#uh i mean *won* two eisners

[genericpuff]

The Extended Mishandling of LO's S3 Midseason Finale Premiere

Alright, so I had mentioned leading up to the release of the newest LO episode that my feelings regarding LO returning were pretty "meh". Not hyped, but not completely back of mind either. Just sort of a weird calm before the storm type feeling that could go either way.

I'm glad I got to have that moment of calmness because good god, this episode was an absolute shitshow. And honestly, I'm not surprised, for several reasons:

Rachel has never been good at maintaining a buffer, even back at the start of the series she only ever had 2-3 episodes ready ahead of her schedule which is NOT an ideal buffer for an originals series.

Rachel has never been good at writing, she's very "draw first write later" and has stated as such in interviews that when she gets 'stuck' on what she's writing, she'll just start drawing and fit the pieces in later.

Four months is NOT enough time to both rest, attend massive conventions, and work on improving a project while also getting buffer episodes ready.

Because of the FP episodes remaining locked over the hiatus, technically Rachel only needed to have ONE episode ready upon return for the newest FP release, not multiple like she'd usually need like in the past during the S2 midseason hiatus or the season finale episodes which would unlock those FP releases like normal - so for all we know, she could have drawn this episode literally last week, especially when the promo material was so last minute. Frankly I think it was REALLY stupid for whoever it was who decided to keep these FP episodes locked (whether it was her or WT, it was more likely WT) but you can read all I have to say about that in my review of the midseason finale episodes.

All that's to say, no, there was never any guarantee Rachel was going to somehow "turn around" the ride we're currently on. I know that many of the critics were hoping for that to happen, but with the circumstances of the hiatus mixed with Rachel's bad habits of putting her best efforts into the procrastination projects that aren't her actual comic (ex. the few original pieces and LO sketches she put out during the hiatus) it just wasn't in the cards. This is where the comic is at and this is where it will remain until it's over.

I want to also point something out about this episode that was... really glaring to me.

As with all of these hiatus returns, LO got priority advertising in the first two banner slots and push notifications AND a popup ad within the app. This is unsurprising, Webtoons is still trying to milk this thing for what it's worth.

I know a lot of people are gonna focus on the art, or the fact that WT is continuing to shill LO, but I wanna point out the part that WT implemented specifically - "NEW SEASON".

This is literally just false. At best I'd like to think some intern just messed up and thought this was a new season, but it's literally not, the episode designation still says "S3". Note that the creators only design the banner art, the actual labels on top are put there by Webtoons.

But at worst, this feels like blatant lying to continue to hide the fact that LO is ending. Mind you, Rachel and Webtoons have still not put out official posts stating that this is the final arc. There is NOTHING from either of them to communicate to the audience that the comic is ending next year. It feels like they're trying to avoid the topic altogether out of fear of losing the fanbase they still have, rather than hyping up the comic's end for those who have stuck around to see how it all wraps up. And honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case, considering they're now trying to funnel the fanbase into Penguin/Inklore with new marketing deals and the whole Rachel Smythe Presents thing. They're trying to make this seem like the beginning of something "new" when it's really just a quiet shifting of management (Penguin House).

But all that aside, let's actually get into the episode. It's one episode after 4 months, which is not standard for LO's hiatuses, typically FP episodes release on schedule (meaning free readers start hiatuses 3 weeks after FP readers do), the only time this has been an exception has been with the 2 week breaks because the whole point of those was to build a buffer (which you can't do if you're going ahead and releasing the FP episodes anyways). For extended hiatuses like these, usually free readers still get their FP episodes, but that wasn't the case here. That means Rachel technically only needed one episode ready for the comic's return, and it shows. It really fucking shows.

FROM HERE ON OUT THERE WILL BE FASTPASS SPOILERS REGARDING EPISODE 254. DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED !!!

As per tradition, we get a title that means nothing at all. It just says what we already know.

Our collective husband Zeus is dying, no thanks to the poison cupcake fed to him by Apollo. For those who don't remember, Apollo had tricked Zeus into eating the cupcake by making him believe it was from Hebe. We are fully aware that it was Apollo who poisoned him. Remember that for later in this review.

