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#then itll turn into something nasty and hateful
warmau · 4 years
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ateez x coworker!au | sf9 ver    *this post was commissioned (someone asked for some cute ateez) <3
hongjoong
diligent and always on time, he puts way too much effort into any project on his plate 
if there’s any word to describe him its workaholic, but hongjoong insists that he’s just being a good employee - nothing more
but it’s like,,,,,,,,,,,you’re doing the regional managers job and you are literally not,,,,,,,the regional manager
he’s some how the assistant to the regional manager and like. no one understands how because like hongjoong most definitely does the brunt of the work 
but during annual reviews he’s always downplaying it and that evil good for nothing regional manager takes the credit
wooyoung and san on a regular basis: what if the regional managers tires get slashed accidentally or what if we hide all of those ugly ties he wears or what if we hack into the company's assets and make it look like hes laundering money-
hongjoong: dont do that
wooyoung and san winking: yeah, sure, “don’t do that”
hongjoong: no like seriously dont do that 
his little office space is really cutely decorated though and hes the best gift giver at office parties because he always gives something handmade and unique
you have a bracelet that you got last christmas from him when you guys got paired for the exchange, and it’s really so cute and colorful you always wear it
and the office guys tease hongjoong about it like, “hey - are you guys a couple? c’mon tell us the truth - you have a matching bracelet for yourself!”  (hongjoong feverishly refuses this but the tips of his ears always get red)
one time mingi, with all the good naturedness of his heart commented that you must find the deep, dark exhaustion eyebags under hongjoong eyes cute - you know, like a racoons! 
and you were like o-oh well- y-y-es?!?!?! and hongjoong had proceeded to drag the poor intern out of the break room by his ear
it’s like the shy office romance that everyone is cheering for that doesnt really happen
until one evening as hongjoong is getting ready to finally leave for the day he’s astonished to see you
frantically searching on your hands and knees for something in the dim office lights
“did you lose your keys?”
he asks and you’re so startled you hit your head on the desk you’re under as you come up - you put your hands up embarrassingly and mumble that no,,,,,you lost that bracelet he gave you,,,,
he lets out a little “oh!” and waves his hand in the air as if its nothing, he tells you not to worry - it was just a little gift-
“no, it’s important to me,,,,,,,” 
your voice is a slight whisper and hongjoong barely catches
“w-why is it so important to you?”
“because you made it.”
you turn back to start looking again, when you hear hongjoong put his things down on the floor and join you
his hand is warm when it brushes over yours a little 
he’s never had someone cherish something he’s made like this before and so even if you two have to spend the whole night searching - he’s down for that
and when you do find it,,,,and there’s still time to take you to dinner,,,,he thinks he’s very much down for that too
seonghwa
spends half his day running away from potential suitors who come down from all the different departments just to ask him out for lunch or after work drinks
he’s just a low ranking officer, he doesn’t get what the craze is about?!?!
hongjoong, taking one hard look at seonghwa: i know what its about
seonghwa: plEAse tell me so i can live a peaceful life
hongjoong, sighing: dude. its your face
and even on the days when he comes in with glasses perched on the end of his nose and a slightly crumpled shirt from having to rush to iron in the morning
like it does not matter - he looks like and literally is - an angel
has a weird irritation about little spots on documents, like if dirt gets in the printer and its on the page hes like,,,,,eye twitching,,,,,,,,,no
three bottles, at least, of hand sanitizer on his desk 
his headphones match his laptop, which match his wireless keyboard, which match his mouse - the color scheme we are going for is a calming ivory 
once got called in for causing a disturbance, but it was literally not his fault, he went to ask the billing department if they had any extra ink and came downstairs with like five people all chattering at max volume about if he had plans next saturday
wooyung: damn man being beautiful must suck
seonghwa: oh thank you for understanding, it really is-
wooyoung: SIKE it rocks how do i know? look at me!
yeosang to seonghwa: just ignore him, he does this at least twice a day
you know seonghwa, how could you not, and you agree with the majority opinion: he is insanely handsome
but you have your own problems to worry about, that being a very nasty manager who seems to have it out for you
so like seonghwa, you spend half your day hiding from someone, which means 
solace in the supplies closet
one day, as you’re sitting inside there, trying to work on a memo draft on your phone 
the door swings open - and you jump to pretend like you’re looking for staples
but instead, it closes with a harsh noise and the person slides down against the door - heaving and fanning themselves
“a-are you ok?”
you ask, worried that the shortness of breath is from them feeling sick - when in reality its just seonghwa, on the run from lovestruck coworkers 
again
he shakes his head and mumbles that he’s sorry for barging in 
but you shake your head, tell him its fine
you’re both under this impression that one of you is going to bounce soon - like this is a supply closet, not the break room - but after about five minutes of utter silence
seonghwa goes, “are you also running away from work people who are in love with you?”
you giggle, but shake your head “actually running away from a work person who hates me.”
he gives you an apologetic look, but you just wave it off - not like there’s much either of you can do about it anyway
its silent for a while, and you keep trying to do as much editing as you can on your phone, not really paying attention to the way seonghwa’s eyes flick toward you in the dark
not until he clears his throat and is like, “well i think the coast is clear so ill be going back out there-”
you nod, thinking you should probably return too before your manager goes bonkers and says you’ve abandoned your position or something
as you near the door though - suddenly seonghwa shyly extends his arm
you blink in confusion and he just goes, “maybe if we go out together itll be less scary?”
the sentiment is adorable and you take his palm in yours, giving it a gentle squeeze
though the moment you two step out - there are at least ten pairs of eyes on you and suddenly seonghwa makes sure to swing your hands behind your backs
he leans down, “dont want anyone to get the wrong idea and then you end up getting hurt too.”
