#the idolverse fics will continue on schedule!

[magicshopaholic]

New Fic Alert

Okay, so for those of you who remember, I was working on a Top Gun: Maverick AU a few months ago, one I was super super excited about because the fic practically wrote itself in my head as I watched the movie. While my primary focus has always been the Idolverse, this AU really helped with my bouts of writer's block and was overall really fun to design and write.

I was going to wait until the whole fic was complete to post it, but now it's pretty clear that it'll be too long for just one, so I'm considering posting it as a three-part series. The first one is done and just needs one round of basic editing - the rest will be written alongside my regular fics.

I know Top Gun, despite being a cult classic, is a bit of a niche AU (but then again, so are OC fics). It's still a passion project for me, though, so even if it's not really your cup of tea, I hope you guys will give it a shot. <3

#the idolverse fics will continue on schedule! #but i needed to write angsty bromance shirtless beach football playing bangtan before i exploded #personally vv excited #first part will be up soon-ish #au: top gun

[here4theheartbreak]

Serious Discussions (LotP ch.11)

Relationships: Bangchan x Changbin     Genre: smut | angst w/ a happy ending | werewolf au   Rating: Explicit     Chapter Word Count: ~4.9k   Tags (not all tags apply to all chapters; these are full fic tags): DD:DNE, Smut,  Friends to Lovers, Werewolf AU, Angst w/ a happy ending, Fluff, Werewolf Bang Chan, Idolverse, Minor Violence, Side Pairing Felix/Minho, Bickering, Bottom Changbin, Top Chan, Werewolf Smut, Knots

Summary: Secrets are hard to keep from those we love. This was a fact that Chan  knew all too well. He loved his members and he shared every piece of  himself with them - except the biggest, and most vital. Chan was cursed.  ​   A/N: Fic will be updated Monday/Tuesdays as schedule allows; Please note that fic will include smut while member is in wolf form; he is still sentient and able to communicate, which is the reason for the dead dove tag; please do not proceed if not comfortable with this.       Read on AO3! | Read on Asian Fanfics

“Are you sure about this?” Chan asked. Minho nodded, squeezing Felix’s hand.

“Yeah, we’re ready.”

“Okay. I got your back.” Chan said.

Minho dropped Felix’s hand and pushed open the bedroom door. The rest of the group was scattered in the main living area of the dorm, splayed over furniture and on the floor. Chan had called a group meeting earlier that day at Felix and Minho’s prompting.

“What’s up?” Changbin asked, wiping chip crumbs from his mouth as Seungmin yanked the bag from his lap.

“Nothing bad,” Chan assured them, walking around and leaning on the wall near where Felix and Minho stood. “We have some good news,” he said.

Minho smiled at him gratefully before looking at the group. “So, I’m sure some of you have figured it out, but… We wanted to do this right and say that Felix and I have been dating for a while. Um... And we’re going to tell the company today.”

“Tell us something we didn’t know, huh?” Seungmin said, grinning.

“Did you… All know?” Felix asked, laughing gently.

Everyone nodded except Jeongin, who scowled. “I might be oblivious but… Really?” He laughed. “That’s so cool! Congrats, guys.”

Felix laughed, nodding. “Thank you, Jeongin.”

“About damn time you guys came out. We got sick of dancing around the topic,” Jisung said, pouting as he spoke.

“Well we knew you knew.”

“But I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone.”

“How do you think the company is gonna take it?” Hyunjin asked. Felix shrugged.

“We don’t know really. I hope they’ll be okay with it. Chan is gonna be there with us to sort of back us up.”

“We can be too, we’ve got your back,” Jisung said. The others gave their own assent, nodding. Felix and Minho both smiled, and Chan saw their shoulders drop as they relaxed. He stepped forward, wrapping one arm around each of them.

“I told you it’d be fine, see?” He said, squeezing them in a half hug. “I’m proud of you guys. You’re really good together.”

“Do you think you’ll come out to fans someday?” Jeongin asked.

“Someday, we’d like to,” Minho answered. “But not right now. There’s too much going on in the world with equal rights problems and fighting, here and internationally – it’d be too much risk for our group, and ourselves. It’s just safer right now to stay quiet.”

“We’d support you if you wanted to, you know,” Changbin said. He met Chan’s gaze, his mouth curling up in a small smile before continuing. “When, or if, you decide to go public. We’ll all have your back just as loud as we do now. Remember that.”

“We know,” Felix said. “You’re all good friends.”

“Better be more than just friends after the horror I’ve seen in your bedroom,” Jisung said, pouncing up from the couch. He grabbed Felix away from Chan and Minho, holding his neck and nuzzling his jaw even as Felix cried out and struggled.

