#the good thing abt the internet is that you /can/ actually curate who interacts with you

[first-only]

Do you have any advice for somebody who wants to reveal the fact that they are problematic on their main, but is really scared to do so?

I want to just live my truth and not care anymore, but the thought of losing people who I thought were my friends, and the thought of receiving a lot of harassment, scares me a lot. It's not like I'm completely pure on my main, I mean my AO3 is literally filled with incest, but it is possible that a lot of people who follow me haven't caught on yet. I know I shouldn't care about anti's clout, but this is the only place where I actually get complements on my art (even if they're not that many) and it's hard to have to possibly say goodbye to those praises and interactions.

But I'm just tired. I have so much stuff I want to post, that I'm scared to. There's a big twincest Au I have, that I really want to draw and write for! But I've put it off for so long in fear of what people will think of me.

I know their opinions don't matter, and I do know a couple of my friends who are secretly just as problematic as me and wont leave. I just, I dunno, I'm scared, antis and current fandom scare me a lot

Sorry if this was a bit rambly

I dont really think the people who would harass and call you out are real friends. And honestly, i dont think their compliments really... matter? Like i understand that getting positive feedback on your art feels amazing, and im probably the minority in that, but honestly? I would rather get no response than compliments from people whose opinions dont matter to me, or i actively try to avoid seeing even a glimpse of their takes. How did that saying go.. dont take criticism from people who you wouldnt ask advice from?

As for being scared of negative attention, I just block liberally and either insta delete or troll-answer bait-y asks. I feel like the anti/harassment threat is.. a tiny bit overfeared by some people. Yes, of course some people get a lot of hate and bait but usually you get a few asks, block them, and never hear it again until you have to block someone else a month later and thats the last of it. Yes some people get a /lot/ of attention but they're usually popular or are targeted specifically by someone (often on personal accounts rather than just being internet randos to each other)

If you want to reveal that you dont buy into anti bullshit gently, i'd rec just reblogging a few anti-harassment posts. Then maybe a few of a ship thats on the edge of "problematic." Then maybe a popular think-about-it anti-purity culture post (gaud has one thats very well and gently put). I mean i guess thats the safest route to like.... serving it slowly and letting people jump ship at their level of comfort? I mean, personally i would just post them twins fucking and enjoy the idea of people outraging (with the finger on the block button lol) but if you're not comfortable with that, maybe a soft boil would be easier.

And please remember, anti side is /not/ the default. It's /not/ the majority. I would personally not even call it 'real' fandom, its just the like plato's allegory of the cave of fandom, where the normies (for lack of a better term) saw us having fun and decided to join but then try and trample on our culture.

If you post your art someone will like it. A lot of people will love it. There are many many of us freaks and fandom olds who would greatly enjoy to see you free of the mainstream idea of fandom and would love to follow you and have fun together. Even if you lose the antis you will gain the essentials and those bonds will be stronger and not hinge on not saying the 'wrong' word ever.

also like if you post that twincest tag me pls i love me some <3

#ask #tagging properly for once so maybe anon will have an easier time finding this on my mess of a blog #the good thing abt the internet is that you /can/ actually curate who interacts with you #theres no real need to delete blogs and hide away and gather clout #you can be out and proud and find your own people and just.. block the rest #of course not everyone can handle harassment coolheadedly but i do feel like if you realize that the person sending it has no real power #its easier to gain confidence and manage to ignore it

[bogkeep]

hi i saw your post abt self harm on the internet and i was wondering if you could expand on that!! im not sure i get entirely your point or what you would consider discourse in in regards to that and id genuinely like to understand what u mean because im not sure im looking at this through the right lense

okay, i’m going to make an attempt! i can tell from the tags people write that a lot of people relate or understand what i mean, but if you don’t? that’s okay, and maybe good even, especially if it means you’re taking good care of yourself.

