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#so last year we hosted at the college which we could do because they had the security guard there on saturdays

letstripdotcom · 3 months

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shut up my moms calling- chris sturniolo x fem!reader

a/n i love naming my fics after songs bc then i listen to them on replay while i write.

summary- coming home from college means seeing the kid you’ve hated most your whole life. chris sturniolo. you’ve hated everything about his existence since the beginning of 6th grade when you transferred to somerville. the summer after your freshman year of college is when everything starts to change.

warnings- long(ish) smut ofc, mention of toxic relationship, choking, pet names (princess, baby, pretty girl) overstimulation {i think that’s all!}

6th grade

i just moved from oklahoma to a small town outside of boston called somerville. it was my first day of 6th grade and i was everything but excited to go. i had a good amount of friends in oklahoma, and absolutely none in massachusetts. if it were up to me i would have stayed, but i had no choice because my mom got offered better work down here.

i walked into the crowded classroom with my schedule in hand. “is this mrs sawyers class?” i ask quietly. “yes it is, and you must be y/n?” she looks up at me through her glasses. “y-yes” i utter nervously. “nice to meet you, have a seat wherever” I walk to a more empty side of the classroom and take a seat.

“newww girlll” i voice calls out in a mocking tone when i sit down. when i look up i lock eyes with a boy with short brown hair. hes sat with his 2 triplet brothers and another one of their friends. “yeah?” i say quietly. he starts immediately attacking me with questions

“where are you from? why are you here? what school did you go to last? did you have friends” i’m overwhelmed as questions pour out of his mouth. “chris you’re freaking her out” his brother says. “i’m nick.” he smiles at me. “that’s chris, obviously, and that’s matt”

“hey nice to meet you” the third one says. “oh and that’s nate.” nick says. i nod my head looking at the 4 boys. “i’m y/n” i say. “y/n?” chris says under his breath almost inaudible. “excuse me?” i say turning my head to look at him. “what nothing.” he tries to play it off

“who decided on the name y/n, your mom or your dad?” chris asks with a disgusted but confused look on his face. “it was my mom’s best friend’s name before she passed.” i explained. “tough” he muttered. the whole rest of the class period was filled with his snarky remarks and questions.

over time, as i got closer to matt and nick, the snarky remarks from chris turned into full on arguments. anything i would say would lead to chris having something else to say. i could tell him my head hurts and he would say something along the lines of “maybe if you wouldn’t think so hard about what to say and just shut the fuck up for once that wound be a problem.” i would just roll my eyes and go back to talking to nick

this behavior lasted all the way through senior year of high school. i stayed close with nick and matt, which means i was stuck with chris. we got in several heated arguments over the years and they all led to me leaving the triplets house at 2 in the morning because i couldn’t physically be around chris.

our last big fight was the weekend before i left for college. nick wanted to host a small party of about 15 friends for me since i wouldn’t be seeing him again til the summer. we were setting up the decorations and chris was being extra annoying.

“chris can you actually help out and stop acting like a fucking toddler.” i snapped at him while he stood under me watching me hang up a banner. “maybe if you weren’t nagging at me every 30 seconds.” he complained. “i wouldn’t be nagging if you wouldn’t stand in my way instead of actually contributing to anything in this world” i yelled, stepping off the ladder as i finished hanging the banner.

“you act like i wanna do this party. i don’t give a fuck about you.” he spat “i might not even show up tonight because you’ve been a bitch all day long!” my heart dropped and i felt a lump form in my throat. bitch? me and chris never got along but he never called me a bitch

he knew how much i hated it because of a past relationship i had. during junior year, i was in a super toxic relationship with a kid from our school. i was so naive i had thought he had actually liked me but it turns out i was wrong. we would constantly argue and he would gaslight me into forgiving him.

i stared at chris blankly as tears formed in my eyes. “y/n i-“ “fuck you chris.” i cut him off “and yeah i think it’s best you don’t show up tonight.” i ran upstairs to the bathroom and wiped away my tears. i checked in the mirror and adjusted myself before going back down.

present day

i hung up the phone with nick and got in my car. i was on my way home from college for the summer, and i finally got to see my best friend. he’s so excited that he rented out a cabin by the lake for a whole week to celebrate. i haven’t seen any of the triplets since i left, i haven’t seen chris since before the party. chris. my stomach dropped and my heart started pounding when the realization hit that i would be seeing chris.

i didn’t want to see him at all. nick said he changed a lot, and maybe he did, but you can never be too sure. and he did change a lot physically. chris was much more attractive then he was in highschool, not that he’s ever been unattractive, other than his personality.

about a few hours later i called nick to tell him i was close to the cabin. i pulled in and nick darted outside. “omgggg it’s been forever” i squealed as i got out of my car. “you have to see the place!” he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the back of the house. “there’s a hot tub, a massive pool and all of this space.” he gawked at the house. we went inside as he gave me a tour of the house. “this is your room!” he announced pointing inside.

i looked around and it was absolutely beautiful. “thank you so much nick this is amazing” i hugged him. “don’t thank me too much” he said “i had to put you in the room across the hall from chris, i hope you don’t mind because i’ll work something out”

“no that’s totally fine, i’ll just pretend he isn’t even here” i smiled. he smiled back “okay i’ll be downstairs getting everything ready bc we’re gonna have movie night tonight just like high school.” he said as he left my room.

after i got settled in, i took a shower. i picked out my pajamas which was just a big t shirt and shorts and i headed down stairs happily. “there she is!” matt exclaimed, giving me a hug. “matt i missed you so much!” i said hugging him back

after i pulled away, i made eye contact with chris, who was glaring at me and matt. i shot him a calm smile and looked away. wow chris got really hot. you thought to yourself. no, chris is awful. but i couldn’t help but notice his fluffy hair and his defined jawline.

i noticed his sun kissed face, which made his freckles stand out. god i could only imagine what he looked like with my leg- no. remember what chris said to you. i snapped myself out of my thoughts and sat by nick on the the couch. he handed me a blanket and i cuddled up next to him and focused my eyes on the screen

my focus only lasted for about 30 seconds before my mind was back on chris. why hasn’t he spoke to me? because he hates me. duh. i wonder what he’s thinking right now. why am i so worried about chris? “you okay?” nick asks from beside me. “yeah i’m fine” i say in a convincing reassuring tone.

after the movie ends, i say goodnight and i head up to my room. i get situated in my bed, and i try to fall asleep but i can’t. my mind is flooded with thoughts of chris, and the next thing i know my hand is down my pants. what has happened to me?

this is chris sturniolo, the kid who’s bullied me for 7 years. i never imagined i would be getting off to the thought of him at 2 in the morning. i need to go to bed, but i physically can’t.

i get up out of bed and dig through my bags. i grab my pink swim suit and put it on. a get a towel from my bathroom and quietly head down stairs. i go out the back door and get in the hot tub. i zone out and try to find peace of mind.

i sit there with my eyes closed until i hear someone else getting in the water. i open my eyes, only to see chris. great. this is exactly what i need right now. “look y/n” his voice breaks me out of my thoughts. “i’m really sorry for the way i’ve treated you, you didn’t deserve any of it. but, we’re older now so i wanna put the past in the past”

“i forgive you” i say flatly. “really?” he seems genuinely shocked. “can i kiss you?” i asked immediately regretting what i said. “what?” is all he says before i grab my towel and run inside.

i lay on my bed for a split second before i hear a knock. i know it’s chris, but i still go to the door and answer it. i look up at him with a guilty look on my face. before i speak he’s slamming his face into mine.

he kisses me very passionately like he’s been waiting is whole life. he pushes me into my room and shuts the door behind us. he turns me and pushes me against is as he kisses me harder. one of his hands come up and squeeze my neck slightly

i moan into his mouth causing him to squeeze harder. i moan again growing super wet between my legs. one of my hands come up to tug on his hair, while the other one makes its way up his shirt.

with one hand still around my neck, he guides me over to my bed and lays me down flat as he climbs on top of me. “can i?” he asks, toying with the strap of my top. “pls chris” i whine. he unties my top and yanks it off, his mouth immediately meeting my nipple, his available hand massaging my other breast.

i throw my head back and moan as he does whatever he wants. next thing i know, his hand is coming off my throat, and down my body. he stops abt my bottoms before looking at me for confirmation. i nod desperately. his cold hands slip into my bottoms as his fingers meet my clit.

i’m a moaning mess at this point, begging for whatever contact i can get. “god you’re fucking soaked.” he says, his voice raspy and quiet. “fuck chris please touch me.” i beg “whatever you want princess” he says before putting his ring and middle finger inside of me. he quickly pumps in and out for a few seconds before i cut him of. “chris wait” i say

“are you okay did i do something wrong?” he questions. “no but i have an idea.” i tell him. i then instruct him to lay on his back and put his head on the pillow. i watch as he does what i say. once he’s situated i ask him “can i sit on your face?”

i laughed a little inside about how innocent it sounded. “of course princess” he says. i make my way closer to him as i put my legs on either side of his head. i slightly lower myself down, enough to make contact.

my legs shake as i try to hold myself up while he eats me. he lifts me up a little and says “don’t be shy baby, suffocate me.” he grips my waist harder as he pulls me down all the way onto his face. my back arches at the contact.

chris eats me like i was his last meal, i grip the headboard, and struggle to stay quiet while his nose rubs my clit. “chris i’m g-gonna cum” i whine. one of his hands come off my waist and grabs my ass, massaging it. my legs squeeze his head. and i moan uncontrollably as i release all over his face.

after i come down from my high, i get off and straddle his waist. i lean down and kiss him, tasting myself. i grind on his hard on while we kiss, making him grunt. i reach my hand down and palm his boxers as his body twitches.

i go for the band of his swim shorts and slowly pull them down, exposing his hard dick. i look him in the eyes, to get his consent “y/n please” is all i need to hear before i slowly stroke him. he moans and tosses his head back

after a few more strokes, i sit up and line myself up with him. i slowly lower myself onto him, wincing at his size as i feel him in me. once i’m fully sat, i sit still for a minute to adjust. once i’m ready i start bouncing up and down. he puts one hand on my waist to guide me, as the other one makes it way to mu sensitive clit.

“ughh chris don’t stop” i whine as i ride him. my words make him rub my clit even faster than before. my eyes are now practically stuck in the back of my head as i moan out for him. when i’m about to finish, i clench around him, making his mouth fall open. i come all over him, as he helps me through my high

“good job princess.” he grunts i keep riding him until i feel him twitch. “you feel so good pretty girl. i’m almost there.” i clench again, becoming slightly overstimulated. just then he releases, inside of me. after he comes down i slide off and plop on my bed.

“you okay princess?” he asks with concern “overstimulated” is all i can bring myself to mutter. chris picks me up and lays me in a more comfortable spot on the bed. he then heads to my bathroom and comes back with a towel. he helps clean me off before he finds the shorts and shirt i had on earlier.

he helps me put them on, then he puts his shorts on and goes to his room. i feel sad in that moment. how could he to all of that just to leave? just then he enters my room with pajama pants on. “don’t worry i’m not going anywhere.” he whispers as he crawls into bed with me.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

a/n: kinda love this what do u think?

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #smut #nick sturniolo #sturniolo

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a-casual-kpopfan · 6 months

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It's a Date. - Karina

Shoutout to @capslocked for the little beta read. <3

I'm starting to get back into the writing groove, dropping small fics here and there. This was fairly short and sweet, I hope you all enjoy as usual. :)

~~~~~

You were one of the hosts to take Aespa around New York while they’re on tour; today was an off day and you were with the group and their managers going out to several shopping districts and trying desserts throughout the day.

“Oppa, how come you’re not looking around for things?” Little Winter walking along next to you like a puppy, if a puppy can carry like 5 shopping bags with their paws.

“I live in the city Winter; this is my lifestyle.” You look around the shopping centre, it’s bustling and hustling as NYC would be normally. “Oh, come on oppa, there’s got to be something for you to do too, what about a girlfriend?” You had to think about it, it’s been a while since you were out with someone, let alone had a long-term relationship. “Ah, the last time I dated someone was back in college.” You gave a little smile to Winter as the two of you walked just behind the main group of members and managers.

Karina who’s walking along the main group takes a glance behind, seeing you and Winter laughing through your conversation. She excuses herself from the main group and slows down to the pace of you and Winter. “Ahh, what’s so funny?” Karina may be one of the most visually appealing idols and one of the most captivating people to ever walk this planet. But her looks don’t define who she is; Karina is actually a walking toddler.

Her cheeks are puffed up and lips in a pout. “Winter here is calling me a fossil, calling me old because I haven’t dated since college!” You were playing along with the act, acting a little whiny and childish which was alright, you’ve been with the girls a couple days already, they’re really playful and outgoing which is something you really appreciate seeing in Korean idols compared to a lot of Western stars you’ve hosted around every once in awhile.

Winter laughs uncontrollably on your left side, and is holding onto your arm, Karina is happy to see that there’s someone to trust outside of their group. “How old are you then oppa?” Karina tilts her head like a puppy, it really seems like Aespa as a group is a bunch of little puppies. “I’m 26 years old.” Winter pretends to be super shocked, exaggerating a dropped jaw. “Oh, my goodness, you’re a grandpa!”

“Yah, I’m only 3 years older than Karina.” Trying to defend yourself from Winter, but on the other side Karina is laughing at Winter’s reaction. “Oh, you’re not that old oppa, I just see the little white hairs appearing on your head.” Karina jokes around but catches you off guard making your jaw genuinely drop. “Ms. Karina!” Your jaw stays open but with a smile, you are putting your hand over your heart as if you got shot, but what really shot you is Karina’s smile and laughter.

Your walk through the mall was fun, it was all smooth going until…

“Oppa! Let’s go get you some clothes!” Giselle, the most fluent in English, pulls you into a local clothing shop. “Giselle!” The idol continued pulling your arm, you really didn’t have a choice. “Please, just call me Aeri.” With a reassuring smile that it’s okay to be on a first name basis at this point. “I feel like we’ll know each other a lot more after today.” Aeri with an excited smile, confuses you but you just go with the vibe.

“Oo, you'd be good with this… And this… We should try this too…” Aeri is picking out several pieces of clothing, going through different kinds of pants, looking at the blazers and some tops. “Giselle.” Aeri looks at you with a glare. “Aeri…” The glare changed to a smile, relieving you of possible stress. “Oppa, just try these on, okay?” Dumping a small pile of clothes into your arms, all you could do is sigh and accept it.

You went through multiple variations of outfits from all the clothes that Aeri has chosen for you. After spending about a half hour trying on clothes, there was a set that both you and Aeri found fond of. “Wah, oppa! You look so handsome!” You were wearing a short sleeve dark blue blazer, though worn open and on the inside, a nice grey, almost a salt & pepper style t-shirt, a black jean, complemented with a very dark brown leather shoe. “Wow, I have to hand it to you; you have great style Aeri.”

“Perks of being an idol~” You look through the mirror and watch Aeri pose with a V sign, making you laugh.

“That decides it, let’s go buy them!” You shook your head and looked at Aeri through the mirror. “I may be making decent money but buying all this is too expensive for me.” Your little shopping companion comes up to the mirror and looks you in the eye. “Oppa, who said you were going to pay?” And out of her pocket is her credit card from the company. “Yah, wouldn’t they be mad if you bought something not for you with this card?”

“This is the least that I can do being such a great host for us the last couple days.” You turn around to see a sincere smile and it doesn’t seem like she would take ‘No’ as an answer. “Okay, you win this round.” Aeri clapping her hands and you shrug in defeat as you make yourself to a change room with your original clothing.

Aeri kept to her word, now you’re walking along with Ningning and holding quite a lot of clothing. “Are you having fun with us, oppa?” It’s almost like each member is having their turn with you throughout the day. “Sure, I am Ningning, I get to spend time with very famous idols.” Ningning wasn’t satisfied with that answer. “What do you really like to do for fun?” You were confused as to why the idols are being really personal with you lately.

“Hmm, I’m originally from South Korea, but after moving here I really grew into North American culture. Watching basketball games, going out for bar food like wings and burgers with friends late at night. I do enjoy playing billiards, I’m always open to trying new activities.” Ningning now seems to be happy with that answer. “It seems that you’re very active.” You and Ningning kept the conversation going with each other, more and more you’re finding out the girls like to drink and eat a lot in the dorm, yet they seem so fit for the amount of food they consume and more Ningning is finding out your habits here in New York.

Once finding a restaurant to have a late lunch, you and the group were seated but you offered to sit separately as you would like to give the girls and managers their privacy.

“Nonsense! You’re sitting with us!” Karina was not happy with your suggestion. “You’re a part of us and you’re sitting with us.” The leader was standing firm, and wouldn't budge for anything. “Because you’re trying to bail on us, I’m making you sit next to me to keep an eye on you.” Karina poking your chest with her finger, you were given no choice. You couldn’t help but smile about it and shrugged. “Good, let’s go.” Karina grabbed your hand and dragged you in.

You were led to a large table fitting for 8 near the back of the restaurant, not completely private but obscure enough to eat comfortably. Karina sat on a bench with Winter and a manager beside her, one seat was left, and you were going to offer it to Ningning or Giselle, but you watch them already sit on the other side of the table with their other managers. “Nope, with me oppa.” Karina was sitting down, looking up to you with a smile.

“I really can’t get away from you, can I?” You finally gave up and sat down to the group’s leader. “Looks like someone has a liking for him.” Winter nudges Karina, shortly getting a slap to the leg to deny the teasing. “Yah…” You couldn’t hear the little whispers, you tried to ignore everything so the members can have a sense of comfortability and privacy, but then Karina can easily notice that you’re feeling uncomfortable.

“Hey… It’s okay.” Karina lays her palm on top of your hand and pats it. “Just be yourself, that’s all I ask for.” Her head is on a tilt, her smile, sincere. You nod your head and try your best to follow Karina’s asking. She’s always tried to make sure that her members were comfortable, that her manager was okay, but you being an outsider only have been with them for a short amount of time, Karina had always made sure that everyone was alright, she’s a great leader.

Lunch went smoothly, you and the managers had some good laughs, the members were having a good time, but alas all things must come to an end. The shopping is done, lunch is over, now you’re walking the girls and managers back to the hotel.

You bid your farewells, but Karina comes running back to you before you have the chance to leave the premises. “Oppa, I have a favour to ask you.” Karina's demeanour is off, hands behind her back, one foot balance on her toes, her eyes facing the ground, avoiding your gaze. “What is it, Karina?” You were curious, it’s not everyday you have a beautiful woman in front of you acting like a fool.

“I... Uh… Have this friend who’s coming to the city later tonight… I was hoping you could tour her around, like you did with us?”

“Oh… What could I have hoped for?”

“Sure, what time should I meet her?” You accepted without an issue, you wanted to be a good guy, you just spent a few days with the group and why should you decline? It’s not like you have a date to attend to.

“Yay! Thank you oppa, here’s her number, meet her here at 8pm!” Karina hands you a paper with an unusual phone number, not an area code you’re familiar with but you took in anyways. “Thank you oppa.” Karina bowed in respect before running back inside the hotel.

You would be a little disappointed, but this is a favour.

