#the colours look great on my phone but trash on my laptop why must i suffer :[[[

[fondnesses]

roscoe’s notebook post

A while back I said I was going to write a post about the way I use notebooks for writing projects. This is the first of several posts about Writing Process I’ve been tossing around in my drafts for a little while as a result of conversations with friends, so bear with me.

I. Love. Notebooks. I genuinely would have to deeply overhaul my whole Process of writing anything on the longer side if I were to go paperless; I find physical paper pretty invaluable when I’m outlining, brainstorming, and researching, and I still probably write ¼-⅓ of all my actual content on paper first. (That proportion used to be a lot higher, but I’ve gotten better at being productive on a computer in recent years, which is great.) I’m a very visual person, so notebooks really help me visualize my ideas, story structure, etc. It’s very helpful to be able to use arrows and diagrams and physically strike things through, and the tactility is really soothing to me. If I show people my notebooks or talk about them, I often get a response like “this is so organized”, which is sort of true, but I have to stress that it’s “organization for a disorganized mind”; I can’t misplace ideas or notes if it all goes into the same physical object, vs. electronic notes, which are much more, like “Did I say that in a voice memo? PM it to myself on Discord? Leave it in a desktop sticky note? Write it directly into the Google Doc? Who knows! It’s lost to time!”. It’s very much an ADHD management strategy.

It helps that I’m a very neophyte stationery hobbyist and appreciate any excuse I have to use my pens, but I also will go off at any opportunity about how helpful I find them for writing projects, which is why I decided to just make a post about it. Right now I mostly use them for (fan and original) fiction projects, but I used a notebook for a very similar purpose when I was working on my undergrad thesis, and I have a slightly different but equally necessary-to-me approach to notebooks I use at work.

My typical structure for a notebook that’s devoted to one project only looks like this:

I always leave the first couple pages blank so I can go back and retroactively index bujo-style. I don’t always actually do the index, because sometimes I get too lazy, but I like having those blank pages there to give me the option. I also usually put epigraphs/inspo quotes on the first page.

After that, there’s often (but not always, I’ll talk about it) a couple pages at the start where I’m frantically jotting down loose brainstorming ideas before they've coagulated into a story structure. Just, like, vomiting into the void.

Stemming out of that, I usually write out about like 5-10 pages of outline-style notes in chronological order, laying out all the main story beats and charting out the story trajectory. This will inevitably get revised and rewritten many times, but I find the process of writing these wide-angle synopses really useful for dislodging ideas, making connections re: thematic threads, etc. from my brain.

I’ll devote a couple pages after that to specific things like "sex scene brainstorming", "random scene ideas/minor details that don't have a clear place in the outline right now but I'll turn to for inspo later" [this is what I refer to as “bits” in one of the later photos], "page where I just outline the Motifs And Themes", "research notes", "to-do list", "stuff to check on a second pass", "things to put in the a/n and AO3 tags", etc.--the specifics vary with the story.

Then, I skip ahead to approx. halfway through the notebook and cordon off the rest of the pages to be “free writing” space, AKA writing of actual content rather than planning, with the expectation there will be no internal organization and I’ll transcribe to laptop as I go. Writing on paper feels less binding than typing something on a computer; it’s like a little secret kept with myself, and it doesn’t need to go anywhere or be seen by anyone if I decide I don’t like it. Setting aside pages in the back half of the notebook means that, as more things come up re: planning, I can go back and add those in the rest of the pages that were intentionally left blank. This is how I avoid (for the most part) having the whole thing be a jumbled mess where there’s no separation between the notes and the actual story writing; I learned this the hard way via the first notebook I’ll show you in a second. I’ve recently gotten really into using Muji sticky note tabs to label any pages/sections of particular import that don't want to have to refer back to in the index and would rather just flip to instantly.

I do use notebooks that aren’t specific to any one project, but those are much less organized and less worth sharing.

Before I look at more recent stuff, here are some selections from my notebook for the project that got me into writing longfic, my Golden Kamuy canon divergence AU (with apologies for the bad photos, my phone’s camera is trash). I worked on this from Sept 2018-July 2019. It was a learning experience in a lot of ways, and notebook utilization was one of those. I’ve always used notebooks for keeping track of writing projects, as I said earlier, but before this it was largely without much organization or structure; just total chaos. Having a physical notebook became really important for this project because it was a sprawling multichapter story with rotating POVs and a lot of historical research. I also learned a lot about what not to do with a notebook, personally, or at least things that don’t work so well (for me). This was a college ruled spiral-bound Decomposition Book, for the record.

By the time I bought a notebook for it I already had a (very basic) plot outline in mind, so I wasn’t doing that very initial ground-zero brainstorming in here; I was copying out of my phone’s notes app, basically, and then going from there. 

This is one of the first pages in this notebook; I wanted to visualize the relationship web between the four central characters in the story in terms of how they feel about one another. The two colours correspond to the POV characters (Sugimoto in orange, Ogata in pink), and I used this colour-coding throughout the notebook with highlighters, etc. to keep track of information that was more relevant to one character than the other. Tsurumi and Yuusaku aren’t POV characters, but they’re prominent in the story and their presence impacts the central relationship between Sugimoto and Ogata, and it was helpful to me to map out the emotional ecosystem, as it were.

(There are coffee stains all over this, because I wrote the vast majority of the story in coffee shops because I didn’t want to be around my roommates, lol. This is part of why I never do fiction writing in notebooks that are too nice, I get neurotic about needing to keep them tidy. I can’t use ones that are too shit though, either, so it’s a bit of a narrow window. I’ll talk more about brands and paper quality etc. later.)

As you can see, this is the first page of many I set aside specifically for jotting down different pieces of historical information relevant to my story. It’s about fictional characters who are members of an army division that existed in real life, and both the canon and my fic involve a high level of attention to detail with regards to which divisions were present for which battles, etc., as well as general historical details specific to the Russo-Japanese War setting--what did people eat in the trenches? What did they do to fill time? How did they get through the winter? What did third party observers have to say about the conditions? What were the specs of their weaponry (particularly important because one of the POV characters is a sniper and gun nut)? I did a lot of reading (and watching of antique gun collector Youtube videos... the things I do for love, eh), and it came in handy so many times, because it turns out it’s much easier to write trench warfare slice of life if you have factual details to pull from when you don’t know what to do with a scene! Imagine that!