Right off the bat we're off to a hilarious start, both with a cryptid appearance from Apollo in the background (lmao) who is, for some reason, ALREADY returning to the scene of the crime he just committed because... who knows at this point. Apollo and Psyche know it was Apollo at this point, I might add, but I have no clue why Apollo is actually returning to the scene of the crime when he has no idea Eros and Psyche know.

Moving on from that, can we talk about this hilarious dialogue?

"We have to call a doctor! Let's call Asclepius!"

"No, we can't trust him! Gosh darn it, why are we only bothering to think of ONE doctor in this universe where we've seen more than one doctor?? Guess Zeus is just gonna die! What a horribly contrived situation this is!"

And that's literally how I can best describe most of this episode. Contrived. There is a LOT of manufactured drama in this that makes ZERO sense even on a surface level.

And what do you mean exactly, Eros? "What a terrible system!" Is this supposed to be a joke? Lampshading? We've seen Persephone go to the gynecologist. There are non-god doctors who tend to gods all the time here.

Eros just doesn't seem to be that pressed over this, he sounds like Ned Flanders and that's NOT a good way to open up a scene like this... let alone an episode people have been waiting four months for.

Anyways, after a few pointless reaction panels (again remember I have to cut a lot of what I show here for Tumblr image limitations but I promise you, I'm keeping as much important stuff as I can in this, there's just THAT MUCH filler at this point), Eros and Psyche confront Apollo and he is... good god.

There is... so much to unpack here.

First of all, remember those theories about how Rachel was clearly trying to write Apollo as this "secret twist villain" the whole time but it doesn't work because Apollo is simultaneously written as both a 'conniving villain' and a massive dumbass at the same time?

Well, I finally have a more appropriate term for him. He's your average red pill redditor - someone who thinks he's smarter than everyone else when really all he does is sit on reddit all day using big words incorrectly in arguments he gets himself into with a bunch of equally-air-headed dumbasses.

"You can't possibly understand the nuances of the Olympian political system," Apollo said proudly, a man who had, ironically and obliviously, run for president in a monarchy. The union of kettle and pot is eternal.

He's the Slappable Jerk but instead of it being a painfully hilarious impression, it's just painful and hilarious for all the wrong reasons.

this is so stupid because it's 1.) Eros pointing out how obvious Apollo's plan was, despite Apollo acting smart two seconds ago with a goddess who, mind you, has been a goddess for ten years, and 2.) patricide isn't even intrinsically linked to politics, there's nothing 'political' about a guy trying to kill his dad except in, idk, a monarchy, which again, Apollo has spent ten years trying to rise to power in as a president which is a completely different form of government.

If I wanted to be really granular with this, I'd like to think Apollo is making some kind of point about the critics who call out LO's whack as fuck political system (especially in the trial arc) - as if he's saying "well you're just a stupid reader and this is fantasy where you don't understand exactly what political system we're using, so shut the fuck up you stupid twig" - but I don't think it's meant to be that deep. I think it's just Rachel trying to write a smart character and then failing at it because she, herself, is not a smart writer. And I'm really inclined to believe that more than the theory about this being some kind of meta-narrative about the critics because this entire plotline is contrived and stupid down to its core.

I did not cut anything out here, that's the pacing. Leto literally just appears out of nowhere and uh oh spaghettio's, she has Kassandra! Remember Leto? The character we were led to believe was truly "pulling the strings" until she disappeared from the story completely after she realized that Apollo and Persephone weren't a thing, even going so far as to call out her own son for being a fucking dumbass? Well, she's back and once again she's being involved as some kind of "double agent" in this whole thing, even though we literally haven't seen her since halfway through S2.

"Mm yes, you're so stupid, falling into my trap! Even though you had no reason to remember Kassandra anyways because she's literally a mortal woman you just met and you yourself have committed acts of violence against mortals without a shred of care! I'm so smart! My plan is all coming together!"