so what i mean is like… when you do something; when you open a social media site or look something up, what will you get out of it? what’s the input going to your head and heart? how will it make you feel? and this isn’t a rhetoric question like “obviously it will make you feel bad” because there’s a lot of good things on the internet - interacting with friends and acquaintances, learning things and sharing perspectives, looking at art and getting inspired, looking at cute cat pictures, etc. we have so much information and media at our fingertips’ reach!! and it’s a double edged sword. because you can like inject all these good things directly into your brain, but you can ALSO inject a lot of bad things into your brain, too. like it’s really easy to look up things that trigger you in any way, and sometimes you might not even know something is triggering you. i don’t know if you’ve ever had that like, curiousity to check something out that you’re better off not knowing, but you do it anyway, because you CAN so why NOT. because we can!!! we can access everything so easily!! like people twenty years ago could not look up their exes on five different social medias and keep up with their lives. it’s wild how we can know what’s happening basically all over the world pretty much the instance it happens. having to care about the fate of the entire world is some superhero angst shit. you’re just one person and you’re alive and you’re going to like, be here for a while, so please take some deep breaths ya feel. but also the world is in a pretty dreary state right now so like. it’s rough. it really is!

and i’m not saying we should all avoid everything that hurts us all the time and put ourselves in bubbles or anything. hurt is gonna happen. the world is gonna be rough. but also, set boundaries for yourself. DON’T look up your exes. you don’t HAVE to know all the news constantly, and you’re not a bad person for taking a break to live your life. if you struggle with body image, looking at heavily curated and edited instagram selfies and comparing yourself to it is really just hurting yourself over and over. so i am specifically talking about the boundaries you hold to *yourself*. just because we CAN do anything and keep up with everything, it’s not…. a good thing to do. there’s just TOO much. a lot of the time i hear people condemn entire sites like twitter or tumblr for being toxic cesspools where only X and Y happens, and like, yeah, some of these criticisms are valid, but it’s also ENTIRELY possible to curate your internet experience. unfollow blogs that stress you out or circulate content or comments you find toxic or don’t like the attitude of. blacklist tags. etc. it’s easy to feel like there’s only this or that kind of blogs out there, but that’s not true. the internet is so full of different people, and there’s bound to be content out there that will make you happier if you need it.

so, in regards to discourse, i’m not referring to a certain discourse - i’ve been on tumblr for what, six years now? discussions come and go, and a lot of the time there’s been a lot of genuinely constructive conversations and discussions! but a lot of discussions out here seem to evolve into something much less constructive. some discussions just don’t GO anywhere, neither side actually wants to listen or change their opinion, people forget there’s another human being on the other side, and it’s just… at some point it’s like people forget what they’re trying to ACHIEVE by doing what they’re doing. some people are just taking out their anger and frustration on the internet. there’s a lot of infighting between marginalized groups - especially the lgbtq+ community, because we’re all hurting and scared and have so many life experiences from all around the world, a lot of us are really young, and it’s. it’s hard! it’s so hard sometimes. and the thing is, a lot of the discourse on internet becomes like, layers upon layers, and what makes sense when you’re on five layers on tumblr is NOT necessarily applicable in real life. sometimes it like… becomes the equivalent of an academic text where you have to go through an education to even understand the terms that are being used. like, personally? sometimes i see discussions i don’t have the heart to partake in myself anymore, and i don’t understand what’s being said at all. and honestly that’s such a relief to me. that’s not to say partaking in discussions is inherently bad! it can be really good! but for me, i can’t do it anymore. my personal experience was trying to act in good faith and be open to learn and change and i kept replying to someone who refused to listen to anything i said, and instead kept attacking me. it was like repeatedly flinging myself against a wall. the impulse to have a constructive discussion with everyone who disagrees with me on my own post is *there*, but it’s not worth it for me, because the stress and time and energy i inflict on myself for the sake of a complete stranger who does NOT have my best interests at heart…. yeah. no. consider if you *really* need to die on that hill. it’s okay to walk away.i don’t know if this will help or if it’s still too nebulous. it’s mostly about what choices you make and considering what you’re trying to achieve, and whether your actions are actually reflecting that, or if you’re just causing yourself pain and frustration. the concept of emotional self harm (especially through internet) has been put forth by several people, but some sources that have like, helped me formulate this whole thing has been- contrapoints video about incels - the podcast ‘just break up’- the podcast ‘conversations with people who hate me’

#it's 2am so i'm not going to proofread this right now sorry #apologies if this is late i was working today #fagheart #a lot of my personal experience comes from being autistic and compulsive obsessive #compulsions and internet are a horrible combination #those first times people in the internet attacked me under the guise of conversation??? #haha why not compulsively read their blog every day for weeks!!!!!! HHHHHHHHHh no do NOT do that #too long for twitter