#this year they didnt meaning wed have to pay his salary for the time he was there

[homestuck--edits]

hey!! i feel bad coming in and requesting so much stuff, so if you dont want to do it, its fine! could i possibly get a talksprite of my oc aontwi with a damara base? she is a limeblood if that helps! thank you so much for all your hard work!

her :))

-mod davesprite

#mod davesprite #homestuck #talksprite edit #talksprite edits heart heart #anyway had comp today #i wasnt allowed to participate but i have a fun story abt finding a place #so last year we hosted at the college which we could do because they had the security guard there on saturdays #this year they didnt meaning wed have to pay his salary for the time he was there #unfortunately we recieve 0 district funding #so we had to find a new spot. tried to go to the ymca #held one comp there (my last one uh. Ever. but we did the best weve ever done !!) #and then this time. six days before competition. they said wed have to pay 50 bucks an hour to compete there again. its a 9 hour competition #so we had to find somewhere else. which i was tasked with #i called: hospital‚ pud‚ civic center‚ city hall‚ local lumber company‚ library‚ tax place‚ senior center‚ fire department‚ and six churches #oh local bus company also #anyway finally person from tax place recommended a coffee shop downtown thatd charge 75 bucks a day for a decent size room #so me n gf went down to check it out. unfortunately theyre only open five hours a day. for a six hour competition. so they couldnt do it #our last options were... visit more churches. the cops ? and... that was all. so we went to get coffee #coffee shop that gave me my cute lemon bracelet :DD! so anyway was complaining to the store owner abt not having a place. and she went #oh would here work? and i went uh. yeah? is it okay if we bring computers? and how long are you open? #she said yeah the computers are fine and we can be open as long as you want ! and i went oh okay. so how much do we have to pay #because wed be occupying the whole place all day. and she said oh no worries :)) free !. and . holy shit. so she called her daughter #who stayed like three hours late today. unpaid. for us to compete #fucking insane this coffee shop has done more for us than the school district has ever. and it was great!! #a lil cramped but cozy and also Coffee. we spent probably 200 bucks on coffee altogether?? hope it was profitable for them they were so nice #gave some of us free stuff fucking insane honestly #also shoutout to the dairy queen for not killing us for walking in with 67 dollars and going give us all the chicken strips this will buy #it was 44 btw. and they gave us a free burger some guy named alex made. i dont know why they did but they wouldnt take no for an answer #anyway im not in a good mood but fuck dude i love local business. i also got a tiny palm reading book to carry around :>

[cashmerekore]

When I woke up.

I got up this morning thinking to myself, “ I got to find the spark. I got to recover from this or I will hurt him.” He is rooting for me. I know that. And maybe to him it looks like Im making excuses or just being lazy. I think that about myself too. He asked me what do I need from him. Do I need help? He is trying to keep me on the path.

I always feel bad when he does that. Im upset and in my head while he is moving forward dealing with his shit. Is he sad? Depressed? Hurt? I ask him that sometimes, but maybe I’m not paying attention enough. He doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve like I do. I feel like Im putting too much baggage on to him. He says he wants to take care of me, earn the money, pay the bills, and be the man of the house. I just don’t know how to let him do that freely.

I want to support us as well. I thought getting the highest paying job I could get was the way. Now Im not so sure. Money is not happiness. I wouldn’t be happy doing a meaningless or demanding job for a high salary. What is the point if I never get to enjoy the good things in my life?

I am struggling to fit into my role as his wife and partner. What do I do? Do I let him take the reins? Am I in the way? Am I not doing enough? I want to let him shine, but giving up my control is too much. I have little control over anything as it is.

I feel like Im moving in a different direction than him. We want the same things, but in different ways and at different times. “Lets have a baby.” He says when we get the house or the job. I say we can do it right here and now. “Lets get a house” He says it has to be maintenance free. I say I can deal with a little fixing and flipping. “ Let’s get married” He wanted to wait until we separated. I knew I wanted to be his partner 4 years ago. Haha. This nigga made me wait all that time to be his wife, and when he finally did, he didnt want to have a wedding or help plan. He didn’t care about it. He just wanted me to be his wife and save money. Sounds reasonable right? Im a lucky girl.

