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#sorry watcher if you see this. extra sorry shane if you see this.
trashworldblog · 6 months
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it's absolutely insane that the song that has the most quotes that i want to get tattooed is sandwiched between a song about skinning ryan bergara alive and a song that alludes to playing a brass instrument is like giving a blowjob
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ryansunsolved · 4 years
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Request: Stripper AU, but Shane’s the stripper and no one knows until Ryan ends up at the club where Shane works because it’s a new club.
I’ve seen this prompt floating around tumblr recently but I’ve never seen someone make Shane the stripper in this AU, so kudos to you anon for being creative and providing us with some god-tier stripper!Shane content. I mean, look at that boy’s legs!
sweet as wine
There he was, like disco superfly I smell sex and candy here Who's that lounging in my chair?
Read below the cut or here on ao3
Look— none of this would have happened if Steven Lim wasn’t a scheming little weasel who doesn’t respect the sanctity of Chubby Have I Bunnied.
“Never have I ever lived in Arcadia, California,” Steven said through a mouthful of marshmallows.
 It was foul— but fair play, and an obvious payback for Ryan’s earlier targeted question at Steven. Ryan laughed and begrudgingly fit another extra large marshmallow into his cheeks, nudging Shane.
 “I feel like you have” he smiled, pointing a finger at him.
 “Hm? Have I ever lived in Arcadia, California?”
 “Oh, I thought you said slept,” Ryan snorted, a rogue marshmallow falling out of his mouth like a crewmate jumping ship.
 Shane bit his lip, remembering that one time, years ago when he and Ryan had just started working at Buzzfeed as interns, Ryan inviting him to stay at his parents’ house in Arcadia. He remembered that night all too clearly— the night of their first and only kiss.  It was as though they reached some silent agreement to never mention it again, and Shane didn’t dare to, keeping their work relationship and his own feelings separate. But that was ages ago, and even if Shane’s feelings were still virulent in moments like these when Ryan looked soft and sure, leaning into his space, he had gone this long without mentioning it.
 No need to ruin a good thing,  he thought bitterly, and begun to wonder if he would have to dig out that old journal sooner than expected.
 Ryan had lost the game, forced to spit a congealed mess of mashed-up marshmallow into the staff sink, much to the mutual disgust of his co-hosts, and that’s when shit hit the fan.
 “Ryan, since you’re the loser, I think you should face punishment of some sorts,” Steven said thoughtfully, grinning as he reclined back in his chair.
 “Now, now, let’s be civil,” Shane tutted, Ryan rising to meet Steven’s eye beside him.
 “Like what?”
 “Oh, I don’t know...” Steven hummed, twiddling his fingers. Shane could practically hear the gears turning in his head.
 Steven and Ryan had always had this peculiar rivalry of sorts. It was usually victimless and in terms of workplace conflict, relatively mild, but sometimes it got carried away. Shane could think of about ten different instances off the top of his head where the two had gone head-to-head.
 “What about...you have to go to a strip-club—“
 “What?!” Ryan burst into laughter, head tilting towards the ceiling as he snorted into his hands, “Wha—  why?”
 “—for two hours, with the boys,” Steven finished, “Come on, Ryan, it’ll be fun.”
 Shane instantly paled, pulse hot and wild beneath his skin, Ryan’s laughter muffled below the ringing in his ears. He swallowed thickly, only shaken from his thoughts by Ryan’s hand, searing hot on his thigh.
 “What do you say, Big Guy? You, me, Big Apple Steve, and T.J. out on the town this Friday?”
 Shane looked at Ryan’s sunshine smile, those glittering brown eyes, completely unaware of the inner turmoil Steven’s simple gag had sent him into. Ryan’s touch seemed to brand his skin beneath his skinny jeans. He shivered, putting on what he hoped was a composed face.
 “Sorry, boys,” he said breezily, “m’afraid I’ve got plans.”
 “Booooo,” Steven called after him as he hobbled unsteadily to his feet, making a bee-line for the water cooler.
