#ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍

[moonlume]

tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything

#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism. #sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art... #i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this. #but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again. #its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years. #im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again... #but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it. #anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human. #i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable #but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start #ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍

[lonelyshrimp]

What happened with your roomies if you don’t mind me asking...?

 Yknow what I’m in a mood and they don’t know my tumblr (haha they think I’m a cisstraight girl lol) so let’s get into some shit. Imma put everything under a read more bc imma rant a bit and this is gonna get long.

TW: food, unsanitary (general things not being kept clean, typically bathroom and kitchen related), drug use, fighting, slurs

tl;dr if you dont feel like reading this beast:

They steal what food i dare leave out in the kitchen rather tan keep in my room

They slam doors excessively, fight, yell horrible things to each other, have friends over yelling at like 2 am (last night for example)

Leave the doors unlocked and open?? We cant even lock the front door anymore??? (Dw the doors to our rooms all have locks. If I’m in my room or out of the house, my door is locked)

Constantly throw around the r slur. Like. All the time. Including one person having called me it. Y i k e s

One person keeps smoking in the house even though i’ve asked numerous times (and even have a note on my door) asking people to please smoke outside, it gives me headaches. You are physically hurting me stop.

Don’t Clean Anything. The kitchen is a wreck. The toilets are constantly clogging, I Am In Hell.

For context: the house is a one story house divided into a main floor and finished basement. It’s a rooming house and the basement is largely seperate from upstairs. (They have a kitchen door that they keep closed and locked.) The stairs to the basement are split into two smaller flights, with a landing in between the floors. That’s where the side door is. The public spaces upstairs are the kitchen (connects to stairs), the hallway, and the two bathrooms (big main one, tiny water closet by the front door). The rest of the upstairs is split into five rooms. For comprehension sake, we’ll call my roommates: The Couple (M&F), A, T, and J.

Mmkay lets start with the least egregious and move our way up, shall we? Theft! Of anything and everything! No one can have anything out in the public areas if they actually care about it. It. Will. Get. Stolen. Now, I have a mini fridge and the second biggest room here, so I’m lucky in that 99% of my groceries, as well as all my other belongings, fit in my room. There’s just a wee problem: I don’t have a freezer. Not to fear, past naïve me thought, I’ll just clean out and use the locked freezer since I still have the keys for that fridge! (We have two fridges and food theft was a problem beforehand and so me and my friend who lived here cleaned out the second fridge to use as our own and kept it locked.) I decided to do this after I had bought myself some ice cream, wrote my name on the top, and put it in the main freezer. I go to have some ice cream later that week, I open the tub for the first time (as in I removed the seal holding the lid onto the tub) to find that someone eaten half the tub of ice cream while making it seem like it hadn’t been opened. I know it happened at home bc the spoon marks were clear as day and I have to walk 20 minutes back from the grocery store. That woulda melted by then (Also I would’ve noticed at the store that. The tub was hella lopsided??? And way too light???) So yea of course I’m ticked now, I spent 6 bucks on that bro like just ask or get ur own??? So I put it the other freezer, and for a while it’s fine. Next month I decide to treat myself to some frozen waffles and some chicken strips and come home to find that the hinges holding the locks onto the doors of the fridge were torn out of the fridge/freezer doors. Like. The screws were pried outta this metal door rendering the locks completely useless (to the point i wouldn’t even be able to put the hinges back on.) And the cherry on top?? My ice cream was gone!!! Hope u enjoyed it, asshole. So whatever. Fine. I put my food away and. a week later?? Im like “Man i could go for some waffles rn”. I bought 2 8 packs. One chocolate chip, one cinnamon (y’all i literally buy the cheapest ones Zehrs sells. 2,19$ a box y’all. not even eggos). Surprise surprise!! The entire box of choccy chip ones GONE. Mind u, i wrote my name on all of these boxes, as well as a very large “DO NOT EAT”. so i begrudgingly had a couple (note that, 2) cinnamon waffles and move on. A couple days later I go to have some more and. The waffles are completely gone. Out of a total of 16 waffles, ya boy got a solid 2. (It’s worth noting that there was a single waffle left, but at 0,27$ a waffle, I didn’t mind leaving the box on the table with a note basically reading “these are cheap af, buy ur own bitch”.) (I didn’t swear that much tho)

I’d add the bike to the list but i can’t confirm nor deny that one of my roommates stole my tires and seat off my bike (although M does work on bikes all the time so man idk.)