This is the first of three “grid outlines” I made; this is a way I sometimes like to visualize a story outline all on one page, with the columns representing chapters and the squares within the columns representing sections/scenes within the chapters. As you can see, early on I was hoping to get this done in five or even FOUR chapters (whatmakesyouhaha.mp3), with POV switches happening internally within the chapters. This proved to be unwieldy for many reasons, so I revised the outline:

Here I’d come to terms with the fact this story was going to have a lot more chapters than I’d planned, and I rearranged things so that it would happen in ten, with each chapter belonging to only one POV character. This also needed revising later, and in the end the story looked a bit more like this (though it did in fact end up being twelve chapters, but only because Chapter Ten was like, 12k, and needed to be split in two chunks):

I must have remembered to bring my fineliners to the coffee shop this time, lol, because as you can see it’s properly colour-coded this time. This outline was made when I was already four posted chapters into the fic, which hopefully gives you a sense of the way in which I am sort of a planner and a pantser; I can’t get into a longer project without an outline, but the outline inevitably changes many times throughout writing and I often end up with a finished product that looks pretty different from what I was intending. My creative M.O. as always is Do The Maximum! Amount! Of! Work! Possible!

This is what a “free writing” page looks like, for me. In this notebook I didn’t set aside any specific spaces for free writing so it’s strewn throughout the notebook in a really disorganized way and I was constantly flipping through looking for bits I’d written and forgotten to transcribe, and I decided to be more organized in future as a result of that. If something’s crossed through, that means I transcribed it. As you can see, they’re often small sections, sometimes just a coupled decontextualized sentences. About 3/4 of what I write in a notebook makes it into the story, I’d say; some of it never goes anywhere, and that’s OK. I have less of an issue killing my darlings if they never make it off the paper page.

A very brief, top-down chapter outline, where the goal was not to get too bogged down in details and just to visualize the beats and pin down what they’re trying to accomplish. Chapters for this fic typically ran about 6k, and five or six scenes per chapter was pretty common, so the average scene length was about 1-1.25k words/scene. IDK why I called it storyboarding when I didn’t make drawings. (Margin numbers are to keep track of word count, since I was using a daily word count tracker while writing this.)

This page was, as titled, for keeping track of the various balls in the air when I was about 2/3-3/4 of the way through the story and really feeling the pressure with regards to tying up the various loose ends. This was... a struggle. I hadn’t ever written anything longish (this fic ended up just under 70k) that had an action plot before, let alone a canon divergence scenario where I had to engage with and explain away various canon plot elements so I could maintain the audience’s suspension of disbelief.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I learned various “things not to do” with my notebooks while working on that project. One of those lessons I learned is to be more realistic when assessing how big a project is likely to get, not least because I RAN OUT OF PAGES around the chapter 9-10 mark. In my defense though, that’s because I’d never written anything even half this long! But I know better now, and try not to be in denial. Finishing the notebook early was a way bigger problem than I’d anticipated, and was part of the reason the last few chapters took several grueling months to finish. The issue was that I needed to be able to use a notebook to maintain my workflow--attempting to do it only on a computer was dismal--but it seemed silly to start a notebook of a similar size to the one I’d finished (80pg, approximately B5 dimensions) when there was no way it would need that much space, especially since the reference pages, like the historical notes, didn’t need to be transcribed over. I was also pretty broke at the time and didn’t want to spend money unnecessarily, lol. I tried to get by using a Moleskine Cahier for a month or so because I had one lying around, but it was horrid; it was too small to be used comfortably, it wasn’t spiral-bound so it wouldn’t lay flat, the ghosting is terrible and I hate the way Moleskine paper feels, etc. Eventually I caved and went to Muji and bought a 30ish page A5 with closer to lay-flat binding, and I finished the story in there. I would take a comparative pic for you of the relative notebook sizes and include some of the scene staging diagrams, etc. I put in there, but I can’t find it :(

So I learned that specs really do matter, and it’s okay to be picky if the pickiness is going to make the difference between actually using a notebook or not. Things that are important to me in my notebooks:

Ruling (gotta have ruling, I can suffer through grid but blank or dot is a no-go)

Size (I can’t use anything smaller than at least a medium-large notebook, I find it claustrophobic and get miserly about page space)

Binding (twin ring is my preference because it looks and feels better than a classic spiral but has the same comfort of use with regards to bending the pages back to suit workspace size and laying flat with ease)

Paper quality and colour (I don’t like anything too slippery/smooth or with too much visible ghosting, and I strongly prefer an off-white paper to bleached paper--part of why I don’t use Decomposition Books anymore, the paper is scratchy and it’s too damn bleached!)

Pagecount relative to size of project

Portability (in non-COVID times; anything bigger than a B5 wouldn’t fit in the satchel I used to bring to work at my old job), etc.

But everyone’s taste is different in this respect, and the only way to figure out what works for you is through trial and error, I’m afraid. I also suspect I’m more neurotic and particular about the sensory experience of using a notebook than most people are, but I yam what I yam.

Now to talk about the notebooks for my current projects, where I’ve refined my approach somewhat. I’ve included less photos for these because they’re ongoing WIPs I don’t want to spoil completely, but I’ve tried to include some outline-type stuff to give you an idea.

My big bang fic is in the very ugly twin ring notebook on the right; I got it at a dollar store by my house because I needed something to work in and didn’t want to wait for an online order, but it’s been very serviceable for my needs. The paper isn’t even bad. The bigger notebook (B5) is my Sangcheng fic.

I wanted something with a lot of pages for this, because I knew it was going to be a long story, and for some reason the fact it’s smaller than my usual preference doesn’t bug me (I think it’s an A5?); it just fits this story, somehow. I’m not sure exactly how many sheets are in here but I’d guess about 150.

Because this notebook has upwards of 100 sheets, I made a lot of use of sticky-note tabs to label high-priority pages. The colour coding of these doesn’t mean anything, it was just whichever ones I had at hand at any given moment. These are those tabs from Muji I mentioned, I’m really obsessed with them--the shape makes them so much less obtrusive and more practical than conventional squares/rectangles OR flag shapes, IME.