“Oh God, what horror?” Hyunjin asked.

“The number of times I’ve walked in on these two doing the dirty, I need bleach,” Jisung lamented.

“It was like twice,” Minho said, rolling his eyes. “And once it wasn’t even that bad, you barely saw anything.”

“I saw enough!”

“Dude, lock your door when you do that,” Seungmin said.

“We’ve started to now!” Felix said, his voice shaking as Jisung dragged him to the floor. The members all began to talk at once, shouting to be heard over each other as they conversed back and forth. Chan squeezed Minho’s shoulder, smiling when their eyes met. He nodded and Minho returned it, touching his hand in a silent show of thanks.

Changbin eased his way through the group chaos, setting his hand on Chan’s arm. “Can we talk alone?” He asked, nearly pressing his mouth to Chan’s ear to be heard. Chan nodded. He let Changbin pull him into the hallway where the group’s noise was slightly muffled.

“You okay?”

“I’m good. I just got to thinking with this… Do you ever want to come out? To the group, the company… Everyone?”

“Yeah, I do.” Chan admitted. He leaned against the wall. “My mom knows now, obviously, and I think I’m going to tell my dad and siblings when I visit next. They deserve to find out in person.”

Changbin nodded. “I told my sister the day after we rented the hotel room.” He smiled softly. “She yelled at me.”

“For what?”

“Taking so long.”

Chan smiled softly. Changbin took his hand, lacing their fingers together a moment before releasing. “You told me that night that you were trying to figure out how to talk to me about something. But you didn’t ever bring it up again. I haven’t forgotten… I’m getting a little worried, honestly. It’s been a month.”

Chan nodded. “I know, it has been. I keep trying to find a good time to talk about it, but things keep coming up. I’m sorry I’ve worried you.”

“Let’s talk tonight. Not a date night or anything, but just you and me, lock the door and sit down and have a good talk about it. It’s something that’s important to you, I can tell.”

“It is. Just hard to put into words for… Humans.”

“Well, try. I’ve been able to understand other stuff, right? We’ll talk more tonight about it.”

“You have. We will.” He pecked Changbin lightly on the mouth and headed back into the main sitting area, narrowly dodging Jisung, who’d lunged across the floor to catch a pillow that Felix had thrown at him.

 ***

 Though Chan had spent the past month trying to figure out the easiest way to explain things to Changbin, anxiety still spiked through him when Changbin knocked on his door that evening. “I’m good!” He called, pulling his headphones down around his neck.

Changbin stepped in, shutting the door. He held up a bag. “I brought snacks.”

Chan smiled softly. “You’re a life saver.” He pulled the headphones off and saved his work, rising and stretching. His back popped audibly, and Changbin hissed.

“Jesus, you sound a hundred years old; have you gotten up from your desk in the past three hours?”

Chan glanced at his phone. “Not in the past five, actually.”

Changbin groaned. “Christ, Christopher Bang, you are going to end up decrepit before you’re thirty. Come on.” He shoved the bag into Chan’s chest. “If you wear yourself into another cold, I’m afraid your mom is going to call mine and tell her I’m not taking care of you right. And then they’ll both be yelling at us, is that what you want?”

Chan laughed brightly at Changbin’s dramatic – albeit not too far off – concerns. “Fine, fine. I’ll eat. I just need a drink.”

“Get me a water?” Changbin asked, flopping onto the bed.

“What happened to taking care of me?”

“I’m making you walk. Which you clearly need to do after five hours in that seat. How is your ass not numb?”

“Bold of you to think it’s not,” Chan joked as he stepped out of the room. He jutted his chin to Jisung at the kitchen island.

“What’s up?”

Chan shook his head. “Nothing. Tomorrow I’m gonna want your help with a track I’ve been putting together, I think it needs something more.”

“Sure. Want me to now? Changbin threatened my life if I went into your room for the next like two hours though.”

“Yeah, no, we’ve got a conversation to have, need privacy.”

“Conversation?” Jisung teased, making air quotes with his fingers. “Should I put headphones in?”

“Not that kind of conversation,” Chan laughed. “A relationship one, but nothing that’s gonna scar you.”

Jisung’s smile faded a bit. “You two are okay, right?”

“Yeah,” Chan nodded. He glanced toward the bedrooms. “We’re really… Really good actually,” he admitted. “This isn’t a bad conversation. Just sort of figuring out our future.”

“You two gonna announce it? To the group, or company?”

“Soon, probably. That’s part of tonight’s conversation, among other things.”