 Ryan laughed, adding a few taunts of his own, but as Shane cooled his burning face against his aluminum water bottle, he noticed Ryan’s curious glance, as if trying to read Shane’s mind
____
Okay—Shane hadn’t lied. He really was busy on Friday night. What important plans he had, he couldn’t say, not even as Ryan continued to pester him for the rest of the week. He supposes that considering the nature of said aforementioned plans, it would have been wiser to cancel them altogether and just tag along. It would be easier right? He could see Ryan get drunk and danced upon by a few scantily-clad women and then Uber it back home after knocking back a few brewskis himself. But it wasn’t his fault— how was he supposed to know that the strip club Steven would drag Ryan to would be the same strip club Shane worked at?
 Look, Shane wasn’t down on his luck by any means— he had recently started a promising new company with two of his closest friends and colleagues, and was still receiving a cushy contracting cheque from Buzzfeed for their Unsolved series. And despite his recent exit out of a long-term relationship, he liked to think he was doing pretty well, co-parenting a cat with a woman he still very much considered a good friend. But Los Angeles was an expensive place to live, and despite his nonchalant attitude in the Watcher Weekly, he couldn’t help but wonder, if it all went south, what would his backup plan be?
 Besides, why did strippers always need some tragic background story to justify what they do? Couldn’t they just dance because they enjoyed it? 
Shane certainly did, and it came as a real surprise. He never actually expected to take his brother’s friend up on the offer when Finn dragged him to a bar one weekend. They were four drinks in, intoxicated by the booze and fluorescent lights of the dim club, but that single passing comment ended up thrusting Shane into what would eventually become his side job and newfound passion.
 “You could probably strip,” he joked, knocking back some fruity drink, “got the legs for it and everything.”
 The guy was piss-drunk and drenched in body glitter— not exactly the kind of person you would take moral advice from, but nevertheless, Shane woke the next morning with a pounding head and an odd curiosity. It was a joke at first— like one of those bizarre hypotheticals your brain sometimes conjures up. But you never actually  act  on them. The only problem was that he did, and by the time he had secured his first gig, he could no longer deny that he was actually  interested  in a job like this. Okay, so what? He was a young, attractive man living in a particularly liberal part of L.A. 
He shouldn’t have to prove himself, or feel ashamed about what he does. Hell, half the people he worked with were gay and heavily involved in the nightclub scene. And yet still, he found himself choosing not to mention this particular part of his life to his coworkers—  especially not Ryan.
 It just never came up, and Shane never thought that it would— that was before Ryan showed up at his strip club.
 ____ 
The atmosphere hit Ryan like a freight train the second two intimidating bouncers begrudgingly lifted up two velvet ropes, letting him, Steven, and T.J. into the nightclub.
 It was rather upscale, and nothing like the sleazy, smoke-filled joints Ryan remembered from his college days. The walls were black marble, lined with tasteful vintage band posters and neon hanging emblems. An authentic-looking jukebox sat nestled in the corner, and along the stage, a line of attractive dancers had started to form.
 “I can’t believe they still I.D’ed me at the door,” Ryan shouted above the music, vibrating intensely through the floor and walls.
 Steven grinned, “Well, you know what they say— Asian don’t raisin.”
 “What—“ Ryan laughed, unaware if Steven could even hear him over the noise, “I’ve never heard that before.”
 Steven smiled and nodded towards a nearby waitress, leaning in closer to Ryan’s ear, “Maybe you can try to get a free drink. You never know!”
 T.J. rolled his eyes, “Meet me at the bar by twelve. And try not to do anything that’s going to get us arrested.”
 With that he left, striking up a conversation with the bartender. T.J. was a married man with a newborn baby at home— a strip club was the last place he wanted to be, but he obliged to humour Ryan and to provide a ride home if needed.  Ryan, however was recently single. He and Mari had broke things off amicably about a month prior, giving her more freedom to explore her blooming career and Ryan more opportunities to film things for Watcher without feeling guilty about time spent away from home.  They were on good terms, but breakups were never easy, and Ryan was more than happy to get his mind off the situation and get himself back into the dating pool. He suspected Steven’s intentions were as such when he suggested this in the first place, and overcome with a sudden wave of affection for the man, slung an arm around his shoulder.
 “C’mon, Big Apple Steve. Let’s go find us some dancers.”
 _____
 The performances were impressive. Sultry but tasteful, dozens of dancers strutted the stage, winding around glimmering silver poles like black cats, smoky eyes glittering down at the crowd.  There were a few men in the mix too, clad in tight, cropped black clothes, rippling with muscle underneath. Ryan paid no mind to them, used to L.A.’s diverse, open culture, and after knocking back a few drinks, he even found himself eyeing them as much as the girl performers.  It was then that his heart stopped dead in his chest, pushing away the slow haze of liquor from his mind as his eyes zeroed in on one tall figure working the stage.