My big bang story is nonlinear, so, similarly to what I did with colour coding for the two POVs for my GK fic, this story has two main colours corresponding to whether a given section takes place in the “before” or the “after” portions of the timeline, with blue as “after”, yellow as “before”. This is what the most current version of the outline looks like in there:

If you squint, you can see the alphanumeric notes in the top right of each section entry; I gave them each a code like “A3″ or “B5″ corresponding to their position in the story sequence (so, it goes A1, B1, A2, B2, etc., through to B9 and then the epilogue). [Unintentional that this schema overlaps with notebook size labeling and so is kind of confusing in the context of this post.] At first I was just keeping track of the sections via the highlighted titles, but it got confusing because I’d write down “Wedding” or “Yiling” in my notes and then refer to the notes later like “but there are multiple marriages?? and multiple scenes in Yiling??”. Stuff gets struck through with a straight line if it’s been written in a more-or-less complete form and crossed out with a squiggly line if it’s been cut from the outline or made redundant.

As I said earlier, I started out all the initial brainstorming for my Sangcheng fic in its notebook, instead of brainstorming it in someone’s DMs/my notes app/a voice memo/etc. and then transcribing it into the notebook in a somewhat more organized fashion, which is how my stories usually start out. Because of this, the first five-ish pages are basically just stream of consciousness rambling where I was trying to jot down every disconnected thought I had about the story concept. I don’t have photos for that because it’s too spoilerific for later developments in the fic, but I can show you some of the stages the outlines went through, once I was able to corral those initial notes into a story structure:

All the chapters in this fic have their own highlighter colour, so when I started trying to make sense of my initial brainstorm notes I just went through and highlighted stuff in the colour of the chapter it would make the most sense for, and then transcribed things more-or-less in chronological order into the relevant chapter outline. I later ended up rewriting all the chapter outlines AGAIN to refine them and divide them internally by the individual scenes, which makes them a lot more legible and less wall-of-text-y. They look like this now, with about four sheets per chapter:

Because this fic is on the longer side, I have some pages that are just for keeping track of other story elements, like this, where I refer back to whatever the fuck the “themes” are supposed to be whenever I forget what this fic is about:

It’s all about the visionboarding... Anyway, that’s most of what I have to offer, since most of these two notebooks is Forbidden Content.

With regards to brands/supplies, I really like this Kokuyo Campus Wide notebook that I’m writing Sangcheng in, it’s pretty perfect for me. I also like the B5 Muji twin rings, but those only come in 30 sheets, so I wouldn’t use it for anything above a ~20k project. The B5 Maruman Spiral Note 6.5mm ruled/80 sheet is another good one, though I wish it was twin ring instead of spiral. As you can tell, I like Japanese stationery brands because it’s easier to find decent paper quality and minimalist design without shelling out $$ than it is with American/European brands, at least IME. I like Rollbahns too. But honestly, I can usually find pretty serviceable random notebooks that aren’t brand-name from Asian dollar stores; it’s really not something where you need to shell out tons of money.

#notebooks #writing #idk how to tag this!

[kathrynmaslow]

Love Lies (1/15)

Summary: 

Ever since Emma was 13, she knew she had the ability to destroy people if she wanted to, and some days, she really wanted to. After being forced to go the the Greenwood Academy following a traumatizing event in her childhood that brought to the surface her ability to manipulate fire, she never thought she would be free of the place. So for nearly 10 years, she lived a solitary existence with the exception of her best friends, but that was all about to change. 

Killian Jones had just been sentenced to attend the university campus at Greenwood Academy after an accident at sea caused him to be dishonorably discharged from Her Majesty's royal Navy and lose his hand. He doesn't know what to think about these newfound powers and what they spell for the rest of his now not-so-normal life. But a chance encounter one day has the ability to change all of that. 

A story about love and redemption between two people that shows, if you have the right person beside you, you can find a light in the darkness. 

Rating: M

Content Warnings: Mentions of Violence/Death, Brief mention of Childhood Abuse/Sexual Assault, Mild Sexual Content

Notes: Oh My Goodness! It's Finally Here! This is my first completed work (ever) and my first story for the CSBB! This AU has been a baby of mine for a while, and this project finally gave me the push to finally get it down onto paper and out of my head. I couldn't do it on my own though, I have a HUGE thank you to give to my beta @daveyjacobsthepotterhead. Without her guidance, this work wouldn't be nearly as good and composed as it is now. Thank you again for finding all of my plot gaps and inconsistencies and dealing with my, at times, horrible grammar. You have been my cheerleader since we were paired together and I couldn't have asked for a better experience. Thanks to @princesse-swan as my artist as well! I can't wait for all you lovely readers to see the wonderful art that she has put together for this story, I am blown away by it! Thanks again to the Mods for the BB, you ran a great project this year and kept me moving the entire time, even when it seemed like I was not going to be able to finish. Thanks to all the wonderful ladies on the discord chat, I will remember those late night, incoherent sprints always.

Without further ado, here is my Captain Swan Big Bang! Enjoy!

Read of FF: Link

Emma just made it into the doors of Mary Margaret’s dorm before the skies opened up and rain began to pour down from the heavens. She knew that it was supposed to rain that day, but in typical college student fashion, she decided against bringing her umbrella with her and just risk it.

Shaking her hair out from under her hat, she started to make her way up the back stairwell towards the fourth floor. David and Mary Margaret, she knew, were already waiting for her in Mary Margaret’s room for their planned study session for Ethics 104. She hated that class.

To be honest, she hated a lot of the whole, college charade that the school was putting up. That’s what this entire school was, a charade, it was a cleverly disguised prison. Schools like Greenwood were where they sent anyone who was deemed to be “different”, which was complete bullshit in her opinion. Anyone who manifested any type of power or gift, be it completely harmless to something deadly like her own powers, was sent here, or one of the dozens of other schools around the world like it.

But what made Greenwood Academy different was that it was one of seven schools in the country that had a college as part of the locked campus. Which was why Emma and her friends were currently suffering through Ethics 104 with the world's most boring professor.

