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zablife · 10 months

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Favorite Ex

Summary: When Carmy’s stress and anxiety rise to unprecedented levels, he shuts down and pushes you away. However, you can’t stop thinking about each other.

Author’s Note: Inspired by Maisie Peter’s song “Favourite Ex" and lines from S1, E5 which I've italicized.

Warnings: language, mention of fire, angst, break up, fluffy ending

Shades of orange consumed Carmy’s vision, searing heat hitting his face, neck and arms as flames rose dangerously high from the burners. His hands should have reached for the fire extinguisher instead of remaining by his side, arm hairs singing to oblivion. In that moment he wasn’t sure if he was unable or unwilling to guide himself, but he was well aware it wasn’t normal, this lack of concern for his own well being. As black smoke collected around him, the shifting light danced in his darkened pupils, but he wasn’t present, his thoughts were far away with you.

———————-

The light flickered above the kitchen sink as he watched you fill the coffee pot, the need for caffeine growing after days of getting up before five every day this week. “Carmy, did you pay the electric bill?” you demanded with a huff. You were always short with him recently and he knew he was letting you down, but the days at the restaurant were wearing on him.

Turning back to blow smoke out the window, he rubbed his eyes, trying to recall which bills he’d been able to take care of this month.

“Are you listening to me? They’re gonna cut you off again. I told you last week about the notice,” you said, reaching for the stack of papers piled high on the counter. Unable to find what you were looking for in the chaos, you gave up, placing your fingertips to your temples. “Look, Carmy, I know you wanted me to move here permanently, but I think that was just the grief talking.”

Carm grimaced as he flicked the cigarette butt out the window. “The fuck are you talking about?”

“I mean, you needed someone here with you after Mikey—“ you began, but he cut you off, jumping up from the window and pushing past you to stalk down the hall.

“Don’t do that!” you warned him.

“What?” he muttered as he kept walking.

“That thing you do where you walk away and don’t talk to me for days. I can’t stand it!”

He turned on his heel, facing you with clenched jaw. “Well, what the fuck am I supposed to say when you tell me you’re here out of pity.”

You furrowed your brow at his accusation. “That’s not what I said. I want to be here, but not if you won’t talk to me about what’s going on with you. You just shut me out and I need more!” You’d finally said what had been on your mind for weeks now, too afraid to voice your own needs when your boyfriend was struggling with major life changes.

“Well, I can’t do that,” he shouted. His words were so harsh it felt like a stab to the back. You’d been there for him since he got the call about Mikey and sat with him night after night when he had horrific nightmares, waking covered in sweat, but unwilling to say a word about them.

“Do you know how many people need me right now? Syd and Tina are at each other’s throats, Richie’s always starting shit and Sugar’s calling me twenty times a day about meetings and talking to Ma. I don’t need this from you too. I can’t do this!” he said, body suddenly going deathly still, eyes fixing on a water stain on the wall just as the lights went out.

Observing his rigid posture, you knew he’d shut down. It was how he coped with stress and even though you hated it, you had to accept that you weren’t going to get any more out of him today. You wiped a tear from your cheek as you nodded to yourself.

“Okay, Carmy. I’m gonna give you some space then,” you conceded, leaving him in the darkened hallway. He listened to the front door slam behind you as he rested his forehead against the adjacent doorway, knowing he’d fucked it all up and hating himself more than he already did.

——————————

“Carmy! Carmy!” A voice shouted, breaking through his haze and urging him to act. “Fire, chef!” Sweeps warned, moving up to take charge of the blaze. Carm finally moved back, shaking his head as though he were just realizing what was happening. Grabbing the fire extinguisher from the other man’s hands he pulled the pin and aimed the nozzle at the flames lapping at the stove, watching as a thick spurt of white foam issued forth. The fire died out with a sizzle and Carm breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

“Yo, Jeff, what happened?” Tina asked, popping her head around the corner.

“Fire’s out,” Sweeps declared, hauling the extinguisher off swiftly. Carmy turned to Tina, snapping back into work mode and asked, “Sorry, everything's fine. Did you finish your prep?”

“Yeah, you alright?” she said with concern, glancing up and down his disheveled form.

“I need to go take care of something,” he mumbled, heading for the alley.