Jisung pouted then, his face scrunching up and making him look a decade younger. “It’s not fair,” he whined.

“What isn’t?”

“All my friends are getting boyfriends.”

“Do you want a boyfriend, Hannie?” Chan teased.

“I do!” He stomped his foot and smiled then. “I do. But I’m waiting until the right person comes by. I’m happy for you guys.”

“You’ll find someone, Jisung.” Chan reached out, squeezing his shoulder. “You deserve it.”

“Thanks. I’ll come bug you tomorrow morning before practice for that song.”

“Sounds good.” Chan nodded in agreement. He headed to the kitchen and grabbed waters, nodding once more to Jisung before slipping back into his bedroom and shutting the door firmly.

Changbin was sitting cross-legged on his bed, typing out something on his phone.

“You didn’t have to threaten death on our friend to keep him out of the room, Bin,” Chan scolded with no venom.

“Worked, didn’t it?” Changbin asked, not looking up from his phone.

Chan sighed heavily, shaking his head. He settled onto the bed, passing Changbin a bottle of water and opening the bag he’d brought in. He rolled down the bag so it sat upright and placed it between them. “So, today was eventful.”

“How did it go with the uppers anyways?” Changbin set his phone on the shelf behind Chan’s bed. “You three were kinda mum on it after you left the meeting.”

“It wasn’t the worst,” Chan said, shrugging. “They weren’t super pleased but they didn’t say they couldn’t.”

“Would you have let them anyways?”

“Not a chance. I told them I’d have their back, I meant it. Ultimately the company let it go. Of course, the normal restrictions, don’t let anyone find out, deny, deny, deny, make sure to put space between you two when there’s cameras, stuff that we expected.”

“Could have been worse,” Changbin agreed. “Did Minho and Felix think it went well?”

Chan nodded, chewing the snack mix he’d thrown into his mouth. “Yeah,” he said, “they were pretty happy with how it went. I think they’re relieved that it’s all out in the open now.”

“Speaking of…” Changbin drifted off, picking at the label on his water. “Getting things out in the open…”

“Right.” Chan cleared his throat. He took a swig of his water, his anxiety creeping back in. “So, I’ve been trying to figure out how to explain this for a month and I’m still not quite sure how to manage it so… Please just… Let me try to get it all out, okay?”

Changbin nodded. He leaned back on the bed, bracing pillows behind his back. “I’m listening.”

Chan chewed his lip for a moment, playing with a loose thread on his blanket. “Okay, so… Wolves like me… We’re not really human. Obviously we look human but… We’re not exactly.”

Changbin chuckled and nodded. “Got that from the furball on my lap last month,” he joked.

Chan smiled kicking him lightly. “So, because of that, sometimes humans and wolves like me don’t line up fully in terms of… Relationship needs. My kind need more than humans can provide.”

“Like what?”

“I didn’t think it would be a big deal,” Chan said, avoiding the question. “I didn’t think my wolf would care, since you’re already so perfect for us. For me.”

“But there’s something I’m lacking,” Changbin said softly.

“No!” Chan shook his head. “Not lacking. You really are amazing. And I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

“But your wolf would.”

Chan grimaced. “It’s not like that. He just… Wants a little more from you.”

Changbin lowered his gaze. Chan’s heart squeezed painfully. If he wasn’t careful with his words, he could end up breaking Changbin’s heart and ruining what they had.

“Wolves need packmates. To run with, to hunt and play. I’ve been alone for so long that I didn’t think it would matter, I got used to it, but there’s been this nagging urge since we made love the first time for more, for that pack bonding. And you just…”

“I can’t do that,” Changbin filled in softly. “Because I’m just a human.”

Chan closed his eyes. “Please don’t be upset.”

“Well I can’t help it, Chan!” Changbin cried, looking up quickly. “I want to be everything for you, I want to be there for you and your wolf and it’s not enough, but I can’t change what I am. You wouldn’t consider it anyways, even if I told you I wanted to think about changing.”

“I don’t want you to change,” Chan pleaded. “But he wants a wolf too. It’s like having two people in my head who want and need different things and I don’t know what to do because I have to handle both but I want you happy.”

“I’m happy with you,” Changbin said, his voice cracking. “If that means letting you turn me… It’s something that’s not off the table.”

Chan’s wolf perked up immediately, his heart skipping a beat. Chan pushed down the joy, shaking his head. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I’m an adult. I’m not saying you need to do it right this second, but Chan, I know what you are. I’m not naiive. I know you aren’t human and I know that we’ll never last if I can’t experience that part of you.”