Pushing past a group of students coming down the stairs, she rounded the final corner and made her way up the final flight of stairs towards the door to the fourth floor. Bright neon pages decorated the inside of the stairwell on the floor. Join KickBoxing Club, Friday nights in Fourtner Hall; Rock Climbing adventures, Starting the second weekend into Fall Semester. All of them meant to draw in the attention of the students visiting the hall, but all of them came with their own starred caveats at the bottom, “Super Strength not allowed, Students with physical powers not allowed, Must not have a power activated by physical contact to attend, NO HIGH RISK STUDENTS.” Emma sighed every time she saw them, since she was never able to go. Emma did her best to ignore the brightly colored advertisements as she walked down the hall. While they held interest as something she could possibly do besides just hanging out with her friends or in her room, she wasn’t able to participate as a high risk student.

Making a right turn down the hall, Emma arrived outside of Mary Margaret’s door and gave a quick knock. After hearing her chipper “Come in!” through the door, Emma turned the knob and dropped her bag next to the door.

“Looks like you made it here just in time Emma, it’s really coming down out there.” David commented from the middle of the notebooks and laptops scattered about the floor.

Mary Margaret was sprawled out on her bed amongst her textbooks, highlighting the middle of a paragraph in bright pink highlighter, adding to the already colourful carnage on the page.

“Definitely, considering I left my umbrella in my room this morning.” Emma commented back, shrugging out of her leather jacket and hanging it on the back of the computer desk chair that was to her left.  

Emma grabbed her notes and textbook and moved across the room to spread her stuff out on the desk next to David. Right after she got settled the door swung open again, revealing to the three of them a soaking wet Ruby Daniels.

“Looks like you weren’t the only one to have left their umbrella behind.” Mary Margaret commented dryly.

Ruby paused in the middle of the room as three sets of eyes turned to look at her, and with a small smirk as their only warning, shook out her red and brown locks like a disgruntled wet dog.

David picked up his text book off the ground and began to brush the water from the pages, “Geez Ruby, was that really necessary?”

Ruby continued to look around the room with a wolfish grin on her face, knowing that she had succeeded in getting a rise out of her friends. “True, I didn’t have to, but isn’t it more entertaining when I do?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow as she shrugged out of her coat and hung it in her closet.

While Emma and Mary Margaret had roomed next to each other Mary Margaret’s first year at Greenwood, Ruby had stumbled upon their friend group by chance. There was one night freshman year when Mary Margaret and David had gone out and gotten trashed after a particularly hard exam week, and David had gotten lost in the woods.

Ruby just happened to be partying in the same area and overheard the distressed phone call that Mary Margaret had made to Emma back on campus, not being able to find her boyfriend. Ruby, in her wolf form, was single-handedly able to track David down in the middle of the night.

David and Mary Margaret introduced Emma the next morning, after their hangovers had lessened, and they had all quickly become fast friends. So much so that when Mary Margaret’s roommate Regina got clearance to live outside the academy, Ruby moved in the next term as her roommate.

“So does anyone understand what Professor Rodham was trying to get across on study guide question number seven?”

Emma jolted, not realizing that she had zoned out staring at her textbook.

“Nope, I am SO lost in that class in general so I have no idea.” Ruby offered from her place at her desk.

Mary Margaret slumped down into the pile of papers on her bed and sighed, “What even is this class? I don’t even know why they require us to take an ethics class.”

“Because it prepares you for ‘normal life’” Emma quipped, not looking up from the textbook that she had started leafing through.

“Yeah, but we are not normal, that’s why we came here! Why do we have to do normal people stuff anyway?!” Ruby whined.

Ruby did have a point. Since Greenwood Academy was one of a select few schools that had a college style campus on the same grounds, many people from around the country transferred into the school if they weren’t given clearance to leave and assimilate into regular society at the end of high school.

“Because you can likely graduate from here and move onto a normal job, Ruby, you weren’t forced to continue college at one of these schools,” Emma commented.

Ruby gave her a withering look. “I know that, but it doesn’t mean that we have to be forced into doing classes that have nothing to do with our major.”

“Regular colleges actually have you do that as well,” David said, deciding to join the group effort of ignoring their ethics assignment.

“You didn’t go to a regular college either, how do you know that?” Mary Margaret asked him.

“My twin is perfectly normal, so he went to a normal college. My mom wrote me once and told me all about it.” David explained. “Apparently they have these things called ‘General Education Requirements’ where you have to take a certain number of courses in other disciplines to graduate with a specific degree.”

“That blows,” Ruby commented, dismissing the explanation with a wave of her hand. “Does anyone want to order pizza?”

“So that is a no to the answer to question seven then, right?” David asked, shuffling the papers around in front of him.

“David, I say this with affection, but none of us care about this class.” Mary Margaret said from the bed, still sprawled out on top of her papers and textbooks.

“No! Emma still has my back, she cares about that class, right?” He said, giving her a look that begged her to agree.

“Sorry David, I have absolutely no concern about a course that I am not going to use for the rest of my life.” Emma said, pulling one of her favorite books out of her bag.

David sighed in defeat, turning to work on his assignment alone.

Ruby spied the book in her hands and let out a noise of exasperation. “Honestly, Emma! Are you ever going to return that book!”

Emma carefully gathered her copy of ‘Where the Sidewalk Ends and Every Thing On It’ by Shel Silverstein to her chest. The binding was slowly falling apart, and a page or two may have been haphazardly shoved back in after they fell out, but the weathered library barcode label was still affixed to the front cover, even though no plastic covering remained.

It was one of her favorite books when she was growing up, her brother read her poems from it every night before bed. And once she was off restriction after first arriving and had finally been fitted with her suppressor bracelets, they allowed her into the library the first time. She had scanned the shelves for hours, looking for something that she hadn’t already read before that she could sit down with and read for a little bit (they were still weary about letting her bring books outside of the library, even though she hadn’t shown any tendency at the time to possibly flare up  and accidentally burn a book) and had stumbled upon the copy on the end of a shelf. The size of the book didn’t fit in with any of the other shorter books and it was leaning to hold the other books in place. Pulling it off the shelf and to her chest, she began crying, missing her home and her brother with a ferocity that hurt.

One of the librarians had happened upon her not long after, curled into a ball clutching the already worn book to her chest. The woman looked down upon her kindly and comforted her to the best of her abilities, and asked her if she would like to keep the book. She had nodded, wiping the tears from her face. The woman walked her up to the front counter, wrote down some information about the book and took down Emma’s name and current room location (since Emma didn’t know her case number off the top of her head at the time) and promised her that she wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

And in almost 10 years of having the book, no one had ever come to her requesting the book back.

