#the specific horror of girlhood for me as a transmasc AFAB person meant that the existential horror of being seen as a girl

[andthebeanstalk]

Dear horror youtubers who write video essays explaining and examining extraordinary works of horror that I deeply want to see and understand but will literally never be able to safely watch due to my own trauma - thus providing me with a way to learn from and connect to works of art that would be otherwise forever inaccessible to me,

I love you.

#original #horror #final girl studios #if this youtuber is on tumblr someone should tag her #LOVE the idea of a girl coming of age and becoming monstrous but now obsessed with how they described this movie as #'a girl coming of age and finding that the people AROUND her have become monsters to her' #fucking. brilliant! thank you for giving me a way to learn from and enjoy this movie! i am more sure than ever that i should not watch it! #but i am so grateful to you for giving me such a gift! how wonderful! #that said - folks please be very cognizant of the warnings at the beginning of the video. there were still parts I had to look away from #also it was cathartic experiencing this movie from this POV bc 'the horror of girlhood being validated' is healing tbh #it was HORRIFYING being a little girl who became a teenage girl! and no one seemed to care what girl-children went through! #I mean folks were dismissive of kids in general but teen girls and little girls are like. a Joke to a lot of people. #everything we liked was ridiculed. and our fears held similarly little weight to adults. and yet. The Horror of Girlhood is so Real. #I Can Only Imagine how much more girls of color were dismissed and targeted and dehumanized. #and then you've got the little Trans girls and teens - who were playing The Horror of Girlhood on like. Nightmare Hard Mode. #the specific horror of girlhood for me as a transmasc AFAB person meant that the existential horror of being seen as a girl #meshed with my gender dysphoria in a way I did not have the language for and would not for many years to come #like the internalized misogyny and the gender dysphoria were literally impossible to parse apart. i couldn't tell which was which. #i just knew i HATED being a girl and i wanted it to STOP. and it was mostly because of how people treated girls. #like it probably took me longer to figure out my gender because of that.