#tomtom_is_venting

[chaotictomtom]

hehe hoho feeling absolute rage!!!!!!!!!

#i thought mothers in laws being the worst human possible was a myth. guess what #GOING BALLISTIC 👍 #i don't give a shit abt her being all lovey dovey and shit but straight up homophobic and transphobic in my back. #even if after months and months living (hell) with her she never misgendered me nor say anything abt her son being with a man #kinda impressive to be that respectful for this amount of time then in reality being the biggest bigot on earth #like damn. she do be commited to the bit huh (making ppl she's not bothered by my existence) (when in reality she kinda wants me dead) #but like. ALL THE OTHER THINGS..... #IM USED TO THE HATE CRIMED BUT HAVE TRULY LESS TOLERANCE ABT THE TURMOIL BF IS GOING THROUGH BC OF HER LOL #thank fuck so many good ppl who also know who horrible she is are supporting bf with me #the more i learn abt her the more!!!!!! im loosing my temper lmao help im never angry what am I supposed to do with all this #IT'S NOT ONLY SHIT SHE DOES TO HER OWN SON SHE'S TERRIBLE WITH OTHER PPL 💀💀💀💀 #i want so badly to warn that company abt the abuse she did to one of the worker going there but i caaaan't #and god knows it reminds me of my groomer and how there's a risk she could do that to other ppl if no one does anything 💀 #I mean abt my groomer it is a certainty as he did abuse another wee lad after me and started with another lass and. idk what he's up to now #and it does not help with sleeping at night. but anyway hoping that she won't pull out shit like that with the other workers #she drove everybody working at that company away for having the reputation of being absolutely horrible anyway lmao 💀💀💀💀 #sorry for renting no one gives a shit but im simply!!!! loosing it ++++++ #need to find a way to channel this anger now lol help!!!!!!!! what do now #tomtom_is_rambling #tomtom_is_venting

[chaotictomtom]

truly facing the horrors these days huh

#as if having to work around not having any work environment type of communication #and being misgendered for 7 hours a day for 2 months of this stage #adding this with paranoia + unreality crisis coming back help lol! #what a year captain it's been 2 work days into 2023 type of beat #head in hands #no therapy until like end of march or more probably april lmao heeeeeeelp heeelp help wtf #having some escapism with medias and yet i get faced with shit that hits too hard smh #watching matilda (2022) rn im!!!! barely holding on looool #tomtom_is_venting

[chaotictomtom]

whisper screams let me fucking sleeeeeep i beg of youuuuu

#2nd day of 2 months stage will i survive this #ik ill learn cool things but also only a very lil part of this work place does what my internship expect me to do #so im absolutely scared i won't have any project for my exam #+ i think every single day makes me confirm im not made for an office job like this #but also have no idea how to make use of my certification of web dev if i. can't work in that type of setting nfksbflsn #even for my cyber café idea. ig yea i can. still be a web dev on my own but idk if that would rlly work? #like a cyber café that also fixes computer why can make sense! could do another traineeship in that! would love to! #was initially planning on being more in that field!!!! but. web dev? idk 🧍idk if ppl are ready for my big brain move 😫 #(aka me being so lost and trying to scrap anything that i like enough + that could work with my body+lil brain #so that i can have a career/job i can wake up to everyday and like. not die bc of poverty.) #anyway ✌️ should go get prepared lol help #tomtom_is_rambling #tomtom_is_venting

[chaotictomtom]

when melancholy is always tainted by grief now cos you lost like 10 ppl in the past few years so every few memories you have is "aw yeah remember that time <:) damn i miss. oh yeah right. :(((("

#guy who never learned how to deal with grief #take a load of this guy!!! got cursed one day and lost 2 close ppl in the span of 2 weeks and everyone decide to follow up ig??? #mANNNN I MISS TOO MANY PEOPLE and live in constant fear!!!! #and the repercussions on other ppl omgggggg it makes me go insane how much everything hurts #post 1am rant ik i shouldn't listen to brain but damn #i need therapy the only free available is once a month and wasted last month session by going mute time lol help!!! #there's also so many others shit to talk abt omggggg helpppploooool #been negligent concerning my DID and it fucking bit me in the ass so hard it's awful #tomtom_is_rambling #tomtom_is_venting #no one gives a shit im sorry i just :(((( might help not rambling through all this when trying to sleep if i let it out on here first #guy who's in denial

[chaotictomtom]

sudden profound sadness cos this will be yet another summer without being able to go swim or just get topless to survive the summer's heat because im still too broke to save enough for top surgery or save any money really

