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#theyre not things i can actually confront them abt so usually i just gotta deal w it which is fine but it lowers my general tolerance
toastsnaffler · 10 months
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nvm im too tired and overstimulated for this shit
#.vent#i only slept a couple hours last night man. i cant do short notice evening socials on an empty tank let alone resist unexpected rsd#if they had let me know earlier then i wouldve taken a nap and worked out beforehand to get my energy back up#idk just. if u rly want my company then maybe u should actually invite me next time. its not like they didnt plan it#even if they just forgot its not particularly pleasant to be the one person insignificant enough to forget abt. theres only 5 of us#they rly remembered to ask the one guy who isnt even here before me yknow. ugh u see the stupid thoughts i have to battle!!#like on a rational level ik it was probably genuinely accidental. but the way i instinctively react is not always rational#so regardless someone has to deal with the emotional fallout and thats me. regulating this shit is hard work even when im NOT tired asf#i really really dont want to be an asshole and spoil anyones fun bc its no-ones fault + as real as it feels to me rn ik im overreacting#but i cant voluntarily expose myself to personal triggers when im already exhausted + more vulnerable than usual#so just gotta shut myself in my room and deal with it in my own super healthy ways as per usual. may they never fucking find out#trying my best not to be an asshole i hope to fucking god they dont think im being an asshole i just told them i was tired + i meant it#this wouldnt be so much of a problem if it hadnt happened to me before. and also ik its bc one rsd trigger makes me more sensitive-#to picking up unrelated cues but there ARE other things they do that i find ostracising which rly dont fucking help. but-#theyre not things i can actually confront them abt so usually i just gotta deal w it which is fine but it lowers my general tolerance#its ok. its ok i like them all a lot theyre lovely ppl and it doesnt matter if there is a some grain of truth in the things im thinking#bc the risk of me believing + acting on a bad faith irrational thought leads to outcomes that are far worse than those from#misidentifying someones malicious behaviour towards me as neutral by accident/in good faith. okay im done now i think#just ignore me spewing out the old brain gunk on main again eurgh anyway im gonna go calm myself and read and SLEEP#ill be normal by tomorrow morning farewell comrades#honestly i dont mind dealing w shit this way bc its the best option for everyone but man. sometimes its so fucking lonely#like there are sides of me ppl will never engage with and for good reason but without them being acknowledged i find it rly hard to feel-#any real emotional intimacy or closeness with another person. but what other option is there#i sure as hell dont miss the fights i used to constantly get into when i wasnt able to regulate myself i lost so many friends that way#it is what it is. on we go for now
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toomanyskeletons · 7 years
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do all the oc asks ALL of them for AT LEAST two of your ocs (evil laughter)
“evil”
you act as if talking extensively about my ocs does not bring me joy (i’ll only do two probably bc i do have some asks from other people so i’ll have to do those with other ocs, and i’ll try to stick to the same two for the most part.
or three. maybe three.)
anyway let’s begin
1. if they had a tumblr, what would they post about?
Sam: hmm i think probably some blog like. Mostly trans positivity posts with scattered posts abt how much she loves her gf
Amelia: considering her popularity status she’d run some blog like. U kno the blogs tumblr celebrities run i guess? So like. Reblogging a few general funny posts and answering select asks while getting like 200 every day.
 2. what’s their favourite colour?
 Sam: she likes blue :o like. Light blues. Also she keeps her hair dyed light blue as well
Amelia: purple. Honestly idk much more i can say about this.
 3. What makes them laugh?
 Sam: shitty puns and memes, mostly. The type of person who laughs out loud when u just say ‘egg’. She’s probably still into ‘xD tacos’ random humour.
Amelia: the polar opposite of sam in this regard. Laughs at intellectual humor. Like. rich fancy people. I know it exists but i cant think of any specific examples. Politely laughs at things people say are funny but she does not find them actually funny.
