#such a stupid habit that I should have beoken out of it years ago. it never brought me anything but misery and regrets

[boyruggeroii]

I know beating yourself up is pointless but when you make a decision even though you know exactly what the consequences are going to be, because it's habit at this point, then not beating yourself up is really hard cause the circumstances themselves are beating you up

#looked at the word habit for too long and now it makes no sense #I need to reread Rosso Malpelo I've been having a thing for ghosts for the past few days #I'm good at knowing when the blame can be squarely placed on my shoulders and when I made a bad decision but #I couldn't have known at the time. or at least no fully or I wasn't thinking straight or something #like the one I made earlier this year or the one I made in November #but this time #it's really tiring and boring #I've kinda learned to deal with procrastination. sort of. an now I guess I'll have to work on this #but jesus I've always been like this. since I was kid. how did I not just stop earlier. how can I have to work on this when it's just #such a stupid habit that I should have beoken out of it years ago. it never brought me anything but misery and regrets #personal #I'll stop using this site as a diary istg it's just that if I don't put this stuff out where someone can see it just keeps rattling around #in my brain #or maybe I should start writing a diary again but only to get rid of dhitty thoughts #but the post + tags format is really perfect for this kind of thing