#they haven't been offered a stable environment to actually recognize that this still is Off....

[datastate]

how do i write the fact that mr. chidouin is enabling kai’s self-destructive tendencies/the pedestal he places the chidouins on when mr. chidouin isn’t there (i could’ve written the manipulation outright even if kai didn’t recognize it in his own dialogue) and the fic is from kai’s pov (where he thinks of them as no less than his salvation and for the longest time didn’t notice it because he was too taken aback by the fact he was offered kindness and compassion at all in the first place...)

#like i think. i've done okay. but i just really do want to hammer home that even though kai thinks highly of them #and although mr. chidouin does have moments where he is genuinely kind/fond of kai. that kai is being emotionally manipulated ! #a normal person would not reaffirm your fears that you're too encased in ''sin'' (which is initially an asunaro concept #embedded in his mindset and a primary source of his conflict when he first is assigned to the chidouins) #they would be careful. sure. but they wouldn't completely bar you from interacting with the family in a normal way... #just. he orchestrates the whole thing where kai is unintentionally harming sara because he wasn't offered an alternative #or he was - but there was subtle pressure kai didn't recognize as intentional to not take it because he'd hurt her #alongside asunaro's eye and all it's just....ugh. it's so convoluted. #i know how it works in my mind from an objective and personal standpoint but it's so hard to get across #that someone is being abused when they themselves are 1) being treated better than they initially were #& 2) they cannot recognize abuse because regardless of any genuine love that was present prior #they haven't been offered a stable environment to actually recognize that this still is Off.... #explodes. i'm rambling. hello. how is your day #i'll figure this out before i post the fic ofc but -_-;; #jestersvaguely #yttdposting #abuse mention #father abuse mention