~~~~~

You make it back to the hotel at the time Karina told you to be there by, you texted the phone number that you arrived in the front. Good thing Aeri took you to go shopping for new clothes, you must dress up a little for the New York nightlife.

You: Hey, I’m in front of the lobby.

Unknown: I’ll be right there!

That reply came quickly, you were on a look out for someone outside the hotel, but the results would surprise you.

“Good evening oppa.”

You spin around to Karina, a different outfit from this afternoon. Instead of a white sweater and a long skirt, the Aespa leader is changed into a thin back long sleeve, mesh-like material being near fully see-through, a black bandeau underneath, complimenting her large bust and curves, paired with blue jeans and to finish with black boots.

“K-Karina?!”

Shocked to see the leader alone, no supervision, not even anyone watching from the entrance. “I hope you don’t mind me taking off my extensions, I felt like the short hair for our date.” Karina plays with her hair then smiles at you, she has somewhat of a gummy smile.

“Wait, I’m sorry, our date?” You were extremely caught off guard, Karina? Aespa’s leader? A kpop idol? A date? With you? “You could have better options than this old man.” The idol slowly walked towards you, grabbing your hand with both of hers, it’s now you really took the time to see, Karina has baby hands. “Why not? You treated us well, made sure we were comfortable, this is the least I could do… And I want to get to know you more.”

“But I live here, you need to go back to South Korea soon.” The idol was only giggling, she probably has already thought about it, otherwise you wouldn’t think she would go through the trouble of setting up a date with you. “We can cross that bridge when we get to it. There is a lot of tour guides in South Korea that would like a bilingual tour guide.”

With Karina’s amazing smile looking at you the way it is, how could you deny her?

“Okay Karina.”

“Please, my name is Yu Jimin.”

You smile and chuckle.

“Okay Jimin, what would you like to do tonight?”

She pulled away one hand, but still held yours with one. “Hmmm…” Her facial expression turned to a pout, playfully laying a finger on her chin, exaggerating the fact she’s thinking. “How about we go to a bar, get some wings and maybe watch a basketball game if there’s any?” Your jaw was left open, how could she have known?

“Ningning?”

“Mhmm.” With a cute nod.

How would you survive spending the night with Kar- Jimin?

The two of you walked off in a direction where you heard was a good restaurant that had some of the best wings and flavours, Jimin couldn’t let go of your hand, she was basically latched on your arm at this point.

“Oppa, are the New York Knicks any good?”

“Oh man… Don’t get me started…”

#karina #yu jimin #aespa #kpop fic #male reader #aespa fic #idol x reader

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gummygowon · 1 year

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wanna be yours | choi san

word count: 8k (longest one yet lads)

genre: non-idol au, experienced!san x best friend/virgin!reader, fluff, smidges of angst, and smut

warnings: pwp, protected sex, slight hair-pulling?, cunnilingus f receiving, the concept of virginity, drinking and i think that's it? but please lmk if i missed anything!

a/n: this is my first like smut-smut so please so beware lol but other than that i'm really proud of how this turned out! also this is dedicated and a belated xmas present to @agustdiv1ne bc she has helped me sm with this oneshot omfg (ty again bae <;3)

the friday night after finals could only mean one thing. getting absolutely shitfaced at mingi's before going back home from university. because how else are you supposed to de-stress in college?

although you weren't at that level of drunk yet at the small house party your friend hosted, you still agreed to play truth or dare like immature high schoolers.

following a giggling hyejoo to the living room, you hear seonghwa asking something about being too old to be playing such a childish game followed by wooyoung pointing out that he still came over to play so who cares. sitting in between hyejoo and san, you naturally gravitate towards your best friend linking your arm with his for warmth.

"hi sannie." you beam brightly at him, you cheeks flushed red from the alcohol.

"hi y/n." he smiles down at you again, his dimple poking out. san didn't drink that much tonight since he was a lightweight and didn't want to feel whatever terrifying concoction mingi and jongho made up in the kitchen in preparation for the people who didn't want to answer their truth or do their dares.

after settling down in a rough circle, wooyoung starts the game by asking yeosang if he ever got caught masturbating which lead him to go take a shot of the mystery juice. the shot caused him to gag horribly after he downed it leading to jongho and mingi high-fiving each other in accomplishment.

next, yeosang got karina to admit some dirty secret of her hooking with her ta in calc causing giselle to shout out about her doubts of karina's grade being so high in calc for someone who doesn't go to class. as the game went on, hyejoo and yunho ended up topless and honjoong and san fell victim to the mystery juice and was even tipsier than when the game started. you on the other hand were dared to go lick either wooyoung's toe or shoe and you opted for the shoe of course because you did not where his feet have been and you had to confess to ever surviving a no nut november (last year you almost folded but still got through). this turn however, things got a little more interesting.

wooyoung had dared you to go make out with san in a closet and although no one knew about your little secret crush on san besides hyejoo, wooyoung had a knack for knowing who everyone was into. it was scary honestly, he predicted a lot of relationships and figured out who was who's sneaky link.

"so, what's it gonna be y/n? shot or closet?" wooyoung presses with a smirk on his face. he knew. oh, that fucker.

your eyes drift to san to make sure he was comfortable with the idea which lead to him shrugging his shoulders, "i'm down if you're okay with it."

with a tug, you pull san up from his seat and look wooyoung dead in the eye, "closet."

"alright then," he claps his hands as he gets up to usher you to the storage closet in the living room, "come out whenever you're ready, we're gonna keep playing while we wait, alright lovebirds?"

you roll your eyes and shoo wooyoung away from the door, "fuck off."

with the shut of the door, you realize how close you were to san. whatever nerves you had from the wave of courage you had five minutes ago disappeared more and more as san looked down at you.

"we don't have to do it, if you don’t want to." he reassures as he reaches for your arms in order to comfort you.

"i w-wanna do it." you stutter making your heart beat out of your chest even more. "i'm just-i've never done it before."

san looks at you perplexed, he knew about all the terrible dates and weird exes you had so he assumed that you at least made out with them. "i thought-"

"i didn't, i haven't even lost my virginity yet and now i'm really scared because i'm kissing my best friend who probably thinks they're a prude and what if i'm really bad and i mess things up and you hate it for it and-"

to shut you up, san presses his lips against yours as you melt into the kiss and allow him to take over. with a smooth swipe of his tongue, you part your lips slightly just enough for him to slip in earning a sweet moan from you. his hand sneaks his way to the back of your head to pull you even closer to him and further deepen the kiss.

when you pull back, your lipstick was all over his face and your lips were puffy and swollen. your eyes were locked on san as he put his forehead on yours, his eyes closed as he chest heaved up and down to catch his breath.

"you're not so bad." he comments, still not looking up at you. "fast learner if anything."

"san!" you whine, slapping san on the shoulder causing him to open his eyes.

he backs up, trying to get away from you as much as he can in the cramped closet, "hey, i'm giving you a compliment."

"that's a shitty compliment." you fire back with a pout on your lips as your eyes focus on the floor.

swiftly, san reaches your chin with his thumb forcing you to look up at him. without even hesitating, san leans in kissing the pout off of your lips. with a sudden spark of rebellion, you pull at the belt loops on his pants and pull him close to you catching san by surprise.

this time san is the first one to pull away to catch his breath. "see, you're a fast learner." he breathlessly teases.

"i'm leaving." you half-joke as you reach for the door knob.

san immediately reaches for your arm, pulling you back into him, "nope, you're helping me clean this up." he states as he points to the lipstick smeared all over his face before feeling the wall around him for the lights.

"aren't you old enough to do this yourself?" you whine as you lick your thumb and try to rub off the pink lip gloss off his plump lips.

"yeah, but i want you to do it." san answers as he places his hands on your waist. absentmindedly, he begins to rub small circles onto your hips as you quietly undo the damage you did to his lips.

san probably didn't notice the effect he had on you but holy fucking shit your face felt ten times warmer than it was when you were kissing him. it could be the alcohol settling in possibly but who knows. maybe san just had that effect on you.

"you know san, you're really fucking hot." you confess without thinking as you wipe the lip gloss off your fingers. "i would date you, if i could."

it took a minute for san to process what the fuck you just said. there was a high chance he misheard you but if he did hear you correctly well, he's gonna keep you in here for another minute or so.

before san could even respond or even act out, you realize what you just said and immediately start freaking out.

"i did not mean that. i-" you stutter, waving your hands in the air.

a harsh knock came to the door followed by wooyoung poking his head out, "are the lovebirds done? joong and hyejoo wanna play a different game."

oh how you could kiss wooyoung for his amazing timing. "we're done." you quickly say as you smooth out your outfit before joining wooyoung in the living room leaving a confused san.

"y/n! how was it?" hyejoo slurs as she throws herself on you.

if whatever happened in the closet was the only thing san could remember from tonight, you were fucking doomed. for now though, that was an issue for tomorrow. tonight, you were going to indulge in a few more drinks in order to forget what happened moments ago.

the next morning after mingi's was a rough one. your hangover was probably the worst one of the semester and boy was that telling. your memory from last night was a little foggy, some parts you recall very clearly some not. but the one thing you do fucking remember was wooyoung's sneaky ass setting you up with san during truth or dare. kissing san, you remembered very clearly maybe a little too clearly but whatever happened in between and after that was a blur. you briefly remembered wooyoung opening the door but that was about it.

rolling out of bed, you check your phone to see that san had called. annoyed, you call back hoping whatever it was a good enough reason for you to call in the morning.

"yah, choi san what do you want? it's so early?" you complain, rubbing your eyes awake.

"y/n, it's literally two pm." san deadpans.

"so?" you sass back, "it's still too early for me."

you hear san sigh on the other end, "ok anyways, did you finish the plan for the comp sci workshop? seonghwa is asking for it, he said you were supposed to send it earlier this morning."

a part of you freezes in shock while the other part of you scans your room for your laptop that was covered in papers and notes from studying. "you're fucking joking right."

"nope."

"oh my fucking god, i totally forgot about it while i was studying for exams shit. oh my fucking god. fuck." you curse as you hurriedly get out of bed.

"don't worry, i covered for your ass and told seonghwa that you were working on it which is why you weren't answering your phone. i'm also on the way to help you finish the plan because hwa has some suggestions for it too"

"oh bless your heart, choi san." you praise as you begin your morning routine.

it was around six o'clock by the time you submitted the doc and slideshow to seonghwa and holy fuck were you tired. there was no way you could have pulled this off without the help of san. truly thankful for your best friend, you offered to buy dinner on you and he had the opportunity to chose.

"on you, for real?" he asks in surprise as you begin to clean up the dinner table that was used as a makeshift desk for the past couple of hours. "i thought you were broke."

it took every fiber in you to not throw the hefty textbook in your hand at him. "do you want food or not."

"yes, please!" he immediately back tracks. "fried chicken is fine."

aggressively, you hand him your phone before heading back to your room to put everything away. "order what you want but don't pay i wanna get stuff for myself too."

"thank youuu." san sings as he begins to scroll through doordash.

while in your room, you took the chance to try and process your feelings. it was a no brainer you loved san. he was always there for you ever since you guys met each other in high school. san's been there for your worst and best days of your life and it was always a given that you were there for days like those for him.

however, your use of "love" began to slowly change this year. you've been single for awhile after your last breakup which was a lot of emotional damage to handle but san was always there to comfort you. him on the other hand looked for causal hookups, nothing serious. san was young, he confessed to not wanting to start any relationships because he just wanted to mess around for awhile until he graduated from college.

which left you wondering why you felt jealous whenever san couldn't hang out on friday nights or left the club early. it was probably obvious to everyone as to why you were jealous but you could never admit it.

it was way too cliche to have fallen for your best friend and it certainly didn't help that he didn't take anything seriously when it came to dating. but choi san made it hard for you to not fall for him.

san was the perfect gentlemen. he's always attentive and remembers the little things about you. he always knew when you were feeling sad or mad and always knew how to handle your moods. he knew your coffee order along with your fears. san knew your likes and dislikes and knew when to stop teasing you if you ever got upset or uncomfortable. not to mention he was fucking fine as hell. sure, it is a little weird to be calling your best friend hot but it's literally choi san. everyone's campus crush unfortunately. there was just no way you couldn't have fallen for him.

