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thenerdytomboynewb96 · 5 years

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Samantha Allan Park Ch. 47

Any references to TMNT or anything from popular media and culture is NOT MINE. I only own my OC's. Any references to “TMNT Out of the Shadows” DO NOT BELONG TO ME. Only my additions that I came up with myself belong to me. Anything from the films or other series ARE NOT MINE, only my OC’s and my ideas that I have added onto the story FOR FUN. Thank you.

Chapter #47

Saturday July 11th, 2015. 3a.m. at the lair-or so we think Theme: All Time Low-Nightmares

“Why…Why can’t you just learn to shut up and listen?!” Sam shouted, still standing in place where she was now a few steps away from Raph. “Do you honestly think I wanted this? You think that I openly joined that shitty clan? I’d rather die than loyally join them! But you wouldn’t know that because you can’t keep your mouth shut!” Sam now slowly started walking forward towards Raph, whose shell was still stuck in the wall after she had kicked him in her rage. “Sam, wait-” “SHUT UP!” As Sam screamed out, forceful wind gusts flew out to the sides of her body. “You don’t know anything, god there’s still so much that you don’t yet know and understand. But hey, months of getting to know someone obviously doesn’t mean shit to you. Someone telling you about the most terrifying and scarring parts of their life obviously DOESN’T MEAN SHIT to you. Watching someone breakdown in front of you, open their heart to you, you saw all of that first hand, and how do you react? You degrade that person’s family and call them a liar! This is why I didn’t come to you guys in the first place, I knew you would react this way, ESPECIALLY YOU! I knew I made the right decision when I did and you’ve given me all the proof I need that I never should have trusted you EVER. You know how trapped you feel right now, that fear of not being able to control a damn thing that’s about to happen to you? I’ve been living that way since Thursday night. Wrong, I’ve been living that way my entire life! You’re right, my life is so fucked up that I am broken, and now you’re going to know what it’s like to be broken to.”

Sam paused…where were the others? This was when Mikey was supposed to link arms with her and pull her back, when Leo was supposed to shove her away and then Donnie pin her neck against the wall with his bo. This was when the three prevented her from killing her brother by punching his face to mush, so where were they? “They’re not coming” Raph mumbled. Sam looked up in horror as she saw Raph was now missing an eye, as if it had literally just been ripped from his face. Sam just stood there, covering her mouth since she sensed she was about to throw up. “Isn’t this what you wanted?” Raph asked, as small drips of blood escaped from his lips as he spoke. “This is what you wanted. You knew that if you let me make you mad that this would happen.” “No-” she choked out, only to continue to be cut off by the turtle in front of her who continued to look worse and worse every time she had the guts to somehow look back at him. “Yes, you knew Shredder was experimenting on you and yet you still took those pills to help you get out of those restraints. And then you got into an argument with me, knowing you would turn into a monster and would kill me-” “I NEVER MEANT TO KILL YOU!!!” Sam shrieked as she looked back at Raph as the tears were pouring from her eyes. More and more tears poured from her sockets as she saw that Raph’s face was now black and blue. His face had changed color so drastically that only the green from the rest of his skin proved that his face had ever been green at all. “And yet you were going to. That punch, if you were lucky enough to calm yourself to only throw one, would have crushed my skull. My brain wouldn’t exist anymore. You wanted to murder me.” As Raph spoke his voice slowly became louder and louder. “I never wanted-” “But you were going to! You had no self-control and my life meant that little to you!” “It wasn’t me, I needed to get away so I injected some mutagen-” “Knowing it would give you strength! Strength so that you could KILL ME!” “No! I-” “YOU’RE A MURDERER! YOU WANTED TO KILL AND YOU WERE GOING TO! If my brothers hadn’t shown up then what do you think you were going to do Sam?!” At this point Raph had somehow gained the strength to remove himself from the wall and he was now walking towards Sam. “Raph, please-” “WERE WE GONNA HUG IT OUT?! I DON’T THINK SO! I knew what you wanted and you were a second away from stealing my life, the life of one of your best friends, of one of your brothers! WHAT SISTER TRIES TO KILL HER OWN FAMILY?!?!” Raph bellowed as his voice echoed off the walls of the dojo. That’s when he marched right up to her and grabbed her by the neck. He pulled her so that her ear from her shaking head was right in front of his mouth. “Well, since you intended to kill me, I guess I’ll have to fight back in self-defense” he whispered, and once the words escaped his bleeding lips, he slammed her face first into the ground. Sam was too shocked to speak as he pulled her back up, his hand still gripped onto her neck. Sam could feel that her nose was broken and she could taste the blood in her mouth from all different types of cuts. She was amazed that she could feel or taste anything as the air was being prevented from entering her body to allow her to breathe because of the grip around her neck. “How does it feel Sam? To die from having your face bashed in again and again?” Raph snarled as he repeatedly slammed Sam’s face against the concrete beneath them. Sam then began to howl in pain. She happened to look into a piece of broken glass that just happened to be on the ground nearby and saw that her face now resembled his: her nose had been crushed, where his eye was gone that eye of hers was completely bloodshot red, there were cuts and small chunks taken from her ear lobes (matching the patches of skin scratched off along the sides of his head), her lips were cut and bloodied, and her cheeks were black, blue, and purple, besides for the rest of the red blood that coated her face. She knew that this was a symbol of what Raph would have looked like if she had succeeded in punching the shit out of him that night if she hadn’t been stopped by the others.