But there was a part of me that was suffering. I felt like I am left to wait like this and sacrifice like this because I don’t mean as much to him as I would like. His money is more important than me. His friends are more important than me. His parent’s opinions can outshine how he feels for me. I have been outcast and pushed aside. At least that is how I felt in head whenever it happened.

I sound terrible. I love this man with everything I have. I shouldn’t complain over something like this. There are worse things to cry about. I can’t flip my problems on to him like that. Whatever. Demons do what they always do. Demonize.

[ashleychung714]

I lost my life direction, seriously

It has been a while i haven't wrote blog. Its already late March now and i had been sad since 2017 has started. Sean finally left. Before he's leaving, he told me once again he didnt love me. It totally break my heart at that time and i blamed him via texting. Yes,i wrote at that time just because i don't feel that heart broken now. Idk maybe after sometime later , i can forget the sadness that i have been suffered from now on. 

Soon after his dismissal, i spent quite a lot of time on using dating app like Tinder and Coffee. i tried to push myself out and met more new guys. For one reason, i want to forget Sean asap. For the second reason, i wanted to show him i am living a better life without him. Both may not be a good reason, but what can i do? Sometimes, i cried at night because i think of the things we did before. All the happy memories suddenly flashback in my mind especially when i am listening to certain songs. Sometimes,when i knew some guys only ask for a hook up in dating app, i felt extremely sad. Not because i lost something to them or what, its because i think of Sean maybe also one of them. He met me just for a hook up only. I am soo silly into thinking that he actually want to form a serious relationship with me. It’s my mistake.

Okay, there should be more than relationship thing in a human life. There could be work, friends and family. Family is still ok at a certain level. But when it goes to relative part, it is totally a mess. My cousin gonna have her wedding soon, i can't imagine it is that fast. She is just one year older than me and she already get her husband. And i was just like ...ummm forever alone? Possibly. i am bad at relationship , please please don't ask me when can i get a boyfriend back home. I already screw up one.

Alright, i should be a more career women. I studied for almost 20 years and its time for my graduation soon. I got a hsbc offer but the salary is not really that satisfactory. Admit it, i am quite disappointed about that. I still keep finding some other jobs tho, but literally i have no idea what i should be doing. What i can do? 

Let’s talk something about traveling, maybe? I was planning to go to the States before graduation. Yet some of my best friends gonna work in September. Perhaps, it is not the best idea for them to go travelling with me in May :( Ahhh thats mean i need to go on my own? Then whats the meaning of a graduation trip. i already give up the graduation trip with my secondary friend beforehand because of a useless interview. i really really want to go with my bunch of girls. They are the only shoulder i can lean on. OK, lets assume they can make it. Buttt where’s the money come from ? i spent quite a lot in the past years for exchange, overseas internship blablablabla and i didnt work that much as i have school stuff to do. That’s mean, i am broke af. Alright, so i gotta find a new part time job. True, but what should i do? I am so pickyyyy. I wont do sales, i wont do waitress and what jobs are left for me? Its terribleee.

So what can i do ? I have wrote so many stuff before and none of them are at good sign. I am not happy. I am worried about my future but at the same time i dont enjoy at present. I dont know who can i talk to and who can understand me. I just want to be a little kid and i dont want to be a grown up. When mum told me she gonna apply for the home ownership scheme and ask me to pay for the rent regularly . Ok, thats still ok. And when i asked her how much i need to pay, she answered ummm around 10k. Omg thats mean all of my salary goes to pay to the rental fee? Then whats the point of working? I agree that you need to work hard to enjoy a happy life, but it seems like i can't see there’s any hope in front of me. Is it my happy life already ended by the time i got back to hk from the uk ? I am lost, confused and hopeless.