#even if i had the chance to save up enough money i don't think ill would be able to afford the hospital stay + time to recovery bc ill need #to work to make up for all the money spend on that #finished the traineeship so i won't get the financial aid that went along with it so paying the rent will be tricky #saving up money for anything isn't even in the picture rn 💀💀💀 #had like 100 not used at the end of january i was glad i could save up for once and guess what!! a fire happened lol!!!! #our new flat had furnitures with the contract but barely any LIKE NO CHAIR #or desks or anything to cook???? so every tiny bit of savings went in there and we still have to buy stuff for every day life #like all the shit we already went through AND MORE when we had our first flat like come one back yo square one wtf #anyway venting im sorry being born broke just doesn't really open up any fucking perspective for your future + it fucks w/ ur brain day1 #tomtom_is_rambling #tomtom_is_venting #tomtom wishes shit could be fucking easier

[chaotictomtom]

*goes insane* je te déteste recherche d'emploi et tout vos sites de merde et vos annonces de bâtard "dev junior" mais AVEC 2 ANS D'EXPÉRIENCES??fucking huh??? retour aux jobs alimentaires ig avec vos annonces pas de certif nécessaire mais des années d'expériences <3 ou si débutant une certif hihi!! et si c'est aucun des deux ça va être besoin du permis!!! xptdr

et si par miracle l'annonce à aucuns prérequis et semble faisable pour moi BAH C'EST UN POSTE D'UNE AGENCE D'INTÉRIM QUI MET JAMAIS OÙ SE TROUVE L'ENTREPRISE BWAAAHFKSNFK sinon ça serait trop facile de savoir si j'ai vraiment accès au boulot ou si c'est à 20km du centre t'as vu haha trop rigolo eux

c'est pas que je sais pas quoi faire en plus mais 0 boulot en informatique dans cette ville dses morts (et en télétravail ça demande de l'exp 🧍🧍) et mon projet pro faut que j'ai genre des ressources financières ce que je n'ai absolument pas. bref this capitalist system is KILLIIIING MEEEEEEE pareil jdois un peu choisir entre garder des sous topsurgery ou pour mon projet pro qui me plaît et ça si par miracle jpeux avoir un boulot alimentaire. je veux juste mourir c'est terrible.

#j'ai beau élargir ma recherche aux boulots qui JE SAIS va me détruire la santé après avoir enfin mon genou qui me gène pas trop #et c'est toujours juste impossible de trouver qqch où je pourrai postuler j'en ai marre de cette région de merde #tomtom_is_rambling #tomtom_communique #tomtom_is_venting #tout le monde s'en baaas les couilles mais jsuis head in hands jsais plus quoi faire j'en ai juste marre. #vrmt quand on est pauvre avec 0 aide tu veux avoir quoi comme espoir en fait.

[chaotictomtom]

yknow what. i might. i might deserve a little saw rewatch (got postponed my 11th t injection appointment because of the broken train system in france, trains i have to take every 20days because nurses in my city simply won't want me as soon as i explain why i did an injection appointment. it's also a 10min train ride it's blowing my mind how 20min in a train cancelled once every 20days has the power to ruin my day. being low on t is making me exhauuuusted and this isn't helping da brain's mood)

#did bought some poskas to help + the artshop lady was as usual very nice and didn't made me pay the promarker i took because it has the old #+ gave me poska goodie they get for free...... #ex poska hater right here idk why i was like that i love them so much i wish i could make out with them #huh who said that #i simply love big chunks of colours and mwahmwahmwah these are so good at this #tomtom_is_communicating #tomtom_is_rambling #tomtom_is_venting

[chaotictomtom]

*cries* searching a job in france is so dumb and frustrating i hate it here....."ppl who never did this job accepted 😊 but also have like a 2 years in this experience beforehand lol???? and like be certified on this matter too actually. oh and the few jobs you might actually be able to get in are like kilometers away from your home or we will simply straight up not put where the job is located lmaoooooo" SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP

#you can work at home yeah! only two days tho lol #why did i bother gtmetting certified in web development when every *JUNIOR* job offer are ALSO ASKING FOR YEARS AND YEARS OF EXPERIENCE.... #FOR A *JUINIOR* WEB DEVELOPER. #and like im technically searching the entire country as i can work at home #+ there's so many job offers tagged 100% work at home and then they're saying shit like #tomtom_is_rambling #tomtom_is_venting #tomtom will be killed by the hands of capitalism