“Maybe one day,” Emma murmured, “I’m a bit sentimental.” She looked up at Ruby as she set the book into her lap, hoping to change the conversation, “Didn’t you say something about pizza?”

“That’s right!” Ruby exclaimed, leaning back in her desk chair. “Mary Margaret, where did we put the brochure for the on campus pizza place?”

Mary Margaret, who had been ignoring the conversation and reading for a different class, started. The book she was holding above her head fell onto her face and the papers surrounding her on the bed jolted, many cascading to the floor with her ethics textbook.

David instantly moved to start gathering the papers, while Mary Margaret just sighed in defeat from under the book. “Ummm, I think it is in the top right drawer of my desk, but it could also be on the refrigerator.”

Later, after demolishing three pizzas between the 4 of them and completely abandoning the studying for their ethics exam, they were lounging on the futon and floor watching The Bachelorette.

“You know, I still don’t understand why people sign themselves up for these things,” Ruby commented, “I mean, it’s pretty pathetic looking.”

“Well, not all of us are blessed with having a good-looking, future doctor as our boyfriend.” Emma commented from her place on the floor.

“Very true,” Ruby stated, “So, when are you going to start looking for a boyfriend Emma?”

Emma choked on her popcorn for a second. “Excuse me?”

“Yeah. Emma, I have known you for three years, there has to be someone that you have an interest in.” Mary Margaret chimed in. Emma looked pleadingly up at David to try and rescue her from this conversation.

David and Emma had known each other the longest out of any of the friends gathered. While her and Mary Margaret had roomed next to each other for a bit before getting to know one another, David and Emma had literally run into each other while they were heading across campus. Emma was running late for one of her intro science classes and had slammed right into David as he was exiting the science hall. They were fast friends after that. Especially because David, upon sitting down with her for a bit and getting to know her on one of her hard days, began to just step into the role of her older brother.

Emma would forever be grateful that he did that for her.

But he didn’t come through for her now.

“Emma, while I don’t necessarily condone the meddling of my girlfriend and her best friend, they do have a point.”

She sighed, closing her eyes and trying to think. Emma was lucky that she even had this many friends outside of the one or two other high risk students that she had had a conversation with during her years at the academy. Once it became public knowledge that someone was a known high risk student, many people began to avoid them.

“There have been a couple of guys…”

“AND…?” Ruby interrupted.

“They take one look at these,” Emma shook the suppressor bracelet on her left wrist under her friend’s nose, “And the attention tends to turn elsewhere.”

If someone came to the academy with what was already known to be a high risk ability, or had seriously injured or killed someone, they were immediately outfitted with custom suppression gear that nulled their powers while they were on. This prevented the students from posing a risk to themselves or anyone else on the campus.

Ruby’s nose wrinkled, “Have those always smelt like that?”

“Like what?” Emma commented. She’d gotten this pair of suppressors two years ago, after the last set died on her.

“Like death.”

“Well, they didn’t design them to be pleasant,” Emma quipped back.

“Well, not everyone-”

“Yeah, they do,” Emma said, interrupting whatever ‘hope and love speech’ Mary Margaret was about to give her, “And honestly I’m not really looking for anyone anyways. I’m going to head back to my dorm.”

“Emma, you really don’t have to go just yet,” Mary Margaret commented, seeming to try and salvage the situation. Emma just shook her head as she shoved the rest of her books and papers back into her bag, moving ‘Where the Sidewalk Ends’ to another pocket to prevent it from getting further destroyed.

“No, it is really time for me to be heading back,” Emma said, looking at the setting sun peeking out from behind the dispersing rain clouds as she tugged her rain boots back on.  

She caught David laying a placating hand on Mary Margaret’s thigh, preventing any further protest from the woman. “Thanks for the company Emma.” David said, giving her a quick wave with his other hand.

Emma reciprocated with a small quirk of her lips as she slung her bag over her shoulder and backed out the door to the room.

Taking the back stairs down the four flights to head back to her dorm on the other side of campus, Emma thought back on the end of the conversation. Sure, Emma really hadn’t invested any time in guys or relationships. But honestly, she thought, why would she? It wasn’t likely that she would ever leave the academy and the communities after she graduated, so why should she invest any kind of time in a relationship with someone who would eventually just leave her? And, considering what happened with her stepfather that caused her to come to the academy in the first place, she really didn’t feel like an actual relationship would ever be in the cards for her.

Emma passed a few students leaving the academic buildings late heading for the dorms on the other side of campus or to their cars. She enjoyed the solitude of a quiet walk across campus at the end of the day.

Feeling a bit like a little kid, she looked down at her booted feet and the puddles scattered about the sidewalk. Letting go, she just started jumping from puddle to puddle on the walk across campus. A small giggle escaped her for a moment just as she slammed into a solid chest, sending them both crashing down onto the damp sidewalk.

Emma closed her eyes and cringed, her head hitting the sidewalk.

“You know, with the way you were laughing there lass, I think you meant to run into me just then.” A distinctly British-sounding voice came from just to her right.

Emma opened her eyes just as a pair of eyes the color of the midday summer sky came into view. One hand grabbed hers, the other arm slipping into her armpit to leaver her up.

“Up we go love,” he said, steadying her a bit as he set her on her feet.

She looked down to see papers strewn about the pavement, many of them now soaking wet. “I am so sorry about that, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” she commented, immediately kneeling down to start picking the papers up, feeling all too clearly his gaze on her. She tucked her hair a bit awkwardly behind her right ear under her hat.

“No need to fret about it love, I have it all on a digital drive anyway,” the stranger commented.

She really should get his name, Emma thought to herself.

“I still feel bad, I got your clothes all wet,” she said.

Her back was a bit damp now that she thought about it, along with the knees of her jeans.

Looking over at him, she noticed he was gathering papers next to her, but not necessarily with the intent of trying to salvage the damp paper. He used his left arm, which she just noticed ended at his wrist, to try and push the paper against the pavement towards his right hand.

“Well, you can make it up to me by giving me your name Love, sound like a fair trade?” He asked, flashing a grin that was all white teeth in her direction.

“Sorry, I don’t give my name to strangers,” she commented back, handing him a stack of sopping wet papers, standing as she did so.

