#this is about to get real ranty and I’ll probably end up deleting this later but I’m really upset

[simplysummers]

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#tw sui attempt #this is about to get real ranty and I’ll probably end up deleting this later but I’m really upset #so yesterday my stepdad and i got into an argument because he yelled at me on the stairs because he playfully went to push by me and I #replied completely neutrally with ‘I’m sorry I’m not really in the mood can I get by?’ #he proceeded to shove me and scream about how moody I always am and how I’m the one bringing animosity into the household. he has a habit #this. i got very upset to a point where my older brother had to calm me down outside. he ended up going out and I calmed down #my stepdad has an awful habit of being very rude to people including me both my brothers and even my mom #and I’ve finally snapped. I’m not putting up with it anymore #he is one of the key reasons for my extreme self criticism and I’m not dealing with it now #I’m almost 19 years old. i will not be spoken to like this. #and so today he’s come into my room demanding an apology from me. and I very calmly explained that while I wasn’t going to ruin my moms #birthday (which is on Friday) that we would not be on speaking terms before and after the event until he can admit how he’s treating me is #out of order. he constantly deflects whenever he does something wrong and he can never swallow his pride and apologise #there was an incident in November where he told me it was my fault my mother had anxiety and if she got worse he would blame it on me #because I was ‘crazy’. that same day I left my house and headed straight for our overpass because I couldn’t handle the guilt #i was talked out of it by my bio dad who I called on the phone. he picked me up and held me close and my eyes are welling with tears just #thinking about it. it was a terrifying experience as a suicide survivor from last February #am I out of order for this? wanting respect from the man who has been in my life since I was 3. who is married to my mom who I love with my #whole heart? i keep claiming to not be perfect. I’m my own worst critic and yet he parades himself as the victim because I’m finally #standing up to him #and Idk where to go from here