"y/n, how much are you gonna eat?" san shouts from down the hall pulling you out of your thoughts.

"uhhhh... how much are you gonna eat?" you ask, taking a moment to compose yourself before walking back into the living room.

at least you were his best friend. best friend. a title that left you feeling grateful yet wanting more. maybe one day, you would tell him how you truly feel about him but for now you're content with being his best friend.

"oh my god, there's mozzarella sticks too!" san chirps from the couch.

"get me one!" you shout as you jump onto the couch. "just mozzarella with sugar and i could go for a couple of wings."

"ok..." san trails as he inputs your order, "do you want something to drink?"

"no, it's fine. i have some soda and soju in the fridge."

"fuck yeah!"

once completing the order, san repeats what he has in the cart before pressing the "order now" button and hands back your phone.

"thanks sannie." you reach for the phone before continuing, "and for coming here to help me finish. i don't know what i would've done without you."

"no problem, anything for you." san answers with a smile on his face.

afterward, silence fell in the room. there were very rare occasions where silences were awkward but this one felt different. it felt tense? maybe you were reading into it too much but the atmosphere felt odd.

"you know," san begins breaking the silence, "you said some interesting things last night."

an abrupt cough broke your voice before you could reply, "i'm sorry what?"

san repeats what he said before continuing, "y'know, i wouldn't mind helping you out."

"helping me out with what?" your heart was practically beating of your chest when you questioned san. exactly what the fuck did drunk you say in that damn closet.

"yesterday, you mentioned that you were a virgin before we kissed and that you were a little embarrassed about it."

"so, you're asking me if i would want you to help me lose my virginity?" you ask, not quite sure if you're hearing the words come out of san's mouth right.

"yeah, i mean it's better than losing it to a complete stranger right? but if talking about this is making you uncomfortable i will shut up about this and pretend this never happened. you just gotta tell me." the man across from you reassures, his face unreadable.

"i can't tell if you're joking about this."

"why would i joke about something that you have an issue with?" san responds back, his tone serious.

you take a minute to let his words soak in because you're still sure you're not hearing him correctly. choi san, your best friend wants to take your virginity? and why are you lowkey comfortable with the idea? are best friends supposed to be doing this? doesn't this break some type of boundary or cross some line of being friends?

"if you don't want to, there's no rush y/n. i'm only offering this because i think you would be comfortable with someone you know and trust. plus, i'm already tested and i'm clean so you don't need to worry about catching anything."

san made great points on his case and you really wanted to lose your v-card and to him? even better. your only concern was how would this affect your friendship afterward. what if your feelings for him get too strong?

"you promise this won't affect our friendship?"

"i swear on it." san raises his pinky out, "i promise this won't affect anything between us. it'll just be like me doing another favor for you."

taking his pinky with yours, you seal the promise by using your thumb to connect with his, "deal."

"deal." san agrees as he smiles, his dimple poking out. "can i ask you a few questions though?"

"shoot away."

"you've cummed before right?"

"uh yeah." you answer, feeling slightly uncomfortable with talking about such a taboo topic with your best friend. you've heard bits and pieces of san's sex life but he's never heard about yours and now is the perfect time to start laying out everything.

"so you've masturbated before?" you nod in response leading to san asking a few more follow up questions, "with your fingers or with a toy?"

"both, hyejoo got me a vibrator for my birthday."

"oh? we love to see it." san comments with a surprised look on his face, "what are you into and what are some hard no's?"

"hmmm, i'm definitely into praise. maybe hair-pulling? oh, and i like it when people are possessive? y'know when someone let's their partner know that they their's or something. hard no's though would be degradation but do i like dirty talk."

out of all the things you've confessed tonight, saying no to degradation got an eyebrow raise from san.

"what?" you snap, "call me a whore and you're fucking dead."

"noted." san raises his arms up in surrender.

"your turn now, what are you into and not?" a part of you was a little excited to hear about what he had to say.

"well, i like to hear and give praise and sometimes edging. i also like it when someone pulls my hair and when they're loud. it lets me know that i'm doing something right. i also wouldn't mind getting topped. but i'm not into super bdsm or anything extreme right now."

"interesting, i'll keep that in mind."

"last question, i swear." san starts, "have you ever been eaten out before?"

"no. i didn't really get into much with any of my partners."

"well," he pauses for dramatic effect, "you wanna know how it feels like?"

"like, right now?" there goes your heart again, racing a hundred miles per hour.

"i mean we have some time before the food gets here so..."

the mere thought of san going down on you and being the first person to do had you rubbing your thighs together. "fuck it."

the both of you move to the couch where you let san climb on top. "is it okay, if i kiss you again?"

you nod, afraid to use your voice. this was really happening.

"yes, please." you whisper, still not trusting your voice.

"i need words baby." san demands as one of his hands lifts your chin up.

"don't be shy baby, it's just me." he comforts as the hand on your chin rises to your cheek. "i'll take care of you, just relax."

looping your hands around his neck, you nod beginning to allow yourself to relax. san uses the hand on your cheek to meet him in the middle as he pulls you into a sweet kiss. it was less sloppier than the last time you kissed him yet san was already pulling sounds out of your mouth and he hadn't even touched you yet.

san pulls away moving his lips to your neck as he softly licks different spots on your neck, switching between kitten licks and nibbling. soft pants were escaping your mouth which made san want to hear more from you. with the next lick of your neck, san followed up with a harder bite on your neck but quickly soothed the pain with the swipe of his tongue eliciting a sweet moan from you.

you could feel san's smile of victory on your neck as he leaves one last kiss on your neck before pulling away. "ready?" he asks, waiting for a verbal confirmation which you comply with quickly. "just relax and let me do the work. don't hesitate to stop me if you ever feel comfortable."

this time you nod your head shyly in response as san eyes you down for any signs of discomfort. "i trust you."

san smiles in response as one of his hands begin to travel downwards, his lips going back to your neck. his hands start off with a small rub on your hips then snake further down to the waistband of your pants. you were beyond grateful you were wearing some of your newer underwear but that was in the back of your mind when san cupped your clothed core.

"oh fuck." you groan, his fingers taking you by surprise as they run and up down your slit.

"already such a mess and i've barely touched you." he coos at you making you whimper.

"stop teasing please," you plead, grabbing onto his arm.

san removes his hand from your pants causing you to pout but before you could even whine, san pulls down your sweats after moving to the edge of the couch.

"fuck," san groans, the sight of you dripping for him was making him lose his mind.

san takes small kitten licks, taking his sweet time with you as he watches for your reactions. these small licks weren't doing it for you though as one of your hands snaked to the back of his head trying to use it as leverage to speed things up.

"patience, baby." he says as he presses your hips down, making you whimper.

"please, just go faster," you beg, looking at him hopelessly.

as on cue, san takes two fingers to spread your lips apart before quickening his pace. the difference in speed had you gasping as you tugged on his hair.

"ooh my god, so close." you pant, the grip on his hair tightening.

san groans into your sopping pussy sending vibrations into your core and bringing you closer to the edge. to add on to the burning feeling in your stomach, he brings a hand up to your clit to speed up ur orgasm.

"fuck, fuck, fuck!" you cry out feeling the knot in your stomach burst.

your orgasm washes over you, leaving you breathless as san continues to lick up your cum. the overstimulation building up was beginning to burn as you tug on san's hair to stop.

san immediately pulls away with your essence dripping down his chin but that doesn't stop him as he dives into a heated kiss with you, letting you taste yourself on your tongue.

when he pulls back a sickening smile spreads across his face, "thoughts?"

to be honest, you were completely breathless with how fucking amazing san just ate you out and with how san was staring down at you right now with a stupid smirk on his face. "that...was great."

the smile on his face is gone as san frowns, "just great? i put my all into that."

you roll your eyes, grabbing the nearest pillow, you smack san on the chest. "i can't really think right now asshole."

"is it because i ate you out really good?" san genuinely asks, a smile returning his face.

"no you dumbass, the project really got my ass." you throw your hands into the air, chest still heaving.

"oh."

"oh my god." you groan. "just give me my clothes."

"wait, let me clean you up first." san objects before jogging down your hall towards your bathroom.

upon returning, san found you half asleep as your eyes were shut. still, he got on his knees and carefully took the wet rag to clean you up and his face.

your eyes fluttered open to see san below you again dabbing the inside of your legs carefully with a towel. instinctively, your hand flies to his hair as you stroke through his locks. "thank you." you hum, "you really did a good job."

san physically tensed up at your touch or maybe it was your words, either way he pulled away with a light blush on his face as he handed you a fresh pair of underwear and sweats. "of course, next time should be even funner."

"funner isn't a word." you quip, trying to ignore the excitement pooling in your stomach for the next time you guys hook up.

"shut up and move." san shushes as he climbs onto the couch with you, pulling you into his side.

the warmth coming from his body was too delicious as you felt your eyes droop even further. "san, i'm gonna fall asleep."

"just nap and i'll wake you up when the food is here."

although you had your doubts about san waking you up as soon as the food came because you feared that he would take all the chicken legs and then wake you up, you awoke to everything untouched (thankfully).

the food tasted like heaven as you guys chowed down however san would argue that you tasted better than whatever chicken piece he was eating.

ever since that night when san came over, something in you changed. you ached for san to touch you like that again and although you usually see san almost every day, you haven't seen him in a couple of days. you knew that he was busy finishing stuff up for clubs and packing for his trip home but something in you felt like something changed between the two of you.

maybe it was just you being extremely horny over your best friend that you didn't know how you would ever act normally near him after he ate you out. it also didn't help that you guys didn't set an official day for when you'll finally lose your virginity.

every now and then you would get the urge to just tell san to come over and fuck you but whatever sanity you had left in you refused to cave in so weakly like that.

speaking of the devil himself, san's name appeared on your phone.

morning wood: u wanna come over tonight?

morning wood: i just finished packing

hobbit: do u want me to bring something over for dinner?

morning wood: nah i can order pizza when u come over

morning wood: pepperoni good?

hobbit: yeah, i'll be over in thirty i just need to finish my laundry

morning wood: okayyy

morning wood liked a message from you

fuck. is this gonna be the night? like the night? shit. shit. should u shave? wear something sexy under some sweats just in case?

usually, san is super straightforward when it comes to shit like this so there should be no reason for you to be so freaked out. maybe you could be the one to initiate things? he did say he liked to be topped. wait, what if san genuinely wanted to hang out with you? and now you're only looking forward to seeing him because you wanna get dicked down.

your thoughts kept on racing as you sat in front of two outfits on your bed. casual loungewear with the possibility of wearing the ridiculously over-the-top lingerie underneath or something slightly with more effort which consisted of jeans and a cute cardigan.

still panicking over what to wear to your best friend's house you call hyejoo on the edge of having a meltdown.

"hell-"

"hyejoo! i need your help with what to wear san's. you rush completely cutting off your friend.

"well fuck, nice to see you too." hyejoo jokes commenting on your panicked state, "what's the occasion? wait is this the night you finally lose it?"

she knew almost every detail of what was going on between you and san. hyejoo lived for your updates and lately, she's been missing her nightly video chats of you screaming every little thing that had happened between you and san after the night at mingi's.

"that's the thing, i don't know what the occasion is. he just texted me to come over cause he's been hella busy lately tryna pack and shit."

"ahh that explains why you haven't called me in like four days."

"yes it does, but please help me. i don't know if i should like sort of dress up fancier? or like be sneaky and wear something bold underneath."

"well, you usually just wear sweats or whatever right?" you hum in agreement, "well then just wear sweats then wear the lingerie i got you."

"but what if i wear and be uncomfortable the whole time and we don’t even have sex."

"ok well, then just wear a matching set. preferably something that's not from high school, y/n."

"hey. i threw those away leave me alone." you argue back.

"whatever, anyways just wear a matching set in his favorite color just in case you guys do have sex."

"you are so fucking smart." you praise, as you rifle through your sock and underwear once more. "thank you so much, i'll call you if anything happens."

"ah i'm so excited!" hyejoo exclaims on the other end of the phone, "stay safe and use protection!"

"yes, mom. bye" you roll your eyes at the sudden change in hyejoo's voice.

it was final. you decided on wearing a black matching set since you couldn't find your purple bra in your drawer. black will be fine right? it's still a sexy color? well, either way you thought you looked good as hell in black so you got a confidence boost from that.

soon you arrived at san's, with your heart beating out of your chest. a very rare feeling to have at your best friend's house but hey, what's one more boundary to cross?

tentatively, you knock on his door fiddling with one of the strings on your hoodie.

"hi."

"come in." san greets you wearing a loose pair of sweats and a tank top showing off his buff arms.

well shit, if you weren't wet at the possibility of having sex tonight, you were already wet from just looking at his physique. the way the tight tank top accentuated his tiny waist and broad shoulders had your mind running laps.

"you good?" san asks as he looks over at your spaced-out figure.

"yeah, i'm good. it's just," you rub a hand over face to stall as you think of an excuse, "i'm fine."

san just gives out a light chuckle at your response, "well, the pizza is on the counter if you want some but do you wanna watch anything?"

"ooo yes!" you slightly loosen up as you try to forget how you got caught checking out your best friend, "chainsaw man?"

"yeah sure, i've been wanting to catch up on that."

"perfect!" you clasp your hands together in excitement.

"blanket?"

"yes, please."

you continue to fiddle with the strings of your hoodie dealing with both your horniess and anxiety. when san returned to the couch with one of his (yours actually) favorite blanket, you instinctively scooted closer to san for double warmth.

however, you failed to remember that your lewd thoughts were still in the back of your mind and as san was slowly typing in "chainsaw man" into the search bar, you kept fidgeting trying to find the best way where you relieved some sort of pressure and felt comfortable.

"are you sure you're okay?" san looks down at you. his words felt like he was pushing you to admit to something you didn't want to say out loud.

"i-uh,um." you couldn't even think straight with san staring down at you like that. "i think i'm ready."

san just stares at you in confusion, "i love the confidence but for what?"

you hopelessly look at him, praying he understands what you mean. "you know..." the blush on your face gets stronger every minute you say something dumb.

san understood what you meant. actually, he had a feeling that you wanted to the minute you started checking him out. still though, he played dumb wanted to hear you say it out loud.

"i don't know, actually."

"san!" you whine at him.

still, your pleas had no effect on you as he stared at you with a blank face.

"i'mreadytohavesexwithyou." you blurt out really fast not even daring to open your eyes. you hear san laugh and the feeling of wanting to crawl up in a hole and die grew exponentially. immediately you hide underneath the blanket hoping san would disappear if you wished hard enough.

"y/n," san pulls the covers down to enough to reveal your eyes. "it's okay." you refused to remove the blanket completely but still pulled it down just enough that your whole face was exposed. "if you want to have sex now you just have to tell me. i'm perfectly fine with waiting too, it's all up to you."

"can you please just fuck me." you pout. "now, please."

a soft smile appears on san's face as he scoops you up into his arms. "you're so cute."

"wait, where am i going?" you ask as you tilt your head to see where san's taking you.

"i am not taking your virginity on a craig's list couch."