“Stop it! I never meant for this! I never wanted this!” she wailed as she lost feeling in a majority of her body. “And yet you joined the Foot, joined them on missions, and then had the guts to defend and protect them rather than hiding yourself so that we couldn’t find you! YOU’RE WEAK! YOU’RE AN IDIOT! AND WORST OF ALL, you let yourself get caught! You tried to kill me, so I’m going to make you see what happens when you attack someone with a temper they can’t control.” Sam braced herself as Raph flipped her over and was now positioning himself to slam the back of her head down onto the solid already bloodied concrete for the final time.

Sam jolted awake and was now sitting up in bed. Her breathing was ridiculously fast and she could feel the tears in her eyes and the vomit in her throat. She sprinted to the bathroom down the hall and threw up into the toilet a couple of times and then dry heaved for a couple of minutes before her body finally calmed down and allowed her to realize it was just another nightmare.

Since all her friends knew that Jay was going to be away for two weeks on his honeymoon, a bunch of Sam’s female friends and their older sisters who were friends with Brenda and Jay had invited themselves to come over to the apartment earlier that night and hangout with Sam so that she wouldn’t feel lonely (not realizing she had planned to spend the entire two weeks underground). This meant that she had returned home for the day and had spent the entire day in her house talking, dancing, playing games, and doing all other sorts of things with her friends. This had gone on all the way until 12:45a.m. to which the last females safely took an Uber home since multiple guests had to work the next day. Sam had decided to call it a night and after a quick shower she hopped into bed and decided she would join up with her friends later that day. She never expected that she would have yet another nightmare. She had been having nightmares ever since she lost her siblings, but they had decreased tremendously once she became friends with the turtles…but then they came back and were ten times worse after she had joined the Foot.

She had lost track of how many she had and how they involved everyone. One nightmare involved Raph and Mikey being killed at police headquarters after she had helped the two sneak in. Another nightmare involved the brothers getting hurt when they went to save Sam from Shredder after she joined the Foot and their rescue attempt had failed. One dream involved the older three blaming Sam because Mikey had taken his own life after not being able to handle Sam dying from saving him from being affected by the electronic whip that technically killed her the first time. She also had a dream where she messed up when she tricked Karai into thinking she would hurt the turtles when she froze the electric whip she had aimed at Mikey and in this case had hurt him so badly that he ended up with severe injuries afterwards. She had had a few dreams where she hurt Donnie as he helped her test her limits with her powers and she lost control. She had dreams where she hurt the brothers, and some involved the brothers hurting her. Some dreams involved one or more of the brothers harming her in order to avenge a brother that she had hurt or killed. Tonight she had had a dream about the time where she easily could have killed Raph if no one had come to intervene, and obviously this dream focused on her realizing what could have happened if she had actually killed Raph while also making her receive a taste of her own medicine from the wrath she threw at him that same night.

Once Sam’s body had calmed down she quickly left the bathroom, grabbed her bag with her gear in it, and threw on a hoodie since she had been in her pajamas and hadn’t been wearing a bra underneath. She then adjusted the locks and scanners in her room as he left through the balcony stairway outside her window and then entered the sewers through a manhole in the alley behind her apartment building. This was instantly what she did every time she had one of these nightmares. Whoever was most involved with her in the nightmare was always who she visited instantly. It was as if the only thing that made everything okay was actually seeing the person she thought she had harmed, or who she thought had harmed her, and confirming with them that everything had been a horrible dream and that in reality everyone was safe and okay. Of course, she always did this without telling a soul. There were multiple nights where Jay had contacted the guys in a panic because Sam wasn’t home and he hadn’t known that she had had a nightmare and had gone underground and visited whoever she had the nightmare about. She was also reprimanded by all her brothers since she would go visit that person involved in the nightmare regardless of whether or not it was a safe time to do so. Again, it was a little after 3.a.m. and Sam was now leaving her building and wandering the sewers alone, knowing the Foot and Purple Dragons still existed.

