#the autism of marc spector <3

[616marcspector]

P L E A S E say more about autistic marc spector you are SO RIGHT and i want to hear EVERYTHING, have already read your whole tag (the body language!!!! yes!!!!!!) and 100% want more!

i am sorry for taking So Long to reply to this ask i have been so busy with irl stuff recently 😭

i've talked a bit about body language and stims and things and today i want to talk a little bit about his brain bc it is so fascinating to me i want to pick him apart <3

we know marc has had suicidal thoughts in the past, this is canon in both the comics and the series. and in both cases his desire for death comes from guilt. but why does he want to die, specifically? often people suffering from guilt would prefer to be punished, to be put through the same pain that they have caused others. we see this in the more modern comics, where marc has very little care for himself and his well-being and actively puts himself in harm's way. he is not trying to kill himself, he is trying to torture himself. (and he is not a masochist, he is simply a very sad and lonely man.)

so we ask again, why did marc feel suicidal in the past? because he craves peace. the world is loud and big and when marc is bleeding out in the middle of the desert after witnessing a massacre or having a meltdown and ptsd flashbacks while steven is coldly egging him on, all he wants is for everything to go dark and silent. he wishes he could not feel anything at all, like he pretends to, like he was taught to, like people expect him to. he knows he has done terrible things, and most of the time he accepts the guilt and tries his very best to rectify his mistakes. but sometimes it is all so very much to bear and he wants to shut down for a long, long time.

marc barely fronts at all in the moench run, only coming out when they need someone angry and violent OR when frenchie is around. and that's important. marc loves frenchie. whether you interpret that love as platonic or romantic or something else doesn't matter, frenchie is a safe space and an emotional anchor. frenchie understands marc, understands his past and his guilt and his anger and his loneliness and most of all he understands what marc needs. when marc is with frenchie he doesn't hide who he is, and as such we end up seeing the softest version of himself. and that is so fucked up how marc does not realise that at his core he is warm and kind and capable of so much love and compassion because he has been forced to mask over and over again that he doesn't even know who he is anymore. and yes that can tie into the did because i do not think it is a coincidence that people with did are often also diagnosed with autism. but that's another subject that i don't want to get into because i am just here to talk about autism.

does any of this make sense? is it coherent? am i just babbling nonsense into the void? idk but this was therapeutic for me <3 also sorry for getting so deep on ur ask i didn't intend to get right into it so heavily straight away 😭

#asks #icehot13 #moon knight #marc spector #the autism of marc spector <3 #suicide mention #marcfrenchie

[616marcspector]

autistic marc spector 100% does the side-to-side swaying thing whenever he has to stand still

SO TRUE SO TRUE

list of things autistic marc spector does:

- when a stranger touches him in public he does a full body shudder and on the drive home he starts crying

- if he gets home and they don't have the single type of food he's in the mood for he just won't eat (this is why steven tends to front for meals)

- he rubs his toes together when he's lying in bed and steven keeps having to buy foot creams bc he's rubbing Too Much

- he closes his eyes when he listens to music :)

- he learned from a young age that asking questions gets people mad at you so he acts like he understands everything when really he understands very little. i can guarantee he doesn't remember if it's spelled dissociative or disassociative and he can't be bothered to even google it

#asks #kintsystem #the autism of marc spector <3 #marc spector

[616marcspector]

dude i will pay you to say more about autistic marc spector. fighting off your sister rn

*she runs off crying with a bloody nose*

omg ty gibs ur my hero

ALRIGHT TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE 'TISM. i spoke before about his body language and one scene i really love is the one with layla on the boat.

the way his hands keep moving in calming repetitive motions, the way he's looking at them instead of her for a bit (bc even those of us who are okay with eye contact still need to take breaks cuz it is Hard), the way he's a little jumpy and his speech is a little disjointed even though they're just chilling out on a boat bc we literally do not know how to relax (this one is especially common for autistic people with childhood trauma)

and you can really tell that he's holding everything in all the fuckin time like. you'll find this so much with autistics who had an abusive parent(s), bc we had to mask all the time for fear of attracting unwanted attention, it carries on to adulthood where we can hardly express any of our emotions properly bc we weren't allowed to simply Be Autistic when we were younger yk? like part of it is just the autistic experience of our resting face being like 😐 but then add to it a quiet, sad numbness so even when we're happy abt smthn it's just like a little :) bc we've been masking so long we can barely remember how we're Supposed to enjoy things yk? and like i've had to teach myself to experience things properly, i've had to consciously let myself flap my hands and make my funny little noises and i think someone should let marc know that it's safe for him to stim <3

another thing i've thought a lot about is how he seems to be masking less in ep5! and i think it's bc of the sheer shock of everything and how it's such a different environment and he's around someone he trusts a lot (steven) so he's just so overwhelmed he Has to lose it a bit yk? like compare the scene in ep2 where steven tells him everything is his fault to the scene in ep5 where steven tells him everything is his fault. in ep2, marc shouts, not incredibly loud, but loud enough. he kicks the mirror, lashing out but not physically hurting anyone. he notices the scarab is gone, yells, clenches his fists, etc, but he is still Tense Tense Tense. he's not expressing everything. then we go to ep5, he's gotten more comfortable with steven, there's no one else around, he's been having the most stressful day maybe ever. so when steven says those words, he just Screams. and he hits his head and it hurts but he keeps doing it bc the feelings are too much and He's Letting Himself Feel It. (watching that scene is almost funny to me because when i watched the moon knight trailer for the first time i did the same thing and then i didn't stop crying the whole day 😭). and then he's back in the office and harrow is there speaking gently and he gets something to hold and he's Quiet. and for me that is one of the only scenes where marc actually seems calm (or at least, calmer than usual). he's normally such a big bundle of nerves that feel like they're going to explode at any moment and in that scene he looks like he finally let some of it go.

anyway a different sister is distracting me now so im gonna stop here but please feel free to add on with any more thoughts you have bc autistic marc spector is literally one of my favourite topics in the world :)

#asks #gibs #the autism of marc spector <3 #<- that's going with the aro jake agenda tag #both very important to me #marc spector