#this is leaning into my theory that kotokos murder (like harukas) was a rightful emotion that spiraled out of control

[good-beanswrites]

hii hiii is it alright if I request something with kotoko and haruka?(platonic ofc) their character foils drive me insane with all the weak stuff authngghn icant be normal about them

Oooh thank you so much for the request! I realized that these two actually have one of the smallest windows to talk easily, given Haruka's nervousness and Kotoko's T2 changes. They have such interesting approaches to strength/weakness, and I hope I could capture it a bit here! This takes place immediately following Kotoko's bday timeline after Harrow's release:

“I’ll accept those birthday wishes…” Kotoko gave him a wave over her shoulder as she returned to making her bed.  

She shook her head in awe. It was rather impressive how quickly the boy had changed after his verdict. The others had more subtle differences, but he was someone entirely new. She could rest easy, at least, knowing that her verdict wouldn’t change her much. For as long as she could remember, she’d been like this. She knew where she stood, and neither guilty nor innocent verdict would affect that. This verdict was really only an indicator on whether the warden could be trusted or not. 

Her body tensed up when she turned back around, startled by Haruka lingering silently in the doorway. She decided against chastising him for scaring her half to death. Still, she couldn’t keep the bite from her voice as she asked, “did you need something else?”

“Ah… I just…” He twisted his hands together. “I had a question.” 

He fell silent, but Kotoko could tell he was chewing on his next words. She waited.

“H-how do you do it? All the time? You’re older and stronger and braver and I-I just don’t know how.”

“Give yourself some credit. I’m not that much older, or stronger. I only have, what -- two, three years on you? And you did very well in the arm wrestling tournament the other day.” 

She wasn’t being patronizing. For someone so sheltered, Haruka could do some damage. He stood a few inches taller than her. The others had taken the arm wrestling as a little game, but Kotoko had used the event to measure up her fellow prisoners. After his close match with Mikoto, she had made a mental note to take him seriously. 

“No…” his expression twitched, getting frustrated with the misunderstanding. “Not muscles. I mean… you don’t have someone like Muu. You don’t need someone next to you all the time. But you still talk with everyone… and it looks easy. All the time. You always know what to say, and what to do. You never look scared. You never cry.”

Kotoko’s smile softened. She wasn’t the prideful type, but his words gave her a wave of accomplishment. She certainly was scared. She did cry. But she wasn’t about to show a single crack in her resolve in front of anyone here. Haruka had given her the greatest of compliments by confirming her success.

“Ah, you mean strength of spirit. Well, that doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It comes with my purpose, with my virtues.”

“Virtues…?”

“I see the injustice around me, and want to protect the innocent. When I see how awful the world can be, when I see the monsters that are hurting those who are weak, I can’t help myself.” She clenched her fist. “The power to do so just comes to me.” 

“Oh…” Haruka looked down at his palms. 

Her heart sank, realizing he didn’t quite understand. It was a shame that not all of humanity could be as righteous as her. That heroic drive had always come so naturally to her; she wasn’t sure she could put it into words to explain to others.

Haruka’s open hands were trembling. “Um. Is there any other way?”

“Hm?”

“All my life… I only cause pain to everyone.” His worry gradually turned to desperation.” I hurt everyone who gets close to me. Especially things that are small and weak. My whole life, I’ve been nothing but a… a curse. So… is there another way? Please. I want to be better. I want to be strong! I want to be like you! Tell me!”

He stepped forward, pleading. Kotoko stepped back. 

His blue eyes widened at her sudden shift into defense. “Ah! I. I’m sorry. I’m-I’m sorry. It’s your birthday. You should be… Have a g-good day.”

“Wait.” Kotoko stopped him before he could flee. She was aware of the massive gap between them, the vastly different backgrounds they came from. Still, she offered the same advice that had helped her in her toughest of days. 

“Don’t worry so much about others’ strength. The quickest way to burn yourself out is getting overwhelmed with the power that’s all around you. Once you start putting all your focus toward honing your own skills and strengths, you’ll realize how much you’re truly capable of. You don’t need anyone else. You’ll realize that you are enough.”

“I… am enough…?”

She placed a hand firmly on his shoulder. 

“So, no need to get all worked up now, okay?” 

“O-okay. I’ll do my best.” He stiffened, trying to appear worthy of her words.

She let out a bitter laugh. “I told the others not to do anything for my birthday, but I don’t think they paid me any mind.” Kotoko still couldn’t fathom how they were so friendly with each other given the situation. “Let’s go see if there’s some cake or something.”