But this was what Sam did, every single time. She was silent (besides for her heavy breathing) as she walked at an incredibly fast pace down the sewer tunnels towards the lair. She had a tablet in her hands that she used to hack into Donnie’s systems so that she could enter the lair without waking anyone. In record time she entered the lair and quickly turned a corner from the living room so that she was now heading towards Raph’s bedroom. She had tossed her tablet onto the couch and was now booking it towards the bedroom. Usually if the door was locked she would just ‘slump’ her body so that it forcefully leaned on the door and made enough noise to awaken whichever brother was in the dream that time. If the door was unlocked then she would ever so slowly open it, and if the brother was sleeping then she would literally carefully climb into the bed with them and within seconds they would know what was going on.

Sam didn’t have a chance for either of these things to happen since she saw that the door was open and that Raph was not in the room once she arrived. This made Sam worry that her dream was more than just a dream and that Raph was actually gone. What if everything else was a dream and she had actually killed Raph? She had no right to be here, but did the brothers even know? What if she had hurt him so much that there wasn’t a body left, did they even know where Raph was? Had she hurt them? Oh god what if she didn’t just unleash her wrath on Raph and she had harmed the other brothers?! What if-”

Suddenly muscular arms wrapped themselves around her. She hadn’t realized her knees were buckling beneath her and that she was about to collapse into a ball on the floor until she felt the arms wrap themselves around her and help keep her standing on her feet. “It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s in my room, that’s where he crashed. I’ll go get him, okay?” Sam recognized Mikey’s voice and she recognized his touch as he was now gently rubbing his hands up and down her arms. The feeling made her feel more relaxed and allowed her to respond with a nod of her head. Mikey then gently scooped her up and carried her over towards his brother’s bed where he sat her down. He kneeled down in front of the girl who had brought her knees up to her chest and had wrapped her arms tightly around her knees. He saw the redness in her eyes and could tell that this had been a really bad nightmare. “I’m gonna go get him, so don’t leave okay? He’s fine I promise. Breathe with me” he said as he put his hands on both of the girl’s cheeks and took slow breaths and continued to do so until her breathing matched his.

Mikey then eased his way out of the room, never taking his eyes off of Sam until he literally couldn’t see her anymore, and seconds later Raph had walked into the room. He quickly made his way over to the bed and threw his arms around the girl who was already beginning to cry again. “Whatever I did or whatever you did, we’re both okay. We’re healthy and we’re safe, no one is hurt or in danger I promise” he reassured her as he kept his arms wrapped around her. He hated to hear her cry, and it broke him even more when he saw her cry, but he knew that when she was like this she needed someone to take care of her. Sam was one of the toughest people he had ever met, but there were still times where she was weak and needed others in order to get by. This was one of those times.

The two just sat there for a few minutes as the girl released her tears as she cried into his shoulder. Raph just sat there and did the regular things that got Sam to calm down: he ran his hand up and down her back, he ran his fingers through her hair. Sam had made it clear to all the brothers that she was a touchy feely person even if not necessarily in a romantic way. Once a few minutes had passed and Sam had calmed down Raph leaned back and looked her in the eye. This was usually the signal that he was ready to listen to whatever it was that had happened. Sam took a long breath, and struggled in doing so, before she finally spoke. “I had the dream where I almost killed you again” she whimpered. Raph sighed and ran his hand down his face. “Man, again? Was it the same as last time where you beat me to a pulp and then faced my brothers afterwards?” he asked in a guilty manner, hating himself for even leading Sam to have these past experiences that now lead her to having these nightmares. “No actually. This one was different” she said as she timidly looked up at him. “This time it was you who ridiculed me. Your face became more and more deformed as you verbally and then physically fought back.” Raph looked as if he had seen a ghost. This was a new nightmare scenario indeed. Usually when Sam had this nightmare she had already killed Raph and she was either tortured with the realization of the monster she almost became, or she faced the emotional and physical fights from his brothers as they avenged their brother by attacking his killer, but this time it was him who had harmed Sam in the nightmare. “Did…did I do something that made the dream change?” he asked as he looked more to his left and down at the bed. Sam rapidly shook her head. “Of course not. I talked to a therapist about this once and he told me that sometimes when similar nightmares change it’s because of alternate scenarios that could have happened. I guess this time my mind wondered how you would have reacted if I had paused. I guess my mind assumed you would have resumed to defending yourself and would have killed me since I had intended to kill you…wait, I mean!-” “I know what you meant Sam. The mutagen kicked in and made you go haywire after I set you off. You never meant to hurt me, you just lost control because of me.” Sam could tell by the look in his eye that he regretted every scene that was replaying itself in his head. Man she wished she could take back everything that had happened that night not even a full year ago.