————————-

Your phone rang and you immediately reached to silence it, stopping when you noticed Carm’s number flash on the screen. It had been three months since you’d spoken and you wondered if you should even answer. He’d made it clear that a relationship was not what he wanted right now and you had made peace with that….until now. You had to admit you missed him.

Your best nights had been with Carmy, listening to music in his tiny kitchen as you cooked together. You could still feel the warmth of his hands on your hips as he checked the progress of the sauce over your shoulder. “More garlic,” he’d say with authority.

“Fuck your one star, I’m the chef tonight,” you always told him. His smirk told you he was pleased with your assertiveness, happy not to have make any decisions for the night. However, your need to take charge caused your worst fights as well. You wanted Carm to talk about Mikey and the more you pushed, the more he retreated from you. He said you didn’t understand, but you cared deeply, wanting to help him through his grief. Simply wanting to take care for him if only he'd let you.

The buzzing from your phone continued and you finally decided to pick up, more eager than you should have been to hear his voice again. You cleared your throat anxiously before answering with a shaky, “Carmy?”

“Y/n? Sorry, I know it’s late,” he apologized.

“S’okay. What’s going on?” you asked, trying to sound casual as you picked at your pajama bottoms nervously.

“We had a fire at the restaurant today,” he began.

“Oh, my God, Carm, are you okay?” you blurted, worried about how calm he sounded despite what he’d just told you.

“Yeah, yeah. It was just a grease fire, you know? But the point is, I realized something. I was watching it and I had a minute where I thought—If I don’t do anything, this place will burn down and all my anxiety will go away with it,” he sighed heavily and your heart nearly broke at the sound, listening to him open up to you in a way you knew was difficult for him.

“And then I put the fire out,” he finished. “I snapped out of it and I realized I’ve been avoiding a lot of things….I’ve been avoiding you because I didn’t think I could handle it all. Like I was waiting for Mikey to come back and fix all the fucked up shit he left, but I’m done with that. I want live my life for me.”

You nodded into the phone, lip trembling as you replied, “I’m glad to hear you say that.”

“I haven’t slept without you. I’ve cried for weeks. Nothing feels right without you, but I’m going to start making some changes around here and I hope you’ll come back,” he said, swallowing harshly as he awaited your answer.

You searched the ceiling, wanting to say yes right away, but knowing how Carmy’s mood could change on a dime. “That sounds really good so let’s start with dinner first, ok?” you asked.

“Yeah, of course,” he rushed out, relieved to hear you would see him again. “You free Thursday?”

“Thursday? Sure,” you agreed.

Then you heard him breathe into the phone as though he was letting out an anxious breath. “You still like chicken piccata?” he asked and you smiled, knowing he remembered your favorite.

“Only if you let me help make the sauce,” you countered. “Fucking one star,” you quipped. You heard him laugh and it warmed your heart.

You liked the thought of calling him that again instead of your ex. He was your favorite ex, but that wasn't really a consolation. You hoped things were changing for the better, but only time would tell.

#The Bear fanfic #The Bear imagine #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #carmy x reader #Carmy x y/n #Carmy x you #carmy berzatto fanfiction

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onestopfanficshop · 2 years

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dating carmy berzatto pt. 2

warnings: language, here's a few nsfw things in here so watch out for that 👀 mdni

author's note: after forever i'm back lol 😭 i started school again and lowkey lost motivation to write so this has been in the works for weeks lol! enjoy <3

gif not mine!

you can count on one hand how many times carmy has called you by your real name. his go-to pet names are honey (he would say hon most often), baby (when he's trying to persuade you, when he’s whining about something, or when he feels guilty), and sweetheart (when he's feeling extra romantic and lovey-dovey). even when you two are fighting or on the very rare occasion that his anger's directed at you, he rarely uses your name

one time when you had stayed over, you left your shampoo at carm's place and he made mistake of using it just to try it out because the next day richie noticed

"did you rob a fuckin' hair salon, cousin?"

"what the fuck do you mean, richie?"