He stood up alongside her, pushing the mass of paper into the crook of his left elbow, extending his right, gloved hand towards her.

“The name’s Killian Jones, at your service.”

Emma extended her right hand to meet his.

“Emma Swan.”

She would be lying if she said her heart didn’t skip a beat when he took her hand and smiled at her.

#csbb #2018 csbb #Love Lies #my writing #captian swan #killian jones #emma swan

[littledonkeyburrito]

tbh I might be hooked on these. I’ll stop when I have something more interesting going on in my life

Do you ever sit with your legs open? Yeah, often

Have you ever been offered drugs on the street? I have been to a nightlife area in Colombia, so yes, several times.

What is one place you have been to and hated? Harvey Bay. Went a couple of times as a kid and it was pretty shit.

Have you ever seen a jellyfish? Many

What’s your favourite kind of soup? Probably pumpkin

Do you ever put bread in your soup? I dip it in, yeah

Is there anything in the USB key slots in your computer/laptop? Mouse

What advertisements are on your screen at the moment? None.

Do you ever get a really itchy nose when you’re unable to scratch it? Yes

Has anyone ever randomly licked your face? Many dogs

When was the last time you bought a book? Fuck even knows. Well over a year ago

Are you upstairs or downstairs at the minute? Uhhh my apartment does not have stairs but it is on the 3rd floor of the building (out of about 8)

Have you ever been asked for directions? Yeah. I remember the first time someone asked me for directions in this city a few weeks after I moved here and I could actually point them in the right direction. I was really proud.

Are there any farm animals near you? In the inner city? Not that I’m aware of. 

Are there any lakes near you? No but the ocean is only a few minutes walk away.

Was there ever a time when you felt absolutely terrified? Sure

If so, why? Spiders usually

Have you ever been in your local newspaper? No but half my friends were in the sport section once or twice each because of karate stuff. They never gave a shit about me though.

Have you ever called your mother ma or mammy? Yeah I usually call her Ma or Mamá

Can you imitate any other accent? Eh I’m pretty bad with accents so I don’t try, except kiwi occasionally

What is your funniest memory of the 6th contact in your phone? It’s the number for my old work phone. One time one of my staff members, an old guy, called up on a friday around midday and he was like, “Just thought I’d call up and say have a great weekend.” I didn’t answer right away because I was waiting for him to get to the point and ask the work related question that he surely must have. But no. That was it. He literally only called to say have a good weekend and nothing else. I was like, “uhhh thanks man... you too..?”

Were you ever chased by an animal? Horse. During the period of life that I had a phobia of horses. It sure didn’t help. 

Are you single/or taken? Single

Are you happy with that?^ Eh it’s fine 

Do you make the first move or do you prefer it the other way around? I prefer it the other way around.

What is the most painful thing you’ve experienced? When I was 15 I got a tooth infection. It started as a toothache so mild I could barely notice it but it just didn’t stop. On day 3 it started really affecting me but the pain had gotten worse so slowly that I assumed it was still the same and that I was just being weak. I remember getting home from karate class and walking into the other room and just bursting out in tears because it hurt so much. Mum realised and pulled me out of school the next day to take me to the dentist. Got antibiotics and prescription painkillers. That night my mum called a 24 hour nurses hotline to ask them how many of the painkillers she could give me without me overdosing because she couldn’t stand to see me cry so much. Those pills barely did anything and I couldn’t sleep properly. I finished the week course of antibiotics and nothing had changed so went back to the dentist and they drilled out my filling, injected antiobiotics into my tooth, put another filling in and doubled the dosage of the pills. In all it was 12 day toothache, but I think about 5-7 days were hell. 5 years later the same tooth (a baby tooth still) got infected again but before it started to hurt I went to the dentist and paid over $500 for them to rip the fucker out of my skull. Dentist also had to drill out a little piece of my jawbone to stop the infection spreading. I never had an adult tooth underneath it so now I have a gap.

Do you hug someone whenever you see them? I'm not a hugger. But if they initiate it I’ll hug them. Usually it’s just my dad.

When was the last time you bled? What happened? Last week I cut my thumb on a beer can

When you look behind you what catches your attention the most? The picture on the wall

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No How many true heart breaks have you had in your lifetime? None Who last grabbed your ass? Probably the guy in Panama grabbed my butt at some point but I don’t remember specifically

