#the closest I've ever come is narvin in gallifrey bc of his regeneration thing and that making him anxious

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

the thing is, hypochondria isn't just random weirdos and old ladies googling symptoms and going to the doctor insisting that they have such and such illness or disorder. it's me, not even 20, tweaking my neck weirdly, as you do, and my automatic certainty is that I've pinched a blood vessel and am going to have a stroke. it's me reading that one long, informative post about rabies and immediately going oh my gosh, I live in a rural area and my dog occasionally gets to run loose, he's going to get rabies and then my whole family is going to get it and we're all going to die. it's me, lying in bed at 1am, hearing someone in the house cough and my whole body going into momentary panic mode and my mind instantly throwing out a prayer: please let them be okay please let them be okay please- it's my mom getting sick and me going to stand in the yard to cry because what if it's worse than a normal sickness. and more than that, it's that I almost never breathe a word about this to anyone. the only way anyone might know anything is bothering me is if they recognize the distant look in my eyes as I try to process the anxiety. and the other thing about hypochondria is that all of those examples I gave seem completely logical to me. I see a symptom and it seems only logical, there can't be any other reason for this except for the thing I'm afraid of. point A to point B. I read a true story about a woman who turned her head wrong and burst a blood vessel and was comatose for months, so it's perfectly reasonable to imagine the same will happen to me. hypochondria isn't always pestering doctors or googling symptoms for everyone, often it can be shutting down and turning inward and deliberately not looking anything up because if I do, I will spiral so badly that I won't be able to pull myself out of it. and more often than not, no one will ever know anything was bothering me.

#anyway. i was just thinking about this while doing dishes earlier #Lu rambles #personal #anxiety #hypochondria #it doesn't actually bug me that in stories it's usually portrayed by stereotypes bc like. I'm chill with it #i usually end up laughing at myself about 10 minutes after an anciety attack if I'm honest but ALSO #it would be so cool to see a hypochondriac character in something (even as a bkg character) who's similar to this?? #idk man #the closest I've ever come is narvin in gallifrey bc of his regeneration thing and that making him anxious