"the fuck do you mean? what is this shit, herbal essences?" richie says, sniffing carmy's hair.

poor boy would turn red from head to toe and never touch your anything of yours ever again

this one's sad but like- it's kinda important i think

obviously mike's death really fucked carmy up. you see him pushing away, detaching himself from the people who love him (just like mikey did). but you coming into his life really forces him to wake the fuck up. family is forever but you're something in carmy's life that isn't guaranteed and that he genuinely has to work for if he wants you around long-term

and he's so terrified to fuck it up but after you assure him over and over again that you don't intend to go anywhere he starts to loosen up a tiny bit and let you in

his family and everyone else at the restaurant can see the effect you're having on him, and even though they were a little apprehensive at first, they're so glad that carmy has you in his life

okay enough emotional stuff :,)

i know we don't see him read in the show but something in me tells me that he'd love a good library date. he raids the cookbook section, you clear out half of the romance section, and then you'd have a picnic in a park after and read each other's books and swap ideas

carmy dog-ears the pages of the borrowed cookbooks to make note of later. even though you've scolded him a thousand times not to fold the pages, he just can't help but forget, okay? old habits die hard

"look, baby, it's not my intention to hurt the book, okay? i swear. this is just easier than using a bookmark"

his favorite fruits are plums (with the skin on) or granny smith apples (also with the skin on)

would 1000% name a dish after you

keeps his hand in yours or on your thigh while he drives with the other hand

he has to set his alarm at least half an hour before he actually needs to get up so he can hit snooze 3 times

speaking of sleep we all know this poor man barely gets any so on the rare occasion that he does he can be out for hours at a time no joke

when you first started sleeping over at his place more, sometimes it would scare when he woke up and saw you sound asleep next to him because you seemed too good to be real :,)

one time he was teaching you proper knife technique before you were officially together; he put his hand over yours on the knife and even though he looked calm on the outside, he was freaking the FUCK out on the inside but for the life of him he couldn't tell why (it's called a crush carmy look it up)

i know it's hard to imagine carmy having a least favorite food because he is a chef, but idk; i feel like it would be cornbread 😭 something abt it just makes no sense to him. he thought maybe it was because he's had bad cornbread, so he made it for himself once and still didn't like it. who would put corn in bread? what was the reason?!

he always keeps you on the innermost part of the sidewalk whenever you're walking together

this isn't even a headcanon bc we all saw it on the show but 😭 this man's EYE CONTACT. good lord. the best (and worst) part is he isn't even aware of the power it holds on you; he would literally stare at you whenever you would talk and you'd get all flustered and he would just be completely clueless as to why

he LOVES it when you grip onto his arms while you’re fucking and he constantly teases you for being so obsessed with them 👀 any time he feels like skipping a workout he just thinks about that and boom he’s motivated

“you sure you wanna go out to eat? i can just make us somethin’ real quick”

would definitely get a tattoo for you once you guys got serious! something cute and simple (idk much abt tattoos lol); would love it if you had a matching one on you in a place that only he could see 👀

neck kisses are his absolute favorite. especially from behind when he gets to completely bury his face in your neck and kiss it into oblivion

literally ever since i saw carm take those jeans out of the oven my brain has been stuck on the idea that has an odd but endearing obsession with vintage levis lol 😭 one time, after the bear had opened up and completely taken off, he stayed up all night on ebay and scored a vintage type ii trucker jacket after furiously bidding on it for over an hour like a mad man

this man's always using his hands so i can totally picture his fingers doing all sorts of weird things to fidget. absentmindedly drumming his fingers on your thighs, rubbing strands of hair between his thumb and pointer finger-- literally anything to keep his hands occupied

“is this too spicy or no?”

always insists that you don't have to come to the restaurant to help but is secretly over-the-moon when you do. seeing you help with the dishes, or scold richie, or laugh with tina just makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside (and makes him wanna start a family with you oops)

if he sees you he has to give you a full hug. he’s not a side hug kind of guy when it comes you. even if he has to drop what he’s doing in the kitchen and wipe his hands! he always gives you an all-encompassing bear hug and kisses you on the forehead and the lips- it’s his signature greeting :,)

#carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto fluff #carmy berzatto imagines #carmy berzatto headcanon #carmen berzatto fluff #carmen berzatto blurb #carmen berzatto headcanon #onestopfanficshop

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queer-whatchamacallit · 7 months

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Here’s my observations of 1x03 - Brigade of my beloved, The Bear!!