"fair enough."

gently, san lays you on his bed before crawling towards you. once your head is on one of his pillows, san's hands trail to the hem of your shirt. "can i kiss you?"

the way those words left his mouth felt so soft and pure. you were so glad you ditched the idea of losing your v-card to a random tinder date. you trusted san enough to take good care of you and he did.

"yes, please." you answer, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in.

the kiss started off slow, as san took his time with you. his lips molded perfectly with yours. your arms tug on his neck to bring him even closer as san spreads your legs with his knee. the top of his knee came into contact with your aching core causing you to moan in the kiss.

san pulls away with swollen lips, his hands trail to the hem of your shirt tugging it on softly, "can i?"

acknowledging him, san gets to work as he gets rid of your shirt leaving you in your bra. flustered, your hands reach for san's shirt as you tug on it.

"to be even," you explain.

"of course." san smiles following your command and smoothly takes his tank top off throwing it to somewhere in the room.

it wasn't new seeing san shirtless but you swear he changed his workout routine or something because he looks (and feels) ten times more ripped than the last time you saw him shirtless.

a gasp leaves your mouth and your hands fly to his chest as they rake down to his stomach.

"what?" he asks as he leans closer into you, putting both of his hands beside your head, caging you in.

"did you get a new workout routine?" you attempt to ask calmly.

"yeah actually, yeosang and i started going to a trainer a couple months ago."

"i can tell," you compliment, hands once again running up and down his abs.

in one swift motion, san captures both of your arms and holds them in place with one hand above your head.

"hey-"

"enough talking." san cuts you off with a sudden kiss, his free hand trailing your curves. desperately, you tried to lift your arms so you could wrap them around san but his grip was too strong. your body fidgeted trying to get him to loosen the grip but with how close san knee was to your core, it began to rub deliciously against your sweats. soon, you fell into a somewhat steady rhythm trying to create some friction for yourself.

when san pulls away, your motions come to a halt like you were caught red-handed. "baby couldn't wait, huh?"

embarrassed, you turn your head with a blush evident on your cheeks.

"hey, i'm just teasing you." san comforts as he grabs your chin with his fingers, forcing you to look up at him. he felt his heart crumble (and his pants strain) when you looked up at him with a pout. "i'll make it up to you, yeah?"

"you better, you jackass." you joke as you slap his arm.

san gets back to work with your lips as his hands trail all over your body. his roamed every curve and dip of your body. the callouses on his hands left goosebumps everywhere. eventually, san stopped at the top of the waistband. "may i?"

pathetically, you whimper out a quick "yes" as san gets to work with getting rid of your sweats and panties. one of his fingers runs up and down your slit to collect your slick.

"gonna prep you first, okay?"

nodding in confirmation, san slips his finger in as you gasp. your walls clench around his finger as he pumps in and out. your breath quickens even more before san adds in another one drawing a moan from you.

once san deems you prepped enough for his dick, he pulls his fingers out causing you to whine. "i'll be back, just gotta find a condom baby." he soothes as he opens his bed stand drawer his clean fishing around for one.

finally, san finds that gold foil package, ripping it with his teeth and you swear you could've come at that sight alone. you help san get rid of his pants and boxers.

sitting up in anticipation, you watch as san pumps his cock in front of you. the realization of you getting dicked down finally settling causing nerves to bounce around in you again. his dick wasn't some scary monster cock that you've seen in porn videos but it was still fairly long and the more you thought about it the more you questioned how the fuck it was supposed to fit inside of you.

san pulls you out of your thoughts when he lets out a groan. your eyes snap back down to his dick as you watch his tip start to leak beads of precum from his angry, red tip. san slows down his hand as his other hand begins to reach for the condom.

"wait."

san snaps his head to you with the condom still dangling from his teeth, his eyes full of concern.

"can i do that?" you ask the sudden burst of confidence spurring your adrenaline.

immediately, san nods his head as he sticks out his chin for you to grab the condom from his mouth. you sucked in a breath as you slipped the condom onto san as he praised you for your job well done but you cut him as you give him an experimental pump of his cock.

"fuck." san says through gritted teeth.

with his reaction, you pump him a few more times watching as his face contorted in pleasure. you didn't want to be the only one being satisfied tonight.

"baby," san grunts as he grabs your wrist, scaring you slightly as you thought you did something wrong, "we don't want me cumming just yet."

"right..." you trail off awkwardly as you retract your hand away.

san lightly laughs at your awkwardness finding it adorable, "it's alright, just let me make you feel good now."

he plants a quick kiss on your lips as he softly presses you onto your back. "tell me if anything hurts alright love?"

you give him another quick nod as you watch san shift on his knees. with a hand, he rubs the head of his cock up and down your slit just to tease you earning him a moan from you.

once san lines up with your entrance, he slowly fills you up and before any pain or discomfort could even manifest in your mind, san smashes his lips into yours. with the way, san's tongue was dancing with yours the pain in your lower abdomen was almost nonexistent.

by the time he pulls away, san's cock was fully buried into your cunt. your walls rubbed deliciously against san, "fuckkk, you feel so fucking good." san groaned. "tell me when you're ready for me to move, love."

this new pet name combined with san going down to kiss your neck has your head spinning. "oh fuck, san."

the sensation of san's lips leaving wet kisses on your neck was incredible. to add even more to your pleasure, you felt him begin to nibble lightly on your neck causing you to moan even louder. you could even feel san's smirk of accomplishment on your neck before he continued his new pattern of nibbling on different spots on your neck and soothing the pain with a few swipes of his tongue.

it took you a moment to even tell san that you were ready for him to move since you were so overwhelmed with his little side quest that you couldn't even manage to get a word out.

with your confirmation, san pulls his mouth away from you to focus on your cunt. at first, he does a few experimental thrusts just to test the waters before settling into a comfortable rhythm.

"you're taking me so well, baby" san praises when he flashes his eyes up at you. the dazed look in your eyes caused a surge of confidence to course through his body.

san's ego grew when he realized that he was the first one to ever make you feel this fucked out. he showed his newfound confidence by fucking you even harder. the grip on your hips tightening as san tries to get the most leverage he can to chase his high.

"fuck, san." you cry out, the knot in your stomach growing. "m' so close baby."

san tensed at the nickname for a quick second. he had been calling you "baby" ever since he started helping you out but holy shit he did not expect you calling him that to have such an effect on him. "say it again." san demands his eyes flashing to yours.

"baby, fuck." you groan as san's pace increases even more sending you to close the edge. "shit, i'm so close"

his thrusts got sloppier as your moans became louder. the knot in your stomach began to unravel with each push. san swallowed your moans as he leaned down to kiss you. it was a messy kiss but yet it oddly felt intimate. there was just something in his urgency to kiss you that felt so comforting.

the mix of his lips combined with the last few thrusts of hips, the both of you finally came. pulling away from your lips, san presses his forehead to yours to catch his breath with his cock still buried deep inside you.

for a moment, you guys stay like that. in such an intimate position, you closed your eyes and believed that he was yours and not just your best friend. you wished you could stay in this moment forever and keep believing this isn't a one-time thing.

you were pulled out of your daydreaming as san finally pulled out causing you to whine, already missing the feeling of him. through tired eyes, you watch san tie up the condom to discard after he throws on a pair of boxers.

"where are you going?" you ask still out of breath. apart of you worried that he was going to get up and leave already. you didn't want your little daydream to end just yet.

"i'll be right back." san answers slipping out of the door and disappearing somewhere into your house.

soon, san returned with a glass of water and a wet rag. carefully, san gets to work as he cleans you up after handing you the glass to drink. when he's done, you give the half-empty glass back to him and encourage him to drink it. he gladly does before getting up once more to put away the cup.

immediately, you tug at his arm and pull him down into bed with you. "don't go."

san smiles at you softly before returning back into the covers. your arms link around his torso in an instant bringing him closer to you. "don't ever leave me."

"i won't, i promise. you mean too much to me"

"i do?" you mumble, fatigue finally catching up to you as your eyelids began to droop.

"mmh." san mumbles as he presses a soft kiss onto your forehead. "go to bed, we can talk tomorrow."

too tired to even respond, you close your eyes and wrap your arms tighter around him.

the sun peeked through the blinds promptly disrupting your sleep along with the noises on the street. when you opened your eyes to an empty bed your heart sank. you knew san didn't owe you anything after last night but still you wished you woke up in his arms and not alone.

with a heavy heart, you got up from his bed and got dressed again, picking up the scattered clothes from the floor. memories from the night before flooded your mind and it hurt remembering that it was only temporary.

when you left the room, you didn't expect to see san cooking breakfast.

"you're awake already?" san asks as he looks over his shoulder.

you nod your head, "your blinds don't do shit."

"my apologies sleeping beauty." san jokes back turning his attention back to the stove. "breakfast will be ready in ten."

by the looks of it, san appeared normal like last night's events had no effect on him whatsoever. truthfully, they were the opposite. san was internally freaking out. from the many hook up and one night stands san has been on, not one of them has he longed for the girl afterward. he didn't know how to react to his feelings but the one thing he did know was that he wanted you.

san was just scared to ask you to be his. there was a multitude of reasons of why but one of them was that he was scared of the commitment. in general, he just couldn't get himself to open up to just one person and be vulnerable but with you, he wanted to try.

he felt safe in your presence and although it took him so long to realize it, he's always felt comfortable around you. "breakfast's ready!" sans call out to you.

the two of you eat in awkward silence. part of you was convinced that you were making it awkward because someone couldn't keep their feelings out of it and san thought he was making things weird because he had no clue how to handle his emotions.

eventually, you couldn't stand the sound of the utensils clanking on the plates and bowls, and either could san. "san,"

"yes?" he looks up at you, thankful for breaking the tension.

this is the moment. just do it. "i don't think we can be friends anymore."

"wait what?"

"i know, i made you promise that whatever we did wouldn't affect our friendship but i-i love you."

san stares at you in confusion, "i love you, too but i don't see why we can't be friends anymore? was the sex that bad? you can be honest."

"god no, it was great. but the issue is that you don't love me the way i love you." you confess daring to look san in the eyes. "i knew this was terrible idea from the start but i just- i wanted to have you for one night even if it was temporary."

san soaks in your words, not saying anything for a moment which leads to worry even more.

"i'm sorry," you start, looking down at your hands as you try to contain yourself.

"you don't need to apologize." san says grabbing your hand from across the table. "i wanna be yours too."

"wait, what? i thought you didn't like relationships though?"

"i don't but recently i've realized i wanna be more than friends. don't think it's because of the sex, if anything that just gave me another reason to love you." san jokes, easing the tension in the room.

"san, be serious." you scold at him while a smile slips through your facade.

"no seriously though, i mean it when i say i wanna be yours."

"you wanna be mine?"

"yes i do. i know i'm not good at communicating feelings and stuff like that but i'm willing to try with you."

the biggest smile graces your face as look down at the table while san comes over to your side. maybe you didn't have to worry at all about this because in the end he wanted you all along.

"we can take it slow, as long you're mine." you look lovingly into his eyes and you felt your heart beat out of your chest. for good reason, this time though.

"sounds great to me."

a laugh escapes as you lean your head onto's san shoulder. his arm immediately wraps around you bringing you in as san places a quick kiss on your head. "so what did you think about breakfast?"

"being honest," you look up at san with a playful smile on your face, "they were kinda runny."

"that's it, we're done." san jokes, throwing his arms into the air for dramatic effect.

laughing at his antics, you just realize how much you love san and although it may be too early to say it yet, let's just say you're grateful you had a choi san in your life.

he finally was yours.

2K notes · View notes

ahundredtimesover · 1 year

Text

Belong (05: Post-Credits) | MYG

Pairing: Yoongi x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: exes-to-lovers-to-exes-to-lovers; actress!OC x basketball coach!Yoongi; summer romance; “long” distance relationship; parallel timelines; angst, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, family drama, sport injury; dreams & moving away; allusion to depression; basketball and acting talk; 2014 and 2022 Yoongi; shy and nonchalant cocky whipped Yoongi; almost drowning, sexual content (kissing, oral, penetrative sex) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 5k

Series Masterlist

Status: Complete

Series summary: Being an actor has always been your dream. Pursuing it meant many things - leaving the town where you grew up, distancing yourself from your family that had fallen apart, and saying goodbye to the man who made you feel what home was like. When you decide to finally return after being away for so long, you meet Min Yoongi again, and you’re reminded of the summer romance from 8 years ago with the college basketball superstar whose broken dream pushed you away. As you find yourself spending time with him, you’re left to wonder if love changes, if it gives second chances, or if it’s just another illusion that will hurt the both of you the second time around.

A/N: Wrapping up this story and this world now, as I keep its meaning close to me, where this Yoongi was a source of comfort. Thank you to those who took a chance with this one. Please know that in the midst of deciding to stop writing, you told me I could keep going. 😌

It was nice to be able to write about a sport that I deeply love (yes, I am manifesting with the NBA game featured here 🤞🏽) and about a theme I’m personally experiencing. Yoongi told us to live in the present and that we can dream simple, gentle dreams, too. Let’s cheer each other on! 💜

Listen to: For All You Give (feat. Lucy Rose) by The Paper Kites || Playlist 🎶

1.5 years later

You walk past the hallways to head outside the airport, large luggage in one hand and a small one on the other.

Your phone rings and Jimin is on the other end, asking if your flight was alright and if the weather is good. You give him a lowdown of the past 18 hours, including your lovely encounter with a Korean-American family during your Minneapolis layover. Their 6-year old is apparently a fan of yours after you did a stint of hosting her favorite Korean variety TV show, and your heart soared when she told you that she wants to be funny and beautiful like you. You found it amusing that doing cute poses and laughing your way through every episode was entertaining enough for her.

“That’s adorable,” Jimin chirps. “I love how your fanbase gets younger every year. You started with grandparents and now you’ve got 6-year olds under your spell.”

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” You laugh. “I just hope these kids don’t watch my latest movie because it’s gonna terrify them.”

“Yeah, at least keep the variety shows to entertain the babies,” he chuckles. “I already told Hoseok that you want to guest-host again. There are a couple of shows that want you onboard.”

“Ah, that’s great,” you beam. “I need as much joy and laughter in my life after that last project. That took so much out of me.”

“It did, didn’t it?” Jimin hums. “But it’s got the media buzzing about you again. So much for that one so-called journalist who claimed that you’re one-dimensional and can’t do anything other than romance because you’re only good at being in love. Let me smack her face with all the good reviews about your latest role so she can shut her one-dimensional mouth.”

You giggle at Jimin’s words, his protective nature soothing you like it always does. You remember when that article about you came out after you starred in a mini-series, a project you had after the show you filmed in Paris, which did turn out to be your biggest break then. Your role in that drama had you falling in love with someone from a rival family, one of the show’s major plot points, and that journalist went off about your supposed versatility being premised on the emotions of being in love. You can’t really do much outside of it, she said, and it was that same day when you got the lead role for a psychological thriller, with the industry’s eyes on you to see if you’re able to handle a character that’s so different from what you’re used to.

And well, it’s safe to say you blew their minds. Even you didn’t think you could do that well, but you pushed hard, not only to prove yourself to them but to challenge yourself, knowing that there’s more to learn and showcase even after 10 years of being in the industry.

The reviews showed that you delivered. Critics praised your acting, saying how disturbed they felt during specific scenes, and that was a compliment for you, knowing that was the goal. The movie was even shown in a recent foreign Film Festival, and the praises are still coming; Jimin’s been the one sending you every article and post he could find, and he’s been nothing short of amazing when it comes to encouraging and praising you himself for another successful project.