“Don’t say that, we could—”

“This conversation shows we likely won’t. Relationships are a give and take, right?”

Chan nodded.

“And you – it’s like being in a relationship with two people, instead of just one. Which is fine, I love that about you, and your wolf is just as important to me as this part of you. I can give to you, in this form. Our talks, our work, touching, fucking. But I haven’t given much of that to your wolf.”

“And what do we give you?”

“A lot more than you realize, you fucking idiot.” Changbin smiled a bit as he spoke. He sighed. “Look, don’t treat me like a child with this. Say what you need, what he needs. Tell me how it works. And let me decide, let me make that decision.”

Chan chewed the inside of his cheek, considering Changbin’s words. He nodded. “I don’t need any more than what you are now. But my wolf wants a mate. He wants to feel you in the way I already do. He wants someone to run in the forest with and someone he can wrestle with without fear of breaking bones or tearing skin. He wants a mate he can… Fuck—Without worrying about hurting.”

“And a wolf can be that for him.”

Chan nodded. Changbin set the snack bag on the shelf. “You know,” he said softly, moving closer to Chan. “He doesn’t have to be gentle with me now. I know I can’t give him everything he wants, but… When I said I’d let him fuck me, I meant it.” He braced his palms on Chan’s knees, leaning forward and brushing their lips together. “I’m more than happy to strip down next month… Drop on all fours… Let him show me just how a wolf fucks.”

Chan’s eyes fluttered shut, his mouth falling open involuntarily as he drew in a quick breath. “Changbin—”

“It excites him, doesn’t it?” He murmured. He brushed his lips over Chan’s cheek and down his neck, biting gently. “Do you wanna fuck me? Hm? Be a good boy and pin me down?”

Chan whined softly. He knew exactly what part of him Changbin was talking to, and the wolf was reacting. He shivered, grabbing Changbin’s wrists.

“You don’t want to tease right now, Binnie,” he growled.

Changbin met his eyes, smirking. “I see the wolf in there. Just below the surface. He’s come forward more often, you know. Lately.”

“It’s because of you,” Chan huffed. He pushed Changbin back easily, crawling onto him and laying over him. He squeezed Changbin’s wrists and brought them up, pinning them above his head. “You constantly tease him.”

Changbin leaned up, brushing his mouth over Chan’s. “I want him to fuck me, Chan. I want to feel it. Blowjobs are fine, but I wanna feel his cock inside me, feel that power, that strength I know you have. Will you?”

Chan gritted his teeth, willing his wolf to settle. He nodded. “I will. He will.”

Changbin kissed Chan hard, their teeth hitting striking uncomfortably. Chan laughed, pulling back to adjust their lips as he slipped his tongue into Changbin’s mouth. He lowered his hips down, allowing their crotches to rub together as they made out.

Changbin spread his thighs, planting his feet on the bed and beginning to grind his cock against Chan’s. He moaned into his mouth, fighting Chan’s grip on his arms. “Now who’s teasing?” Changbin growled against his mouth.

Chan pulled back, smirking. “Well, it’s not time for my wolf. So I guess we should just stop here and wait…”

Changbin shifted suddenly, using his strength to throw Chan back. He freed his arms easily and flipped them, pinning Chan with his body. He held his arms at his sides, teeth bared as he looked down at him. “Don’t you dare.” He grumbled.

Chan would never admit it to anyone, but those moments – where Changbin was this close to snapping – those were when his lover was at his most attractive. There was something wild in his eyes when he was pushed this far, something almost… Wolf.

Chan wrestled against his grip, smirking when Changbin resisted, his jaw set.

“You gonna rough me up, Binnie?” Chan teased. “What would the fans say? You being so rough and mean.”

“Fans aren’t here.” Changbin gripped Chan’s wrists almost painfully and pushed his arms above his head. He pressed them together and leaned on them with one hand. Chan moaned at the painful streak of pleasure he felt, his hips twitching up involuntarily.

Changbin smirked. He yanked his own shorts and boxers down around his knees with his free hand, shifting his legs to kick them off. He leaned closer to Chan, snapping his teeth near his face when Chan tried to lean up and kiss him while he rummaged in the nightstand.

He moved back up, leaning his weight on Chan’s wrists once more. With a practiced ease, he flipped open the lid of the lube slipped it into his mouth, pouring a healthy amount onto his fingers. He closed it and dropped it onto the bed before reaching back.

Chan moaned softly when Changbin’s expression changed, his eyes slipping shut, bottom lip disappearing between his teeth. Chan could see the muscles in his arm moving as he fingered himself.

“I could help with that,” Chan tried, his voice coming out far more pleading than he intended.