#milgram #kotoko yuzuhira #haruka sakurai #thank you so much! this one was super interesting to write 👀 #the thing is even though they dont have any direct problem between them they would still have a hard time communicating #but once they DO communicate there would so much they could learn from/help each other with!!! #this is leaning into my theory that kotokos murder (like harukas) was a rightful emotion that spiraled out of control #it really puts it into perspective how young kotoko is when you remember shes not too much older than haruka #and theyre both susceptible to strong emotions that stem from feeling weak int he face of the big scary world #but kotokos sees her as some blessing of power to serve her heroic thoughts and haruka sees his as a curse #ty to my pals who helped me find the exact spot in the timeline i was looking for 🙏 #although kotoko doesnt believe she can change that easily she 100% undergoes the exact type of dramatic change as the others #once again referencing the arm wrestling info from yamanaka #between that and the fact that strangulation actually takes a fair amount of power #i just think its very good to remember that haruka is so physically strong #also something something kids looking up and wanting to be like kotoko and her complex emotions on that.... #these two are sooooo interesting AH #drabbles

[hamtigers]

When I found out about Milgram it's inevitable that I got into it, since I love Deco*27's music so much. However as a fair warning, the entire project deals with extremely heavy themes since every character is a killer in some way or another. So if you are uncomfortable with content involving themes such as abuse, suicide, death, stalking, violence, abortion, and animal death, please do not look into this project or read any further.

I'd add a read more but I still don't know how from mobile lmao.

Just wanted to share my thoughts on each prisoner so far

Haurka: I am choosing to agree with the theory that he had some sort of learning disability and that he lashed out in jealousy because people didn't understand him or his needs. I also currently prefer the twin brother theory over the younger self theory, because if he was so miserable at the time why would his past self look so happy? While I don't believe mental disabilities excuse someone from being held responsible for their actions, I do believe that he was too young at the time and not given the right tools and help to learn to cope. Instead he falsely learned lashing out was the only way to be taken seriously. He shows extreme remorse for how he behaved and seems to be triggered by anything that reminds him of his past (his dislike of young children and animals in particular). I want to forgive him so that he can get the help he desperately needs.

Yuno: Abortions are not murder. It's extremely easy for me to forgive her. Especially since it's heavily implied that her clients refused to use protection even when asked. She probably didn't have a way to get access to birth control without bringing her controversial career in compensated dating to light, either.

Futa: honestly I got into Milgram so late that I haven't put much personal thought into Futa because quite honestly: I don't like him and I feel like he represents a huge part of what's wrong with cancel culture. He fancies himself a hero, thinking that he's fighting for what's right. It's pretty clear to me though that he's taking his so called 'villains' out of context and condemning them for things he doesn't have a full picture on. I think i'd be able to understand the story better if I could read the screen on his phone, but I do not know japanese and rely heavily on fan translations for content outside of the provided lyric translations. It's clear he didn't actually want anyone dead, since the monsters in his fantasies are just KOed... Up until the last one, where the literal blood on his hands shakes him out of the fantasy. I see a lot of people saying he bullied and doxxed someone until they committed suicide. I'm still glad he was voted unforgiven for this round though.

Mu: I don't... Fully understand Mu's story. I understand she was bullied and harassed by people who pretended to be her friend initially, which is something I can absolutely sympathize with. I also understand that she was just being used for her wealth rather than seen as a real friend. What I don't understand is why she targeted the specific girl she did for her 'escape'. The popular theory is that she had a crush on the girl, got outed as being not straight, and the entire school including her friends started relentlessly bullying her even physically for it. The other girl seems to just straight up avoid and ignore her, which is why I understand the point of being pressured nearly to suicide and exploding but I don't understand why she attacked the specific person she did. I think my opinion of her can go either way the more information we get.

Shidou: I'm following the harvested organs from his patients to try and save his lover theory. Honestly even with the vague imagery there's so little wiggle room for doubt in this one. I don't think he should be forgiven, but he also wants to die because he already saw his lover die which he is quoted as thinking to be a fate worse than death. For all the lives he's ruined, I almost want to say he deserves that torture... At least, that's how I'm dealing with the idea that he was already voted forgiven by the time I got here.

Mahiru: I!!! Hate!!! Her!!! Overly clingy and controlling of her lover who she stalked while trying to emulate romance novels to force into a relationship with her. Heavily implied to have driven him to suicide via emotional abuse and guilt tripping him back to her every time he tried to break up with her. I'm so glad she was already voted unforgiven by the time I got here. I actually had to take a break and step back after the weight of her song hit me because it reminded me of so many people I've had the misfortune of having in my life in the past.

Kazui: so far my first one that I have an original theory on instead of following one someone else came up with! I just posted my full thoughts on the video about an hour ago. But basically, I feel like his wife divorced him and wanted to stay friends but he wanted to get back together. It escalated until they had an argument that resulted in her falling or being pushed to her death. Seems to view himself as the protagonist in his own romantic tragedy. My opinion on him was swinging wildly until I came up with this theory and now I am leaning heavily towards unforgiven because it is the similar selfish pushiness as mahiru minus the manipulation.

Amane: most of her imagery flew over my head until I read some comments and theories. I support the 'grew up in a religious cult that literally tortured her if she didn't follow the rules' theory. I'm voting to forgive her because just like Haruka, I think she's too young to truly be held responsible, especially when it's currently unclear to me what actually happened. I think what she needs isn't punishment, but to be taken away from the cult and rehabilitated.

Mikoto: until we have more info I'm as confused as he is : )

Kotoko: seems to be pretty upfront about what's going on. I'm currently assuming that she fancies herself some kind of vigilante or holds a very strong personal grudge of some sort. Obv waiting for more info.

#ham rambles #long post #milgram #deco*27