It wasn’t without its difficulties though, as getting into character meant you had to immerse yourself in its darkness, in the disturbing themes that ate away at you sometimes. It was Yoongi who’d been the one to bring you out to the light every time - sending you flowers while on set, giving you a bath after every filming so you’re not left in your own mind, holding you close whenever you slept, and driving you out during days off. It was hard but it was worth it, as you felt liberated from all the negative emotions once filming wrapped up.

Yoongi was supportive all throughout - including all the promotions you had to do and the moments of doubt you’d have about your performance. He held your hand during the premiere and took you to the mountains for a weekend to escape it all for a while. Other than the amazing sex you had and the time away from everyone, you both spent those days wrapped up in each other’s arms, easing back to your normal lives that didn’t include you randomly crying at night or losing sleep from your tiring schedule.

You’d just wrapped up your promos for the film in Seoul and you’re also waiting for the next project while working on some endorsements and guesting on the side. But after the exhausting couple of months, you deserve a break, and you want nothing more than to focus on Yoongi, knowing he’s the one who’ll be needing your love and support this time.

Jimin breaks through your thoughts and asks if the car he’d arranged has arrived.

“Not yet, but Yoongi messaged that he’s 5 minutes away,” you respond. “Thanks, by the way. I know you had to arrange all this in such short notice and had to work with Hoseok to push back all my other schedules. I know it was stressful for you, too.”

“And who said I ever minded?” Jimin replies. “I’ve spent enough time with Yoongi to know how much he takes care and supports you, and that also means I know just how much his career means to him. I’m sure you already know but nonchalant and cool he may be, he’s incredibly nervous. I just know having you there is gonna make all the difference.”

“I know,” you smile, feeling emotional at the thought. “I’m just so happy for him. He’s been sending me photos since he got here and I could just see his eyes sparkling. I’m so excited to see him in action.”

“Me, too, at least from here. We’ll be tuning in and I’ll just pretend I know shit about basketball and the NBA,” Jimin laughs. “I guess it’s weird to be cheering for the commentator and not the players but oh well. Just tell him we’re rooting for him; Jin’s gonna host watch parties in his house. We’ll invite Jungkook and Namjoon so there’ll be people who can actually explain to us what’s happening.”

You laugh at Jimin’s rambling. It’s touching to know just how much your friends have come to support Yoongi as well. You’ve to remind yourself that not long ago, they were all wary of him, given the 2 times he let you go. But they’ve seen in the past year and a half exactly what that love you treasure really looks like. You always said it was transformative for both of you in different ways, and they’ve come to witness that, too.

They’ve seen how tough days for you were always made better whenever Yoongi was around, how negative voices were always drowned out by his gentleness and encouragement, how bouts of insecurities were easily mended by his belief in you.

That love got you regularly going home to Daegu to see his dad and to be with yours, and to make an effort to heal the wounds with your sisters.

That love also got Yoongi to be braver, to take chances and to make the most out of every opportunity he could find. It’s that love that supported him throughout the months that he wrote for that online sports magazine, until he became a regular guest at an online sports show. It’s what encouraged him to apply for a sports channel’s basketball analyst position; you remember the smile on his face when he got the job and the first time he appeared on TV to talk about the sport he’s loved for most of his life. It’s your shared love that got him to dream again - maybe coach a professional team in the future, perhaps become a household name in sports media. It doesn’t matter what form, you’d remind him, as long as it was in the world of basketball.

It’s that same love that’s going to hold his hand through the next 2 or so weeks, as Yoongi lives out a dream he didn’t think he’d have. As a 10-year old who’d imagined himself playing for the NBA too many times, he didn’t think that 20 years later, he’d be reporting on it as part of the South Korean media. He thinks it’s just as much a dream as any. This is the sport he loves, and he told you once that he can’t imagine his life without it.

“Oh, I think that’s him!” You tell Jimin, as you spot the maroon car that Yoongi said he was in. “Thank you again.”

“Just call me for anything, okay?” He says on the other end. “And enjoy Boston!”

You bid him goodbye and rush to the car that stops not far from where you are. Yoongi exits and you hug him immediately, falling into the warmth that you’ve missed this past week. You were at a promotional event in Busan when he left Seoul for the US a few days ago so you didn’t get to say goodbye, but it appeased you that you could spend your break with him here.

But more than anything, it’s the fact that you get to be part of his new world this time, and nothing makes you happier than being able to see that sparkle in his eyes that made you fall for him that first time all those years ago. There’s that confidence again, that drive. Yoongi is all kinds of beautiful everyday, but seeing him do something he loves has always been special. You’re glad you get to witness that again.

“I missed you, jagi,” he hums in your ear. How was your flight?”

“Good. I got a bit of rest,” you reply. “And I missed you, too.”

Yoongi smiles and gives your luggage to the chauffeur who loads them in the trunk. You both enter the car and sneak in a kiss for the seconds that you’re alone, and he smiles against your lips before turning to you.

“You seem excited,” he states.

“Of course, baby. It’s the big day tomorrow. Aren’t you?”

“I’m terrified, actually,” he chuckles to mask the nervousness. “But Mr. Chan called earlier to ask how I’m feeling and he’s been so supportive, saying that his sprained ankle must’ve been a blessing in disguise if it meant I get to take his place. I did the reporting the other day during Media Day and he said I did really well, asking the players and coaches really good questions. He said if I sustain this during the entire championship series, I could be well on my way to reporting more big games even in other sports.”

“Baby, that’s huge!” You beam, turning to him to see his shy smile. “You could be reporting on the Olympics, who knows! But the NBA… this is huge for you. The fact that you’re who they thought to replace him is a big deal. It means they really see something in you.”

“I still think it’s a fluke,” he sighs. “If Mr. Chang hadn’t gotten injured, it would’ve been him. It just so happened that the other guys are either on leave or on another assignment and I was… there.”

“Then you just saved their asses! It means you get to show them how good you are, and I know you’re good. I wouldn’t be paying attention to basketball if you weren’t calling it.”

“You’re biased though,” he laughs.

“Duh. Name one other sports commentator who knows his shit, is incredibly handsome, has such a soothing voice, and looks hot talking about people shooting balls?” You exclaim. “No one! Just you! Baby, you’re saving the industry!”

Yoongi thinks you’re adorable when you go off like this. He always knew you didn’t actually pay attention to his games before because your eyes were only on him. Whenever you’d both watch on TV, you’re often curled into his arms, remarking that he does that same jumper smoothly or that the players are either boring or too cocky. You understand the sport, though. He knows you’re interested because you get basic terms and ask him questions. Sometimes he thinks you just want to hear him talk or analyze a play; sometimes you just giggle when he’s pulling his hair or yelling over a stupid call or when his team’s losing, but regardless of your level of appreciation for the sport, he knows you love it because he does, and that means more to him than you’ll ever know.

He gives in though, knowing you feel strongly about his basketball commentary skills.

“Thank you, jagi. I at least know that if I completely fail at this, you’d still think I’m hot.”

“Baby, I think you’re hot all the time. You could even model or act, you know? The industry will benefit from this pretty face,” you wink.

“Let’s say hypothetically, I do act. What happens if I have an intimate scene with someone? What would you do?” He asks, arching an eyebrow because he can almost predict what you’re gonna say.

“I will cry,” you pout, causing him to laugh.

It’s all hypothetical, but he can tell you’ll really be upset even if it’s something he has to live with all the time. It’s something he’s gotten used to, though. He did survive watching your scenes with Pablo where you both cuddled “naked” in bed, although he admits looking away so many times. He also made it through your mini-series where you had multiple sexually tense scenes with your co-star. He admits he likes it when you’re more clingy and affectionate after each filming and episode, and he won’t complain.

But knowing how affected you’d be if the roles were reversed makes him a little soft. He remembers those summers years ago when you’d eye the girls who’d cheer for him during his games and how you always ran to him after to hold his hand and then kiss him intensely in the bathroom or his car. You would deny the jealous girlfriend allegations and he used to just laugh through it. It seems like nothing has changed.

“These lips are for me only,” you say, cupping his cheeks to hold him in place for a deep kiss.

“They are,” he smiles. “And I know at the end of the day, your lips are only for me, too.”

He kisses you again, no longer minding the chauffeur in the car who doesn’t seem to care that you’re being affectionate in his backseat.

“They are,” you hum. “They’re for your neck, and your chest, and—” you palm his cock — “for this.”

“Jagi,” he laughs, already used to your antics.

You’re usually like this after being away. You were apart for a few days and it’s been a while since you’ve been separated for longer than that.

“I just miss you,” you sigh, hugging him now and liking the comfort of his touch as always. “No one would massage my feet after walking in heels for hours and have a bath with me, no one would make me cum to sleep or kiss me goodnight.”

“Nice to know that’s all you miss,” he teases, earning him another pout.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do, and I miss those, too,” he hums as he kisses your forehead. “Thanks though, for coming here. I know that Jimin and Hoseok had to push back some of your schedules.”

“No issue at all. I wanted to be here, babe. This is a big deal and I’m… I’m just so happy for you,” you say against his chest.

“You know I wouldn’t have gotten here without you, right?” He replies, emotional now at how far he’s come.

It’s been years but the memory of his injury and his subsequent fallout from the sport comes and goes sometimes, so was losing you in the process. And then losing you again. But he’s here now, with you, the night before an important moment of his young career as a sports analyst, and he’s never felt more secure in his life.

“You’ve always been a fighter,” you look up at him. “And you’re here because of you.” You kiss him softly. “But I can also take credit, that’s fine,” you laugh. “But really, thank you for not giving up on your dream, babe. I hope you know that it gives me courage, too.”

That night, you climb into bed with Yoongi, the exhaustion from the long trip overtaking you. There’s warmth in his eyes when he looks at you, and he chuckles when you try to stay awake. It’s his soft lips against your forehead that bids you goodnight, and you fall into his arms, knowing that this is what you’ll be waking up to in the morning.

The next evening, you walk inside TD Garden, Boston’s sports arena, where Game 1 of the NBA finals between the Celtics and Phoenix Suns are being held. The energy is insane, something you’ve never felt before, and it’s making you giddy and excited. You can only imagine what it’s like for Yoongi, and the thought makes your heart warm.

You did see him taking long breaths earlier after he’d dressed up and prepared to leave, and much as you’d been so tired, you just had to hug him to calm him down and tell him that he’s gonna do great. He’s just excited, he claimed, but he’ll look for you in the arena; knowing you’re there with him will be enough to calm his racing heart.

He had to go earlier to cover the press conference and film for their segment in Seoul’s morning news channel. It’s just him, Hee-soo, and a small production crew but it’s all they need. As commentators, they get to call the game but also interview the players and staff, report it, and then write about it. It’s tough and stressful but it’s the kind of buzz that Yoongi lives for now, you can tell, as you eye him in his designated analysts’ table, looking around and taking in the energy of the arena. His smile is priceless. There’s pride in it, there’s acceptance. It looks like the smile of someone who fought hard to have a new dream, and someone who worked to achieve it.

Yoongi’s eyes go to you and you wave. You’re thankful for the connections you have that got you this ticket last minute, and even if you won’t pay attention to the game as much, being here to witness Yoongi call his first NBA match is too special to miss. You can’t imagine being anywhere else.

The game is an exciting one. You get into it with the crowd even if you don’t exactly have a team you’re rooting for but you cheer just the same. Your eyes constantly flit to Yoongi though, whose position isn’t far from where you’re seated.

You listen through the online channel so you can hear what he’s saying, and the way he describes the energy inside is on-point. He narrates the plays effectively; you could be looking away from the court and still feel like you’re watching because of how good he is. His voice is calm and measured, except towards the end when the game is close and his pitch increases and he matches the excitement of what’s happening. It’s intense and exhilarating, and when the final buzzer sounds, you turn to him and see that smile on his face again.

Tears form in your eyes as you feel overwhelming pride. Perhaps it’s similar to what he felt when he was with you during the recent Film Festival where your movie was shown and the audience gave your entry a standing ovation. He knew what you had to go through for that role and seeing your hard work paying off meant so much to him, as he got to hold your hand and tell you he was proud of you.

That was special, he said. So many times in the past, he wanted to tell you all that, and that you did well, and that he’s looking forward to the next big thing you’ll do, but he never had the courage to. That’s why he’d send flowers, he told you.

He also revealed how that came about - how he’d driven to Seoul for your first movie premiere with a bouquet of daisies but that he’d seen you with someone, and how he decided to leave it at the agency for you to receive. He almost took it back but you seemed to like it so he just continued with the tradition. You cried then, and he said he didn’t want you to feel guilty. But you were emotional because he still looked out for you and his care for you never wavered. The flowers gave you strength, and you’d told him you wanted to be like those daisies for him, too.

Seeing him now gives you that sense of fulfillment, that not long from now, you’ll be able to hold his hand and tell him you’re proud of him, and the chance to do that for someone you love is special beyond words. You’re glad you can finally do that for each other now.

Gentle dreams, you think. This life with him and all the simple things you do for each other and together are some of the biggest ones.

It’s quiet in the car on the way to your hotel, the fancier one you booked for both of you instead of the mid-range one they got for him. Yoongi is focused on his notebook, jotting down notes from his memory that he’ll have to write up later on.

He’s then glued to his device once you get to your room, with him seated on the couch and agreeing to your orders for room service for your dinner. It seems he’s going through the messages of praise from his colleagues and his friends. A lot of people tune in to the channel’s coverage of the NBA, and other than you, no one’s prouder than his dad and his brother.

You watch him from the bathroom door, appreciating the joy he exudes. It’s different from what you’d seen all those years ago. This is a man who went through various kinds of pain and had other people suffer because of it, something he still burdens himself with every once in a while. But he did the brave thing of dreaming again; sometimes you think that’s probably harder than when he gave up on the first one.

Yoongi shows you everyday that courage takes different forms. Sometimes it’s letting something go, sometimes it’s fighting for them. Sometimes it’s loving someone from afar and sometimes it’s flying thousands of miles to a foreign country and asking for them back.

But it’s always picking up your broken pieces and learning to love yourself despite and because of them. It’s finding something or someone you can’t live without and offering what you can, trusting that they’ll take you into their world because you deserve it. Courage is dreaming again, it’s loving again even with the possibility of getting hurt. It’s trusting yourself enough that you’re going to be okay if things don’t go your way.

You hear him call your name. You realize you’ve been gazing at him for longer than you intended, and so you walk towards him as he looks at you questioningly.

“I was just admiring how happy you look,” you say. “It suits you, and I’m just so thankful I get to see it.”

His face softens and he reaches out his hand, one that he kisses and he doesn’t say anything else. He just looks at you tenderly and your heart races at the sight.

You bend to capture his lips on yours, your movements gentle yet wanting. But it builds as time passes, until you feel him undoing the knot of your bathrobe, with him sighing in satisfaction when he feels you bare underneath. Your breath hitches when he cups your breast and you want nothing more than to have him right now.

You pull away then remove your robe, liking the way his eyes roam around your naked form and how he gulps at the position you’re getting into, as you get on your knees and spread his legs apart. His slacks get off first, and then his briefs. He removes the rest of his clothes as you take him in your mouth, his cock heavy and wanting as it reaches the edge of your throat.

You take your time, wanting him to feel good after what he’d done tonight, but he’s the one who pulls away, wanting instead to bury himself inside you. It’s what he does, as he directs you on the couch, entering you from behind while his fingers do their magic on all parts of your body. But he lets you both come together, on the bed as he hovers over you, his head no longer buried in your neck, with his eyes looking straight into yours as you both come down from your highs.