We've never seen Apollo do anything except cry and poop his pants, the closest he got to being "powerful" was his attempts to murder Daphne (who he seems to have forgotten about in this "master plan" of his) but ultimately he's literally just a piss ant baby and there's no reason to believe that he could somehow outmatch the God of Love who can literally manipulate people's emotions and states of mind with his arrows. But yeah sure go off, you're so powerful and smart.

The worst part is, I can't even buy this as the narrative trying to be like "see how manipulative and conniving he is?" because it's just silly. We've SEEN this man cry with his victim complex, we've seen him say and do the DUMBEST things that don't lend to any amount of "intelligence" he may have, it comes across less as him being "smart the whole time" and more as him trying to sound smart but ultimately sounding incredibly stupid. And I can't even immerse myself into it and buy that maybe that's the point, because it doesn't feel like the point, it just feels like inconsistent writing, he doesn't feel like a 'threat', he's just monologuing.

Bad art and Apollo literally just repeating what Leto already implied so this is a waste of the audience's time.

This is the funniest panel in the whole episode because I can't tell if Apollo is supposed to be in the background (for some reason, despite him literally being in front of Eros and Psyche two seconds ago) or if he's in the foreground and just REALLY small for some reason. This is so off-putting. And of course, it's just Apollo explaining what we're ALREADY SEEING ONSCREEN.

You see, in addition to this episode being contrived, it also talks down to its audience a LOT by explaining exactly what we're seeing onscreen. It's like Rachel saw the criticisms about her not including enough to depict what's actually going on in her head and so she thought the solution was to spoon feed information over pictures that are already doing the job of explaining what's going on. Rachel really doesn't know how to write and even when she tries to implement changes that reflect criticisms that have been made of her writing, she somehow makes things worse because she completely misses the point of what those criticisms are trying to get across.

Anyways, without even trying to resist (for some reason) Eros and Psyche get sentenced to horny jail.

They're now trapped in a basement that Leto somehow has in her home. How do we know that?

HAHAHA FUNNY LAMPSHADING SO FUNNNYYYYYYY

Leto claims that they shouldn't try to escape because the dungeon is "enchanted", but she doesn't even bother to explain what that means. So they literally don't bother trying. They don't try to call her bluff, they don't try to teleport out of there, they literally just go "well shoot", shrug their shoulders, and accept their fate. Just like with the whole "we can't trust the only doctor we bothered to think of" situation, Eros and Psyche are turning out to be some of the stupidest, lowest-effort characters in this comic who literally can't be bothered to try because that would require too much brain power.

Notice how much time we've spent on this and we haven't gotten back to where the cliffhanger of the last episode left off? Well buckle up because there's still more to cover.

So it turns out Hebe was still inside with her dad, in FULL VIEW of what was going on through glass which is somehow COMPLETELY soundproof, and when Apollo steps inside, she just has no idea what happened. She never bothered to even look outside to see what was going on with Eros and Psyche, she's just been sitting on the floor staring at Zeus' dead face for what was likely several minutes, unless Rachel is seriously trying to convince us that conversation and hostage negotiation from earlier only took 2 seconds. The timeline is such a mess at this point that characters basically freeze in place as soon as they're not the focus of the scene.

Apollo rushes inside, acting shocked over the situation, and when Hebe asks where Eros and Psyche are (again, she could have just looked out the window at any time), he's just like "dur idk they just left lol" which Hebe just... buys, I guess.

That's just Persephone but yellow. She's even missing her beauty mark.

See how Apollo put his hand on Zeus' chest/shoulder by the way?

Apparently, despite Mr. Smarter Than Everyone Else trying to pretend it wasn't him, he's able to discern that Zeus is dying from a toxic and rare poison just from touching him. He doesn't even really seem to use his powers, he just touches him and goes "welp he's dead i guess lol don't bother asking me how I know that".

But oh nooo remember that note from before? Well gasp Apollo's gonna use it to frame Hebe! In front of no one else at all!

Hebe of course says she didn't write it, but Apollo continues to try and frame her anyways, even though, again, there's no one else present here, and so it effectively just becomes the most absurd form of gaslighting I've ever seen.

