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heretherebedork · 10 months

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It's just the way Kazuma loves Ren. It's entirely all consuming and self-sacrificing for the sake of pleasure with such this feeling of someone loving someone that is so much better than them on some invisible scale that they would willingly blind themself, deafen themself, just for the chance to be there with them in that moment.

And that's absolutely heartbreaking knowing that Ren loves him in return but sees the situation entirely differently, watching him on a different kind of pedestal, both of them placing the other entirely out of their reach but in way the other person doesn't recognize. @absolutebl This show is going to kill me.

Just the weight that Ren has been carrying this whole time, the entire world of guilt on his shoulders that Kazuma has no idea about, that Kazuma would be horrified to know he thought was true....

Again and again with both of them placing the other on a pedestal of love and warmth and brilliance and brightness. Both Kazuma and Ren look at the other and see someone that is better than them, perfect to and for them, someone that they cannot ever have and cannot ever deserve to be close to.

Ren is just here, ripping my heart out. To himself, even to this day, he is convinced that Kazuma must be straight, must not like him back, must have been hurt by his choices. And no matter how much Kazuma pulls him back into his life, seeks him out, tries to keep him... Ren goes back to this trauma, these answers, this pain and this fear and this loss.

And now he knows that Kazuma has been looking for him this entire time.

The sheer weight of the guilt that Ren has been carrying... that he thinks he forced Kazuma, that he is the reason he got sick, that both their parents think he did this, that he got disowned, that he is so scared Kazuma will die and it will be entirely his fault...

But to see that Kazuma has been searching for him this entire time. That Kazuma wanted to seek him out again and found him with so much joy and so much love and now they're doing everything together and he's just barely holding himself together by a thread. How much can one person hold without sharing that part of himself?

The sheer joy they find in being together is so overwhelming but it's also a cover over so much pain, a thin coating of joy over years of agony and loneliness and desperation and the only hope is that the joy is enough to start healing, that the joy and the love can hold them together when everything beneath the surface begins to break down.

And let the momentary boyfriend era begin!!!!

Boyfriends.

But also just absolutely glorious. The chance they can take to love each other, to be loved, to be together, even though there's so much behind them that they need do discuss.... there's still comfort.

(The pedestals they have each other up on, the love they have between them, the absolute agony of looking at each other and seeing the person they've loved for so long but not realizing how much they are loved, wanted, needed, adored, in return.)

Far too much love. Far too much. How dare they.

Disgusting.

More please.

At some point, all of this is going to have to come out into the open. They're going to have to actually talk about the past. But the more love and the more understanding they share now... the more hopeful I am for them to be able to understand each other in the past.

(Ren is going to break Kazuma's heart when he finds out what he thinks happened and I am going to break with him.)

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gothicbarbie · 4 months

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TOP 30 BL'S OF 2023

It's that time again! The end of 2023 is here, and 2024 is upon us! Once again, we were blessed with some truly amazing BL series and I have tried my hardest to rank them all. I could only narrow it down to 30 this time cuz there were so many good ones. If a BL is not listed, it probably means I haven't watched it yet, but it is likely on a "for later" list.

GOD TIER 10/10

1. The Eighth Sense (KOREA) Absolutely ADORE this series, it was so well done. Beautiful filming and locations, each episode felt very different in terms of setting, the pacing was nice, and the chemistry was really good too between the main pairing. It was great to get some nice kissing moments as well. Def. one of the best KBL's I've seen ever and easily fits into my top 5 BL's of all time.

2. I Cannot Reach You (JAPAN) One of Japan's best series imo. Very cute storyline, I found both characters extremely likable and fun. I love their cute friendship and subtle build up. I really enjoyed watching this one.

3. My Personal Weatherman (JAPAN) Another great one from Japan, with lots of high heat scenes. Parts of the storyline were a little confusing to me at times but I think a change of scenery could have benefited the series, but regardless, I still really enjoyed it week to week.

4. Kiseki Dear to Me (TAIWAN) Probably my favorite Tawain BL ever after We Best Love. I mainly just loved the chemistry between the two couples, they were both really fun to watch and had wonderful chemistry as well as lovely kissing scenes. Def excited to rewatch this one in the future.

5. Our Dating Sim (KOREA) It's hard to believe this was from 2023, but I recently rewatched the whole thing and it held up! It was a very fun and cute series, and the build up with the main pairing was so well done. It really felt like the writers took their time with this series.