but you think about it for a moment before tugging your hands out into the open - a wave of gasps passes through the people around you like a wave through the sea
you tiptoe up and explain, “maybe if they think you’re taken they’ll back off?”
the sentence shouldnt make seonghwa’s heart jump in his chest like it does - but hey, maybe your plan will work
(or maybe your manager will hate you even more because what - you bagged SEONGHWA? OF ALL PEOPLE?)
yeosang
really really REALLY good at bullshitting stellar work
and not in a last minute oh shit kind of wooyoung way, but in a i dont actually know anything about the material but damn am i going to make it sound like i do kind of way
and to be fair, if yeosang stared you down in a board room meeting for fifteen to twenty minutes selling you a pitch and blinking like a cat on the hunt then like 
im pretty sure you’re just going to buy into the pitch
interns are scared of him because they think hes like the no nonsense, dont bother me type
which he plays into sometimes because its fun and the interns will do what he says without bothering him about it
but the reality is he can be quite silly,,,,,,,,,jongho has on occasion caught yeosang getting giddy over like kitten youtube videos on break and everytime yeosang is like you didnt see anything
and jongho is like sure, not until it becomes beneficial to me and i use it against you
yeosang: wh
jongho: so the weather, huh?
knows everyone’s business somehow, but only gets invested if its like super super super juicy - i.e. someone in corporate is stealing money or there’s a secret poker game on the weekend for promotions
like no, san, yeosang doesnt care that you lied on your taxes
you are one of the newer hires, not an intern, just new to the job 
and although everyones been pretty inviting - you kind of maybe really think that yeosang,,,,,,,,hates you
he has this routine, an hour before everyone leaves on friday he goes around the department to see if anyone wants to go downstairs and across the street to get some coffee with him
you asume its a kind of “yay the weekends here” thing - which you are very down for, but its been like a month since youve been here 
and yeosang has never asked you 
hell, he even asks intern mingi - who half the time is doing these starbucks runs so he doesnt have the pleasure of ever really saying no
you had chalked it up to - oh im new, and hes maybe shy? but that makes no sense because this is kang yeosang
shyness isnt an adjective you’d use for him - so the only other logical explanation is,,,,,,,you must have had a really horrible first impression
you decide to ask san about it - he seems pretty close to yeosang and hes also been super open with you - but when you go, “did i do something to make yeosang angry?”
san nearly spits out the rice he’s chewing on - he gets fidgety in his seat, something you arent used to seeing, and says he has to go
curious, you decide to ask wooyoung the same question - but get the same panicked response
so you as yunho, who gives you a sad puppy kind of look and then jongho, who just???????? chuckles
it makes no sense and you’re even more confused than before - when suddenly its friday and yeosang - yesong is approchaing your desk
“do you want to go to starbucks with me?”
the way you jump up and beam must seem like a schoolkid getting their first a+ on a project, but you don’t care - and as you follow yeosang out the whole office gives a big sigh of relief
in the elevator down, yeosang keeps himself tucked in the corner and the bliss you had felt starts to wear down
wait,,,,maybe he invited me because hes sick of me asking other people if he hates me? is he about to tell me he hates me over some iced coffee?!?!
but as you step out and make your way toward the cafe, yeosang stops - putting a light hand on your elbow
immediately you start apologizing, you dont know where it comes from - but like an open faucet you just start saying sorry for the most random things and yeosang just gives you a confused look that shuts you up
“wait - why are you apologizing to me?”
he inquires and your shoulders shake a little, “well,,,,,i mean - didnt i piss you off?”
he looks to the side and sighs, “far from it - actually i pissed myself off more than anything else.”
“huh?”
he crosses his hands before returning his gaze to yours, a fine pink dust settles over his skin
“its just, i was avoiding you because im not, im not like - you know im not like good at like asking - asking peopl- people i like -”
he starts to stutter, or better yet almost malfunction, as he tries to explain
you almost feel like apologizing again for making this so hard on him, when he just throws his hands up
“i like you - and not in the we’re just co-workers kind of way - and yes, i find it hard to approach people i find cute. there. im not mad at you and yes im aware i look like a fool, so lets just go get our coffee-”
your smile almost stretches off your face as you hear his words, instead of knowing what else to say you step forward and takes his hands into yours
“you dont look like a fool, and yes we should get coffee but only if you admit that this is kind of our first date-”
he holds back the urge to laugh but stares down into the sparkles of your eyes
“are you sure? starbucks on a first date is kind of,,,,,,,”
“im sure, ive been waiting for you to ask me to come to starbucks with you for a whole month so its very fitting”
you and yeosang have a good giggle about that - when you come back to the office, san asks where his hot chocolate is but you and yeosang are so busy rubbing shoulders and being even cuter together that you just walk past him
san: im so deeply hurt, but also so deeply moved by how sweet they look with one and other
wooyoung
the office has wildly differing opinions on him, but one things for sure: hes brilliant in the weirdest of ways
on a 9-5 basis he gets like one hour of work done on a good day but lets say like the company is going through a major crisis
the person with the lifesaving idea SOMEHOW will be wooyoung (aided by hongjoong who probably just needs to curb some of wooyoungs enthusiasm)
but yes, like people will write him off as giddy and loud - but hes not dumb 
wooyoung: “you can have a bachelors degree and do dumb stuff, like thats not illegal.”
jongho: “vandalizing the ceos car when you were an intern here is illegal though.”
wooyoung, eyes wide: “how do you know about- i never did that,,,,,,,,”
makes memes and shares them in the work gc and the only people who get them are san and jongho, san because he shares a brain with wooyoung and jongho because hes literally young
hongjoong and mingi everytime: i dont get it....