 4. If they had one day left to live, how would they spend it?
 Sam: “lmao dw i’ll probably just go to hell anyway” wait no context is important. She’s like. Actually how do i make this not sound bad rip. Uh. basically she is a business partner of lucifer who is actually p chill but that’s another story
Anyway that means like. If she dies she’ll probably just come back as a ghost or a higher tier demon.
O fuk now i really wanna draw that
Amelia: panicking and trying to find a way to not die. She had things she wants to do and a public record to maintain and jeez  i just realised how much ames has changed compared the the first universe she was in. i mean YEAH completely different life experiences but rip
 5. Do they have any annoying habits?
 -this is really subjective bc of what different people consider annoying but
Sam: people say she laughs too much. That is not her annoying habit is, her annoying habit is tellling lucifer when people say that so lucifer can like. Ban them from reincarnation or put a curse on them or something like that. Also sometimes when she cant be bothered to go that extra step she might go into the past and become that person’s grandmother.
...that second one isnt really an annoying habit to most people but to the one guy who has to help keep control of time, it is a very annoying habit and what makes up like half of his job doings.
 Amelia: sometimes goes very over the top with things. One time she stole a magic book by becoming a security guard at the place where it was kept and then took the book and ran. So like, instead of doing things illegally, she did it also illegally and got a month’s pay from it as well.
I guess she’s like. Extra™
 6. What’s their favourite movie genre?
I s2fg i have mentioned this sometime in one of the long texts i have written involving these characters but i cant remember so
Sam: tbh probably more realistic/contemporary stuff, rom-coms, slice of life, coming of age etc. Like. her life is a science fiction/fantasy movie she’s a time traveler working with the dark lord lucifer ffs. Also she’d probably get annoyed on tiny details while watching historical stuff like
“That never happened”
“Sam it’s fiction, it’s a movie, how would they have known that”
“Well maybe they didn’t know it but it’s still fucking annoying”
 Amelia: probably similar to sam, her life is fuckin busy and always people and she’s famous so like. Escape from her life is to indulge in the normal things.
 Just as a side note this does take place in a modern-ish fantasy world so idk what fantasy movies would be considered there but. They exist. I’ll work this out sooner or later
 Also bonus character bc its fucking funny - Zeph: zephyr likes horror movies. She also likes to watch horror movies with her brother. Her brother does not share her same passion for horror movies. He has a certain threshold before he has to flee the room and cuddle someone. This is mostly why zeph likes horror movies. She is pretty picky with what she considers ‘good’ and spends most of her time making fun of horror movies.
And, like the rest of us, secretly freaks out when she is alone at night and hears a sound outside. But for significantly less long because she knows exactly how to make fun of it.
 7. What are their religious beliefs?
 Alright i might not (read: will not currently) answer this bc i’m still working out how to handle religion in this, bc basically there is historical evidence for how the world was created. But obviously that’s not the only component to religion?
Another point would be that actually i still havent got around to creating any religions yet.i still gotta get around to getting down a more detailed history of the world first but i am planning it
 8. What’s their current job (if they have one)?
Yes BITCH i have been WAITIGN for a question like this
 Sam: basically she made a deal with lucifer and runs many errands for them. But also they helped her a LOT when they helped her escape a shitty transphobic environment and also the two became best friends? So i mean she doesn’t get paid but that takes up a lot of her time
Also she, at one stage, becomes part of this thing called the council which i haven’t quite worked out how they work in this universe yet. Theyre a bunch of strong magic people who work in coordination with the Champion (more on this below) to put down rules about magic. Theyre a reused concept from this story i made when i was like. 10. So the idea does need some reworking.