TOP TIER 9/10

6. Stay With Me (CHINA) Shocking to see a chinese series on this list, but this is one of my all time favorite BL series. Some people might argue that it isn't BL, but I highly disagree. We got a few "cheek" kisses and most romantic scenes were heavily implied but for me, it was still worth the watch. The ending was rough to say the least, and I really hope we get a season 2 to sort of rectify that, but regardless, I really loved it.

7. My School President (THAILAND) Another series that feels like it was SO long ago, but is def. at the top of my list for Thailand. Gemini/Forth's chemistry was on point and I loved the cute moments and subtle build up in this one.

8. A Shoulder to Cry On (KOREA) My only critique with this series is the lack of a kissing scene. I know for some people that isn't important, but to me it is and I was a bit frustrated to get nothing after such incredible build up, but regardless, the series was really nice and I loved the tension between the main two characters.

9. City Boy Log (KOREA) This one is still ongoing and not quite a BL series technically, but its scripted, and we get lots of BL moments, so I will count it in my list. I am loving the web style filming of this series and both couples a lot. I hope the main pairing gets the opportunity to be in an actual series together.

GREAT 8/10

10. Utsukushii Kare 2 (JAPAN) Sadly haven't been able to see the movie just yet, but the 2nd series was pretty well done. Not as enjoyable for me as season 1 but I still really enjoyed watching the main pairing navigate their relationship.

11. Never Let me Go (THAILAND) One of the better series from Thailand this year imo. I really liked the chemistry between pondphuwin and the episodes were packed with some pretty interesting storylines and build up, it was very fun to watch.

12. Ameiro Paradox (JAPAN) I've seen some people hate on this series, but personally I loved it. I found the chemistry between the leads to be super strong and I loved the build up to them recognizing their feelings. The kissing scenes were great as well. There were a few blah plots but overall I really enjoyed it.

13. Moonlight Chicken (THAILAND) Something about this series felt a bit more mature to me and it was a nice change from some of the cheesier bl's that try so hard to be funny? I really loved all the pairings in this series and the storyline was nice.

14. Tokyo in April (JAPAN) For me this one started out great but then kinda lost me near the end. I did love most of the storyline but other parts were super frustrating to watch. I enjoyed the manga a bit more I think? But still, it was nice.

15. Bed Friend (THAILAND) Loved this one on first watch but on rewatch it was just okay for me. I think some of the plots were just over-dramatic and too depressing. But the friends with benefits plot was well done and the chemistry between the main two was really strong. It was fun.

16. A Breeze of Love (KOREA) I might have enjoyed this one a bit more had I seen the eps slower. Because I binged it's hard to get a good grasp on it but I did really like it. I liked the chemistry between the main couple and there was a sweetness to it I enjoyed.

17. Love Class 2 (KOREA) I think I slightly preferred the overall storyline of season 1, but in this one I preferred all the couples. For me that was the biggest draw. It was a tad bit confusing at first, but then it started to come together near the middle. Not the absolute best from Korea but enjoyable.

Good 7/10

18. Bump up Business (KOREA) Great chemistry between the leads but unfortunately the plot fell a bit flat for me. I feel like they could have done so much more with it. The kiss was also extremely weak, but that was expected. It was a nice series to binge, but not one of my favs this year.

19. Destiny Seeker (THAILAND) Parts of this one were really odd and I think part of my issue was having wonky subs, but regardless, I really enjoyed the series and especially the chemistry between the main pairing. Loved watching their story build, their banter was so fun. I also liked the side pairing but wish they had a bit more focus.

20. Why R U Korea (KOREA) This one did not remind me of the OG at all, which is fine, but overall I found this series to be a tad slow. There were good and bad moments.

21. Love Mate (KOREA) Some of the KBL's this year get a bit confusing and I mix them all together... this is one that sort of got lost in the shuffle for me and I would need to rewatch to give a better opinion on it but I know I did enjoy it.

DECENT 6/10

22. HiStory 5 (TAIWAN) Sadly didn't enjoy this season of HiStory as much as past seasons but it was okay. I think it had some good moments but overall left me a bit underwhelmed.

23. The New Employee (KOREA) Didn't love this one as much as others have seemed to. I didn't find the chemistry to be that strong and I also am not fond of office romances, but it was okay.

24. Dangerous Romance (THAILAND) This one was forgettable but again, had some enjoyable moments. I think I liked it more in the beginning rather than the end.

25. If It's With You (JAPAN) Sweet series that simply just fell flat for me because it just felt too short so I couldn't really get invested in it. But it was cute.

