#thinking endlessly about sugio and then doodling my ass off the moment the weekend came

[ruporas]

more sugiO

#sugio #osugi #sugimoto saichi #ogata hyakunosuke #golden kamuy #UWAHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #ok #i posted on my other socials so now ill ramble in the tags bc its a little less embarrassing to post on tumblr than it is anywhere else #but these are just the results of waiting a week #thinking endlessly about sugio and then doodling my ass off the moment the weekend came #i cant really verbalize how i think of them. in a modern au sense they're ofc much better off and ill talk about that in the future maybe!! #but canon compliant wise................ :melting-emoji: #i am a multishipper so in another universe sugimoto is much more happier with perhaps. someone superior. someone better than ogata but #unfortunately i rotate sugio in my brain the most often and while i picture sugimoto be both regretful and disdainful of his feelings #i do think he accepted his feelings early on once he recognized it #and well. sugimoto is nice. hes really nice. hes sweet and silly and has a knack for romance even if he never really pursued it himself #but he has a track record for ppl that he has loved. and i think those people shape him into his kindness. #toraji... umeko.... and now the person he's closest to is asirpa who is just. eugh. ill cry if i get into their familial/platonic bond. #But u see what i mean. ogata is like a trapezoid box trying to fit in with circles. and that wouldv jarred sugimoto soooo much and consideri #ng the kind of personality that ogata elicits from sugimoto during their interactions . he's Just immediately like Why. Whyyyyyy HIMMMMMMM #but i think he gets around it. a real internal struggle. #meanwhile ogata -- the absolute legend of denial and repression - denies it vehemently. does not See it. and thinks there must be something #wrong with sugimoto -- which is smth he takes comfort in #but he'd never return those feelings -- only the passive affection that could come along with it bc physical affection =/= internal emotions #and i don't find ogata to recognize it -- only catch glimpses of it through odd feelings of warmth -- dreams -- instinctively following #or looking at sugimoto pre-abashiri. its small things and well. it'll whiplash him in the end. #bc love has been so absent in ogata's life. if familial/platonic love can't reach him #then romantic love could never either. and that makes me shake his shoulders and weep. #ive written too Much in these tags. AND THis is Not worded in the best way ANYWAY. but At the least i got to verbally wordvomit it out. it s #been just stewing in my brain bc i have no idea where else to put it down.