you are a transfer from the companys overseas office and wooyoung takes to you right away 
mostly because you’re different and know all this cool stuff that he doesnt 
and you really like his fun energy, even though yeosang will be like “dont get tricked by it”
so when you and wooyoung get paired for a marketing project - you are both over the moon
until
its the night before its due and you and wooyoung have. nothing
you’re both spread out in the empty confrence room, wooyoung chugging a monster energy - while you nearly fall asleep and drop the tablet you’re working on straight on your face
wooyoung is like “lets just ask for an extension” but you insist you cant, this is your first big project here and you want to make an impression
but the slump you’re both in is BAD 
suddenly wooyoung takes the tablet off your hands and you sit up, hoping he’s thought of something, but instead he blasts some pop song and you cringe as you fall back in your chair
“turn it off, i cant think with that noise.”
“c’mon, dancing will help us think of ideas.”
“wooyoung - seriously, we need to do some work or -”
he doesnt listen to you, he just pulls you up from your seat and twirls you around
you groan and try to tell him that its not going to work - but wooyoung just says it doesnt need to, you guys just need to have some fun before you die over this stupid project
you dont want to admit that hes right - that your body feels like its been reduced to a bag of sludge - so you let him twirl you again until you’re dancing too
the anxiety from the project loosens a little as you watch wooyoung dance unabashedly, tie swinging over his shoulder and dress shirt a mess
you join him, kicking off your shoes and just letting go for these ten blissful minutes
you don’t notice and as you turn toward wooyoung, your ankle catches on one of the chairs and you go tumbling toward him as he catches you and cushions your fall
you both laugh and wooyoung looks up into your smiling face - happy to see it bright after you’d looked so miserable the whole day
actually, he doesnt say it outloud, but this happiness on you is probably the most beautiful happiness hes seen on someone
it glitters and for a moment he doesnt want to let your inviting warm weight off of him
and then - just as his eyes wavier down a little from your eyes to your lips he goes
“AHAH! IVE GOT IT!”
you sit up and he follows suit, grasping your shoulders
“IVE GOT AN IDEA!”
you want to ask him how he got it, what prompted it, but hes already talking a mile a minute
and to be honest, hes pretty happy you didnt get to ask - the answers totally embarrassing - like whats he gonna say
your natural beauty inspired me? how,,,,,,,,how sweet - corny, he means corny!
san
he can most definitely turn on the charm when he needs to, making himself out to be put together and organized 
but troublemaking is just too good to pass up, no wonder he and wooyoung are often referred to as partners-in-crime
100% the host for the monthly office karaoke contest 
somehow the bartender always gets a little pale when san comes tumbling in because,,,,,,,he is clumsy and quite good at breaking things,,,,,,
he outwits seonghwa into helping him clean up his desk when it gets too crazy
and frequently gets bonked on the head by hongjoong who catches him falling asleep over the keyboard
or trying to play on the switch - but then getting his headphones disconnected and now everyone can hear tom nook’s voice
he adheres to the dress code, but likes to have sparkly pins in his hair or a colorful belt from time to time
just because the bleakness of corporate life SUCKS and is not san’s vibe at ALL
but hey, money.
you like san’s karaoke contests and really enjoy just how much he puts into the performances
even if everyone else is giving their half-baked effort on songs from the early 2000s
you yourself dont ever get up to sing, just because of a shyness thing and also you much rather just watch san cause havoc
until one day you show up and you and san are the only ones,,,,,,,,there
somehow - everyone else has things to do this evening - so you tell him you can just comeback next month
when he insists that no, you two can have fun together!
you end up on what someone might call an impromptu date with san,,,,,
where he does his favorite songs and you cheer while the bartender sends over two drinks “on the house” and whispers to you when you collect them that he hopes you can “be the person who will calm san down”
its awfully embarrassing,,,,,but at the same time kind of fun,,,,,,until san invites you up for a duet
you are saying no, but san is waving you over, and someone wolf whistles from somewhere
and before you know it you are up there - and san puts a hand on yours as he passes you the mic
you kind of mumble into the mic, and believe me its nothing like what san belts out when hes up there
and still - san is jumping up and down and looks like he’s legitimately having the time of his life
his energy kind of boosts your confidence and one might say you even sing a bit of the song
when the night is over, san offers to take the train with you to your stop and if you want - he’ll even take the time to walk you home
just as you two are about to emerge from the station, just sort of basking in each others presence you both get your email notifications from work
taking your phones out you read the message
subject: finally hooking those two up body: ‘so, bets on a kiss - do you think they kissed? i think they did, or at least got close to it - you know how san is during karaoke’
the next email appears, this one is from jongho
subject: re: finally hooking those two up body: ‘which idiot cc’d san and them on the email,,,,,,,,,,,,’
you and san sort of stare down at your screens and then back up at each other
the realization dawns on you: nobody was actually too busy for karaoke,,,,,,,the whole office just wanted to set you up on a date,,,,,,
you are truly at a lose for words when suddenly san is typing back and before you can question it you get a ping!
subject: re:re: finally hook those two up body: ‘haven’t kissed yet, but the nights still young.
yunho
everyone's handyman - and by everyone, i mean everyone. the janitor has asked him to screw in lightbulbs before.
fairly good worker all around, he can come in late on certain days because hes helping grandmas cross streets or saving kittens from trees
and there have been instances of tiny mistakes, mostly because his attention was on giving feedback to the interns
but yeah no complaints, hes never even been given like a warning
very tidy work appropriate outfits - like tie tucked into sweater vest baby
feels guilty when he does have enough lunch to share with every single person, you know hes bringing his jumbo salad bowl to work
the worst lie hes ever told on the job is pointing to his cup and being like, yep thats my morning coffee!!!
