dean has already forgotten what he was promised, so he smiles with pure joy and OMG I don’t know whether to laugh or start crying. Supernatural is often an emotional roller coaster, which I both love and hate, but this episode really delivered on that wild ride. Rowena makes it clear – to Sam and to us  – that Dean won’t just lose his memory of his past. He’ll lose everything. He’ll forget who he is, how to do everything – even how to swallow. Dean Winchester will die. From the bed, Dean: Sucks for that guy. Oh god. My heart. Sam’s heart is clearly breaking too. Sam: I’ve watched my brother die. But watching him become…not him. This might actually be worse. Seeing the person you love most in the world slipping away, unable to do anything to stop it? I’ll say. This episode hit hard for anyone who has had to lose a loved one little by little, as many of us have. Almost too hard at some points. Sam takes Dean into the bathroom for some privacy and tells him their life story. Their shared history. Who Dean is, what he’s done. Dean: I can feel it, slipping out of my head. Sam: We’ll figure it out, okay? We will. How many times has Dean said that to Sam? *clutches chest* Then Sam leaves to go out and try to save his brother’s life. And that? Is what I live for. Dean faces himself in the mirror after Sam leaves, in the scene teased in that preview that made me so full of fear. “My name is Dean Winchester. My brother is Sam. My mother is Mary Winchester. My best friend is Cas.” He repeats it, each time more haltingly, each time struggling more to hang onto the awareness. And as we watch, we can see in heartbreaking detail that Dean is losing the battle. I’ve been blown away by Jensen’s acting many times during the course of twelve years of Supernatural, but this was one of those scenes that blew me away all over again. No wonder he wouldn’t reassure me that it wouldn’t kill me. It did. According to Ruth Connell, in one take we even got the One.Perfect.Tear ™ Rowena is left to babysit Dean, which she doesn’t seem to mind at all. Rowena never has a confidante who she can tell the truth to; she’s always too careful, too busy manipulating other people and trying to protect herself to just be real with anyone. That takes a toll after hundreds of years, I’m sure, so having someone who won’t remember it to confide in is a rare opportunity for Rowena. She tells him a story of the witch family who rejected her, back when she was lonely and desperate and – as she would put it – pathetic. Another glimpse of who Rowena is and how she got to be that way, which only makes me appreciate the character more. There’s a vulnerability to her that Connell has shown us glimpses of from the start, and that makes her so much more interesting. Oh and apparently Rowena has her own history with the British Men of Letters. Hmm. Sam, meanwhile, is being a big damn hero. When Rowena warns him that the witches would sooner use his skin as an outfit, he cocks his gun and replies, “They can try.” Damn. Is it hot in here? He breaks into the witches’ house but unfortunately gets taken down. And tied up. It’s like old school Supernatural! When the witches incapacitate him and Sam starts screaming, Dean and Rowena are on the other end of the phone. And Dean, who at that point does not even remember his own name, hears his brother scream in pain and yells into the phone: SAMMMM! That was it. If I’d been standing, I would have collapsed. Dean has forgotten everything, even who he is, even his own name. Everything but that one word, that one person. Sam.  He yells it as Dean Winchester has done a billion times since Supernatural premiered, and it carries so much meaning that it nearly destroyed me. All the kudos, Meredith. All the kudos. Dean wakes up in the Impala, a post it note telling him his brother has been captured by a witch, and to STAY, while Rowena goes inside to try to save Sam. Dean still, on some level, being Dean, does not stay. He opens the trunk and is treated to Sam’s post it notes all over it, and at this point, I could not NOT laugh. On the trunk? OPEN ME. On the gun? THIS GUN. Next to it? WITCH KILLING BULLETS. On the grenade launcher? A big NO! Oh god, Show. I love you so. Dean bursts into the house just in time to save Rowena from the wicked witch, and then Sam and the other witch come downstairs. Dean, unfortunately, has no clue who to shoot. But Sam knows what to do. Sam: (pointing to himself) No no no, brother! (pointing to other guy) Witch! Boom! Dean shoots him (instinctively knowing to trust Sam’s voice, I wager) Rowena works her magic from the spell book, and Dean and Rowena descend the stairs a little while later. Sam: (still looking heartbreakingly anxious and so very hopeful): Is it done? Dean: (deadpan) Who’s this hippie? You can literally see Sam beginning to despair, in an amazing piece of acting by Jared. I started to tear up as I watched, just from the emotion on Sam’s face. And then Dean bursts into laughter, along with Rowena, proving to Sam that he does remember by recounting a silly childhood memory to break the tension. If I were Sam, I would have clocked him one (and then hugged the shit out of him), but I’m not Sam and Show has been really good to me tonight but not quite THAT good. So no brother hug, but we do get a classic Sam and Dean talk over the hood of the Impala moment, so I’m still pretty damn happy. Sam: Not funny. As they chat over the Impala, Sam says it was nice to see Dean looking happy, with all the burdens lifted from his shoulders that knowing what they’ve been through puts there. Dean disagrees. Dean: Was it nice to drop our baggage? Yeah, maybe. Hell, probably. But it wasn’t just the crap that got lost. I mean, it was everything. It was us, what we do, all of it. So if that’s what being happy looks like, I think I’ll pass. That conversation reminded me of the end of one of my all time favorite episodes, The French Mistake. Sure, they could have stayed there, where there were no monsters. But they wouldn’t have been Sam and Dean. Sam: We’re not even brothers here, man. And that pretty much says it all. So the Winchesters drive away. All this time, I’m wondering where the scene is of Dean riding Larry. Cue the music of ‘Broomstick Cowboy’ and there it is, a video montage of Dean looking happy and innocent and riding a mechanical bull. I didn’t know the song, so at first it struck me as purely happy, but then again, it’s a country song, and that means heartache can’t be far behind…. Sure enough, the ending is a twist. “Soon you’ll be a dreadful thing – my son, you’ll be a man.” Woah. Chew on that one for a while, fandom. A paean to Dean’s childhood, lost too soon to hunting and his father’s quest for revenge? Or just a reminder that Dean does still hang onto the ability to find some joy in life, and he refuses to regret the life he’s chosen? I was left an emotional mess after that roller coaster of an episode, but you know what? I didn’t mind one bit. That’s the sort of episode that made me fall in love with this Show and these characters. I felt profoundly grateful to be gifted with an episode and actors’ performances that can still make me feel so much. Thank you, Show.