When Carm’s at the beach, there’s a “let it rip, Buddy” which I’m pretty sure is our very first let it rip

Carm takes “the chemistry needs to change” and “just try to keep my side of the street clean” and absorbs it

I think I’ve counted 4 pepto and tums stashes? The office, the bathroom, the locker room, and his bedroom

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Carm sleeps with socks on

In the Al-Anon pamphlet, under the DO (as opposed to DON’T) section was “take it easy— tension is harmful”

Manny, Angel, and Marcus are all definitely there before Carm. Marcus said Carmy was early, but he came in at the same time as Syd, so might be able to assume she comes in before him normally

We get to see a little bit of Carm’s purer passion for cooking. Him just deciding to teach Marcus about the plum thing because he has that knowledge to share. The Carm-Marcus mentor relationship is so superior

Also he says Har-EE-bo which threw me off. I always say HARE-ih-bo

Carm starts the French brigade to keep his side of the street clean and change what he can, but there’s also the layer where Carm likes consciously or subconsciously reliving his traumas, but in a situation he has more control over. Carmy is trying to remake New York here, except he’s the Executive Chef, but he’s not going to be overbearing like his Chef was

“Ebra: I was in a brigade once. Tina: What happened? Ebra: Many people died. Tina: See, Jeff? Carmy: It’s gonna be different” is such a good back and forth, Ebra is easily the funniest person here

Carmy parrots, “They keep their side of the street clean,” and you can almost tell he’s been rolling those words over and over in his head all day

We get Ebra’s first “I accept” !!!

After the call from Niko, it’s like Carm either doesn’t hear Richie the first time he asks, “What was that?” Or he just can’t get words to come out of his mouth. Carm’s voice goes kinda small and quiet. Richie asks if he blew a fuse, and I could imagine that’s exactly what it felt like

“I just felt like Michael was alive for a second.” Carm wasn’t there for the funeral, it’s hard to tell how it was long after Mikey died when he moved back from New York, he never grieved with anyone. He knows Michael’s dead, he can say it without a second thought, he jokes with the “I’ll ask him when he’s not dead” in 1x06, but the deepest proof he has is word of mouth. There’s bound to be some part of him that’s in denial about Mikey’s death

He hears, “I want to set this place on fuckin fire,” in his head, same as after the nightmare in 1x08, so did he know about the failing fire suppression stuff? Did Mikey say that to him at some point? Idk this is just a weird quote, some good s1 unreality tho

As Carm runs from wherever he was to out the door, you can hear shit being knocked over behind him, but he doesn’t look back. He’s pretty okay with telling people when something is wrong, but actually having them be there for him is a different story. The second he crosses the threshold into panic, he bolts, so no one can see it. When he gets off the call with Niko, he never turned around to face Richie and just waited until Richie walked out before he let himself press a hand into his chest and sit down

No matter how pissed Tina is with Syd, she’ll still ask, “What happened? Let me see” when she cuts her finger <3

Tina goes up to Sweeps and Marcus who both have the blue aprons and there’s such a good bit I forgot about, “Tina: You two look like you joined a dumbass cult. Sweeps and Marcus in unison: Thank you”

Another good Ebra bit: “Syd: Well, it’s not good, so Ebra: You betrayed me!”

When Syd goes out front looking for her onions, Richie is talking to Crooked John from 1x06 !!!

There’s a bench outside no one ever seems to use after this (that I’ve noticed), but I guess whenever we see someone go out back, they’re probably either nervously pacing (Carm) or too sad to feel like they deserve a bench (Marcus)

Even after the hellish half day she just had, it takes a little prompting from Carmy to open up about it, and when she does, it feels almost straightforward, I told you this would be bad, you didn’t listen to me, and that isn’t the job I came for, you suddenly gave me this responsibility then left, and it didn’t go well, etc. She also gains a little bit of revenge by fucking with Carmy and lightening the mood. She may not be super comfortable with explaining this stuff to others, but she seems to have a good bit of emotional intelligence (especially compared to Carm) to pinpoint everything that bothered her

Ah, the classic “fuck brunch” <33

And after all that, Carmy snuck out again at sunset to go to the beach and feel painful emotions about it being Mikey’s birthday

I think the first 2 eps introduced external and internal conflict respectively, so now, we could start getting into some recurring stuff. It starts planting the seeds for the season 2 Carmy ditching the restaurant for what he thinks will be healthier arc. And Syd gets her shit rocked, and that’s so rude because she deserves the world

Anyway! Ep 3 boom done!!

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