when in fact it was soothing decaffeinated earl gray tea because coffee makes him jittery
 your assigned to yunho for basic intern training and youre so lucky and thankful because like 
youve heard the horror stories, but he is seriously just an angel
and doesnt get annoyed at your questions and even helps out when you get confused
the only thing is that sometimes he gets so engrossed in showing you how to format this document
or where to get the copy paper 
that personal space sorta siezes to exist and now hes hovering over you with his big hands over your keyboard
or his chest pressed to your back as he helps get the supplies from the top shelf
and you are not complaining its just,,,,,,,,,,,you know,,,,,,,,embarrassing
and sometimes you have to excuse yourself
or just wiggle away and you dont want to hurt his feelings or anything 
its just you hate that with each day you see yunho’s smile in the morning and something in your chest gets a little tighter
and you are not about to date a co-woker, no way no how
even though yunho meets every checklist for the perfect boyfriend
because 1) its probably against the rules and 2) you dont want to just get your heartbroken by the man who is just that kind to everyone
until one day hongjoong makes an offhanded comment about how yunho has never taken this much of a liking to an intern like you
and you think about it all day, up until its the only thing on your mind and it takes yunho five tries of calling your name until you snap out of it and go
“huh?”
“hongjoong suggested this good place to eat, do you want to come have lunch with me since i didnt bring anything in today?”
your mouth works faster than your mind and you go,
“like a date?”
before immediately clamping your palm over and muttering an apology
but yunho’s ears go bright and he sort of loses his composure for a moment till a small, squeaky answer comes out
“yeah,,,,like a date?”
mingi
eager to please intern,,,,,,,but add in a dash of absolute obliviousness
like he wants to help everyone but sometimes the instructions from like five different people just turn to mush in his brain
and hes like delivering coffee to the wrong person or printing out three hundred copies of that poorly photoshopped meme wooyoung made instead of the needed documents
but no one can get mad at him because have you seen him? like it would be straight up illegal to even raise your voice at him
hes so sweet that numerous people offer their homemade lunches to him and hes always like eating a sandwich from hongjoong or freshly baked cookies from yunho 
the older ladies of the office just a d o r e him (a little too much, but like hes so sweet natured he doesnt even read into it)
his pants are always short and someone is always like poor mingi’s ankles are so cold
but at the same time he can lift like ,,,,, one hundred pounds of printer cartridge's so its like,,,,,,,,, ok so maybe those skinny ankles actually put in a lot of work,,,,,,,,
you’re the ceos only child and when they’re off on business, you’re in charge of the department where mingi interns
and like anyone else you have a huge soft spot for him, even though you dont try to show it because favoritism is a no-no
actually in general you try to be as fair and as understanding as possible, because your parent isnt really the type
a lot of the office really likes you, but now and then someone will say something snippy or rude about you 
simply because they think you got your job through just being the ceo’s kid or that you’re only lenient to try and get in with one of the office heartthrobs
you try not to take it personally and you bite your tongue when it comes to putting those rumors and the people who spread them in place
but one afternoon, you can clearly hear a group of people talking about how you lack the leadership skills to ever take over the company
it hurts, you can feel the pain in your chest, but you try to wrestle through it until you hear mingi’s voice
“i dont think you should say that about them.”
you turn and peek your head passed the cubical - mingi’s tall frame is standing in front of the pack
“what do you know, you’re just a lowly intern.”
“thats true, but ive seen them work and theyre really good at leading. theyre also doing two jobs at once - both theirs and the ceos, i dont think anyone here has to deal with so much work.”
youd think his tone was being mocking, just like theirs, but his voice is clean and clear
like hes just stating a truth he believes in 
when one of them starts badmouthing mingi, you step in and tug him away from the conversation as the office workers disperses back to their seats
you tug him toward the stairs and out of earshot and mumble a small thank you
“huh? why are you thanking me?”
“well you stood up for me so-”
he shrugs his shoulders, “i was just saying the truth.”
you nod, embarrassment on your cheeks as you realize that its mingi youre talking to - of course he wouldnt have any other motive but to -
“and theyre wrong you know, one of them was saying youre not pretty and thats a lie too. youre good at your job and -”
“wait, what”
you back up and mingi blinks - “i said youre good at your j-”
“no before that, you think im-”
“pretty?”
you both stare at each other as the realization sinks into mingi’s expression and he sort of opens his mouth like a gaping fish - 
“i-i - i just - i -”
you stiffle a giggle and shake your head, “no no, its nice that you think that. it makes me really happy.” 
“well, im just a lowly intern so i mean i dont know if its such a great compliment-”
you lean up and peck his cheek, making him freeze midstence
“youre not a lowly intern, i believe youre way more than that and sooner or later youll probably be promoted too!”