   The man was unbelievably tall— towering above the rest of the performers, even the ones in six-inch heels. Through the rips in his black jeans, he could see his pale skin, broken up by delicate lace fishnets clinging to his slim long legs.  As the man peeled his shirt off, his collarbones jutted outwards, lean muscle trailing downwards from between his chest. His makeup was minimal— just smudged black eyeliner and a light dusting of glitter down his cheeks and pecs, hair mussed up as if he’d just had sex.  He swayed gracefully to the music, toying with the button of his jeans teasingly, stalking the pole like a predator before swinging around it once, smoothly. Ryan’s jaw dropped, and as he made eye contact with the stranger, the man visibly blanched.
 “I...” Ryan choked out, pants alarmingly tight as a hot coil wound inside his stomach.
 And then Shane was running off the stage, disappearing behind a blue velvet curtain as the music boomed on.
 “Wow,” Steven said, equally as baffled.
 “I...I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Ryan said shakily, nearly tripping over his seat.
 He stumbled towards the floor, and much to his own surprise, he found himself ignoring the neon green restroom sign, heading straight for the backstage instead.
 ____
He found Shane hunched over a vanity with smudged makeup and a lit cigarette like a tragic Hollywood star drowning in self pity and body glitter.
 “I’m not offering any private dances right now,” he grumbled, voice muffled by his hand.
 “I...” Ryan said, unsure of what the proper protocol was upon finding your friend naked and grinding on a stripper pole.
 He was even less sure about how to gracefully navigate that conversation with a raging boner.
 “Oh,” Shane said softly, taking in a sharp breath.
 “I—“
 “Look—“
 They both spoke at the same time, laughing quietly like it was some kind of Mexican stalement and not the singlehanded most confusing moment of their entire friendship thus far.
 “You first,” Shane said almost shyly, and it occurred to Ryan then that for the first time in their dynamic, Shane might be more scared than him.
 “I had no idea,” he said lamely, and cast his gaze back at his sneakers.
 Nice going, Bergara. Real smooth.
 Shane laughed dryly, “Yeah, that...that was kinda the whole point. Who woulda thought Steven would pick the only strip club I’m working at tonight, huh?”
 Ryan smiled, scratching his neck, “Yeah. Uh— I just...” he looked at Shane, biting his lip, “Why didn’t you tell me? I know it’s none of my business what you do in your spare time but...we’re friends, Shane. You know you can share this stuff with me, right?”
 Shane looked down at his lap, looking guilty, “I know, Ryan, I just...” he sighed, “I don’t know.”
 “I mean,” Ryan shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. It was decidedly hard to have a serious conversation when your incredibly hot friend was half naked and sweaty in front of you. “Is it for money or—“
 “No,” Shane said instantly. He shook his head, “I just...” he trailed off, looking at Ryan and offering a halfhearted shrug, “like it, I guess.”
 Ryan nodded, furrowing his brows, trying to take all this information in through his beer-clouded mind.
 “Okay,” he said finally.
 Shane looked at him, looking surprisingly vulnerable and almost small in his chair, “Okay.”
 Ryan swallowed thickly, “You were really good out there.”
 Shane snorted, scratching at his chin, fingers scraping against his beard with a soft sound that send another confusing jolt of heat towards Ryan’s groin.
 “Yeah?”
 “Yeah,” Ryan said, surprised at how deep his voice sounded. He began to walk towards Shane, seemingly not by his own accord. “Really good.”
 “You already said that,” Shane said smiling, looking amused.
 “Really good,” Ryan repeated, voice husky and thick in his chest. Shane’s eyes were wide, and from their close distance, he could see as they dilated, eyes darkening further.
 He licked his lips, feeling dizzy with the intensity of it all, high on the sight of Shane before him, “Still not doing any private dances tonight?”
 “I...” Shane trailed off, looking at his lips, “I might be able to make an exception.”
 “Yeah?”
 “Yeah.”