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

#Featured #Jared Padalecki #Jensen Ackles #Supernatural #TV Recaps

[bffhreprise]

Entry 241

 “Watch my footing just before the kick.  Like this.” ordered James as he demonstrated.  “See the difference?  You keep starting with your feet too far apart and ending with them almost on top of one another.”

 I nodded.  I’d get this right before we finished today.  Smiling when James turned his head, I took advantage of the distraction to punch his abs as hard as I could.  Nothing less would even be felt by James.  Unfortunately, I was the one injured.  I bit my lip, so I didn’t yell.  My fingers were broken.

 “I’m so sorry.  I let myself get distracted for a second there.” replied James, looking embarrassed.

 “I see where they get the words ‘abs of steel’ now.” I teased, altering my hand to fix the broken bones.

 Despite my smile, the boss still looked like he had done something wrong, ignoring the fact that I hit him when he wasn’t looking.  He couldn’t help being whatever he was now.  Still distracted by Alma, he easily dodged when I tried that kick again, straight at him.

 “Alma, that’s enough.  Let her be.  Raine doesn’t have to fight.  She doesn’t even know how yet.” called James.  Then he told me “Oh.  Nice, Brandon!”

 I started to smile, glad that he noticed I pulled off the kick, but stopped as Alma yelled.

 “FIGHT ME!”

 Figuring Alma was just being Alma, I took another swing at James, but he grabbed my arm and flipped me to the floor in one fluid motion.