Again, THERE IS NO ONE ELSE HERE IN THE SCENE. He's just trying to claim she did it to absolutely no one at all, in the hopes of... what exactly? That she'll just take the fall for something she knows she didn't do? That she'll somehow be convinced? It's not like Hebe has the same thing going on as Persephone where she has a 'wrathful dark side' he could pin it on, this is just a criminal who just robbed a building pointing at the first person they see and yelling "YOU DID IT!"

All I'm saying is that Apollo would be really bad at Among Us. He'd be the type of player to kill someone, hit the report button, then claim yellow did it which, even if he DID convince the rest of the team, would still get kicked anyways as soon as yellow was proven through the eject to not be the imp and everyone would go "okay cool so yellow wasn't the imp, that means obviously it's purple self-reporting." It's a trick that doesn't even work anymore because of how old it is. Hebe isn't a child here, she's an 18 year old woman who should be fully capable of raising an eyebrow and wondering why Apollo is this quick to accuse her - almost like he's trying to hide the fact that he did it.

But Hebe can't catch onto this, just like Eros and Psyche, she has to act stupid for the sake of the plot.

At first I thought maybe Rachel was trying to do some "whodunit" scenario, but that doesn't work here because we already know who did it. And while there are stories that exist like that that pull it off (ex. Knives Out) the problem with trying to do this the way Rachel did is that the person being framed has to have this thing called motive. The reason why Knives Out and Glass Onion work so well is because the person who was murdered (or conspired against) is someone who is being targeted by multiple people who could all be the murderer. It's quite literally called out in Glass Onion as a form of smart lampshading. "It's like putting a loaded gun on the table, and turning off the lights."

But it doesn't work here because Hebe does not have motive. If you're going to attempt to frame a murder on someone, it has to be someone who would have reasonable motive to commit that murder, even if they didn't actually commit it.

And who among Zeus' children has motive?

What about the war-mongering bloodthirsty god of war who has been regularly sentenced to time in the Mortal Realm to fight in wars in which he's been regularly injured?

What about the chaos-seeking wrathful goddess who would do it to get revenge on the parental figure who cast her aside, or even just for the fun of saying she did it?

Why try and pin it on Hebe, the doting daughter of Zeus who's only had a collective of maybe 20 panels in the entire comic?

But then I realized... it's not Knives Out, it's the fucking Lion King.

Which is just as contrived - if not more - than the assumption this was gonna be some attempt to frame Hebe. It's not. He's literally just trying to keep her from assuming it was him. He could have just as easily played dumb without calling attention to the note but he intentionally went out of his way to try and be Scar from The Lion King , while completely missing the point of why that scene worked in the original movie.

Scar wasn't trying to 'frame' Simba for Mufasa's murder. He was trying to hide the murder, while also attempting to get the only heir to the throne out of the picture, so he passed the guilt of the death onto Simba - a child who, unlike Hebe, wouldn't have the ability to rationalize or realize his uncle his a scumbag - who then ran away from home because he was too terrified to face his family for what happened, assuming that it was all his fault when it wasn't.

That's not how this is panning out here. Hebe is the now 18 year old daughter of Zeus, and not one of his only children. She doesn't even fit into the whole "sons overthrowing their fathers" prophecy like Aries would. Apollo is literally just being a big idiot here by saying "well I'm gonna give you a headstart to run away, because if you stay, I might hurt you" (which btw, should be MORE of a smoking gun that Apollo did it??)

And again, it's all so contrived so that the plot can move forward. "Well I'm going to frame you for this murder, but y'know, you should just leave, I'm not gonna try and press it further lmao"

Again, Apollo is a fucking idiot here, because he just attempted to frame someone who has NO MOTIVE to harm Zeus, to absolutely NO ONE at all who would side with him, only to let her go which would leave her to question why Apollo would try to accuse and harm her in the first place before considering other options. And through ALL this he claims he's the smart one, which I can't even be bothered to "love to hate" because it's written so poorly.