“pr-promoted? like to a worker or like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,to,,,,,,,,,,your,,,,,,,,,,,,boyfriend,,,,,,,,,,,”
jongho
kid genius, has a higher position than most people double his age
knows everyone's secrets so no one even tries to start shit with him about it
loves watching the office go into chaos when the printer isnt working and apparently hes the only one who knows how to fix a goddamn paper jam
but hes on a coffee break, let him watch everyone tear each other apart before he actually just presses a button to fix this all
like mingi, he can actually lift way more than him, but why would he - the intern is there for a reason lol
probably has an early college degree from some prestigious school and he doesnt talk about it but he knows people whisper about it 
and hes like so what i still work at this dump but like what - is someone gonna rat on him to the ceo? - no, because he’ll just tell the ceo about that one time that person tried to charge the company card for their vacation plane tickets :) 
gets work done fast and early, spends the rest of the day just playing minecraft
you used to be jongho’s number one rival for youngest, smartest position
but he sorta beat you out over time and even though you were pissed about it for a long while
youve kinda gotten over the rivalry
instead youre comfortable in your other department and dont really see jongho around anymore
which you think is normal - and actually youre under the impression that jongho is happy to be rid of you
but the reality is he makes up way too many excuses to go up to your floor, i.e. “the bathroom is better there” “their breakroom has this k-cup i like” “the view from the windows are nicer”, etc.
no one notices, or if they do - no one dares to make a peep
but you ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, are starting to think its a little suspicious
so you confront him, as he stands awkwardly by the window at the end of the hall
“are you like spying on me?”
jongho turns around, dark eyes widening just a bit
“what? no. i just like the view.”
“jongho, your office is like three floors above mine - you arguably have the better view.”
he shrugs as if its nothing but you press on
“why are you coming down here - wait, oh my gosh - do you like someone in my department?!??”
you suddenly get bright and clap your hands together, “c’mon you have to tell me!”
he looks you over once and makes a hmph sound, “why would i tell you?”
you pout
“i know we were rivals for a while, but c’mon - i promise ill put in a good word for you so who is it?”
you step closer and jongho feels his tie get a little tighter
“the new intern? they’re cute - or is it someone older like in the-”
“you”
you stop and buffer - looking at him and for the first time jongho drops his eyes to the floor first
“m-me? you’re coming down here for me? is it because of our riv-”
“no.”
he sets the cup he was holding on the windowsill and suddenly you’re the nervous one
“you’re right. i come here because the person i like on this floor is you.”
he reaches out to touch your wrist but you step back, the confession is too shocking to handle and you scurry off before you can say anything in return
you slide down against the stall of the bathroom and let out the breath you’re holding
its not that you dont like jongho back, actually your whole rivalry was sort of just a cover up for your one-sided feelings
you just never thought that they’d be reciprocated,,,,,,,
you try to pull yourself together - marching out to the sink and looking into your reflection
we cant let jongho win again, he might have confessed first, but your still rivals no matter how much you like each other so just go out there and - and - 
you cant think of exactly the word, but before you know it your rushing out and to the stairs
jongho doesnt look too surprised to see you bust into his office - but the rest of the office turns to look at you two
“you-”
“yes?”
“yo-you cant say you like me first, why? well - well because ive liked you longer, so im saying it now. i like you. so i win. no arguing. take me to dinner. bye.”
and with that you turn on your heel, jongho nods - secretly smiling to himself as he puts on his headphones
yunho to mingi: isnt it crazy, jongho just got asked out in front of the whole office!
mingi, blinking: wait what? i thought that person was just mad at him
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Indie & Rio
Indie: [sends her the posts because no other way she'd see them] Rio: Shit, girl Rio: I was worried it might go down like this Indie: she's so extra Indie: never should have let him in the door Indie: the feds are gonna be hardcore @ it now Rio: Surely she let him out Rio: stupid woman Rio: but that's gonna pale in comparison now so Rio: What's Drew doing about it? Indie: boy was begging for a sick time & i gave it but its on me not him 😒😒 hold ur liquor u tourist Indie: hes flat roofin but other than that no thing to 👀 Indie: it b early tho & we all had a late Rio: They're a 24/7 services though, babe Rio: he'll be wanting to move his stash and generally clear his act up for the visit Rio: you too Indie: is it? on hols too thats a madness Indie: yeah the drum be clear of all his goods like that Indie: idk man mayb its chill like she gonna post that & not post up no harder than Rio: They might take xmas day off maybe but you know Rio: business as usual for all jan 1st Rio: well that's something Rio: maybe, but bitches like that LOVE making complaints about everything so maybe not Indie: she do have that talk to the manager vibe Indie: i done fucked up real didnt i? Rio: big time karen Rio: nah, in the eyes of everyone it's Drew that did Rio: but they won't be able to prove the drugs bit if they're gone so it's not enough to take you, a party gone wrong, bad judgment but maybe we can swing it that he was here somehow Rio: hmm Indie: but like he had mad trust for me & i brought him mad problems Rio: they're grown problems, he's big enough to fix 'em Indie: u too making ur nite go off on a real turn Indie: bet ur boy is bare vexed Rio: you know i'd rather you ring me than let it go more tits Rio: what are big sisters for Rio: but yeah, didn't even see him in the end so he ain't stopped Indie: innit Indie: tell him he can hit me up