“Nuh-uh. You don’t get to. This is what you get for teasing,” Changbin panted. He moaned freely, twisting his hips back against his hand.

Chan whined softly, his cock aching as he watched. He struggled against Changbin’s grip, but each move made him press harder, his grip tightening a little more on Chan’s wrists.

After what felt like forever, Changbin moved his hand away from his ass. His fingers were slick with lube. Without waiting for Chan to speak, he grabbed his boxers, pushing the waistband down and reaching in to free Chan’s aching cock. He gasped when the cool air of the room hit it, goosebumps rising over every inch of his skin. Changbin poured more lube over his tip, laughing when Chan hissed at the cold sensation. After spreading it over the length of his shaft, Changbin lined himself up and sank down onto Chan’s cock with a low groan.

Chan pushed his head into the pillow, his mouth falling open in a silent shout at the tight squeeze around his sensitive tip. He bent his knees, using that leverage to thrust up, driving himself a little deeper into Changbin.

Changbin cried out, falling forward. He put his other hand over Chan’s wrists, keeping him pinned even as Chan fucked up into him, his brows furrowed in concentration.

Their lips met in a messy kiss, panting and groaning into one another’s mouths. Changbin began to drop himself down, meeting Chan’s thrusts halfway and burying the length of Chan’s cock deep inside him. Chan could feel his entire body shuddering, each thrust nearing unbearable tightness when Changbin’s ass clenched at the base. His ass was warm and soft, silken smooth against Chan’s cock. The tight channel gave just enough to let Chan push through, squeezing and forming a tight grip around every little curve of his shaft.

“Changbin—“ Chan gasped. Changbin pressed their foreheads together, his eyes squeezed shut.

Chan tugged his wrists, desperate to touch. He whined softly, biting his bottom lip when Changbin’s eyes fluttered open.

“Please— Let me touch—“

Changbin released his arms, planting his hands on either side of Chan’s head. Chan grabbed his ass immediately, squeezing hard.

Changbin laughed breathlessly. “Now who’s the butt hunter?” He gasped.

Chan groaned annoyedly. He slapped Changbin’s ass hard, loving the delightful yelp it earned.

“Not my fault,” he growled, squeezing before slapping it again. “You’re the one working out your ass so it looks like this.”

“Just wanna make sure you have lots to hold while you’re fucking it.”

Chan grinned and slapped it a third time, shivering when Changbin’s ass squeezed tight around his cock.

Changbin leaned up on his knees, bouncing on Chan’s lap. He followed him up, wrapping his arms around his middle. Changbin set his hands on Chan’s shoulders, gazing into his eyes as he rode him. Chan could feel his muscles quivering, his cock dribbling against his belly, all signs he was getting close.

“Wanna come in my mouth?” Chan whispered.

Changbin nodded quickly. He began to thrust faster, burying his face in Chan’s neck as he whined with each deep penetration.

“That’s it, ride me,” Chan grumbled, holding Changbin’s hips lightly. “Your fucking ass is so tight, Binnie, perfect fit for my cock. Squeeze me just like that—“ He gasped.

Changbin swore suddenly. He pulled off Chan’s cock and raised himself up, stroking himself quickly. Chan leaned down, wrapping his lips around Changbin’s tip. He closed his eyes, sucking hard as thick ropes of come began to spurt from it. Changbin grabbed his head, pushing him down a little further as he groaned, his hips jerking with each spurt.

He pulled back when he could pull no more from Changbin. He opened his mouth, letting Changbin see how full of come it was, before swallowing.

“My turn.” He whispered. He lined his cock back up and pushed Changbin’s hip. “Take it.” He demanded. Changbin shouted his name, sinking down on his cock. Chan began to fuck up into his ass, holding his hips.

He chased his own climax, the taste of Changbin’s come in his mouth driving him to new levels of desperation.

“Chan!” Changbin yelped, holding tight to Chan’s shoulders.

“Take my cock, Binnie,” Chan snarled. “Gonna make sure we ruin your ass for anyone. Me and my wolf, only cocks that’ll make you feel good.”

Changbin shuddered hard, whining softly against his neck. “Yes, please— Come in me, please—“ He gasped.

“Almost there, baby, keep taking me,” Chan praised. “So good… Oh Jesus, fuck… Take it Changbin, fuck—“

He slammed Changbin down against his hips, holding him there tightly as he shuddered through his climax. His balls ached with the force of their pulsing, spilling everything deep inside Changbin’s tight channel.