Next up: wow people here are l o u d. I’m talking slamming doors all the time, slamming things around, yelling, playing music wildly loud. It’s awful. Like. You can just. Close the door quietly? Stop slamming things around please? It’s awful because loud sudden noises make me panic and lemme tell ya, wakin up at eight am bc your a-hole roommate decided to slam the door eight times bc the front door is broken because someone took the border around the jamb off instead of fixing it so we can actually?? lock that door?? because it doesnt quite fit in the jamb and so the only wat to lock it was the chain lock and. someone took that too so thats fun :)))))). The side door isn’t that much better. We have a code lock and. No One Ever Locks It. Like. I’ll come outta room and?? It’s just open????? Close the door???????????

The worst, however, is the fucking fighting. The Couple love to argue all the time. and yell at each other and slam the doors or smashing shit and they yell pretty awful things to each other. Like. I’ve heard M call his gf some awful shit. It’s worse when they have people over too. The other day there were like. 14 cops in here bc of them at like 2 am. Cue me, 2 am, trying to watch a livestream and seeing like??? Six cop cars pull up????? Wh a t????? Not fun not good for my brain.

God and. What is with everyone and the r slur??? Like what?? there are so many words you can choose stop using that word. Like okay the other night someone?? took the dc adapter for the wireless modem and one of the dudes downstairs as well as the couple were looking to see if they had a compatible dc adapter and so i just decided to wait?? and i just spaced out a bit okay whatever i was lookin at the wall like i do and fuckin. the couple had a couple friends over and one of em was chillin between the kitchen and the hall and M yells out from his room “Hey don’t you feel weird with this creepy ass bitch standing next to you? Like what is she, m*ntally r*tarded?” like wow okay dude i’m literally not doing anything. Luckily his friends reaction was basically “?? She lives here?? She can stand there if she wants??” (wow referring to myself as she feels weird and wrong).

A big problem I have is I feel like theres a community in this house that I just don’t fit into? Part of it is I’m like. the only person here who doesn’t do drugs of any kind?? Like I have nothing against ppl who use drugs like whatever bro, but it feels super othering to me when i can’t relate to anyone here because of it. That and. Getting T in particular but really just anyone but A to respect me asking that if you’re going to smoke anything to do it outside because weed and to a lesser extent cigarette smoke trigger my sensory disorder and causes me pain and causes sensory overload and I still find myself asking people to smoke outside.Like I’ve never been unreasonable and said “no drugs in the house” or some bs. I’m just asking u to respect my disability thanks.And like?? I’ll get into this in a second but there were needles in the toilet?? Bro throw them out properly.

And now: Hell.

Can no one clean up after themselves?? Do your dishes. If theres food left on your plate, throw it out first, don’t dump it in the sink. Seriously the kitchen sink is fucked. The kitchen is gross. The microwave ugh ugh ugh no thanks. No one can clean everything. This is why all my cookware and dishes are in my room. That way I can make sure I 1) Still Own It and 2) Its clean and usable. I clean them as I go and just use my own shit.

Nothing compares to the bathrooms, though. It seems like every other day one of the toilets are clogged. Last week there were spoons in the sink?? Like at least 10 spoons. In the bathroom sink. The floor is dirty because no one owns a mop and?? there was one in the kitchen?? I haven’t seen it in like a month. And the worst of all. Okay, it’s really bad when every one up here is between like. 16 and 19 I think? And I had to put up a sign in the bathroom asking people to flush when you’re done??? And I still have to flush before I can use the washroom???? And it feels like every week or so. The toilet’s clogged. Oh! I forgot to mention that the water closet doesn’t even have a doorknob anymore. Someone took it. But wait, it gets worse. Seriously if extremely unsanitary things bother u, stop reading now.