for something to take off that edge Indie: debts be paid around here Rio: um you ain't supposed to have no thing 'scuse you Rio: there's a plan here Indie: i gots places & heads to trust in Rio: nah, I'll make it up to him, don't worry 'bout that Indie: 😉😉😉 Rio: 😏 shush lil girl Indie: grown problems ur big enough to fix i kno 💋🤤🤤 Rio: so thirsty, go hydrate Rio: know you need to 😘 Indie: rude i got lipsed by bare boys last nite they were rigging dem bottle spins cos im 🔥🔥 dont b tryna put me out Rio: you need to cool off for a minute, bitch Rio: you in trouble Indie: not wit u Rio: yeah, don't push it 😉 Indie: 💔😢😢 dont do me like that on day 1 of the year 🙏🙏🙏 Rio: it started HOURS ago and I was still here with you cleaning blood out the carpet Rio: don't talk to me about day 1s when I'm clearly ride or die Indie: u kno im good for ious & i got mad love Rio: 🧡 Rio: i'm good really Rio: let's sort the actual situation Indie: u gonna charm the social for me? Rio: give it my best Indie: safe ✌✌ Rio: probably the straightest middle-aged lady Rio: so more likely your da will have to get on it Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: what drew b good for Rio: init tho Indie: we all been knew Indie: he better werk so it works Rio: Sure it won't be too hard, like Rio: even if she ain't all that 😂 Indie: she aint gon b bangin but his exes show he aint need that to chirp on Rio: 👀 Indie: 😂😂😏😏 Indie: can u roll up wit eats im about to die Rio: bit rude to both our ma, like lmao Rio: 'course Rio: bring leftovers Indie: ur ma dont count as no ex cos she ✖ed him out Indie: & my ma got that permanent ✖ so bigger problems than my shade innit Rio: no problems when you an 👼 Rio: fucking hopefully Indie: u my 👼 bringing that energy Indie: that means u can jam Rio: is it? Rio: 😏 Rio: let Ryan know eh Indie: he kno u a 😈 too Indie: how he be livin Rio: mhmm Rio: well he gon' have to wait for now Indie: he gon have beef wit me Indie: soz boyyy Rio: nah we was already beefin' 'fore this Indie: yeah? Indie: what he do? 👀 Rio: nah, what I do more like Rio: you know I'm 😈 Indie: o shit Indie: gimme that 411 Rio: nothing exciting Rio: just be looking too bad to be giving him that much air, you know the drill Indie: hes so hyped for u Indie: its been weeks boy no u cant cuff it Indie: who u think u is Rio: can you blame him Rio: hot property, baby Indie: u did look 💣💣💣 last nite my bad Indie: theres a boy @ school tryna chat @ the rest hes my bf so i feel it fr Indie: boy please DO I LOOK LIKE Indie: not tryna hold ur damn hand Rio: is he cute tho Indie: if he werent he wouldnt be able to chat no thing Indie: 💪 fuck him up Rio: 😂 Rio: gotta 'tect the rep Indie: he kno it tho & its like tell me how 🔥🔥 i am dont b talking on urself all the time Rio: not a mood Indie: innit Indie: dry as Rio: that's boys for you Indie: & he didnt show last nite Rio: playing hard to get or just got parents who give a fuck Indie: year up x 2 so he could come thru the ends whenever Indie: but i 💋 all his mandem so itll hit back Rio: play @ his own game  alright Indie: do u think i went too hard tho? Rio: do you want him to be your mans or nah Indie: idk Rio: then it depends Rio: beyond knowing he loves himself, idk how he's vibing Rio: might be too far Indie: hes vibing like hes about me but i Rio: but you? Indie: how do i live that Indie: trust it Indie: drews meshing a new every week he says u gotta keep free on it Rio: works for him Rio: everyone's different Rio: you don't have to trust him yet Indie: mayb hes only about me til i give him something & im not tryna be a show like that Rio: that happens, not gonna sit here and lie and say it don't Rio: you're too young to be thinking on that or worrying Rio: keep him and the rest waiting Indie: yeah okay Indie: gimme a few to have puberty roll up Indie: still waiting on that Rio: it'll happen Rio: not that it's a barrel of laughs, like Rio: nothing to be hyped about Indie: i dont want it Indie: freaky shit going on Rio: unless you gonna stop eating, which unlikely Rio: you fucked, babe, we all are, soz Rio: get boobies though, perks Indie: that best not be you tryna skip on bringing me a meal bitch Indie: bout to hit the afterlife running here like Rio: 🙄 omw you rude ass hoe Rio: like you said, none of us had earlies Indie: omw fr or like when u tell ur mans u @ the club but u still tryin on fits in ur room Rio: like fr when I ever done you like that Indie: dont b starting Indie: ily Rio: 🤞 never Rio: ily more Indie: drews back if u wanna spit at him how to sort his life Rio: i will Rio: he ain't ready for this Indie: resolutions b dashing past this postcode we all avoidin that change Rio: you gotta Rio: sort you both Indie: hey swerve me im good Rio: 😏 Rio: fine i'll focus on your daddy Rio: no love for you Indie: 👼👼🤞🤞 Indie: call him that when you give it & he'll give in Rio: oh you schooling me on how to get blokes to do what I want now Rio: ok miss thing Indie: just him i 👂 what i hear & i kno what i kno Indie: hes here for all that Rio: you poor child Rio: anything grosser than parents going at it 😬 Indie: nah man its nasty & long being under this roof sometimes trust Rio: 🤢 Indie: some of his girls got me tempted to 📱 the social my own self & my ma looking like a saint Rio: that ain't right Rio: negates any buffness he got going on Indie: why lads wanna get on or under ANYTHING?! Indie: true madness Indie: 😂😂😂 Rio: friction 🤷 Indie: yeah but like theres girls out there bringing it & you're gonna hit that Rio: he probably ain't got as much choice as he fronts Rio: lots of grown women ain't about his lifestyle so that leaves him w the younger ones who is Rio: stick at it too long, you get busted, just facts Indie: when you old & so is your baggage 😂😂✌✌ Rio: I mean Rio: I ain't say nothing 😉 Indie: keep that ☮ mama Rio: least he looks p young still Rio: nothing worse than an actual creepy old man dealer Indie: do he? 