#tho I wouldn’t mind being ALSO a hot subway boss

[manicr]

Season’s Greetings

...and a merry fuckmas to you too, asshole

Summary: It’s the season and Bullseye has a job, everybody just keeps getting in the way and into each others pants.

...Taskmaster already regrets hiring Bullseye.

Rating: T for mentioned violence, profanity

Parings: implied Outlaw/Domino, Taskmaster/Outlaw

Prologue

Chapter 1: Queens

The first snow had long since fallen, earlier this year than usual, and as expected, it came with the annual issues of subway cancellations, unplowed roads, and slip ‘n falls in the City. Even the caped crusaders of New York were less likely to be seen on the streets and skies as it continued to pour down to the tune of Let it Snow. It was a time made for people like him to slip under the radar and get shit done.

As he stood with his spiked hot chocolate, Taskmaster wasn’t surprised to see Spider-Man, now in a knitted red and blue scarf and snug cap, swing past not far from his Queens apartment, clocking him as he did on his phone. At least twice a day, usually on a pretty even schedule. It wouldn’t be hard to avoid the Webslinger. Spider-Man didn’t really look into anything unless civilians complained or got hurt.

Taskmaster made a big point of being the nicest neighbour possible for this very reason, he helped old ladies with their bags and put up christmas lights even despite Bullseye’s efforts to tear them down.

He could certainly have chosen another place, but each borough had it’s heroes and it was at times useful to have one under clear surveillance. Queens just had the least violent one and the one who wasn’t tapped into what was happening in the criminal underground. Happily enough, he knew that the Black Cat was again in one of her off seasons with the Spider, so he’d be getting no intel from that front. And other heroes seldom interfered in the Spider’s turf in Queens even if he shared Midtown with a few. All he needed to do was to keep his dirty business indoors and elsewhere. 

He had argued extensively with Bullseye about this, there was no way he’d setup shop in the City, especially the Kitchen, and he wouldn't tolerate any killing anywhere near him. Taskmaster wasn’t going to court the attention of Punisher or Daredevil; those two were dangerous to get involved with especially when he was doing the hit with Bullseye. He knew about the middling beef with Spider-Man, but it wasn’t anything as psychotically obsessive as Bullseye’s thing for the aforementioned vigilantes. 

Now it was just to keep the assassin on track and focused without picking fights with any superheroes or vigilantes. It had gone fine the first week with the extensive surveillance and planning needed, but now well into December it was starting to get more difficult.

An unexpected, though in hindsight predictable, issue had been the utter loathing Bullseye had for Christmas and the season in general. It wasn’t the more common version of just outright ignoring the festivities, which Taskmaster himself mostly did, but the virulent and expressive hatred of an obsessive nutjob. 

It wasn’t just murdering Santas with christmas decorations and vandalising christmas displays, it was Bullseye whining about it constantly. If it wasn’t the holidays, it was the cold and the snow. Bullseye was always too cold and bored by everything when he wasn’t allowed to just murder everyone who annoyed him. Bullseye was making Shocker seem like a stoic and Boomerang mature by comparison.  It was frankly making Taskmaster want to kick Bullseye off the job. If only the plan didn’t hinge on him. 

Sighing, Taskmaster texted Black Ant on a secure VPN bounced line for a progress report. He couldn’t wait for this job to be over.

SpcUpUrLif: status

BBA69: got full access to Access. Got myself a free prime account on the bosses credit and a waterbed }XD 

SpcUpUrLif: exit strategy in place?

BBA69: nearly. Tho why bother? I coudda killed the target like last week. I’m tired of living of Karen’s lunch. iÍt’s KALE and vegan. She thinks its Mark in accounting :PPP

SpcUpUrLif: i’m not arguing about this again. just do it. client wants it like this.

SpcUpUrLif: besides money. can’t hide all that cash in your prime account.

BBA69: truth bro. Gimme a few days then, gotta go slow to hide the trail

BBA69: hows the resident Grinch psycho? Still making darts outta glass for Santa?