He kisses your lips tenderly as his I love you, and the way he holds you later that night says everything he can’t say.

Loving you is what he wants to do in his life. Loving you is courage.

You didn’t realize just how tiring covering the NBA finals would be. Considering their small team, Yoongi and Hee-soo work double time to get all the information they need to cover the games and write about them within a short period of time. They also have to fly back and forth depending on where the game is and you’ve liked tagging along, enjoying the amenities of your hotel and exploring the nearby area. It’s what you do in Boston and then in Phoenix.

And while a game 7 is great for the league and basketball fans, you can tell it’s taxing for Yoongi. He doesn’t complain though. It’s part of the experience; the first one tends to be very memorable, he says.

Both of you find yourselves in Boston's public garden the afternoon after the final game of the series. It’s been a crazy 24 hours, as Yoongi and Hee-soo had to do interviews and then report and then write about the game. You stayed by Yoongi’s side, attending to his needs and helping whenever you can.

It’s early morning in Korea by now and work can resume later, perhaps right before or during your early morning flight back home, but you’re both at what has become one of your favorite spots in the city. It’s nice and simple and quiet. The garden is also accessible. It reminds you of the park in Paris, the one where Yoongi had come to meet you, and you cried in his arms at the sight of the man you didn’t think you’d be able to be with again, but he braved through his fears to be with you.

“I like it here,” you say, as you walk past one of the many statues.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” He hums. “The pond reminds me of Paris.”

You turn to him and smile, letting him know you were thinking the same.

Yoongi watches you lovingly look at the flowers. Your head turns when you hear toddlers squealing on their parents’ shoulders. And you perk up at the dog that stops to sniff his leg. They’re all simple but they’re so unabashedly you - soft, charming, and everything he needs.

He thinks about all the things he loves about you as you smile and laugh at your surroundings. He’s been thinking about a lot of things, actually, constantly pinching his arm to remind himself that this life he’s created with you isn’t just some dream he conjured in his mind to get over losing you twice. You’re actually, truly next to him, living his new dream with him, as he dreams your dream with you. He doesn’t think he can get any happier than everyday he gets to live like this.

You told him a few times that he’s brave for dreaming a new dream. It’s scary to do that, you’d said, so are other things, like loving again and again, accepting the broken pieces of himself and loving every one of them. You’d said that he was brave for flying to see you and asking for you back, and while he agrees to some extent, he doesn’t think anyone can be braver than you.

You love intensely and genuinely; you love so certainly. You love like you heal, and you love yourself and others so you could heal as well. The way you loved him all these years has been filled with courage - you loved when it hurt, when it didn’t feel like he wanted to fight for you, when it felt like your love wasn’t strong enough to carry his burden. You loved so hard that there would be nothing to regret if the world ended the next day, and your love is so transformative that it created a home in his aching heart so that it could be strong enough to love both you and him after everything.

You turn to him and reach out for your hand as you head towards the exit, and he jogs to where you are and intertwines his fingers with yours - not loosely but securely; he wants you to know he’s never letting you go.

There’s no version of life that he’d let you go another time. And so when he gets a message from the jeweler that his order for a customized daisy ring is ready, Yoongi’s heart soars to know that he could at least give you - ask you - something that will let you know that he’ll choose this life over and over again as long as it’s the one where he gets to live the rest of it next to you.

You’ll both go back to Seoul, in the home you both created, in each other’s arms where you both belong.

Series Masterlist

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#yoongi fic #yoongi angst #yoongi fluff #yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic #yoongi x you #yoongi fanfiction #min yoongi #bts suga #yoongi series

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littledancer9 · 6 months

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Seasons of Change: The Next Fall

Jonerys Falling for You 2023: College AU

Hosted by @iceandfirejonerysdiscord

Jon & Dany edit in my mood board by @axdragons

Unfortunately, my muse was not musing in time to get the first chapter our for the event, but I wanted to share a mood board and a sneak peek!

The sequel to my summer fic, The Summer Before

Summary: After years of being each other’s summer fling, Jon and Daenerys are finally in the same place and ready to begin their committed relationship as real adults; they’ve made it to college.

Vignettes of fall semesters and first experiences as Jon and Dany grow as musicians and in their relationship conquering everything from sorority rush to picking a career path to community bathrooms.

Sneak Peak under the cut!

“Jon, I need to go back to my place. Shower, get ready for class, try not to look like I just rolled out of my boyfriend’s bed.”

He nuzzled his face into her neck. “I like you looking like you rolled out of your boyfriend’s bed. Just shower here. You don’t even wash your hair every time.” His voice was muffled against her collarbone, goose bumps rising up to her ear from the vibrations.

“I can’t do that! You have a shared bathroom!” There was no way trying to sneak into the shower in a communal boy’s bathroom was going to happen. “Other… boys could be in there,” she all but whispered.

He chuckled into her neck, rolling his head back to look up at her while his hand trailed down to rub against her hip. “My sweet city girl never had to rough it in the community bathrooms.”

She frowned. Community restrooms were nasty. She had painstakingly chosen a dorm room for her and Missy where they would only have to share the bathroom between the two of them. And her mom had paid for a cleaner to come every two weeks to make sure it stayed pristine. “Are they even clean?” She crinkled her nose.

“I think so.” His brows knit together. “Cleaners go through pretty regularly.” His hand rubbed her hip a little rougher. “I could go with you. Keep you safe from any germs or prying eyes.” His breath was warm when he dipped back to her neck, licking at the small divot between her jaw and her ear. “Make sure you don’t miss a spot while you wash up.”

She rutted against his leg which had slipped between hers. She could feel herself pulsing at the idea. They’d never had shower sex before. They’d be wet and slippery and close because she was pretty sure it was a stall. Rough thumbs brushed the skin hiding underneath her t-shirt till they found her nipples, circling them gently. This was why she never made it back to her dorm in the first place last night.

“I guess if you were there to keep me safe from all the germs,” she whispered, grinding down against his leg again. She turned checking her phone for the time. “But we have to go now before anyone else on your floor is up.”

#jonerys #jonerys falling for you 2023 #jonerys fanfic #my fic #sneak peek #The Summer Before #The Next Fall #College Au #Modern Au #jon snow #daenerys targaryen

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selya711-twiste · 1 year

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soooooooo,,, rollo, huh- after ur other oneshot im craving more rollo content from you badly. would you do a male reader x rollo sharing a blanket cuz its cold outside? maybe with reader being a bit of a blanket hog

keeping warm

Rollo Flamme x reader It sounds reasonable to sleep together and use each other's bodies as a heat source. However, you're also a bit of a menace.

I've been letting this request cook for too long when it's exactly what I need rn. what the eff! it's so cold! and it's going to get worse soon!! I hope you're enjoying your holidays tho anon. i wish we all have a rollo to troll cuddle with. once again y/n is a sweet little jerk as per my last fic. it's just the best y/n possible for rollo. happy rollodays and rollo year

You can't forget the look on his face when you brought up the idea of sleeping together. It takes a lot to get under Rollo's skin, but something about you makes him so jumpy. It was impossible to miss the twitch in the corner of his lips as he brought his handkerchief to his face. He questioned your motives, as he always does whenever you do anything. You reasoned that the winter temperature warrants it, and you two have already been so close as of late... Intimate, rather. it's a word that hasn't passed him by until you came around.

He seemed so reluctant to share a room with you, but you convinced him enough for him to say yes. He invited you to his room this evening and you made no protest as you assumed that it was where he was more comfortable sleeping. Rollo is still new to being so close to anyone that he might just be awake the whole night if he were in your place. You wouldn't want to add another ring to the dark circles under his eyes, would you?

Night finally falls, and you make your way to his dorm room. Noble Bell College at night was surely a sight. You clutch your pillow as your eyes trace the shadows on every candelabra you pass by until you finally arrive. "Rollo?" You knock on his door thrice.

You had a brief thought of just getting in without knocking, but you wouldn't want to risk whatever might happen with the man on the other side. You don't check if it's locked because Rollo would surely take note of you trying to get in from the sound of the knob rattling.

You don't get to knock one more time when Rollo finally answers. "Good evening," he greets you in his pajamas. You stare at him up and down because of how different he suddenly looked. He would look so cool and imposing in his council president uniform, but right now he appeared so relaxed to you.

Are those his collarbones?

"Won't you come in? What are you so surprised about? You're wearing the same clothes as I am," he sighs as he stands aside to give way to you. "Ah, so sorry."

You feel a little more overwhelmed as soon as you do step into his room. Everything about Rollo's space is so clean, as expected, but not only that... It's just so full of him. All of his belongings from his books to the pens neatly arranged on his desk, to the chairs where he sits, and the closet full of his clothes... And then his bed, right there. You're just so tempted to dive right into it, but your host is still standing behind you, wondering what could possibly be on your mind as you were looking all over the place.

You look down at the pillow that you brought with you, before looking at the ones on Rollo's bed. It must be the privilege of being the leader of the whole student body to afford a room twice as big as the standard dorm room, so it's reasonable that even his bed was a bit bigger. Well, in exchange, he has a whole lot more duties to attend to compared to the average student.

"It is best we go to sleep now as we have classes tomorrow," he says as he walks past you. Rollo makes a gesture toward your side of the bed which you follow obediently as he makes his way to the other. You place your pillow down and enter the covers while he puts out the light.

The mattress in his bed is standard, so it isn't different from yours back in your own room. What you become flustered about is how much stronger his scent was all over his sheets and pillows. Your heartbeat becomes even faster as you feel his weight on the space next to yours, the blankets shifting with Rollo taking the other side.

"Goodnight," he softly greets you and he closes his eyes.

Wait, is that it...?

This went very differently in your head. For starters, he didn't even bother engaging in a late-night conversation with you after you came into his room. You think that maybe you should have initiated it, but you also zoomed into lying down on his bed. You look at Rollo who is lying flat on his back with his hands on his chest looking all peaceful.

Is he already asleep?!

Even the gargoyle in the bell tower is softer compared to him, you think to yourself. "Rollo?" You mutter as to not startle him as you slowly come closer to his side. "Hm?" It was a low noise, but it was enough for you to know that he was actually still awake. It's only been a few seconds in so there's no way would drift off that fast.

"...Nothing, goodnight," you answer back and turn around. You feel a little bit let down. Cuddling would be really ideal in this weather, but you can't bring yourself to throw yourself onto him anymore.

Yes, Rollo has to be the one to go to you this time. That's why you start pulling the blankets away from him. You wonder what kind of face he's making as he gently pulls them back from you, only for you to reel in almost all of the covers away from his body. Otherwise, the warmth of the whole duvet on top of you and in your arms feels so comfortable as the snow continues to fall outside. If nothing happens next, you'd surely fall asleep right then and there.

"Do you mind?" He whispers right against your ear, causing you to jump slightly. "What is it, Rollo?" You respond coyly and embrace the duvet closer. "You know what it is," he answers back and tries to pull the sheets away from you again. It feels like a fun game of tug of war, and you hope he's not too mad about it. By now, he should become used to the way you flirt, which just seemed to be getting on his nerves as much as possible that he questions why you've ended up in his heart instead.

"Why, it sure must be cold on your side... There's only enough of this blanket on mine. Won't you sleep much closer to me, Rollo?"

"This is such a roundabout way of asking me to cuddle with you."

"So you've thought about it, then?" You turn around and find him right behind you, his eyes gazing into yours. His hair, which was usually neatly combed during the day, was now a little disheveled from his moving around. Rollo looked unsure, and even his hand that was slightly above you seemed like he was still choosing between holding you or grabbing the covers back. "I didn't want to intrude on your space," he sighs and wraps his hand around the duvet after all, hesitant to touch you.

You lean forward and rest your head on his chest. "I do that to you all the time." You do the work for your awkward boyfriend and pull the blanket away from his hand. You place the covers over both of you and eventually wrap your arms around him. "Can we sleep like this?"

Rollo is reluctant to return the gesture, but his arms don't have anywhere else to go but around your form. It wasn't that he disliked you, or else you never would've set foot in his room at all. To put it bluntly, you were overwhelming, but he knows in his heart how distant he was from everyone until you took the initiative to come running to him, straight into his arms like you are now.

"Of course."

Rollo feels a bit of shame about how livelier you were than him when it came to showing affection. In the end, you were still the one taking the reins whenever it came to you two being intimate with one another. Either way, he was in bliss just having you here with him now, and softens up.

The night goes on quietly as you focus on the gentle rise and fall of his chest next to the sound of his heartbeat. You feel Rollo's arms eventually relax and embrace you more fully. It now feels so much warmer and more genuine, you can't help but melt into him. It was just so rewarding to feel his hesitance slowly disappear as he holds you even closer to his body.

"Sleep tight," he whispers against the top of your head and it feels like a little kiss. You think about coming over every night from now on regardless of what season it was as you drift off to sleep. Surely he wouldn't mind.

#rollo flamme x reader #rollo flamm x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #rollo flamme #microsoft word #male reader but i dont think ive done much abt it at all in this fic #but im sure that if it was a fem reader rollo would be as red as riddle the whole time because he just seems like hes less used to girls #just my personal onions tho #hope u enjoyed none the less #bro is shy give him some time

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hit-song-showdown · 1 year

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Year-End Poll #24: 1973

[Image description: a collage of photos of the 10 musicians and musical groups featured in this poll. In order from left to right, top to bottom: Tony Orlando and Dawn, Jim Croce, Roberta Flack, Marvin Gaye, Paul McCartney and Wings Kris Kristofferson, Elton John, Billy Preston, Carly Simon, Diana Ross. End description]

More information about this blog here

*Turns my chair around so I can sit in it backwards*

So. You were just caught trying to cover up a major break-in into the Democratic National Committee headquarters in order to cement your reelection.

As I alluded to last poll, one major historical event I need to mention is the Watergate scandal. The actual break-in took place the previous year, but the resulting investigations and trials won't start to take place until this year -- after Nixon's reelection. However, there aren't many songs about the incident from this time, or at least not in the charts. Most of the songs protesting Nixon tended to focus on the war.

Speaking of the Vietnam War, 1973 does not mark the end of the war, but it does mark the beginning of the United States' exit. To bring it back to the music, one of the 60's polls included the Monkees' Last Train to Clarksville, a song that wasn't explicitly written about the war, but had the war projected onto it because it's a song about someone leaving home and not knowing when they're coming back. It seems fitting that one of the songs on today's poll is Tony Orlando and Dawn's Tie a Yellow Ribbon[...], a song that wasn't explicitly written about the war, but had the war projected onto it because it's a song about someone coming home and not knowing what his welcome will look like.

Soul music is continuing to have one of its golden ages, with artists like Roberta Flack and Marvin Gaye topping the charts. It's been a while since I talked about Billboard from the business side of things, but the explosion of this genre gives me a good excuse to do so. In 1973, the Billboard chart for R&B songs was changed from "Best Selling Soul Singles" to "Hot Soul Singles". This change may not sound that significant, but it becomes more notable when you see how often this title changes. This article goes more into depth about Billboard's complicated history when it comes to its representation of Black music.

Which reminds me, it's time to start talking about disco. It will reach the polls soon, I promise, but now feels like a good time to set the scene before we get to that point. As I mentioned in a previous poll, the disco scene really came out of soul. Especially Philly Soul, which had lush instrumentation that worked really well with the overall atmosphere of early disco. At this point in history, disco is still an underground subculture, and musically the line between it and soul music isn't that clear. Disco as its own genre of music that could be identified as such by the average listener will come later.