👴 to me Rio: nah Rio: he only what, 31 Rio: that's no thing to me, gurl Indie: mayb im just 🍋 cos he aint tryna gimme no 💸💸💸 Indie: & he aint caring my head hurts Rio: aw bb Rio: 'round the corner Rio: I'll look after you Indie: 💖💖💖 Indie: u didnt tell me it b like this tho partying Rio: didn't think i had to be that quick with the warnings Rio: next day hurts Indie: always? Rio: 'less you prepare and do it right Rio: it can be bearable Rio: better than you feeling, no doubt Indie: how i do that? school me yeah Rio: 'course Rio: on the to-do list now Indie: we doing the next as a back to school thing so you got a few to bring me up Rio: you best be doing it at some other fucker's gaff and all Rio: giving me grey hairs 🙄 Indie: 😂😂✌✌ Indie: imma make that boy host it Indie: if he love me Rio: You're getting a chaperone regardless Indie: serious? Rio: yeah Indie: 💔💔💔 Rio: don't start like you don't know why Indie: i aint trippin you are tho if u think i want a repeat Rio: what, you too cool for me now? Indie: innit 😏😏😏 Indie: but nah just Rio: you so is Rio: you think imma embarrass you in-front of your mans Indie: he aint gon b my mans if u there Indie: whos 👀 me over u Rio: nah don't be silly Indie: im being real Indie: ur 💣💣💣🔥🔥🔥 Rio: so are you Rio: and I don't think a lad who likes you will be into me Indie: every lad b into u they all chat on u fully 😍😍😍💘💘😍 Rio: sounds like plenty are into you too Indie: 😂😂 it was for the spin Indie: cant pussy out Rio: 😏 mhmm Rio: well I promise you I won't be joining in, like Rio: now come let me in if you got strength to get the door Indie: 💪💪 babyyy Indie: [lets her in cos fuck know what drew is doing, flexing in the mirror probably] Rio: [lol watch him rush out when he realize] Indie: [hears her voice & runs out pretending to be casual] Rio: [oh boy, do not deserve her sorting your life, temporarily, but it's for Indie so] Indie: [bless her she's dying rn & just wants to be snuggled cos literal child] Rio: [give them a sec 'scuse you sir] Indie: [I hate everything about this, Carly didn't die for this] Rio: [just making leftovers] Indie: [drew chatting to her like she's here to hang with him & we all know] Rio: [don't you touch caleb's food bitch] Indie: [is nothing sacred you slag] Indie: [indie just fully lying stretched out on the counter like its a bed like let me die] Rio: [getting a bag of peas or some shit in a tea towel and putting it on her head] Indie: [such a good mum but that don't mean you can step ma her drew] Rio: [not her fault she can converse more like a grown-up than you Indie: [we should send Indie running off to the bathroom no offense Caleb but I'm evil & wanna leave them alone for a sec for the mood] Rio: [shoulda gone to hold her hair but now you can level with him and he can pretend he's a responsible adult lmao] Indie: [& Ryan can be highkey & he can pretend he cares] Rio: [ah the joys]
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passive-aggressions · 5 years
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The one that got away?
You seem to have your life together, I'm happy for you. Last thing you need is for me to throw you a curve ball in your life. I was selfish and stupid to think you were in the wrong. I was wrong the whole time and it kills me. Theirs more to life than just looks and all. Who gives a fuck if you're not PERFECT...I'm not. It was never fair of me to think that. I'm sure you wanted a MAN, someone who had a career, someone who didn't overthink, someone who knew how to take care of you, someone with the perfect dick, someone with your perfect traits, but you were still loyal...you were the only one. It's hard for me to admit, but you were the only one I truly fit with. I was too stupid to see it, and now that I do it's all fucked and will never be unfucked. You were the only one who stayed loyal, the only one who supported me 100%, the only one not scared to tell me what I NEEDED to hear, the only one not trying to change me, the only one I didn't change for, the only one that was ready for this...for us. I'm going to be frank and just say it. I've been denying it all along, but I've made a mistake letting you go. Maybe we could have been something, maybe we could have been traveling right now, maybe we could have been living life to the fullest, maybe. Am I selfish to think that you've been writing about me? Should I swallow all my pride and talk to you? Should I run the risk of looking desperate? Do you hate me? I know this isn't going to be easy, and I don't expect things to change quickly. But I miss the times we spent together, I miss the relationship, I miss the purity of it, I miss not checking out every girl that walked by because I had YOU, I miss how it flowed, I miss all of it. When I think back to the people I let go in life, I think of the negatives, that's all that can come up. But with you I dont remember the negatives...only the fun times, the hot nasty times, the heart dropping times...all the good times. This will most likely not be read by you but I wish I knew these answers. I wish we could start over and see if it leads somewhere...their is no rebound here. Do I miss the touch of a woman? Yes. Do I miss having someone to call amor? Yes. Do I miss you? Yes. But the last thing I want is to take advantage of you and to make you feel as if you aren't a priority and a rebound...again. Trust me I don't give a fuck about anybody right now and I've moved on... I had to learn the hard way about that one. But for some reason you're always on my mind...even during my run around with other people... a close friend whispered under his breath that I had it right the first time...I think he was right. You don't need me, I get that. I just wish I didn't break up with you because I thought the relationship was turning into a booty call...how fucking stupid of me. I'll never be able to tell you to your face because I don't want to add this bump to the road for you. You're doing well for yourself without me and that's all I can really hope for. But oh how I wish I knew if things could work out. We've tried to be friends before...but something pulls hard towards more and idk what it is but I've never felt it before. I don't think I can muster the courage to speak to you face to face first. But I know if I ever do, itll be like nothing has changed, we just click.
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whatislv · 7 years
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What do you love about your muse? What do you hate about your muse?
MUNDAY! Questions for mun, regarding the muse! Send in a number and I'll answer as best I can.