Do you have any gay family members? Not that I’m aware of Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? Mango. And I keep seeing other people in the street wearing this shirt and being surprised as if it’s not mass produced and sold in at least 7 stores in this city Do you feel like everything is falling apart around you? No Was your first kiss romantic? Uhh I guess it was at the time Do you know anybody whose last name is a color? Half of my last name is a colour What are you most likely to go to jail for? Probs murder. Go big or go home. Do you ever feel like life is going by too fast? Sometimes Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? A guy from Madrid who stayed with me for a weekend Is there someone that always intimidates you? Most likely, but I can’t think of anyone off the top of my head Have you ever liked anyone that was in a relationship with someone else? At some stage, probably Would you ever get a boob job? A reduction is almost a certainty in my future. I got my mum’s genes, so my tiddies ain’t ever gonna stop growing. Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? I don’t think the time with any of my previous partners could actually be considered a relationship. The last fling ended mutually but damn he was pissed at me. Do you ever ignore texts from some people? No Have you ever tried to break up anyone because YOU liked the guy/girl? No, of course not When is the last time you felt left out? A little towards the end of my trip in central america because I got the feeling that several people in the group didn’t like me. But that was because I’d been lying to their faces for 2 weeks and they pretty much knew it so, y’know, I totally understood. And tbh it was worth it because I was still getting laid ;) When was the last time you flirted with someone? Panama What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? At least one of them is bi. That was fun though because we could bond over cute dudes we saw in public. Would you ever take someone back if you found out they cheated on you? Depends on the situation What does your last text message say? "It's only intense on the news. IRL everything is the same as ever aside from a few protests here and there” (fb message but whatever. I haven’t sent a text in almost a year) What color is your hair right now? Brown Do people ever compliment your eyes? Actually there was this one dude working in a cornerstore in Cartagena. I went in to buy a couple of empanadas before I went to the bus station and asked him which ones were chicken, beef etc. He asked if I spoke spanish and I said yes a little and he said something I didn’t quite get so I asked him to repeat it. He was like (in spanish) “you have beautiful eyes.” I was more surprised than anything because I was expecting him to say, “This one is beef” Do people ever tell you that you’re funny? Sometimes Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? No How many people has your best friend had sex with? idk. Less than me I think What’s the last song you listened to? No idea. I don’t play music at home usually Who’s the last person that hung up on you? Several people I called from that telemarketing job Four days from now, will you have sex? On wednesday? I doubt it Do you look intimidating? I have been told that I do. What does your second to last text say? The second most recent message sent to me says “that’s what she said amirite” What makes you laugh? Many things. What were you most looking forward to today? Nothing in particular How is your hair? In need of a cut at some point When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? A few months ago Are you worried about anything right now? Finding a job before I run out of money and have to go back to Australia How do you think tomorrow will be? The same as today Is there a guy who knows everything or almost everything about you? I have a couple of close male friends who know a lot about my life If you could pack your bags right now and were given a plane ticket, where do you go? Costa Rica How far away are you from the person you have feelings for? From spain to costa rica haha Your last ex calls wanting to hangout, what do you say? Well actually I think he is in town this weekend but he made it very clear that he doesn’t want to see me. tbh I don’t really care either way Where were you at 2 this morning? In bed scrolling through facebook on my phone Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name started with a K? I don’t think so Have you accidentally sent a text to the wrong person? Yes and it was me bitching about him. Last time you were TOTALLY happy? When I was travelling. I’m pretty much always happy when I’m travelling. Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I could but I’m not going to. Is there anything currently hurting on your body? No Ever kissed someone with green eyes? No idea. I don’t pay much attention to eye colour When you are home alone, do you still close the door when you shower? Yes because it keeps the bathroom warm and steamy Are you mad at anyone right now? No Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable level. I don’t like loud music unless I’m trashed at a club. A couple of months ago I was shopping and I walked into this one store and immediately turned around and left because the music was too loud and that’s when I realised I’m an actual adult. Have you held hands with anyone in the past 30 hours? Not unless you count a handshake as briefly holding hands. How often do you sleep in? Every day. I got nothing to do in the morning Will you be in a relationship next month? Doubt it Do you stay up later than ten o’clock on a week night? Yes because I got nothing to do in the morning Who’s the last person you told a secret to? I don’t think many things in my life are actually secret Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probably not Would you rather have big or small dogs? Medium Will you cry tonight? I don’t really ever cry Do you have respect for people even if you don’t like them? I can, depending on the person What’s one fruit you love in drinks? Lemon Have you ever tried wine? Yeah. I’m not a wine person but I’ve still been drunk off it a couple of times. In your life, do you plan on visiting other countries? Well in the last 3 years I’ve been to 11 countries and I definitely plan on going to plenty more. Is there an ex you want to make up with? Ehh, If I went back to australia I’d probably hit up the ripped guy but not for an actual relationship, just casual.

Does cuddling freak you out? Why would it? How much time do you take to get ready in the morning? about half an hour Do you love where you live? It’s honestly such a cool city. It’d be better if I had friends here to do things with, but I still like it even though I’m alone. Will your next kiss be drunk or sober? Knowing me, probably drunk Do you wear high heels everyday? I haven’t worn anything resembling a heel in about 5 years Are you an aunt or an uncle? No and I think my brother is about as likely to have kids as I am. Mum knows that she’s very unlikely to ever become a grandmother. Were you texting someone right before you fell asleep last night? Yeah, a couple of people Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today? How many? 3 messages from one guy, and like 50 from a group chat. I woke up every now and then from the vibration of my phone under my pillow and had to mute the notifications for an hour Are you happy? I’m content, I guess Are you an alcoholic? Depends who you ask haha Can you go a day without thinking about the person that’s on your mind now? Not at the moment, no. Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? Yes. Does anyone know every little detail about you? There’s a few people that know many details about me What’s one thing you really want right now? More money Who was the last person you took a picture with? Some people from the office. Y’know, the one that I don’t work at anymore Did anything “cute” happen today? No. I haven’t left my apartment Are you wearing shoes right now? No Have you ever just laid outside and looked at the stars? I have. It’s very peaceful outside of the cities. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? No. I was going to get a tattoo a couple of years ago but I couldn’t pin down the tattoo artist because he kept being busy and moving between studios and then I kinda just lost interest. But if I got a tattoo now it would still be that same design Do you smile everyday? Yes Who are you more like, mom or dad? I look more like my dad but my personality and interests are a lot more like my mum. My brother is the exact opposite. Could you date someone shorter than you? I have. But I probably wouldn’t do it again. Where do you wish you were right now? Travelling Have a crazy side? Oh yeah Something you do a lot? Sleep 

What is your natural hair color? Brown How many people have you kissed? idk probably 20-something. I have a tendency to make out with people when I’m drunk

Ever kissed someone you weren’t dating at the time? Most of them Ever kissed someone you’d met less than an hour before? Sure have Were any of them in relationships with someone else at the time? Yes but it was a party game and they were both there and cool with it How old was the oldest person you’ve kissed? In their 30s How young was the youngest person you’ve kissed? Maybe 2 years younger than me Ever been kissed by a legal adult when you were a minor (or vise-versa)? No. Ever been walked in on while you were making out with someone? I don’t think so Weirdest place you’ve kissed someone? (geographically, not physically) I don’t think so, nowhere unusual. Just like car, club, empty spare room at a friend’s house Ever kissed someone and had someone else get really mad about it? Not that I recall Ever stopped kissing someone because they had bad breath? No, but I have slightly avoided kissing when I know we both have morning breath Ever not known the name of someone you kissed? Yep Ever kissed someone on a dare/as part of a game? Yep Kissed someone you didn’t really like just to make someone else jealous? No Ever had a really horrible kissing experience? haven’t we all Ever been called a bad kisser? No Ever called someone else a bad kisser? Lmao yes Where’s the most public place you’ve ever made out with someone? Club/in line for a club Where’s the most private place you’ve ever made out with someone? Bedroom I guess Ever thought of someone else while you were kissing someone? Probably Do you usually kiss on the first date? Tbh I’ve normally boned them before they’ve asked me out. I kinda do things in a backwards order. But I see no issue with kissing on the first date anyway.