I don't usually talk about the formation of genres until they reach the charts, but I'm going to make an exception here. Because 2023 is the 50th anniversary of this genre, the genre has grown into a dominating musical force across the globe, and it's the only genre I actually studied in college.

In 1973, a Jamaican-American teenager named Clive Campbell (more widely known as DJ Kool Herc) and his sister, Cindy, started hosting parties out of their apartment in The Bronx, New York. These parties would play a lot of funk records, but he wouldn't just play them. Instead, he would play two copies of the same record on a turntable so he could extend the percussion section of the song, also called the break (which is where breakdancing comes from). This would lay the foundation for hip-hop, further expanded by artists like Grandmaster Flash and Afrika Bambaataa. All three of these men are still alive and I've linked interviews with some of them.

Hip-hop and rap are often used interchangeably, but there is a difference. Hip-hop exists both as a subculture and as a style of music. It incorporates art forms such as DJing, breakdancing, graffiti, beatboxing, rapping, and many other elements. That's why I said DJ Kool Herc helped set the foundation of hip-hop. Within early hip-hop culture, the MC was mostly there to bounce off of the DJ and keep the energy up. That isn't to discredit the difficult work of early MCs (trust me, if you were bad at it, the audience would let you know). Rap itself as an art from has a plethora of different artistic roots in Black culture, from scat singing in jazz, to various traditional West African storytelling techniques, to early 20th century gospel groups, to rhyme games, to Black radio DJs. The genre started to get more notice outside of the party scene as wordplay and flows started to expand further, especially as the first hip-hop groups started to form and the MCs became part of the "band". Like disco, hip-hop was still very much an underground subculture, but it would soon take over the nation.

It will be another 17 years before the first rap song reaches number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby). We won't see a rap song featured on these polls until 1995. But it's hip-hop's 50th birthday, and so much of modern American culture doesn't make sense without its involvement.

#billboard poll #billboard music #tumblr poll #1970s #1970s music #1973 #tony orlando and dawn #jim croce #roberta flack #marvin gaye #paul mccartney #wings #kris kristofferson #elton john #carly simon #diana ross #billy preston

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songliili · 4 months

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2023 writing roundup

i was tagged by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf and @rockyroadkylers!

i feel like i've spent my whole year writing, but i also know that i've spent months without doing it so i can't say how much it was month by month. but i posted three fics this year so like. that's an achievement!

let's see what we got.

January:

the great dean court off - Supernatural, 21.8k, M (chapter update) [someday i will finish it, i promise]

Of all the things Dean expected to find when he came back from the bathroom break, a folded piece of paper with "hey, if you’re not gay, my friend thinks you’re cute. here’s her number 316-557-9608 (and if you’re gay, here’s mine 316-997-2018)" written on, was not it. - Or the one where Dean organises a dating contest because he's bi and can't decide between two options.

September:

I Had Some Time (With You) - Supernatural, 23.9k, E

It's 2005 when things go to hell. Well. They go to hell for everyone except Dean, ‘cause he was ready for it. Well. He was ready for the apocalypse, not for the gorgeous man who fell into his life, quite literally. OR A Destiel rewrite of Bill and Frank's love story as shown on HBO's The Last of Us episode 3: Long Long Time that uses elements of both universes.

November:

we all have a hunger - RWRB, 22.9k, E

Alex’s journey of self discovery started one random night five years ago, when he was scrolling his favorite porn website to relax after midterms. He chose a video with the preview of two guys in the threesome category, thinking nothing of it, and came so hard he thought he was going to pass out. The threesome didn’t happen, the girl just sat there looking at the two guys going at it, just like Alex did. After that night, saying that the tall, blond and gorgeous actor with a fucking sinful shoulder to waist ratio didn’t do it for him was a complete lie, so maybe, maybe, Alex could be excused when he freezes up when said man - even more tall, blond and gorgeous in real life - stretches a hand toward him and says “I’m Henry, Pez’s ‘best mate of honor’, as he says.” with his perfectly infuriating British accent. — OR: Henry is a porn star, Alex is a fan.

December:

Fill My Stocking - RWRB, 6k, E

Alex has spent the past fifteen minutes talking with David about his favourite treats. Not that the dog answered, but Alex was undeterred and kept going, uncaring that Henry had asked him to give him an hour and then he’d join him in hanging up fairy lights and mistletoe everywhere. Very well. If Alex wants Henry’s attention, he'll have it. It's probably not what Alex thought he’d accomplish with his little scheme, but it's a compromise between Henry's needs and Alex's wants, and that's all that can be done. OR: Alex wants some attention and Henry has to get creative.

Upcoming in 2024:

part 2 of the pornstar verse (title undecided):

picks up the day after the ending of part one, it's alex's first christmas in london

Like Father, Like Son:

alex is a horse trainer and has a crush on arthur fox. he's the trainer on set for arthur fox's new movie (a queer western). his son, henry fox, visits the set and well. alex is fucked.

I hope you don't mind. (part 3 of the pornstar verse):

henry's bad days and how alex helps him go through them

Other things I hope I manage to put out next year (or at least start writing):

Your body is the Sistine Chapel:

what if dean was as tattooed as he was supposed to be? which tattoos would he get? for whom would he get them?

untitled airbnb fic:

alex travels to london as a reward for finishing college, and henry is his airbnb host whose dog likes alex a little too much.

untitled mandalorian!alex fic:

alex is the mandalorian, david is grogu. that's all i have for now.

untitled scarlet witch!henry/sword agent!alex fic:

inspired by this tweet. i have nothing more than this to give you atm.

i posted 62.406 words this year, and written many more. i'm fairly new to writing, so this is a real accomplishment for me. my biggest goal was to post a fully finished chaptered fic, and i did! then i started a series, and wrote something shorter than 7k, and i have so many ideas for future fics that i genuinely don't know where to start. i hope i manage to post at least a couple next year!

tagging: @affectionatelyrs @firenati0n @absoluteaudacitywrites @gayrootvegetable @leojfitz @anincompletelist @ssmtskw @littlemisskittentoes @cactusdragon517 @read-and-write- and everyone else that wants to join!

#tag game #writing roundup #spn #supernatural #rwrb #red white and royal blue #fan fiction #songliili writes

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angelosearch · 3 months

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Here's a long mushy post because today is a special date.

Way back in the early oughts, I was talking to this guy on AIM (blast from the past, I know). We started talking in November of 2008 and from the first time we chatted, I felt like there was something special about him. We became fast friends and would chat into the early hours as we put off doing our homework. He was funny and smart and would help me with my physics homework and occasionally Rick Roll me.

One time, we worked together to try and figure out if every person in the world moonwalked against the earth's rotation on the equator, could they get the planet to stop spinning (inconclusive, but probably no).

The first time we spoke on the phone (the first time we heard each other's voices) it was the day that Obama was inaugurated. I remember this because I felt overwhelmed and awkward. I didn't know what to talk about, so I brought that up.

I got the sense that he liked me - or at least I hope he did, because I liked him. A super nerd, captain of the fencing team, loved his dog - I DEFINITELY had a crush.

But I wasn't certain that he liked me until February 10th, when he messaged me on AIM and quoted Newton's third law. He said something to the effect of "Newton's Third Law states that reactions are equal and opposite. I really like you - does the law apply here?"

Well, that guy and I have been together 15 years now. After a long distance relationship through the rest of highschool and college, we moved in together in 2014. We got married in 2016. His sister Rick Rolled us at our wedding. We got a congratulations card from Obama (someone mailed him our wedding invite, to this day I don't know who).

It's been an eventful couple of years. We've had jobs and apartments and dogs and roommates. We've gone on amazing adventures, engaged in so many hobbies together, and played through a bunch of videogames side-by-side. There's been hundreds of hours of audiobooks and probably months worth of television. Oh, and A LOT of BeatSaber.

He has been very excited about my return to fanfiction and my renewed love of FFVIII. He has never played the game but he will let me talk about it endlessly and bounce fanfiction ideas off him. Everytime I finish a chapter of something, I send it to him and he gives me feedback. If that's not love, I don't know what love is!

He was there to help me into the car when I was loopy from having my wisdom teeth removed. Before I learned to drive, he took me anywhere I couldn't reach from walking/transit without question. He has seen me through my career ups and downs and is now my biggest cheerleader as I apply to grad school.

Once I hosted an event for a job I had. Doing that always pushed my mental health to the brink. I was staying at a friend's place in the city after the meeting with the plan to metro home in the morning, but the wave of a manic episode that had manifested over the week crashed into my mind and I was caught in the riptide of a panic attack. He drove out during a blizzard in the middle of the night to bring me home and rubbed my back as I laid on the floor of our apartment, sobbing.

Our relationship survived a whole pandemic. When I had struggles with my birth family, we became each other's family, and his family welcomed me too. Then he saw me through my darkest timeline and has supported me through every step of my mental health journey. Just a few hours ago, I was stuck in some memories and he talked me through it. I am tremendously grateful everyday to have such an amazing person in my life.

In October of last year, we moved into our home. For the first time in my life, I feel safe and comfortable in the place I live and waking up to be with him, here, everyday brings me so much joy. I recently heard this song, which really captures how we feel in this moment of our lives:

So happy anniversary to "my Rinoa" - @tharinock (funnily enough the same handle I first got to know you by). Here's to the next 15 years of fun and love.

#My love story #happy anniversary #personal essay #Spotify

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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Full disclaimer, I'm a monolingual American from a privileged background (though I suspect that much would be pretty obvious frim reading).

I think part of the reason Americans always act like everything should be translated not just to English, but to American English is because up until very recently, almost everything WAS "translated" for us.

We Americans are so babied about language & culture, it's embarrassing. The Harry Potter books had to be "translated" because apparently we couldn't be trusted to figure out that a jumper was a sweater. I heard about an author of a true crime book just last year complaining about how "mum" had to be changed to "mom" for US release.

Then there's the American idea of exceptionalism which shows up not just as "we're the best, why would you want anything else?" but also as "wow, how weird are you for liking something that's FOREIGN?" At least when I was growing up, if you watched or read stuff in any other European language you're a snob. If you like anything from Asia you're a weirdo. (Of course, during my formative years, I was implicitly taught that Africa and South America did not produce any media worth consuming. If they had, clearly it would have been on TV because American TV had the best of everything /sarcasm)

Like when I got into anime in the 90s, Sailor Moon episode sequences had to be mirrored so american kids wouldn't get confused about the cars driving on the wrong side of the road, half the characters in anime were constantly eating "jelly donuts" because we apparently had no chance of comprehending rice balls. I was freaking astounded when Netflix started hosting K dramas with only subtitles, no dubs. Just the other week I was watching an anime that actually kept the honorifics in the dubbed version and my jaw dropped because I remember my friends and I (pre-speedy internet) trying to parse mysterious words like "chan" and "kun." My well educated and generally liberal father reacted to my announcement that I was going to study Japanese in college (10 years ago) by listing the war crimes committed by Japan in WW2 (tell me you have a white American dad without telling me you have a white American dad 🙄).

It's also the way foreign languages are taught in US schools. Not just the fact that we start late, but that it's rarely viewed as a priority. I distinctly remember thinking "why am I learning French? Even if I ever go to France I'm only gonna visit for like a week, definitely not enough to need a whole language." There was almost no effort made to explain that 1) there are other countries that speak French, 2) there are people IN THE US who speak French as a first language and 3) you'll have a much better time overseas if you don't come off as a dumb American tourist. Culture being tied to language was never addressed at all. And I went to a well funded private high school where half the teachers held PhDs with language teachers were native speakers. (Actually I think it was one of my French teachers who explained that we 15 year olds were too old to really learn a language successfully, so that's awesome)

Do not get me wrong, this is not an excuse for Americans being, ya know, American about language and cultural literacy. But this is not an easy mentality to shake and pointing it out to a lot of your fellow Americans will get you a rant about how ungrateful you are for "attacking" the best country in the world. Sometimes I look back on the kind of cultural censorship that is so damn prevalent even now and it gives me a headache because this whole country feels like a cult sometimes. I wish I could have studied language earlier in life, I wish I would have seen it as more than just a graduation requirement, and I wish I had the time to prioritize it now, but I didn't and I can't.

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pernillemagda · 1 year

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“Kvindefodboldpodcasten” with Lars Søndergaard

I have translated some of the podcast here, mostly the part with Lars Søndergaard and who should play as a 9 in the future

04:33 - The hosts had made a top four with their best four Danish players in this international break, the players are Maja Bay Østergaard, Janni Thomsen, Josefine Hasbo and Sofie Svava and Lars says that he doesn't disagree, but also doesn't want to say who he thought did the best.

13:00 – They think that Maja was the best of the three goalkeepers in the squad this tournament, it was her debut, she was confident and had a good game against Norway.

Interview with Lars Søndergaard begins.

33:30 – Fun fact, they only had one training before the game against France as the first got canceled because the flight to France was delayed by 3,5 hours

35:25 – Lars says that the referee in the last game wasn’t so competent and then he adjusts it to a “less good referee” and then Amalie, the host, says that it was clear to see his blood pressure rose even though he was a “simple Northjutlander”, but he says he thinks that he was calm, compared to the rest of the team who sat on the bench 😂

38:00 - They have changed formation from 3-4-3 to 4-3-3

39:25 – Talks about Luna Gevitz and how she has been to two euros without having played a game (I have just checked her stats, she only had 20 caps for the A-team, where four of them are world-cup-qualification and 16 are friendlies)

42:30 – Talks about how Josefine Hasbo is doing really well and that the level in college football is high. She is dedicated to what she does and thrives well at Harvard with school and football.

48:00 – They mention Pernille for the first time and how to get goals from the attackers like Signe Bruun, Amalie Vangsgaard and Stine Larsen when Pernille isn’t playing.

He says that Bruun’s problem is, that she doesn’t get so much playing time, but is a really good box player and player with the head.

50:30 – Host asks, “Is Harder an alternative as a 9, if none of the other attackers in doesn’t get in form in their clubs before the world cup”, Lars’ answer “Yeah, luckily, we have Harder, she can play everywhere. I think Harder in a 4-3-3 is best at an 8 or 10, a little behind, and can send some good and decisive passes and help control the game from there. Then we have to wait and see where she should play. She showed against Spain, that if she had more support, especially in the first half and periods in the second, she was outstanding she is against tough teams and she is always finding space, so she could be an alternative in the 9 position even though we look more at some other at that position right now.

52:00 – He thinks it is the best time to end his trainer career after the world cup after 5,5 years. He has been through a lot with the team and thinks it is a good place to stop after a tournament, he would like to stop on the top, which he hopes he does. He doesn’t know what he should do afterward if it is something with football, or if he should just go on a “ski vacation” 😂 or do something totally different.

56:20 – What does it take to be a good coach for Denmark, “you have to be competent and have professionalism, also because the players are extremely focused on the details. It’s not a job where you just find a random training exercise. Women’s football is in big changes, and it takes a lot and takes collaboration and a whole team as coaches behind, not just the head coach.

59:25 – I really hope I can answer that the biggest achievement will be the last.

In the clip on Instagram he also says this, bit it isn’t in the podcast:

“In DBU we dream about getting far in this tournament. And that will put some demands on how we play, but our minimum goal is to get out of the group, we will be very disappointed if we don’t. I really hope that I can say that my biggest achievement will be my last.”