 Amelia: amelia is the champion, which is basically the title given to the person who wins at a big magic competition. Its a p big job, lots of publicity and pr and often regretted by the people who do end up getting there
(like? This one guy? He was kinda like “oh yeah sounds fun” and then he fucking won and he was like “lmao i’ll lose next year” and then he kept the position for 7 years and after that got so fucking sick of it he faked his assassination and became a reclusive mysterious millionaire)
Anyway she enjoys it for the first while until there is a real threat of her being assassinated unlike the aforementioned dude
But she enjoys being around people to an extent, and like. She enjoys making people happy, so
 9. How do they react to confrontation?
 Sam: similar way to what i described before. Like. jsut the little things. Cursing them with the help of lucifer, becoming their grandmother, you know. The usual ways people deal with confrontation.
Amelia: curiosity, further questioning, keeping calm, kinda just. Being chill about it. She wants to make herself a better person, in general, and if someone is deliberately being a confrontational asshole she prefers to just state her point calmly.
 10. Do they have a criminal record?
 Sam: you know? Probably? She kills a bunch of assholes where it’s required, but also she legally doesn’t exist? So? Idk? She’s been arrested a few times, but considering there is no information on her existence at all-
*shrugs* idfk how the law works.
 Amelia: well, technically, no, she only did illegal things last universe and had a pretty fancy upbringing this universe, so there was no reason for her to do the illegals and also like. Public image and stuff. She worries a lot about public image.
 11. What’s their favourite plant?
 Another thing which i feel i have mentioned somewhere but idfk where
 Sam: likes hydrangeas. They’re pretty.
Amelia: can i just say. It is definitely not catnip. Actually. Maybe? Like. she had some pretty fuckin negative experiences with catnip where she destroyed reality for like a solid five seconds by accident and went to purgatory, but also she made two life friends out of it, so? Maybe catnip after all.
 12. Can they play any instruments?
 Sam: “does the kazoo count”
Amelia: nope
 But because this was boring, i’m going to do a special guest feature from her half brother ryan who is a semi-popular youtube vlogger/musician-y dude. or . whatever this world’s equivalent of youtube is. Uh. metube. Yotube. I’ll think about it.
 Ryan: he plays the guitar and sings and he’s damn fucking good at it and he knows it. Also he shares the same combination of forgetting how to outlet his anger in healthy ways + poor impulse control which means that about once every six months he has to buy a new guitar because he couldn’t get that song right and he hit the guitar against the floor.
(his dad is a writer and also an archangel,and one time he couldn’t work out how to start off a scene right so he exploded his laptop and had to use a typewriter for the four weeks while his other archangel buddy was fixing it - i’m getting off topic here)
 13. What are they proudest of?
 Sam: i guess just. Her life in general? Like. she’s survived up to this point, she’s doin shit, maybe not the shit she expected to be doing or the shit she imagined she’d be doing but she’s still doin it. Like. fuck you life. I survived. And she’s proud of that.
Amelia: that one time when she managed to keep her champion title the first time? And also when she made friends with the guy who she thought was a girl and also dead who turned out to be not a girl and alive and also was the champion for seven years rememebr that guy yeah that’s this guy. Anyway she made friends with him after settling some differences. And also when she stopped a whole organisation from murdering her yeah that was good too.
 14. What’s their biggest insecurity?
 Sam: okay this is Definitely Not Me Projecting here (hint: it’s me projecting) but she hates being seen as masculine at all and is very insecure when people refer to her or see her as masculine? Like if u call her butch She Will Cry and also why would you do that bc her and her girlfriend are femme as heck
Amelia: public image public image public image public image
Like. she doesn’t want to look bad, or like a bad public leader, but also, she just wants to do her own thing, u kno?
 15. What do they most often dream about?
Like. literally dream or daydream?
 Sam: probably. Mostly happy stuff. Plus random occasional vivid recollections of tramatic experiences.
Amelia: honestly who the fuck knows (i’d answer this properly but I am Almost Out O f Time)
 So yes almost out of time but thank you so much and doing this has inspired me to just completely rework my first book to make it more interesting
I know that sounds bad btu its not i promise i love oyu
(also there was a bunch of different formatting like italcs etc that was lost when icopied from here to docs sorry)
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