[httpskihyun]

22 november 2017

dear kihyun,

my baby!! my angel!! my entire world!! i miss you so so much you don’t even know i’m literally rotting in my seat as i’m typing i’m so anxious and slightly sad but at the same time so in LOVE because of YOU! hhh this is the most informal piece of shit i’ve probably ever gonna write so i might as well make it cringy too 1!!1! firstly i’m incredibly anxious because i go on fucking school camp/hike tomorrow where i’ll spend 5 days climbing mountains with a 20kg+ pack and endless walking each day (apparently the total length is gonna be 60km fml) but whatever :’)) then i’m so sad because i miss your birthday and so many other things i won’t be able to see ur face smiling laughing enjoying your time with everyone else it feels like i’m being stabbed in the heart but i can always watch it when i get back right …

so now let’s take a quick road trip back in time and i’ll try my best to recount how exactly you suddenly became my ult huhuhu … so i started getting into monsta x after newton but i knew you since debut bc my friend is a massive fan of yours so she made me watch some of your stuff haha :D my first bias was hyungwon and i still love him to bits of course! then i had a little existential crisis and practically stanned 4 people at once (at least i’m not ashamed of admitting it /coughs) and most recently before you it was hoseok! i still love him too but i reckon it was rewatching all the music videos and hearing your gorgeous gorgeous voice soothe my mind and my heart … you kinda just dragged me into a never ending pit of Kihyun but i feel kinda proud i fell into your trap before dramarama like everyone else did hahaha :’’’)) alternatively it was your pink hair because i’m a sucker for you being all cute :(( or actually it could’ve been when i discovered the cure to my entire life aka kiho i’m actually trash but ur just so pERFECT NEXT TO HIM HOW

i wish you knew how many times i’ve dozed off in class thinking about you Would You Stop Doing That Please! i’m kidding i think i’m at the point where i’m willing to sacrifice my grades for you HAHA don’t tell my parents but i love you so much? this is crazy?? i’m going crazy??? also this is random but i forgot to talk about your lisp i’m listening to one more step and i keep hearing your lisp and eeee you are the Cutest your lisp is so perfect please don’t look down on yourself for having one because it’s beautiful and it just makes me love you so much more Mister Yoo (i cringed writing that give me a break). you look unbelievably good like a 3 cours- no a 6 course meal i can’t believe i only have like 300 pictures of you on my laptop/phone i must expand my collection vastly hopefully it’ll come with time (also rip my laptop is already out of storage 24/7 the fuck do i do) i gotta say although your pink hair was a killer i love your natural hair colours too especially black and brown and blonde can we just taLK ABOUT STUCK ERA FOR A SECOND i changed my mind i think watching stuck is what transformed me into who i am today who the fuck let you style your hair like that every time i see pictures of That Hair i bust a colossal nut you also know you looked good why was your aim to kill everyone who looked at you??

let’s not forget you cooking oh dear miss emily here has ascended to heaven just thinking about your cooking vlives just you rolling up your sleeve is enough to send my soul into self-destruct mode who the heck let you ever enter the kitchen in the first place i don’t even truST YOU WITH KNIVES you obvious don’t know what you’re doing but you’re so damn cute doing it anyways so i just have to love you god damnit!!! your actually the cutest and so funny too you told everyone to not wear white shirts when cooking but guess what you wore a white shirt in each of your cooking vlives i’ve never wanted to punch you that badly in my entire life jesus christ pLEASE. also never again let minhyuk cook with you a whole onion just doesn’t belong in the spaghetti you assholes.

right so another reason why i look up to you is how you love all the other members! i don’t want to label you as the “mother” of monsta x i mean i see it but at the same time i slightly disagree with it but you just spread so much love every time you smile or hug the other members their faces light up they know you love them and they love you back you’re just so sweet!!! you care for them so much and i’m so grateful i don’t think monsta x would be monsta x without you so thank you for bringing your personality and your unique qualities into the group. don’t change because other people want you to and stay true to who you are because you are wonderful.

one of my biggest regrets is not making the effort to go to kcon aus. i probably could’ve gone … but i didn’t think it would be worth it and in the end it would’ve been hard to find friends who could go anyways. you looked so good that weekend i sincerely hope you had a great time in australia and even consider coming back for a concert if you’re planning any tours in the upcoming years! i swear to god just hearing concert experiences from friends makes me cry on the inside they all tell me you’re tiny irl and i’m tiny too but i can’t imagine you being too small but again you always seem to prove me wrong so i guess the only way to find out and fulfil my curiosity would be to see you in real life and i would definitely attend any concert you’re in man i wish i were lying when i say i would work every bit of my body off to pay for vip tickets and whatever else just so i can see you in real life. i already know my new years resolution for 2018 and that’s gonna be to get a fucking job, see monsta x live in concert and lasting continuing loving you until my heart explodes :)) your smile is so so beautiful my heart flutters every single time i see it it’s always the highlight of my day please continue to throw back your head and laugh it means so much that you’re happy! just the way your flash your teeth all the time and it’s so perfect and your tiny nose scrunch is the cuteST YOU’RE A BABY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

i hope you get treated like the prince you are on your birthday and get lots of gifts and love because you deserve the most!! i’m so proud of you baby!!! when you go through hard times be optimistic even though it’s hard, but the end result will be worth it! please continue to love yourself and take care of yourself, your health and happiness is most important to me so please keep it up! you’re never gonna read this but if you ever come across kihyun antis kindly tell them to Back The Fuck Off or i will go over there myself and season their eyelids with salt and pepper ((: stay true to yourself, never give up (i know you won’t) and keep spreading your beautiful kindness! you’re the best man i’ve ever come across in my life and it’s honestly no longer a joke i love the shit out of you you occasionally rip my heart into pieces but that’s totally okay because in the end you manage to mend the pieces back together again <3 thank you so so much for existing it’s cheesy i know but my future just became so so brighter with you in it i won’t ever leave you i promise!! i’ll be here to support you whether the matter be small or enormous i love you my head is spinning i’m going to meet you i can feel it i’m gonna pour all my love onto you when i do and you’re going to be like What The Fuck who is this creep but i really hope it at least puts a smile on your face. i love you i love you i love you i hope you have the most wonderful birthday and i’m still punching myself because i’m the worst person ever because i’m missing it. i’ll be thinking of you on the 22nd, please be safe and stay lovely until then, i love you so much.