Twice in the past month I’ve had to contact the landlord because the toilets were beyond clogged. The first time was bad but oh lord nothing compares to the second time (aka last week). The first time was your pretty standard toilet clogs and backs up and its very gross. I contacted the landlord and it was fixed the next day and it was fine. For. Two Days. Im serious. See. People here have a real issue it seems of “The person before me didn’t flush so neither will I”, leading to a toilet bowl full of like. a half a roll of toilet paper and waste. F u n. What that led to was the toilet clogging, people not doing anything about it, and continuing to use it. Eventually the toilet bowl was full, so trow a shopping bag over the lid to mark the toilet as “Out of order” and move on to the other one.Both toilets were completely unusable. I emailed the landlord and i don’t know if either they or one of the people living here contacted them, but the old landlord and old property manager were here the other day to clean them out and fix them?? and yea among all the standard waste you’d expect in a toilet, there were needles? Like buddy theres a trash can right there? I know u had the needle caps bc they were in there too. just... disgusting...

bro this is just what i can think of off the top of my head i know theres more but oh no this is so long now. just. this is a lot more detail than u wanted but i wanted to get this out of my brain??

#shrimp answers #shrimp rambles #food ment tw #fighting ment #fighting tw #drug ment tw #drug ment #smoking tw #needle mention #unsanitary #unsanitary tw #r slur #r slur tw #man all it really takes is a peek at these tags and u already get a decent idea #i hate it here but moving causes me too much stress #esp rn hoooooooo boy #i wanna weather this out until i can afford to have my own place entirely on my own #i don't like having roommates they make me very anxious and if i hear them talking about someone #i instantly feel like its me like theyre talking shit about me they hate me they hate me #aaaahhhhhh

[babegroot]

1-200 :-) :-)

okay 200 QUESTIONS UNDER THE CUT!! you’re so sweet i don’t deserve your love

200: My crush’s name is: lmao I don't have a crush rn ;(199: I was born in: a hospital :)198: I am really: odd197: My cellphone company is: Virgin196: My eye color is: really light brown195: My shoe size is: 5 UK194: My ring size is: god knows??193: My height is: 5'4192: I am allergic to: n/a191: My 1st car was: I DONT HAVE A CAR190: My 1st job was: nor do I have a job 189: Last book you read: 'astrology' by yasmin boland188: My bed is: big187: My pet: a cat 186: My best friend: i have more than one? sos but rn I've been best friends with Tory for almost seven years now BESIDES MY MUM BC SHES THE REAL G 185: My favorite shampoo is: a turkish one I bought ages ago 184: Xbox or ps3: ugh neither 183: Piggy banks are: useful 182: In my pockets: you can find a vaseline 181: On my calendar: you can always see 12091282 different things to do 180: Marriage is: something that i am not sure about179: Spongebob can: make me laugh 178: My mom: is my best friend 177: The last three songs I bought were? now or never, why'd you only call me when you're high and do i wanna know?176: Last YouTube video watched: what's up - 4 non blondes175: How many cousins do you have? 25174: Do you have any siblings? in total 5 (only 3 by blood, rest is only step)173: Are your parents divorced? yes 172: Are you taller than your mom? no 171: Do you play an instrument? no 170: What did you do yesterday? slept a lot [ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: no 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: lmao not really 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: yes? but not the way religious put it 163: Hell: read the answer to the above 162: God: not really 161: Horoscopes: YES160: Soul mates: yes 159: Ghosts: yes158: Gay Marriage: yesssssss157: War: sometimes it is necessary ngl 156: Orbs: ??????155: Magic: yes [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: lmao i like both but high is less messy so 152: Phone or Online: depends a lot ugh 151: Red heads or Black haired: red heads? brunette? both amazing 150: Blondes or Brunettes: LOVE BOTH 149: Hot or cold: in the middle 148: Summer or winter: summer in brazil, winter in london 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: depends a lot 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald's141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: white 140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: LMAOOOOOOO SO FLIP FLOPS but high heels are so pretty? I HATE CHOOSING UGH 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and rich? our society is fucked so im sorry137: Coke or Pepsi:  coke 136: Hillary or Obama: obama 135: Burried or cremated: cremated134: Singing or Dancing: both 133: Coach or Chanel: idk 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idk mannn 131: Small town or Big city: big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: i dont have these around here 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam sandler 128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure 127: East Coast or West Coast: ??126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: ??[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: not always necessary 121: George Bush: idk about him 120: Gay Marriage: should be respected119: The presidential election: NOT AMERICAN118: Abortion: a woman knows what's best for her and for her child and being born is not always the best option 117: MySpace: never had it 116: Reality TV: ugh dramatic 115: Parents: important for our development 114: Back stabbers: die bitch113: Ebay: so useful 112: Facebook: an easy way to connect with family 111: Work: gotta pay the bills110: My Neighbors: smoke a lot but are pretty quiet 109: Gas Prices: who knows108: Designer Clothes: not always that cute 107: College: where you find yourself 106: Sports: i wish i could actually do it 105: My family: my everything 104: The future: scary [ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: last week 102: Last time you ate: 2 hours ago 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uhhhhh i dont remember 100: Cried in front of someone: I don't remember 99: Went to a movie theater: SO LONG AGO 98: Took a vacation: vacation rn 97: Swam in a pool: i cant remember rah 96: Changed a diaper: last year 95: Got my nails done: ages ago 94: Went to a wedding: ??93: Broke a bone: never92: Got a peircing: august last year91: Broke the law: a couple of weeks ago for a birthday 90: Texted: hour ago [ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: my stepdad88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: i've left home and i miss my mum's cofffee87: The last movie I saw: why him?86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: going back to brazil this year85: The thing im not looking forward to: completing my exams84: People call me: difficult/the astrology girl 83: The most difficult thing to do is: actually revising 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never81: My zodiac sign is: libra80: The first person i talked to today was: katie79: First time you had a crush: when i was 10 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mum 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: blair almost every single night76: Right now I am talking to: blair 75: What are you going to do when you grow up:  i have no clue