And really it all comes down to how everyone else behaves in relation to Apollo that makes it so stupid and unbelievable. Apollo, you're not smart just because all the characters around you are intentionally being written to be as stupid and non-confrontation as possible. If you can only write a smart villain by making everyone else stupid, you haven't written a smart villain, you've written a dumbass whose victory only happens due to contrived plot convenience. It's not even done well like in Glass Onion, it's just bad writing, full stop.

And who does he call to report this emergency? The satyr police? His son the doctor?

No.

The media. Literally just "hello, the media?? I need your best journalist here stat!"

I need you to understand, even if he were calling a tabloid magazine like The Weekly Nark, you don't just... call a journalist to report a murder. These are not the actions of someone who's trying to absolve himself of guilt, these are the actions of a complete dumbass trying to get news coverage of his trophy kill who would be better off just playing dumb instead of trying to play smart. Even Walter White wasn't this fucking stupid despite all the times he fell on his own sword, Apollo is literally just instigating suspicion towards himself for no reason at all. He's self-reporting so hard and worst of all, you can't even take any of this seriously because of how corny it is. There's no dramatic tension, no stakes, it's just a bunch of characters performing in a really bad stage play and reducing every conflict to "well I guess Zeus is just dead now because no one's bothering to make an effort to stop Apollo or ask questions lmao"

It's truly the epitome of "this plot wouldn't exist if characters would just talk to each other."

But finally, FINALLY we mention the thing this episode is named after, the transition point to Persephone.

Just like with the midseason finale episode, there's a lot to cover here, so I'm gonna get more into it in a part two post.

That said, you can see already this is the messiest, most contrived bullshit to ever wind up in LO. It's trying so hard to be smart and it just comes across as a bunch of toddlers in the world's worst stage play rendition of Clue. None of what was done here was in any way dramatic or tense, it's just a bunch of characters infodumping shit we already know, trying to set up new plot threads that don't make any sense, and allowing one another to get away with what they're doing because they don't bother to even try.

It's completely manufactured, contrived nonsense. It's not "smart", it's not "so dumb it's brilliant", it's just dumb.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus #this is the comic that bought two eisners #uh i mean *won* two eisners #... no wait i had it right the first time lmao

[twiststreet]

I saw the Suicide Squad trailer.  I like the Suicide Squad comics (Ostrander-Yale only), but I have no patience for James Gunn.  And I didn’t like it cause I don’t like his stuff and I was sitting here thinking about... 

I think the thing I hate about James Gunn’s comedy is it’s all Super Bowl comedy.  You know how when you watch the Super Bowl, the commercials are either, you know, “America’s going to come back from it’s doldrums and fucking kill you and fuck your dead body Ford Trucks Drive a Ford truck you pussy America has dirt in it that we photographed look at this dirt under our fingernails that’s not going to hold us down uh uh got to keep on moving” rah-rah patriotism, with the very serious monologues, John Hamm or Matthew McConnaughey doing Sarah Jessica Parker Sex in the City monologues except about America... 

OR... It’s “comedy.”  But it’s not really funny comedy...?  It’s Super Bowl commercial comedy...?   

Like, lately, during the Super Bowl, it’ll be like, you’re watching Kevin James running down a street, and he’s all wheezing, because he needs to eat some doritos, he hasn’t eaten enough doritos, goddamn Kevin James you fucking dipshit who even taught you fitness, but then Kevin James will stop and start panting outside an apartment building and ... OH SHIT, Jada 👏 Pinkett 👏 Smith 👏 just leans out of the window and says “Fuck you Kevin James you ain’t shit and your mom ain’t shit and your dick looks like a broken pencil and I wish I had a pencil sharpener I’d sharpen both ends of that dick EAT DORITOS you fucks” and then the music goes wazzoo wazzooo wazzooo... cause you THOUGHT you were watching a commercial about Kevin James YOU DUMMY but actually you’re watching a commercial with TWO celebrities in it instead, Doritos burned a whole bunch of money HELL YEAH, it’s the muh-fucking Super Bowl!!!