26. My Story (FILO) This one was good, I liked both pairings a lot and there were some decent kissing scenes, but there were also a lot of cringey moments and moments I had to fastforward. For The Philippines I think it was one of the better series this year, but it's not at the top of my list.

27. Sing My Crush (KOREA) Another KBL that is so quick that you can binge in one night... this one didn't deliver for me as much as it did for others. The chemistry was good and it was sweet but I just found myself a bit bored of it. Still cute tho.

28. The Director Who Buys Me Dinner (KOREA) The plot is weird AF and I am not a big fan of like historical past lives romance type of plots but I did enjoy the chemistry between the main two. It might be a bit higher if the ending wasn't so weird...

29. Starstruck (KOREA) Another KBL that is a bit forgettable to me but from what I remember I enjoyed it.

30. Bon Appetit (KOREA) See above. lol.

Honorary mentions: These were good but not quite good enough for my list. I liked them but had small issues with them. Either cheesey or boring plots, or the chemistry was lacking for me. Also they are in no particular order:

1. His Man 2 (KOREA) - Not BL at all, but a reality series which was AMAZING. LOVE LOVE LOVED the ending pair... but couldn't put it on the main list because it's not scripted.

2. Minato’s Laundry 2 (JAPAN) -season 1 was amazing, this one didn't hold up. Hated how awkward they were as a couple and it just felt too unrealistic to me. Regardless, i still love the chemistry between the main two and liked seeing them again.

3. Hidden Agenda (THAILAND) - love joondunk and wish they would get a better storyline. This plot was all over the place but the chemistry was there. The kisses were top tier!

4. Only Friends (THAILAND)- i did love the messiness of this one and there were some fun pairings with hot scenes, but overall I felt the SL was a bit chaotic and some characters never really grew. I wish they had leaned into the sexy/messiness of it a tad bit more tbh.

5. Stay by My Side (Taiwain) - cute but a bit forgettable. I did enjoy the chemistry a lot in this one tho.

6. You Are Mine (Tawiain) - same as above, except the pairing wasn't as exciting for me.

7. Our Dining Table (JAPAN) - i know everyone loves this one and it was very cute and sweet, but a bit too slow for my taste.

8. End of the World With You (JAPAN) - some interesting plots and fun to watch, but overall a bit messy and problematic at times? lol.

9. Til the World Ends (THAILAND) - see above.

10. Jack O Frost (JAPAN)- decently cute series but the tone of it was a bit too depressing for me.

11. The Day I Loved You (FILO) -started great but was too emotional/sad for me after a few eps in.

12. Unintentional Love Story (KOREA) - seems a lot of people loved this one but it wasn't really my cup of tea. I found the plot very slow and the main couple was kinda bland imo. But I am willing to rewatch it and give it another chance soon.

13. Between Us (THAILAND) - technically this started in 2022 but it finished in 2023, so I'll include it. It was okay but not great. Much better series for bounprem but still found myself a bit bored.

Watched these ones in 2023 but they didn't make much of an impact in me. They had good and bad bits but to me, mostly bad. lol (No particular order)

1. Jun and Jun

2. Past-tenger

3. Love Tractor

4. Egoist Movie

5. Happy Merry Ending

6. Be My Favorite

7. A Boss and a Babe

8. Step by Step

9. Naked Dinner

10. Wedding Plan

11. My Dear Gangster Oppa

12. Cutie Pie 2

These series were forgettable or annoying imo and and I wouldn’t necessarily recommend them to anyone. However, they might be worth skimming through like I did? Good luck! lol. (In no order)

1. Hit Bite Love

2. Naughty Babe

3. Laws of Attraction

4. Remember Me

5. Love Bill

6. 609 Bedtime Story

7. All the Liquors

8. Be Mine Superstar

9. House of Stars

10. La Pluie

11. Our Sky 2

12. Venus in the Sky

13. Tin Tem Jai

14. Middleman’s Love

15. Future the Series

16. Tie the Knot

17. Luminous Solution

18. Bake Me Please

19. Our Winter

20. Stay Still

Shows I watched in 2023 but that are from previous years:

1. Bad Buddy (loved it!)

2. Advance Bravely (weird but enjoyable)

3. Why You Y Me (good)

4. Ghost Host Ghost House (okay)

5. La Cuisine (meh)

6. Win Jamie’s Heart (forgettable)

7. Kabe Sa Doujin (blah)

8. Catch Me Baby (skimmed for netjames only)

9. 21 Days Theory (what is this again?)