74: I have/will get a job: this summer73: Tomorrow: i'm revising with my friends72: Today: i'm staying in and feeling sad about not revising 71: Next Summer: i'll be in brazil70: Next Weekend: i'll be in ipswich 69: I have these pets: a cat, called pumpkin 68: The worst sound in the world: scratching a plastic surface 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: felipe 66: People that make you happy: my mum, sister and my brother 65: Last time I cried: last week 64: My friends are: SO MANY god i am not naming people here 63: My computer is: old 62: My School: is boring and got a long name 61: My Car: n/a60: I lose all respect for people who: lie and cheat 59: The movie I cried at was: "now is good"58: Your hair color is: dark brown57: TV shows you watch: brooklyn nine nine, from dusk till dawn,  riverdale and sons of anarchy56: Favorite web site: tumblr55: Your dream vacation: going around europe 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: idk 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium52: My room is: quite big and bright51: My favorite celebrity is: eiza gonzalez? 50: Where would you like to be: in brazil, with my mum 49: Do you want children: yes 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: my mum 46: More guy friends or girl friends: guy friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: talking to my mum44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my brother43: Do you have a 5 year plan: kinda42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: LMAO lowkey 40: Last person I got mad at: anees39: I would like to move to: brazil 38: I wish I was a professional: psychologist [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: n/a36: Vehicle: n/a35: President: n/a34: State visited: n/a33: Cellphone provider: n/a32: Athlete: n/a31: Actor: zane holtz30: Actress: eiza gonzalez29: Singer: maluma28: Band: the script 27: Clothing store: ?????idk 26: Grocery store: tescos25: TV show: brooklyn nine nine 24: Movie: the last song 23: Website: tumblr22: Animal: koalas21: Theme park: Thrope Park20: Holiday: summer19: Sport to watch: football18: Sport to play: none17: Magazine: none16: Book: milk and honey15: Day of the week: friday14: Beach: ??13: Concert attended: the 197512: Thing to cook: steak11: Food: bbq10: Restaurant: a restaurant in italy near my dad's friend's house9: Radio station: Capital FM8: Yankee candle scent: n/a7: Perfume: some cheap one from boots6: Flower: roses5: Color: white4: Talk show host: jimmy3: Comedian: idk 2: Dog breed: n/a1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes thats why i look so confused

#answered #you're a blessing #velvetrpc #same