Changbin reached back, gently cupping Chan’s balls and stroking them. “That’s it,” he panted in Chan’s ear. “Give me everything. Every drop, deep in my ass. I can take it, Channie. My ass was made for you and your wolf. Made to take your cock and your knot and hold all your come… Feels so good,” he whined softly.

Chan shivered, squeezing his middle tighter as his orgasm finally began to fade. Changbin didn’t move until his cock slipped out on its own. Then he moved to the side, laying on his belly with his thighs slightly parted. Chan could see a streak of his come on Changbin’s inner thigh, and a surge of pride and possessiveness rushed through him. He wanted to be the only one to mark up Changbin’s beautiful body like this. He laid down and kissed Changbin’s shoulder.

The two laid in silence for a long time, allowing the afterglow to settle into their bones and relax them. Finally, Changbin sighed and rolled over, sitting up. “I’m hungry.” He complained.

“Shocker,” Chan mumbled, flinging his arm over his eyes.

“Aren’t you?”

“I could eat.”

“I’ll order.” Changbin pulled his shorts on and grabbed his phone, scrolling through it. “Requests?”

“Nah, I’ll eat whatever you get.” Chan sat up as well, stretching his aching muscles before pulling on his bottoms as well. “We got a little distracted from our conversation…”

“Just a little.” Changbin grinned. He set the phone aside. “Food’ll be here in about twenty.”

Chan nodded. He settled back onto the pillows with Changbin, their shoulders brushing.

“Changing into a wolf is a big deal. It’s not something to be taken lightly,” he began.

Changbin nodded. “You said it could be dangerous.”

“It can be. If it’s not done right – even sometimes if it is – the human can die. Most human bodies can’t withstand the change.”

“Do you know what causes it? Is it like… Magic?”

Chan chuckled. “I wish. No. Really it’s… Just a parasite. An infection. It gets into our DNA and changes it permanently, but if it doesn’t go into the right DNA parts, it can break it down, essentially destroying a person.”

Changbin grimaced. “That sounds horrific… What are the chances?”

Chan sighed. “Honestly? I’ve only known two bittens… My mom is one, and then a friend of ours in Australia who used to run with us; she was bitten as a young child, which makes sense. The younger you are, the more likely it is to work, because the body can bounce back more easily. But unfortunately most people don’t consider changing until they’re in a situation like my mom was and you are, where they’ve accidentally gotten into a relationship with a wolf.”

“So how does it work? The change, I mean.”

“There’s a couple of ways to do it. The most well-known way is through a bite. But it has to be a very specific location, during the exact full moon, so the second night that I can change, and then my blood needs to be rubbed into the wound. The other option is a little less aggressive. It involves injecting the person with the wolf’s blood. It would need to get into your blood stream – and it would have to be my blood while I was turned on that specific night, when the parasite in my system is at its strongest.”

“Then what? Would it kill me right away? Or… Would we know?”

“We’d know. You’d change within the first few hours. That first change, apparently is… Agony.”

“It looks horrible when you do it, I can’t imagine.” He chuckled. “You know I’m a wuss.”

Chan rested his head on Changbin’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to go through it. I really don’t. I’d never ask you to do something like that.”

“Will you be content in a relationship with me if I don’t?” Changbin asked. “I mean honestly, you said the younger person has a better chance. We’re not all that old, so… Wouldn’t it make more sense to decide to do it now, rather than ten years when your wolf starts to resent me for being human?”

“I’d never.” Chan promised.

“You don’t know that. He already wants more than I can provide. At least somewhat. Sex, being out in the woods, I can do that. But I’m still not a wolf.”

“I don’t care.” Chan grabbed his hand. “Changbin, please don’t make a decision like this based on what you think I want. We can work together to make our relationship work no matter what, okay?”

Changbin chewed his lip. He stroked his thumb over Chan’s knuckles, remaining silent for a long time. “Is there any way to test if it would work before doing it? Mixing our blood outside of our bodies maybe? Seeing a reaction? Do you know?”

Chan shook his head. “I don’t know, actually. My dad might know though. He’s pretty well connected with wolves from all different countries.”

Changbin chuckled. “Werewolf chatroom?”

Chan laughed and nodded. “Honestly yeah, something like that… But that’s a really good question. I hadn’t thought of trying that. I wasn’t going to talk to him about you until I went home on vacation but… I can ask sooner, if you’d like.”

“When’s vacation?”

“Two months.”

Changbin nodded. “We can wait. It’ll give me some time to think it over. You’re right, this is a big decision. And we both deserve time to think on it. I mean… If you turn me… That’s pretty much marrying me, isn’t it? We’d be stuck together.”

