#that autism moment when you find a song that perfectly fits your character | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imadhatt3r · 1 year

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OKAY okay… since everyone went for 69… how about your top 3 songs! :3c

1. The Town Inside Me by AISHA and Arc System Works (Guilty Gear Strive OST)

Okay, so this is a weird one, I know. To explain it, I'm afraid that I'm going to need to get a bit personal:

Bridget was released in August of this year as a DLC character for Guilty Gear Strive. In her story mode, Bridget accepts the fact that she's a transgender woman. This doesn't come easy, however- she worries that by being openly herself, she might cause her family shame or that they will reject her, and she's convinced that it's better to just keep it hidden, and feel depressed and anxious.

August was also the month were I was starting my autism spectrum diagnosis. I was coming to terms with who I am, and that some of my behaviors or feelings are normal and should be respected, instead of me having to "unlearn" them. Sometimes it felt like my mind was being broken and forcefully domesticated, because I wanted to better "fit in" with the neurotypical society around me. It was unplesant and hard for me, but I thought that it has to be done, and that I will never be able to live a fuller life than I do now because people will never accept me for who I am.

Bridget as a character, and this song in paticular, have really helped me with accepting who I am. Our struggles aren't identical, but I believe that you don't have to be perfectly aligned with who the character is if you find comfort in their arc or personality or whatever else. Town Inside Me is a musical way of showing Bridget's arc- from someone who has to hide and stifle who they are, and it's bearable, sure, but it feels awful, like your body is empty and your brain is almost split in half, where the real you is somewhere outside of you, in the back, while the pruned version walks around and talks with others, behaving how people around them would want them to. Then, there's the realization, that you can't keep living like this, and you think that it's impossible at first, but something finally snaps in you and you're considering that first step. You jump into that deep, dark water, and you never want to push that "real" you in the back ever again, you want to embrace them and apologise for being ashamed of them and promise that you will never leave them again. Your life instantly gets incredibly vibrant, and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks or what chamges around you, you have yourself with you always, and that's the most powerful ally you can have.

So yeah, sorry again for being so personal, but this song and Bridget the character have really came into my life at a perfect moment, and, as weird as it might sound, her story and character song have given me a lot of comfort and budding confidence. If they'll ever make Bridget figurines, I'm the first one in line.

2. Ram it Down by Dorian Electra

And now, it's time for something completely different.

Dorian Electra and I have a fascination with one very specific subject: homoeroticism. This one mixes the common homophobic expression of "(stop) ramming (your agenda or whatever) down my throat", mixing it with with aggressive oral sex (which is a logical connection when it comes to associations). The beat is just as forceful, combined with shouting vocals, it really gives off the air of someone (rightfully) venting out their frustrations. It twists the narrative around; The homophobe is the side that's "giving" in oral sex, begging the subject to "ram it down" their throat (harder, farther and deeper), one who secretly yearns to suck dick behind their homophobic veneer. It gives the "power", metaphorically, to the gay person subjected to this kind of "silk-gloves-on" homophobia, through the metaphor of oral sex, where they are the "recieving" half, who controls the one who is more submissive.

I actually found out about this song thanks to Lil Mariko, who's featured near the end, since I'm a big fan. Her screaming vocals really add a perfect finish.

3. Liquid Nights And Disco Lights by Miracle of Sound

I was about my number 3 before, so I'll keep it short- perfectly captures the melancholy, wonder, hope, but also the foreboding nature Harry goes through as he hopes to regain (or build a new) identity. A must-listen for any Disco Elysium fan, imo.

#hatter blathers #asks #heavymetalmutual #audio #spotify warped #IM SORRY TO GET SO PERSONAL I JUST NEEDED TO EXPLAIN WHY THIS IS MY NO 1 #😖😖😖#thank you for your ask 🥺💗

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