{{ WHAT DO I LOVE... oh boy.well, most engagingly, HONESTLY I REALLY LOVE HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH MAITRION... if it wasnt for maitri, im not so sure lv would have made anywhere NEAR as much progress as he has for being, like... yknow. a decent guy.maitri was one of the first to crack through into lv's defensive, distancing tendencies and actually get him to talk about his feelings a little bit! A LITTLE BIT. which was a lot more than he'd done for anyone besides his timeline's chara; which, im sure you can imagine was kind of Not Great for lv as it is."the only person i can relate to is the person who i watched murder all my friends and family, then murdered me." not, uhh. not great.
i love that... he recovered. i really do. i was totally gearing up to have another damaged, prickish, bittersweet muse- and its not that lv isnt any of those things! goodness knows hes certainly capable of turning around and shoving his pain and distrust in people's faces in the form of snark and harsh words. but he also actively tries to be a better person despite it, because thats actually something he wants.he doesnt wanna be a badass. he doesnt wanna be feared, or push people around. he just wants to hang out and share some drinks and snacks with friends and family.i love that about him.
on the flip side...
instead of actively trying to fix the things that turn him back into that paranoid, angry person that he was, he opts to just bury it and hope itll heal on its own, but it just doesnt work that way. hes covering up a very weak scar; it doesnt take a lot to tear it back open and let the whole world see hes not doing as well as he wants you to think, and we saw that back when he got those flashbacks in that m!a. LITERALLY... BACK TO BLOGSTART SNARKITUDE, CYNICISM, AND ANGER TOWARDS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WHO DESERVED IT. SMH
he makes effort in very infrequent, very brief periods. he thinks that so long as things are running smoothly, itll be fine! and hopes that the next time something comes to upset his carefully maintained balance, he'll be able to handle it...but even beyond his HP issue, hes fragile. his progress is going to be very slow and arduous if he keeps just refusing to deal with the issue.
which, y'know, he will. because it's what he does, and what he has done, and will continue to do.with everything and anything that even comes close to pertaining to whats hurting him.
well... that, and that he PUTS WALLS UP AROUND HIMSELF IN THE FORM OF MILES OF INTERPERSONAL DISTANCE. god!!! fuck. RE: "THAT GUY DOESN'T TELL ANYONE ANYTHING!" IT PISSES ME OFF SO BAD FJDHSdude wants friends and i waNT HIM TO HAVE FRIENDS BUT HE'S AFRAID OF GETTING CLOSE TO PEOPLE. AWFULit wouldnt be SO bad if he just kept them at a distance, but thats only how it starts!ive noticed he has a nasty trend of being sad he doesnt have friends, going and trying to make friends, and then he gets spooked when he finds himself getting comfortable around them too quick and fucks back off again.
hadz. buddy, }}
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emmmmy16-blog · 7 years
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everyone always asks me “how are you and matt” bc i never really say anything at all about us. i literally always say “good” and keep the conversation rolling back to whatever we were discussing before hand. whenever people ask me this, it frightens me, bc when i really think about it.. are we actually “good”?? i have no idea. no one understand my need for constant reassurance that everything is fine bc no one has dealt with the things i have dealt with. when youve been through things, you start to doubt everything especially yourself. you dont believe in yourself or others when they say everything is okay. if i get the tiniest since that something has changed in my relationship, it freaks me the fuck out and my mind just tells me over and over that i did something wrong and its about to be over for me. i get so angry with myself that i just dont know what to do. i sit there screaming, beating myself up and sometimes when its really bad i feel as if bc i fucked up the one good thing i had in my life, i need to punish myself. when in reality nothings changed and i havent fucked anything, my mind and anxiety just tricks me into thinking it. so i make a dumb decision in my hour of numbness and i pull the razor blades out and i start to cut my wrist.. but its not working... the pain isnt stopping the feeling of being a fuck up isnt going away.so i keep doing it, harder and harder each time, hoping that maybe if i just push a little deeper and bleed a little more that itll help me feel better. but of course, it never does. all that it has done now is leave nasty scars on my wrist which make me self concious every minute of everyday. makes me feel even more like a fucking burden than i did before bc i feel as if i overreacted and i had no right to feel the way i was feeling. and even though i hate the marks on my wrist and i hate being worried people will see them... the only person i would be okay with seeing them hasnt even noticed at all. i know if he did see them i would choke up and do my usual run down of denying verything, but just knowing he saw i was hurting so bad and to hear him be concerned would, and i know how fucking ridiculous this sounds, but it would make me feel all the mother fucking better. like iaccomplished something. like i got the reasurance that he still cares and that he still loves me. i just hate this feeling. i feel like i have no one at all. when i know i do its just so hard for me to feel connected with anyone and in the rare chance that i do, in this casw mt bf, i feel as though he doesnt want me turning to me, so that just makes me keep it in even more. and to make matters worse, everytime i do end up opening up to him, i feel stupid for it afterwards bc he thinks im overreacting when i really just want to have someone to talk to. i just wish things were easier. i wish he didnt block me out. i wish he understood me. i wish we cared for me like i care for him. i wanted this summer to be the best one yet. i was gonna be withmy best friend all the time and just loving life, and its just not going ot be that way. im going to see him maybe once every weekend if im lucky. what the fuck am i supposed to do?  how do you think that makes me feel? like im annoying. like he is bored of me. like ive done something to fuck things up. i could see him for just one day and all this would go away for the time being and i would realize how once again my mind is just fucking with me. but its just really hard for me not to doubt this. i just want him to love me. i just need him to want to be with me. i just dont know what to do with myself anymore. im terrifed to ask him to see me bc i cant take the rejection i know im going to get. i just cant stand the thought of you not wanting me. i try so hard to be perfect for you and i let you do whatever you want just please love me. 
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