That’s how James Gunn is “funny” to me.  Where I just look at it and think “This is just a cretinous corporate product where the words have been put into the shape of comedy but that serves none of the functions of actual comedy, that means nothing except to sell people something that looks like food and tastes like food but very much is NOT food”  ... but then having to just imagine the sort of slack-jawed yokels that are like “aaaaah, this fucking guy GETS IT.  He knows where I live.”  I mean, it’s nerds, and I’ve read a million comics-- your sci-fi / fantasy has always had pretty lousy comedy.  (One time Marvel did a “comedy What If” special and the “jokes” were like “what if Doctor Octopus fought Captain America instead of Spiderman?” That was it.  That was the entire joke.  I think it won an Eisner for Special Excellence in Comedy that year or something...).  Sci-fi/fantasy is about hiding from the world, and comedy is about being like “haha look at the world”-- that’s not a happy marriage-- that’s my theory, but... 

Why is that comedy there in the Superbowl ads?  My guess: you think about the history of American comedy-- it’s a bunch of Vaudevillians and drop-outs and stoners and long-hairs at first, sure, who are all hipper than the room saying “look at these schnooks we’re surrounded by”.  But then over time, maybe everyone comes to thinks they’re hip and certainly not one of the schnooks cause that’s how audiences work.  Show an audience a movie about an underdog and they’ll think they’re underdogs-- most of them are the reason why the dog’s under.  Show them a Bill Murray movie and they’ll think they’re Bill Murray-- they’re the cop who listens to Walter Peck and shuts off the grid.  Throw a rock at a right-wing person (please!) and they all think they’re fans of edgy comedy and free speech, even though you could make any of them red-faced angry and ready to shoot up a mall with like 5 fairly innocuous opinions.  Advertising just flows downhill from there. It’s just how corporations understand how to sell things to the schnooks now.

But I don’t know.  I’m just sad a lot lately haha so there’s that!  Anyways, I’ve lost track of my point.  I saw a movie trailer by a director I hate which I watched cause I wanted to see how they did the bad guy after I saw people post about the bad guy.  Wheee... Anyways, lunch break over...

#movie trailers.

[lapinbunwrites]

Winter Time Fun

Rating: General

Warnings: None

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three Houses

Relationship: Claude von Riegan/Byleth Eisner

Word Count: 2,429

Ao3 Link

Byleth rubbed his hands together and blew his hot breath on them to warm them up. Even though he has experienced colder winters, it was still freezing. Not that he minded. He loved winter time. Byleth breathed out to see his breath as he smiled and as he continued to walk through the snow covered town.

He smirked as he stopped right in front of a building. A coffee shop. He came here often to get coffee and to chat up the barista that worked there. After so many times of coming here, he would have liked to ask him out by now. It wasn’t because he wasn’t confident or nervous, it was mostly because the barista was constantly busy with customers. Thinking about it now, Byleth realized that he shouldn’t come to the business during it’s rush hour.

He took a couple of deep breaths and exhaled. Today was the day he was going to ask him out. He walked in and walked straight up to the counter.

“Hello,” Byleth said with a kind smile.

“Hello again,” Claude said, “what can I get you?”

“A date, with you,” he winked.

It took him a few seconds before he realized what he had said. A blush swept across his face as he sighed and buried his face into his hands. Real smooth Byleth. Real smooth. Now all he could hear was Claude chuckling. He couldn’t tell if that was a good or a bad thing.

“Sure,” Claude said.

“Wh-What?” Byleth asked. He looked up at the barista. He saw Claude smirk and his wink. His face became a deep red after that. “What did you say?”

“Yeah, I’ll go on a date with you.”

His face became a crimson red.

“How about the winter carnival at 5pm?”

“U-Uh, sure.”

Byleth said nothing after that. He looked around, trying to collect his thoughts. He didn’t know what to think of all of this. In truth, he had a different plan to ask Claude out. The silence was only broken by the customer standing behind Byleth.

“C-Can I get two black coffees to go please?”

Claude smirked and made the coffee for him. Before he handed the drinks to him, he wrote something on one of the cups. Byleth took them and left the building. He sighed as he took a sip of the coffee. He remembered his plan that he and Catherine came up with. He then let out a scream like-sigh when he remembered he was going to tell her everything that went down. He knew she was going to laugh.