She gently held onto Raph’s right arm. He looked up at her, the shame in his thoughts displayed on his face. “Hey, we both wish we could go back and fix what happened. But it’s okay now. Just like you said, we’re both healthy and we’re both safe. Everything worked out and everything is back to normal again. Everything was out of context and we both made mistakes, but we’ve grown and learned from them. These nightmares aren’t your fault” she said in a soothing tone. The girl’s words were helpful, but there were still dark thoughts in the turtles mind. “Do you ever wonder what life would be like now? If one of those bad scenarios actually happened?” he asked shyly. Sam sighed and flopped back onto the bed. “All the time. I wonder what would have happened if I had actually killed you. I know I never would forgive myself. I know your brothers would shun me, and I wouldn’t blame them-” “Stop” Raph said rather harshly, although he hadn’t intended to sound that way. Sam paused and pursed her lips together and kept them shut. “Just…I wonder the same thing” Raph mumbled, continuing to look everywhere but at her, but that was before Sam shot up and made him look at her. “What are you talking about?” she asked. Raph sighed. “You could have died if something had gone wrong while you were with the Foot, and I’m the main reason we didn’t help you. I pushed you over your limits because I had to be an ass about not fully trusting you and then what do we learn? You’ve been covering for us the whole damn time.” Sam now realized that as Raph talked through gritted teeth he was also clenching his fists together. She looked up at him with gentle eyes only to see that he had reverted back to looking away from her. Sensing the tension in the air, Sam leaned over and rested her head on the turtles shoulder. “You can’t keep thinking that way. I know I need to stop thinking this way as well. It’s these thoughts that keep making us have these nightmares” she muttered. She felt an arm wrap around her. “I know, but I can’t just ignore how I acted and I can’t just ignore what could have happened if things didn’t turn out as lucky for us as they did.” “Well then don’t forget what happened, but keep thinking about how to make up for it” Sam said as she sat back up and looked him in the eyes. “Next time I act all sketchy, now you know to trust me no matter what. And you also know that no matter what situation I’m in that I’ll always have your back, same for the others.” This finally got Raph to smile. “Yeah, and I know from now on that you’ll never go behind our backs. Unless it’s a prank war that is” he said with a smirk. Sam shrugged. “Everyone is each other’s enemies when the prank wars begin my friend. No one can ever be trusted during those times.” She was happy to see that Raph was feeling better as he chuckled from her comment. Sam rocked herself forward and then stood up in front of him. “So, you ready for the next part of getting past nightmares?” she asked as she held her hand in front of her for him to take.

When Sam went to talk to whichever brother was involved in the nightmare, a new tradition had come about within each pairing. She and Leo would always go meditate and would then discuss the nightmare while drinking tea in his room. Donnie, being the speed demon that he was, loved to run out his emotions with Sam before the two officially found a spot to cool down and talk things out. Mikey and Raph handled things the opposite way. Mikey needed to talk things out and then needed to complete a fun activity with his partner in crime afterwards to prove that everything was okay. Raph also needed to talk things out before he could do anything else, and afterwards, he needed to complete some type of physical activity. Usually the two would work out in the dojo, but sometimes they completed more leisurely activities as well. Tonight Raph was more interested in using the batting cages in the secret hangout that Mikey and Sam had prepared which was now a huge underground fun house.

Raph looked up at Sam before taking her hand. “Before we end this conversation, you know I would never hurt you, right? Putting the past in the past, nothing like that will ever happen again and I’ll never treat you like I did. You know that, right?” he asked cautiously. Sam brought her hand back to her side. “I know that as long as you know I’ll never do anything to betray you guys ever again, and I swear I’ll never hurt any of you guys either. The past is the past, and nothing from the past will ever repeat itself.” Raph nodded with a small smirk. “In that case, race you to the batting cages!” he announced as he quickly lunged forward, scooped Sam up, and tossed her onto his bed as he then ran out the door. “Mikey let’s go!” Raph called, knowing that his youngest brother would still be awake, and this was proven correct as a hyper Michelangelo dashed through the hallways and was now silently tailing his brother. Sam sat up as quick as she could and tried to catch up to the others as fast as she could. The whole time she was laughing and having fun with her brothers she continued to remind herself that she would NEVER let the past repeat itself ever again. Her life was perfect and she would never allow anything to ever change that.

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