10. Innocent the Series (already forgot it)

Tried and Quit: I just couldn't get into these at all... I will probably not watch these ever.

Crazy Handsome Rich

Dinosaur Love

Low Frequency

Love Syndrome 3

If a show is from 2023 and not listed above, then likely I plan to get to it later. Either I tried the premiere and it didn’t capture me at first, I couldn’t find the episode when I tried to look for it, or I simply just haven’t had time for it yet.

A few on my list that i plan to watch because I heard good things about them are: I Feel You Linger in the Air, Lost in Translation, Beyond the Star, Shadow, My Universe. Plus many others. Let me know if there is a show you really loved that I didn't mention so I can check it out!

Oh, and here are all previous lists since TUMBLR is being a little bitch and not saving the tags.

2022: https://gothicbarbie.tumblr.com/post/705139242020618240/my-top-20-bl-series-of-2022

2021: https://gothicbarbie.tumblr.com/post/705227666795741184/my-top-15-bl-series-of-2021

2020: https://gothicbarbie.tumblr.com/post/705674738528354304/my-top-15-bls-of-2020

2019 and earlier: https://gothicbarbie.tumblr.com/post/705678223200174080/my-top-bls-of-2019-and-earlier

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7698 · 4 months

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lutawolf · 9 months

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Gif brought to you by @save-the-data

You guys, this was seriously my favorite moment.

Ren not pulling away, but just hitting his head in exasperation is all of us who've been in a long-term relationship. It spoke such volumes in such a quiet way.

#tokyo in April #luta opinions

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mysterygrl20 · 10 months

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the casual intimacy!

my favorite trope - let me dry your hair for you

#tokyo in april #tokyo in april is...#THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#shigatsu no tokyo wa...#beck liveblogs

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scanbeans · 6 months

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Tokyo in April... 2023 Star Struck ch. 10

...are now up on MD and soon BT!

#star struck #tokyo in april

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 9 months

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You're the one who's like the sun. That's why I'll never let you go. I'll never lose sight of you again. Ren you are my everything, my life, my Tokyo in April.

#tokyo in april is...#４月の東京は…#Shigatsu no Tokyo wa #tokyo in april #japanese bl #bl jdrama #jdrama #japanese drama #jbl #asian lgbtq dramas #asianlgbtqdramas #bl drama #bl series #ren x takizawa #takizawa x ren #rosygifs

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wanderlust-in-my-soul · 9 months

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It's already been granted 😭

#tokyo in april is...#shigatsu no tokyo wa...#tokyo in april #tokyo in april is... ep 6 #kazuma x ren #ren x kazuma #his wish has already been granted #he just wanted to see you #damn this series hits really different #japanese series #japanese drama #japanese bl #bl drama #bl series #asianlgbtqdrama #myedit

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sololunes · 10 months

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#Tokyo In April #Tokyo In April is...#shigatsu no tokyo wa #4月の東京は...

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everything-on-a-bl-bagel · 10 months

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Tokyo In April Is - Fear, Guilt and Misunderstanding After the First Time

Although Ren did not initiate the offer to have sex with Kazuma, Ren suddenly realizes that Kazuma’s offer might have not been his real choice. He double checks with Kazuma to see if he is truly willing.

Because Ren asked earlier if Kazuma likes girls, he must think his friend is just 'helping him out'. Ren seems oblivious to Kazuma's desire for him.

Kazuma then narrates his true feelings of desire for Ren. He has kept his feelings from showing to Ren as much as he can. In the past he grudgingly answered Ren's question about dating a girl with an officially accepted response of yes.

Kazuma then worries that Ren's First Time was not deserving of the location. Perhaps thinking he himself is not worthy of Ren's First Time.

This realization that Ren's First Time was not worthy of Ren, makes Kazuma cry. He has failed his idol.

Of course, Ren interprets the tears completely differently.

Ren feels that he took advantage of his friend. I am sure the guilt is immense. Then the very next day, Kozuma gets deathly ill. Ren must feel that Kazuma waiting in the rain for him made him sick.

These two occurrences are entwined in Ren’s head. Double the guilt.

Ren does not realize that Kazuma has always wanted him. Kazuma was either really good at keeping his feelings at bay, or Ren's awareness of others is just as broke as his young gaydar.

Ren spends the next ten years feeling responsible for Kazuma's sickness and taking of of his friend. And the tears after the sex only multiplies the guilt of damaging his friend.