Chan smiled softly and nodded. “Kinda. And I don’t know if I wanna have your annoying ass hanging off my hip for eternity.”

Changbin grinned brightly. “Oh you know you do.” He leaned forward and kissed Chan as their doorbell rang. “Our food’s here.” He hopped up, heading out of the room.

Chan sighed softly, watching him go. Though they were only joking, Changbin had been entirely right. He would be more than pleased to be with Changbin forever… It would be a dream come true.

#kvanity #wkcnet #straykidsland #binchan #changbin fic #chan fic #werewolf au #stray kids fic

[littlepanduh-writes-365]

Opinion of RPF

tw// mentions of depression and anxiety

howdy doo everyone~

I’ve been writing and rewriting this letter for the past few days. There are many thoughts that I wanted to include, but I’m constantly worried about the longevity and potential curtness of some topics. I’m also worried that my opinions are going to backlash on me, but I came to the conclusion that in order for me to be a better person and a better writer, I need to accept criticism. I just ask that if you do send me criticism or questions, please be patient and understanding with the response time. I try to handle things sensitively which means I put a lot of thought into my answer and writing. I also admit that I get rattled easily and I want to give you answers when my head is clearer. 

This has been something that’s been on my mind for many years actually. It’s caused me to stop reading and writing many times. At this point, it’s becoming a vicious cycle and I don’t know whether I want to continue it anymore or just give it up and find something else to do. If you’re reading this, I hope you can at least gain insight and understanding because some other authors may have felt this way and if you have the time, I’d appreciate some feedback. I know this document is long, so I’m really thankful if you can bear through it. 

I have been reading and writing fanfiction for about 11 years. I have been writing for k-pop on and off for 7 years now. Although writing has been a great hobby and outlet and the k-pop writing community has proven to be a safe space for me, I still tend to have internal conflicts about the ethics of Real Person Fanfiction (RPF). I have a very long explanation of my philosophy of writing, which I encourage you to read if you read many of my fics, but to break it down, I acknowledge that there’s a lot of responsibility when writing for the k-pop fandom. 

I know these are real-life people and it’s possible that readers might get the wrong idea when reading my fics. I want you to know that when I write my fics, I’m not exactly thinking of that specific person. This sounds kinda horrible because it’s blunt, but when it all boils down, I’m basically just using them as a face claim. It’s easier for me, especially since I write a lot of shorter fics and drabbles, because I don’t have to spend a whole page describing a character, like how authors of books normally do. A lot of what I write comes from personal experiences so I usually think of a plot and then decide which person fits my character. I admit that I do choose characters based off of the idols’ personalities/personas, but I’m not going to hold it against them in real life. I sometimes adjust my character to the “real” personality of the idol, but not so much. I’m pretty sure a lot of k-pop fanfic writers feel this way (and I can imagine readers feel that way too), which is why I encourage you to read the extension of this memo which digs into specific topics, like writing idolverse/”canon” and smut. 

If you are a writer, I hope you have a similar philosophy that respects the people we write about and also reflects on a potential cultural impact you can make. If you are a reader, I hope you take an author’s intentions into account when you are reading. It’s not just writing out a fantasy, but there are thoughts and emotions writers want to express or a lesson to teach. Sometimes people do write just for fun and it’s normally okay, but it varies case by case on whether the intention is appropriate.

Sometimes it is hard to see those intentions, especially when it’s not explicitly written out like this or authors chose to be vague about endings or “what happened last summer” or something like that. Depending on the situation, the uncertainty is a key factor in their style or storytelling, but if you’re uncomfortable about it, you have the right to voice it out. This is why it’s so important to communicate with authors by the means of commenting. Jumping to conclusions is very disrespectful to a writer and that’s not fair for fanfic writers who are doing this for free. Conversations like, “where do you get this idea from?” or “did you mean this when you said that?” clarify the intentions of the author. (If you have a strong opinion or interpretation, you may want to preface in your comment that because you might just come off as rude and taking control over the story.) Many authors might say, “it’s up for any interpretation”, but will give their own insight. In my opinion, if authors don’t give you the time of day or completely shut down your opinions, I understand if you start forming your own opinions. (I don’t believe social media slander is the way to go but maybe appropriate if they ignore the problem.) Depending on the writer, they are busy, so please be considerate of their own personal schedules. Don’t demand a quick response time or a public apology. Reading and writing are supposed to be cathartic and empathy-inducing and distracting and fun. Your opinions are valid. (I have to add on that if you chose to ignore things like trigger warnings and tags, that is on you.)    