 “Alma!  Enough!” ordered James.

 “FIGHT ME!” yelled Alma.  She looked angrier than normal.

 The room suddenly darkened.  The hairs on my arms stood on end as a chill went down my spine.  I felt like I had fallen into a horror movie!  What was this?  My eyes widened when I looked up.  An other-worldly terror was above me, all teeth and claws in a place not quite part of our world.  I couldn’t find my voice to yell.

,,,^._.^,,,

  “FIGHT ME!” I demanded again.  I moved as if to kick her, planning to stop a hair's breadth from her nose.

 Impossibly fast, Raine was gone.  The room was dark and cold.  I felt a hazy presence near the ceiling and looked.  The moment our eyes met, pain shot through my arm.  I was bleeding!

 “She’s a demon.” I warned, though my voice barely made the climb out of my throat.  I needed to finish this fast, or she would kill us all!  Spells started to form and then stopped.  I fought for control of the energy, but it wouldn’t budge.  My knees felt weak, but I still almost gave into the urge to try running.

 “Raine!?” called James.

 He was the one stopping my spells.  I should have known.  I needed to calm down, but I couldn’t even reinforce my mental protections.  James’ grip on the energy was too strong.  The demon moved in front of him.  Even looking at it was difficult, a fight to focus on something when space all around the demon was in rapid motion.  The thing���s teeth and claws were long enough to tear through him, and spines covered it where a werecat should’ve had fur.

 “James, let me kill her.  She’s too dangerous.” I pleaded, barely remembering to call the thing a ‘her’.  I knew James would irrationally take offense if I hadn’t.

 “Raine, calm down.  Alma shouldn’t have been bullying you, but things will be fine.” he insisted.  “I’m sorry that you had a bad experience today, but most of us really do attempt to have fun with our exercise.”

 “James!  Really!?” I asked incredulously.  A drop of my blood began descending to the floor, and I stared for a moment in shock.  Shallow cuts typically clotted instantly for me.  “The blood isn’t stopping.”

 The demon had moved back to the ceiling, but James noticed too.  I needed to finish it while he distracted it.

 “Raine, please come down.  Ai and Mai will be quite annoyed if you ruin too much of their ceiling.” stated James.

 “As if they’ll care about the ceiling when you’re protecting a demon!” I snapped as I prepared to incinerate the thing.

 “Actually, I’m attempting to protect you both.” he insisted.  “MOVE!”

 The warning was for the creature, and I was forced to pull back my magic.  Were all demons this fast?  How had we killed any of them!?

 “James!?  She’ll kill us all!” I warned, wishing I could take back the panic in my voice.

 “She hasn’t even attacked anyone else, and you’re the one who keeps attacking her first!  Control yourself!” he insisted.

,,,^._.^,,,

  Alma’s foot crawled toward my face.  I felt so frustrated.  Why was she yelling at me!?  Why couldn’t she be nice!?  I… I felt like yelling back!  Thoughts whirled through my head.  Dodging would show her my speed.  She’d know I wasn’t a normal kitty.  Would she relent if she knew?  Probably not… She’d want to see how fast… how strong…  I could smell her rage as I could feel the heat from her body.  Why was there a bully here?  Why did I have to deal with another bully!?  In a moment of lapsed judgement, I transformed, moving to the ceiling.

 I considered changing back, letting myself fall to the floor.  I pictured different poses I could take after sticking the landing.  Explanations… More and more words.  I had earned a paycheck last night.  I thought my mother would be proud if she were alive, but I knew she’d be horrified if she saw this.  Thoughts of the blood came back.  So much blood.  The darkness in my mind called to me.  Why was this happening?  Her!

 I moved, planning on yelling back at Alma!  I needed to tell her what I thought!  I stepped too close, and my fur scratched her arm.  I moved away.  Why hadn’t I been more careful!?  Instead of yelling, I cut her.  She’d bleed and bleed and bleed.  I imagined far too many scenarios of the blood spreading throughout the gym.  I wanted to apologize.  Who would want an apology from a monster?  They knew now.  There was no taking it back.  Demon she had called me.