SpcUpUrLif: out doing his part, talking to everyone how he’s gonna do the hit of the century. best scapegoat ever.

BBA69: Small blessings. GTG Nancy Tightpants is clocking in and she’s having an affair with Mark and it’s a real porno up in here

SpcUpUrLif: you’re disgusting

BBA69: gotta get my kicks somehow ;)

Logout

Taskmaster pocketed his phone and sipped more of his chocolate, mind churning on getting everything right since shit would go really bad if it didn’t, pissing off both the client and Bullseye. He didn’t know who scared him more, but he was determined to make this job run without a hitch. He’d just have to manage until then. 

Maybe he’d call Outlaw, have a boozy night and good fucking. She was out with Domino, and she deserved that, but hey, maybe they were into a threesome. He snorted to himself, thinking it unlikely, but Christmas miracles. Later perhaps, give them some nice presents, with all the money he’d make, and have a quiet evening, which would be an improvement on his current situation. 

Speaking of the devil, Bullseye stomped in through the door, bundled up into anonymity in more garments than an adult man should ever need.  A gloved hand tugged down the scarf and revealed a grinning mouth, and a bright red snotty nose. 

“Guess what? I hit Spidey with a snowball!”

Of course he did. “I swear, if you blow our cover--”

“Pfft. No chance, even if he saw me he’s too much of a weeb to hurt anyone over a snowball,” Bullseye said as he shed all his outer clothes on the floor in a wet pile, making Taskmaster bite his tongue to avoid yelling at him to pick his damn stuff up.

“Why are you here?” he asked instead. “We didn’t schedule anything for today, and I told you I’d contact you when your part started.”

“I’m bored and I talked to a few people at the Bar --- guess what they told me?” Bullseye grinned, and Taskmaster honestly couldn’t tell if Bullseye meant talking as in actual conversations or torture induced confessions. He somehow doubted that Bullseye made much distinction between those two. It also begged the question of who would willingly talk to Bullseye? Never mind, he was already the idiot doing that.

“That you have beautiful eyes and can absolutely take their seat?” he remarked dryly, knowing to thread the fine line of joking with Bullseye and taking him seriously. 

“That too.” Another grin and a chuckle. “There’s gonna be a big charity gala and all the bigwigs will be there. We don’t need to wait around anymore, just kill him there, job done. And we can even make it look like he wasn’t the target since there will be so many rich assholes there! Shooting fish in a barrel and tons of guards for me to play with.”

Oh God, Bullseye thought he was being clever. Taskmaster could already feel a headache coming up, he set his cup on the table and tried not to raise his voice.

“No. We have a job. We do the job according to specifications. If you want to do another job while you wait, be my guest, as long as you don’t get caught.”

“Spoilsport,” Bullseye huffed, took and drank his chocolate before Taskmaster could snatch his cup back. “Can’t do anything fun with you and I hate just sitting around.”

Deep breath and resist the urge to punch the daylights out of Bullseye.

He needed to give Bullseye something to do before everything blew in their face. “On the other hand, it might be good for you to go. Check out the target and his guards, do a little gentle poking to see their reactions, but nothing that’d make them beef their security up further. It’d need a delicate touch as well. I think I know exactly who to send with you to make that work and to finance it all.”

He was certain that he had Black Cat’s number and she owed him. She couldn’t afford to end up on his naughty list. Maybe get Domino on it too, she had a better hand on Bullseye’s brand of crazy. God knows the man needed a babysitter.   

Taskmaster told Bullseye the outline of a simple smash and grab with an added assassination of a few ‘bigwigs’ he knew had active bounties on them. The assassin ate it up like his marshmallows and hot chocolate. It would at least give him some time away from Bullseye; it wasn’t worth the headache to get a close eye on the marksman’s uncanny skills.

As Bullseye finally left, Taskmaster could see and hear a pile of snow land on him, out of nowhere, and an insincere ‘sorry’ call out from above as Bullseye burst into a litany of curses.

He wrote down the time on his phone, smiling.

TBC

#manicr writes #bullseye #taskmaster #black ant #spider-man #fanfiction