You may be wondering, why am I writing this letter? I seem to know my limits. I try not to be a problematic person. It doesn’t seem like my writing is problematic either. I’d like to believe these things, but I recognize that these are all subjective. I am not necessarily going to be completely transparent with you because that’s a whole lot of layers and I don’t want to just force all of that on you, but I will be open with you about things that I’ve already put out. 

I’m predicting that the people who are reading this memo have only been reading my recent works/works I’ve posted on AO3. If you don’t know this, I am also on AFF and tumblr. Although a lot of my stuff (especially the one-shots on tumblr) is pretty lighthearted and surficial, I have written about deeper and darker topics: character death and mourning, cheating, panic attacks, and a pole dancer. I have also included themes of drinking, swearing, and implied sex. These range from passive mentions to having the whole story revolve around that topic. I recognize that these can be uncomfortable themes, which is why I try to relay my intentions and sensitivity through Extended Author’s Notes, content warnings per chapter and tags, taking forever to edit, and writing long responses to comments. I choose to write about these topics because I personally get tired of seeing similar fics and, again, I just need an outlet.

Allow me to address a… hyena in the room (yeah, not an elephant). I don’t usually flash this card, nor do I feel 100% comfortable talking about this, but I’m just going to come clean and say that I suffer from depression and anxiety. No, you don’t need to feel sympathetic or look at my writing differently. Please don’t do that. That’s not why I’m telling you this. I mostly want to say that, yes, I have these mental illnesses, but I also acknowledge that it doesn’t excuse any toxic behavior. I have written when my anxiety-induced insomnia gets to me or when I’m having a particularly low week. I try to edit when I’m more stable, but again, that’s pretty subjective. I try so hard to cope properly and I do use other methods besides writing. I talk to my friends to make sure I don’t isolate too much. I’ve ventured into music and dance. Admittedly, things have been harder with this pandemic. I’m not a perfect person and I admit that I slip up every once in a while. You might see it in my writing. Sometimes, I’m rereading a paragraph for the 12th time and I’ll be completely jaded over the intensity of the emotions I wrote 3 months ago because it comes to the point that I’m just looking at words. The words that I wrote at 2AM after a self-loathing day seem completely different two weeks later after a deep talk with my best friend. One day, it’ll hurt me, and the next, it’ll mean nothing. I’m not sure how it’ll affect you. I acknowledge that my readers come from different walks of life and different experiences. I want to respect that. If something bothers you, please do not hesitate to communicate with me. 

I know I don’t act like it all the time, especially on Twitter, but I am an adult and I’m trying to handle at least my mental health like an adult. I write about mature topics and as a writer, I recognize that I need to handle the reception maturely as well.

The “best woman of this generation” once said this about her group. “Even if there are good times, there could also be times when you feel disappointed or feel regret or get angry or annoyed… Just do things that you like. Resolve your mood, then come back to Red Velvet… It’s not “always like Red Velvet”. I’d like for your guys to find many, many diverse things to enjoy… I do really want you all to be happy.” I am in no way in the same league as Red Velvet or Ms. Bae Joohyun, but I’d like to keep that humble mentality. You don’t have to support every fic I write. You don’t have to support my entire story. You don’t have to approve of every topic I write about or the messages I relay. (I would like to hear your thoughts, but you are not obligated to do so.) The beauty of these sites is that you can come and go whenever you would like. I get it. Life happens. Things change. Opinions change. You’re valid. If ever you want to come back to my story or maybe finish one that you never continued, you are always welcome to do so.   

I, myself, have stopped reading fics, even if they were good. I’m not just talking about ongoing fics that lost its flare. I’m also talking about completed fics or fics that have over 500 Kudos or were Featured on AFF. Sometimes the topics are too deep. Sometimes, I just need to emotionally prepare myself for an update. Sometimes I lose interest. I’m sure the author might feel a little hurt, but that’s just how life is. I don’t spend a lot of my time reading and writing fics. In the end, I’m going to finish the fics that kept me interested.

Alright, if you’ve made it this far, congratulations. Serious conversation is over (for now). Thank you for your tolerance, patience, and understanding. If you are someone that reads my stories, thank you for your support. If you are someone who enjoys my stories, thank you for your love. With the time that I have, I’m working hard to be a better writer, but most importantly, I’m working harder to be a better person. The k-pop community has been a safe place for me and I want to continue letting it be that way. 

Stay safe and healthy everyone <3 Until next update

Click here to read my in-depth opinions about writing. (Skip to page 4.)

#just needed to get this off my chest #something happened on twitter #and it made me think about writing for kpop #so yeah #hope this gives you some insight #please expect some more writing soon #thank you