Now, with a second chance, Ren is incredibly cautious. Ren is avoiding emotional attachment by offering a Friends With Benefits option. That, and the dumb-ass STILL thinks Kazuma is straight?!

#Tokyo in April #Tokyo In April Is #RenKazuma #KazumaRen #Japanese BL #bl Japan

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heretherebedork · 10 months

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The reverse of the embrace from when they were young but, in a way, still the same roles. For all that Kazuma talks about Ren as being shining and perfect and beautiful and having all these friends and being so, so popular... it's still Kazuma who starts everything, Kazuma who makes the first move and the first offer, Kazuma who acts on the yearning and love they share. Every time he takes the first step.

Which makes it even more heartbreaking when you realize that Kazuma's illness and disappearance are why Ren keeps pulling away from him. Ren believes that Kazuma disappeared because they had sex, because he didn't want to have sex with him and that was crying because of the sex when they were young.

And Kazuma never knew because by the time he was able to talk to Ren again... Ren was gone. These two boys are just heartbreaking because Kazuma crying over Ren's beauty and the actions they took leaving him feeling like he'd hurt him was instead taken as regret for what they did together rather than how they did it together.

Kazuma is blinded by how he sees Ren that he doesn't see Ren's own insecurities and fears even when he voices them aloud. Kazuma sees Ren as this perfect, beautiful person who everyone loves and doesn't see how much Ren is begging for his approval and seeking him out constantly.

Again and again they are faced with a situation where they are so young and they don't how to communicate yet and they hurt each other and they hurt each other because they think the other person is hurt, the other person rejected them and that's the greatest pain they share, truthfully, that they are both hurting and both hurt and never managed to say the words in a way the other man understood.

They have missed each other so much. They both left thinking the other person blamed them for what happened, that the other person was hurt by what happened, when both of them were in the same state afterwards but for different reasons and it was illness that kept them apart without them knowing and just... oh, it's agonizing to realize how much they have to talk about but neither of them knows how to talk about it or why they should.

Kazuma wants to be an open book. He wants to talk about everything and put it out in the open but Ren is still certain that Kazuma left because they had sex and he doesn't want to face the idea of any other choices, he doesn't want to hear it from him. Ren is sticking to his assumptions and Kazuma just cannot get a word or force a conversation.

Ren's assumptions and force of personality are driving this when what would solve all their issues is Kazuma's wish for openness and honesty between them about what happens. But the way Kazuma phrases everything, the careful way he talks because he is scared of losing Ren again, of losing any aspect of their relationship, that he locks himself into non-answers and non-responses and nothing because he still thinks Ren is better than him. Oh man, this war of low self-esteem expressing itself in different ways is just the most aching thing in the world.

And then the rules.

The absolute yearning of both of them is a physical and palpable ache in their relationship. They are both still in love and still pining and still desperately clinging to the hurt of the past. Kazuma in his fear of pushing Ren and Ren in avoiding everything from Kazuma that might argue with his view of him.

Ren declares him straight and doesn't give him a chance to argue and Kazuma doesn't try to argue because he's so scare of what he could lose. @absolutebl Japan knows how to place someone on a pedestal and show that they don't want to be there at the same time... especially when they don't realize they're there. Ren has no idea how high the pedestal Kazuma put him onto is but he keeps accidentally reinforcing it with his actions without meaning to but also while not realizing that he's being hurt because of it. But Ren has also put Kazuma on a pedestal this time around, he thinks of him as popular and cool and straight.

They both care so much about each other but they don't see it in the other because what they're looking for and what they're seeing is so different from what they're showing. Ren's very real fear and conviction that Kazuma is a straight man (despite all the proof otherwise) speaks to the way they've both placed the other onto a pedestal of sorts.

There is just so much love between them, so much tenderness and care but also so much history that they can't shake.

They're so in love but neither of them has figured out how to talk about it, how to communicate about their wants and their wishes because they both have fears of being abandoned again. And Kazuma doesn't see it in Ren because he's not looking for it and Ren doesn't see it in Kazuma because he's put him on this pedestal of being straight despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Okay, so we're going to see next week that Ren did know that Kazuma was sick and blamed himself and ran and that hurts so much more in a way because all we know is what Kazuma experienced and feels but Ren is still a mystery.

This show is destroying because it's about mutual pining that has gone through a decade of pain and isn't stopping any time soon because they might be friends with benefits and they might be friends but they're not listening to each other yet.

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