Then they also had a national team barometer to "take the temperature" and describe the teams form right now with emojis

Amalie uses this one to show that the teams level ir rising even though it had been low in the fall: 📈 Verner uses this one, also to show that it haven't been the best in the fall, but that we're now getting better: 🤒

#podcast #lars søndergaard #21.02.2023 #pernille harder #wwc 2023 #Spotify #kvindefodboldpodcasten Lars Søndergaard

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deathlygristly · 2 months

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I will talk to the spousal person about that literacy essay tonight at dinner.

I read a few months back through this blog and last night I saw some posts of mine from 2020, and it seems the problem of how humans think in ways that don't make sense to me has been on my mind for a few years now.

Well, of course you could say it's been on my mind my whole life, but the last few years I seem to be particularly fixated on how people sort other humans into categories and judge those categories and their borders really hard, on how so many humans seem to assume that all the other humans are either copies of themselves or copies of authorities they are rebelling against, and also the weirdness about fiction that's bubbled to the surface of the internet over the last few years.

According to the essay I reblogged earlier, maybe the last one has something to do with the other two?

Just me pondering and thinking under the cut.

Last night I was talking to the spousal person about kdramas and discussions of kdramas online and an episode of the Black Girl Seoul podcast I listened to yesterday about Gyeongseong Creature. Which I see I wrote a post when we were watching it about how people who know kdramas didn't seem to know the history it was based on, and the people who knew the history didn't seem to know kdramas.

The hosts of Black Girl Seoul (which I very much recommend subscribing to their show if you're into kdramas and you like podcasts) noticed that discrepancy even though they didn't know the history yet, so they made the effort to learn the history and got two of their college friends who aren't super into kdramas to watch it too and talk about it with them on their podcast. The hosts said they related the Korean experience under Japanese colonialism to black people here in the US and one of their friends disagreed, but it was a good friendly discussion.

I guess I'm bringing that up because I had noticed how a lack of historical knowledge hollowed out some people's perception of the show, and the podcast episode is an example of people finding that knowledge and reading it and learning it and that knowledge broadening their understanding of the show and its layers and meanings and the shared experiences of colonialism and violence and oppression across the species.

Also like I constantly bring up, when I was 9 I read every book I had access to about the Holocaust. Through that reading I learned about humans and violence and propaganda and fascism and genocide, and I guess because I was so young I just assumed it was common knowledge that everyone learned as a preteen. Just like how I was surprised that other kids couldn't read in kindergarten and I was surprised that other people online had such violent reactions to just the mention of reading. I am not immune to the human tendency to assume that others are copies of you. ;)

I told the spousal person last night that lots of times I feel like I'm a horribly ignorant person, but then sometimes I realize that actually I do know a fair bit. He said yeah, it's impossible to learn everything and of course you're always going to be ignorant of a lot, but it's possible to keep learning.

And I've been trying to do that. I've tried to read posts and comments of the people who used to think in categories and copies and who are still close enough to it to reflect on it. Like how I used to read the forum for incels who are trying to get out of incel mentality, and how I read the forum for exvangelicals. I am realizing that I cannot learn anything from people who are activated/triggered and lashing out at others and bullying them and being mean, but I can learn a lot from people who were where those people are and who are now trying to come out of it and who can reflect on their indoctrination and their growth out of that indoctrination.

I guess what I am thinking about the most now is what the author of the essay said about short form video with its emotions versus long form reading and reflection, and also the bit about students accepting whatever the teacher tells them. I've posted a fair bit over the years about being confused about why so many people seem to get their idea of how life should be from mediocre TV shows, and I didn't always realize I was repeating myself. I also found a post where I was confused about students being upset when a teacher didn't tell them what to think and gave them options. But that's how thinking and learning and experiencing goes - it's a spiral, and you keep returning to the same place but on a higher level.

Maybe it was that childhood of longform reading in the time before the internet that shaped my brain more towards reflection and ability to see the story behind the images and the words and to understand that I don't have to copy what is in the fictional stories around me.

The spousal person and I have noticed extreme anti-drug propaganda in kdramas. One we're watching now, Flex x Cop, had a scene where the female lead talked about how someone had "druggily murdered" someone. We just laughed a lot and took a pic of it for our silly kdrama screencaps folder and went on with our lives, easily understanding that it was silly propaganda. We never thought about having to accept panic about drugs as the truth or, on the other side, being all super rage-y about it and bullying anyone who watches the show and calling them a fed or whatever the kids do these days. It was just instinctual knowledge of yeah, mass media is gonna have stuff like that in it and it is what it is and you laugh and go on.

I mean, honestly, it was so instinctual that it seems like....like I don't know, maybe that pic that goes around of the adult woman and the infant that she's showing a ball to or whatever. Like I could get having to explain this to a very small child, but I feel like by the time you're able to participate extensively online you should know this. But the internet makes it clear that I'm wrong, and that plenty of teens and even adults don't really have that instinctual recognition of propaganda and its silliness and they don't have an emotional remove from it.

I guess some people get so weird about other people possibly copying what they read or see in fiction because they themselves copy what they read and see in fiction. Humans project so much.

Anyway, yeah, long post short: I grew up reading a lot, I married a dude who also read a lot, when our first apartment flooded the insurance guy had to go and do research because he'd never done anything with that many books before, our house is full of books everywhere, and the spousal person works at the library. It's kind of like reading and book literacy is the water I've been swimming in, and I didn't know that other people swam in other water. I am trying to learn what that other water is like though, so maybe one day I can understand and I can be gentle and compassionate about it while encouraging them to dip a toe into my water.

#long post #very long post

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thewertsearch · 2 years

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Asks Compilation 18/6

Yeah, that makes more sense. I’m very hesitant to look up words used in this comic, especially if there’s a chance the comic made them up, so I didn’t want to dig any deeper!

Trolls only manifest their eyebrows when enraged. It’s like those lizards with frills.

Bit of discussion here about why Dream John had such trouble waking up. It’s true - reading back on Jade’s conversations, she never explicitly stated that realizing your destiny as a Player was a prerequisite for waking.

I never thought about how Dream John’s ‘refusal’ to wake up was him being obstinate again.

He also obstinately refused to acknowledge his wall scrawlings at first, which was a phenomenon which stemmed from his dream self. There might be something to this.

Clearly I just need to read farther in Homestuck, until I get to the DJ reveal in Act 7 :D

That psycheout post originally was the scheduling update that it pretended to be, but I changed my mind mid-post. I psyched myself!

I love how this implies the trolls are

A: Wearing ubergear underneath their zodiac shirts, and B: Covering that ubergear with their default outfits from before the game

Oh dang, either of those would have been cool. I wouldn’t have made the former, though, and I couldn’t wait long enough for the latter!

These two series are genuinely inseparable. Look at this!

I really have to replay UT/DR when this is all over, because that surely can’t be the only reference, right?

Hahaha, that’s amazing, it’s such a clusterfuck in the best way possible. Homestuck has a lot of copyrighted stuff in it - if it ever went mainstream, it would have to purge so many pages.

I played Skyrim before, but it was a long time ago, and I never actually did the story, I just fucked around in the College of Winterhold until I got bored.

Oh, that would be cool. Watch this space, because we might be seeing some changes in the blog’s theme as time goes by...

Yup, we covered an absolute ton in the last Act. Partially this was because it’s the longest Act of the comic so far, but it also seemed to have a lot more content per page, too.

In earlier Acts, a single post of the liveblog could cover ten pages, easily, but these days, we often get pages that take multiple posts to digest!

[ https://balentay.tumblr.com/sweeps - it’s a years/sweeps calculator :D - Cat ]

Oh, that’s fun! I didn’t know you could host scripts like this on Tumblr. I gotta brush up on my Javascript, because there’s a lot of fun stuff I could do on the blog, in that case.

#asks #full liveblog #act 5

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kariachi · 4 months

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Some little facts for my ladies regarding Christmas

Marian

Has only had a fake Christmas tree if you count the ones put up at her college, which she does not- it's all real live trees, all from a local farm

Most of her ornaments and decorations are of the 'we've had this since I was knee high to an ant' variety, though as time has gone on she's had to replace shit

There's not really a theme or anything, it's just very cozy with a wide variety or ornaments from throughout the years and passed down from generations and 'traditional' little 'christmas village' and such decorations

Lights, garland, you know the deal, not especially highkey, just easy and classy very naturalistic, she's not throwing around wild colors and shit

She has a fake berry garland and throws that on the tree the years she's feeling lazy/overwhelmed, otherwise she and her dad sit down and do a popcorn garland

Christmas songs mostly play in the barn and when people are over. The pigs seem especially fond of 'Feliz Navidad'.

Her favorite is 'Hark Hear the Bells' [is a lie, she will never lose that nostalgic love for 'Have Yourself a Looney Christmas']

If you're close she'll buy you something, but otherwise you get baked goods, normally cookies or brownies because you can split those up easily to give to multiple people with one batch

She doesn't really send Christmas cards, though she does call a few old friends who live far away, make sure to wish them well

She has friends over for a small get-together and dinner about halfway through December, but the actual day is just her, her dad, and Jadie

Christmas breakfast is Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls and has been since her dad was a little boy- quick, easy, and since it's the only time they have them it feels special

Dinner's homegrown ham, sprouts from down the road, sweet potatoes, standard potatoes, homemade rolls, more-or-less what it's been for years upon years, though now she splurges and includes a goose so Jadie doesn't feel left out

Monette

In a world where real live trees and fake trees that could masquerade as real live reigned, one woman stood up and said "no, I want pink and shiny"

"If I want green I'll go outside"

There is so much tinsel, and so much metallics, and so much glass, and so much crystal, you may begin to think there's only one or two lights on and it's just the reflections keeping the place lit

She actually doesn't have many knickknacks and such, sticking more to the garland and tinsel and lights and such

She's the only one that gets professionals involved to come in and decorate the outside and more public facing areas of her home for her

She buys all her gifts, unless said gifts are cash, and has not skimped on either in her entire fucking life

Everybody gets cards. Everybody.

So much Christmas music gets played over the course of December, and her favorite song is 'We Need A Little Christmas'

She hosts so many events in the first half December, it'd be easier to list times she doesn't have a party going or people over for dinner or a charity thing going on

She gives her staff the last week and a half of December and the first of January off as a standard, which they've very much earned by the end of the year, especially with all the hosting she does between mid-October and late-December

She has no 'every year' Christmas plans, it's all 'what invitations came in first', if invitations come in at all. If nobody invites her to their place she generally stays home, sends out an open invitation to everybody she knows in the area that they're free to drop in as long as they try to give her at least an hour's warning

When she's at home Christmas breakfast tends to be pastries grabbed a few days ahead of time, while dinner is usually ham and some very simple sides (roast potatoes, frozen veggies), eaten by the fire watching Christmas specials

Allison

Once upon a time made rope, wove it into a net, and decided that would be her Christmas tree from now on and it very much has been

Decoration style is best described as 'festive chaos' if one is being polite and 'the Jo-Ann's Christmas aisles threw up' if one is not

The theme is 'things I liked or people gave me that are also Christmas'

Makes at least a good half the gifts she gives away, by which I mean if you get a store bought gift it is alongside one she made

So many Christmas cards, all done up at home, so many

'Jingle Bell Rock' was written for this woman or at least you would think that for how many different covers of it are on her Christmas playlists

Doesn't have people over, instead visits family over the holidays as much as possible, switches off whether she spends Christmas with her brothers or her parents

The ones that don't get Christmas get Thanksgiving

Is it Christmas if it doesn't start with chocolate chip pancakes and end with peanut butter blossoms? Area lesbian says no

#my ocs #mari monie allie my classic ladies

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prismuffin · 1 year

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OwO Anon, we need to stop sharing the same brain cell. I had it before my shift, did you take it??

Anyways, I noticed some of your tags and stuff about your snake and how crazy things have been for you. I'm not stalking your blog, I swear... I just have notifications on..

Please use this ask box message, to rant/ vent about what you are okay with sharing!

Because, you seem like the type to not bring up shit in conversation, snice you'll feel like an asshole if you took up space in a convo.

- Crow

CROW LMFAO not you calling me out perfectly with that last sentence-

yeah I practically have no one to talk to because of my current situation and I feel bad for ranting whenever but I'll take the invite and rant a bit- so with that in mind, you can ignore everything under the cut but thank you for this vent ask!

But yeah there's just a lot happening right now and it's all making me feel really bad which in turn is making me feel worse because I feel like I have no right to feel bad??

Things are pretty wild with my family right now- for some context my family is pretty big with my parents having 10 kids in total- my mom didn't have all 10 and all of my siblings are half siblings so growing up I was the only one with both of my parents present- the rest of my siblings were only related to my dad or mom. Now that mostly everyone has moved out or is living with their mom/dad they're trying to go into their retirement plan and the only problem with that is I'm still here!

my parents are trying to live in the US for certain parts of the year and in Mexico for the other parts which is totally fine but it's completely uprooting my life and I have no idea what to do. I already dropped out of my school because my depression was worsening (like it got real bad) and I couldn't take it anymore so I left it for college prep (which is online and allows me to control my hours and how much work I do) so I lost contact with most of my friends then and I'm losing time with all my other ones because I'm in a different country for half of the year- and in said country I also have no friends and the one friend I did make is leaving for Portugal so I can't hang out with them anymore.

Me moving countries/traveling often means that I have to sell most of my stuff since I won't always be in a place for too long. I already had to give away my dog and now I'm gonna have to sell my snake as well and it's terrible because I'm very attached to both of my pets. I also have to get rid of all of my clothes and throw practically everything in my room away to make moving easier and once again I'm very attached to all my stuff so it's really stressful.

I don't like to complain about all of this though because I think I sound ungrateful. Like- Wow, you get to travel the world often and at such a young age without having to worry about school? That sounds soooo hard, you're struggling sooo much. I feel like shit for hating the traveling because I know there's people that would do anything to be in my position and to see some super cool places that my parents are planning on living in for a while but the whole thing is really uprooting the comfortable life I built for myself within the comfort of my room with my snake and dog and classes that I could control. In a way it's like they're taking all of my control. I feel like I have none of it and in a way I kinda don't.

The whole thing is making my depression come back in full force- I was going to therapy for a bit but then that stopped.

Then there's the one time I was literally crying at a huge birthday dinner for one of my parents friends and no one noticed at all and at the end of the night I got yelled at in the middle of the street because I just wanted to walk home after the dinner instead of walking to the hosts house to continue the party. Random tangent I know but I think that's the night my depression fully came back and hit in the face.

Writing is a safe thing for me, I enjoy it and I enjoy making content for others and writing for myself even, at times. Recently I haven't been able to do much of that though not only because of school but also my motivation is dropping bit by bit which is why after these requests I might take break from writing while things sort themselves out in my life. I'll still be active on Tumblr and doing asks and such but writing full fics for others might take me some time!

But yeah, that's some of the things that are happening that I'm comfortable talking about. I feel like this post is too long already so I won't get into the other stuff that actually led to my depression worsening but-

thanks Crow! Even if you didn't read this I suppose it's a bit better to get this off of my chest.

#what can I say #Pris got Probs #thanks crow #personal rant #just some extra btw:#I was on my own for a bit and it was fine but then my parents got back and now it's all “get rid of the snake” “have you sold your pc yet?”#theres also some stuff with my ex and her relapsing and me wanting to reach out and help her but not knowing how #the way we ended things make them kinda complicated but hopefully I can get her a gift or smth for when she's out of the ward

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