 Like moving through water, Shane slowly stood up, drawing up a chair, pushing on Ryan’s chest until he fell back into it, breaths laboured as they tore through his chest.  Shane circled the chair once, twice, dragging his fingertips teasingly against Ryan’s low collar before stopping in front of him, dropping gracefully  to the ground on the balls of his feet, smiling coyly at him, gripping his chin.  He got up again, slowly swinging his hips and trailing his hands along his thighs, dragging them up his hardened pecs before threading them through his hair, giving it a resolute tug. He poised one of his long legs on the arm of Ryan’s chair, the impressive bulge in his jeans in direct eyesight as he dragged Ryan’s gaze up to meet his own.
  Shane slowly pivoted, fully into the dance now, a small smile on his face as he ground back against Ryan, grabbing his hands and placing them on his thighs, where fishnets poked out of the leg of his jeans. Ryan’s breath faltered in his lungs,  “Holy fuck,” he gasped, the air knocked out of him like he’d just taken a football to the chest. His fingers twitched along the exposed line of skin, feeling like a teenager creaming his pants after getting to first base.
  What the fuck.
 And then Shane was pulling away, dragging him by the hand to a small couch in the middle of the room.
 “Shane, wha—“ Ryan was cut off by a strangled moan as Shane pushed him back into the cushions, straddling his lap with practiced ease.
 Shane smiled against his neck, starting to trail soft kisses along his jawline as he began to unbutton Ryan’s shirt.
 “Fuck, Shane, I—“ he panted nonsensically, hands exploring whatever expanse of skin he could reach.
 As Shane sucked a small bruise just under his ear, Ryan’s shirt popped open, nipples immediately hardening under the cool air as Shane began to grind softly down onto him, mouthing a hot line up his neck and clavicles.
 “Please, please,” Ryan moaned, reaching out for him. In his clouded mind, he wasn’t even fully aware of what he was asking for until he found it in between Shane’s parted lips. He  sighed into the kiss, hands cupping Shane’s cheeks as his settled on Ryan’s shoulders, rutting dirtily against the front of his jeans. Ryan gasped into the kiss, a strangled moan torn out of his lips as Shane drew his fingers down to pad at his sensitive nipples.
 “Fuck!” he groaned, thrusting his hips up to meet his movements.
 “Someone’s sensitive,” Shane murmured in his ear, placing a teasing bite along his jaw.
 “Shane, Shane,” he breathed, eyes rolling back into his head.
 And then Shane took one pec into his mouth and Ryan Bergara was a dead man.
 “Ohhh!” he borderline whined, clawing at Shane’s smooth back as he nipped at the bud, laving his tongue over it and mouthing hotly between his sternum.
 He ground down once, twice, and eyes glittering, placing his mouth over his sensitive nipple, he reached down with his free hand and squeezed the bulge pressing against the zipper of Ryan’s jeans. With one plaintive moan and a stuttered,  Shane, Ryan bucked his hips up and stilled, wide-eyed and flushed pink under the soft lights, “I just came in my pants,” he said suddenly. “Oh my god.”
 Shane cracked up, slumping against Ryan and burying his nose in his shoulder, “Oh my god, Ryan.”
 “It’s not my fault you’re so hot!” he said defensively, clinging onto Shane as he blanketed his body warmly, pressing him into the couch. He pressed a small kiss to his exposed neck, and Shane smiled.
 “I’m never letting you live this one down,” he wheezed, clapping him once on the ass, “I guess the viewers were right about your nipple thing.”
 “S-Shut up, Shane,” he muttered, pinching him in the arm.
 Shane huffed out a laugh against his neck and as the air stilled, he shut his eyes, “So...should we talk about this?”
 Ryan shifted underneath him, “Nah,” he said groggily, leaning into his touch, “let’s do that when I haven’t had five brewskis.”
 “Five?” Shane laughed, “Your frat boy habits die hard, Ryan. You’re gonna be a real menace tomorrow.”
 “Well,” Ryan said slowly, tracing a line down his back, “maybe you should come home with me and make sure my morning is tolerable.”
 “Oh yeah?”
 “Yeah,” Ryan said, feeling emboldened with each inch he grew closer to Shane, high off the post-orgasm bliss and the smell of Shane’s cologne warm and sweet against his skin.
 Shane grabbed his ass, “I fuckin’ love Steven Lim.”
 As Ryan dissolved into laughter, he couldn’t help but share the sentiment. And that night when he and Shane walked out of the bar hand-in-hand, he couldn’t help but wonder if this was Steven’s plan all along.
(send me a request!)
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