 “Raine!?” called James.

 I moved up to him, very careful not to harm him.  As his eyes slowly locked onto me, I stared in wonder.  I didn’t smell fear on him.  The room reeked of fear, but not from him, at least not much.  He seemed concerned.  For a small eternity, I studied him, marveling at his relative calm.

 “James, let me kill her.  She’s too dangerous.” insisted Alma, the fear leaking into her voice.

 I moved around the room and looked at the others.  Bulging eyes, gaping mouths, and odors rank with fear.  Hopping back to the ceiling, I wanted to cry.  They could never accept me now.  One paycheck, and I’d have to leave.  Would I even get my paycheck?  I did the work, but do monsters really get paid for work?  They knew…  Where would I go?  Where could I go now?

 “Raine, calm down.  Alma shouldn’t have been bullying you, but things will be fine.  I’m sorry that you had a bad experience today, but most of us really do attempt to have fun with our exercise.” insisted James.

 “James!  Really!?” questioned Alma.  Then she murmured “The blood isn’t stopping.”

 Drip, drip, drip goes the blood.  I destroy everything.  I belong nowhere.  James was incredibly nice, trying to help a monster, but could he really forgive me for hurting Alma?  Could he stare into this face and say say he wants me here?  How was he calm?  Where to go?  I had no place in this world.

 Staring up at me without a hint of anger or fright, James said, “Raine, please come down.  Ai and Mai will be quite annoyed if you ruin too much of their ceiling.”

 “As if they’ll care about the ceiling when you’re protecting a demon!” complained Alma.

 “Actually, I’m attempting to protect you both.” he told her.  Looking worried, he exclaimed “MOVE!”

 I trusted him and looked around for a spot safe for everyone before the word finished forming.  What would have happened if I hadn’t moved?  Could Alma hurt me?  She seemed to think she could.  I idly wondered what that would be like, being the one hurt.  Part of my mind brought up the constant pain I’ve had, guilt from my childhood.  Monsters always hurt.

 “James!?  She’ll kill us all!” insisted Alma sometime later.

 “She hasn’t even attacked anyone else, and you’re the one who keeps attacking her first!  Control yourself!” he replied, sounding annoyed.

 I could picture James in armor like a knight.  What sort of knight protects monsters?  Shouldn’t he be the one out to kill me?  Why was he protecting me.  I didn’t understand.  I felt so alone.

 “Aaliyah, please.” whispered James so quietly that I doubted anyone else could hear.

 Please what?  Why would he be saying her name?  I ventured through my mental room of the princess, a space dedicated to the awesomeness that she was.  I would be so ashamed if she saw me now.  That tiny girl deserved all of the happiness in the world.  She wouldn’t want to see a monster.

 As the door started opening, I retraced my memory for other sounds.  A single, light footstep.  I stared in horror as the door opened, revealing the princess in all her mismatched glory.  A green sock and a blue sock were interesting choices.  The characters on them could be neighbors preparing for an exotic party together.  Her white shirt bore a yellow smiley face composed of symbols I didn’t recognize.  I willed her to turn away, imagining scenarios of her leaving.  Why did this have to happen!?

 She skipped into the room, looking around with a surprised expression.  Part of me died as her gaze locked on me.

 “KITTY!” she exclaimed, running toward me.

 Her arms moved to embrace me, and I transformed back to appearing human.  I couldn’t allow the princess to hurt her precious body by hugging me as I was.  How had the princess looked at a monster and been so joyous!?  I knew she was angelic, but was there no limit to her kindness?  Her tiny hands slowly caressed my back as if petting me.

 “What… and how is she clothed?” questioned Alma.

 “But…” started James, stopping before finishing the thought.

 “But what?” demanded Alma in annoyance.

 I didn’t really care about their conversation.  All that mattered was that the princess saw the monster and hugged the girl.  I wanted to hug her back, but I was scared that I’d squeeze her too tightly at the moment.  I floated in the paradise of her hug for so long, so wonderfully long.

 “Oh.  Nevermind.  Please inform the twins to play nicely around Raine.  I’d hate for them to get hurt.” stated James.

 Sounding outraged, Alma said, “You can’t possibly be thinking of keeping her employed here?”

 My body tensed as my senses suddenly focused completely on James.  I knew he couldn’t keep a monster here.  I knew that I’d have to go, but hopeful scenarios kept playing out in my head.

 “Of course.  Other than cutting your arm and damaging the ceiling a bit, there’s no harm done.  If there’s any recompense to be made, I would say you should apologize to her.” he replied, taking a tone that dripped with sensibility.  “You intentionally scared her.  Who else is to blame?” he asked, a sliver of ice entering his voice.

 I didn’t want them to fight, but I didn’t know how to make things better.  None of the ideas swarming through my head seemed plausible enough.  More than even the princess’ embrace, James’ words played through my head.  He wanted me to stay.  Tears came like waterfalls as joy swelled in my heart.  I could stay.  I needed to apologize, but I could stay.  I needed to somehow be less scary to the others, so James wouldn’t come to his senses.  I could stay!

 “Ooooh Alpy!  Might I get a word with you?” questioned the princess as she released me.

 Alma jumped back an inch, nodding before following the princess out of the room.  Alma’s fear-ridden stench returned.

 I had slumped to the ground without the princess’ embrace, but James knelt beside me.  He wasn’t scared at all.

 “Hey, everything’s fine.  I can convince Emma to seal the ceiling, and I’ll gladly do the painting myself.  There’s nothing to worry about.” stated James reassuringly.  He was calm and composed without the slightest scent of fear.

 I managed words, saying, “Y-you’re…  y-you’re…  y-you weren’t… sc-scared?”

 “I met Death herself.  You wouldn’t even be comparable to a kitten pretending to be a lion next to her.”

 I stared at him, processing and reprocessing his words.  I kept coming to a conclusion that he was erring, but I considered that my ears weren’t functioning.  Death couldn’t exist.  I’d have seen her… or her daughter... when I… when the men died.

 “He’s telling the truth.  Death’s daughter appeared before us both.” stated Emma, her fearful scent increasing.  Her eyes took on a look as if she were staring at something only she could see.  “I had nightmares for a month.  We both did.”

 “The hell, man!?  Death’s real?” demanded Brandon.  “I mean really real, like an entity and everything?”

 “Even has a scythe.” insisted James with a nod.  He looked around and then said, “Well, you saw how out of sorts I was when you first came here.  That was part of the reason.”

 “I knew you were remarkable, but… I thought Death was just another story of my father’s.” commented Cosette as she stared at him.

 As they talked, I listened to Aaliyah and Alma somewhere to the West.  The conversation was very brief.

 “You know that purposefully harming any of James’ employees is forbidden.” commented Aaliyah in a cheerful tone.

 “I know.” stated Alma tersely with a quaver in her voice.

 “Be thankful that James is forgiving.  I don’t feel there should be another chance.” replied Aaliyah, still sounding cheerful.

 I didn’t really understand the exchange, and they started speaking of chocolate afterward.  Before anyone else left, I needed to use my words and express myself.  “I-I..  I-I’m…  sorry… f-for scaring… ev-ev..” I told them, forcing myself to make with the words.  The tears were increasing again.  I felt so much relief, guilt, and a thousand other things, but I needed to apologize.  I didn’t want to scare people.

 Patting my head, James said, “Don’t worry.  You have a home here, Raine.”

 I shrank, taking on my kitty form and nuzzling his hand.  He picked me up and held me.  He knew I was a monster, but he held me gently as he pet my head with his thumb.  James was so very kind.

#Best Friend For Hire Reprise #Best #Friend #For #Hire #Reprise #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story