                                             -----x-----

“So, how did it go?” Catherine asked.

“I did ask him out on a date,” Byleth replied, handing her coffee

“And?” She prompted, taking a sip of her drink.

“He did say yes.”

“That’s great! I knew the plan would work!”

“It didn’t all go as planned.”

“What do you mean?”

“I went to the counter and he asked what I wanted, referring to my food order…”

“Buuuut.”

“But what I said was ‘a date with you’ and then I winked at him.”

Catherine spit her coffee into his face and started to laugh. “Smooth,” she said, wiping the coffee off her face.

Byleth took his sleeve and did the same thing.

“Haha, did you at least get his number?”

“No.”

Byleth stared in irritation as Catherine continued to laugh.

“Pffft ahahaha, haha, ha,” she laughed. Catherine took a few deep breaths and exhaled. She did her best to control her breathing so she could enunciate her words. “Ahaha. Ah,” she let out the last of her laugh.

“Are you done?”

“Yeah. I think so. Anyway, for someone as smart as you, you are a dumbass. You are a disaster.”

“You’re no better.”

“I know, but hey. What are you going to do now?”

“Go lie down and think. I’m going to have to wing it.”

Catherine shrugged as he walked into his room. Byleth lied down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Blank. His mind was blank. He couldn’t think of a single idea how to contact Claude. And before he knew it, it was 4:30pm. He realized he could’ve just gone to the coffee shop but it was too late. It was already too late for him to go there. And even if he did, Claude might have already been off. He quickly changed and rushed to the park.

Byleth got there with only five minutes to spare. He waited at the front gates. No Claude. He waited for another twenty minutes. Still no Claude. He let out a sigh and decided to take a walk around the park. He saw the clear ice sculptures, people playing games, people making gingerbread houses. He stopped at the ice rink and watched as the people there tried to ice skate.

It was only minutes later he could hear a faint voice. It sounded like someone was calling his name. Byleth looked around, seeing no one calling his name. He sighed in sadness; maybe this wasn’t a good idea.

“Byleth!” Someone called out loudly.

He looked over to the direction from where he could hear his name. A big smile came across his face as he saw Claude.

“Geeze, I called out your name a dozen times,” Claude said.

“Sorry, sorry. I just couldn’t see you.”

“I figured. Where have you been? I was waiting at the front gates for you.”

“I was waiting there for you, but you never came, so I decided to walk around a bit to see if I could find you.”

“You could have just texted me.”

“You never gave me your number.”

“Yes I did. I wrote it down on one of the cups at the coffee shop.”

“Oh,” Byleth said, slapping his face. “Catherine is right, I am a dumbass,” he whispered.

Claude chuckled. “Since we are here, why don’t we go ice skating? I’ve been meaning to learn how to.”

“I can help you. I know how to.”

“That’s great!”

The two changed into skates and got onto the ice. Byleth was balanced while Claude was shimming and wobbling trying to get his balance. Byleth laughed at his date as he took a fall to the ground. He held out his hand to help him up. He stood in front of him, taking his other hand and slowly the two started to skate.

They skated a few laps around the rink before Byleth decided to let go of Claude. When Byleth let go, Claude wobbled around before he got his balance. It wasn’t perfect, but he got it. A few seconds later Claude lost his balance and fell to the ground. He started to laugh. It wasn’t his most graceful fall, but it was still fun to go a few feet.

“Are you okay?” Byleth asked, reaching out to help him.

“Yeah,” Claude laughed. He took his hand and got up.

“Why don’t we get off the ice before you hurt yourself even more.”

“No, I can do this.”

“At least hold onto my arm.”

“Fine, fine.”

Claude took a hold of his arm and the two skated around the rink some more. Sometime later, they walked around the park, arm in arm. Some of the games looked fun to play. The one that stood out to Byleth was the fishing game. Claude smirked. He paid to fish and concentrated his best on the game.

Byleth watched as he played the game. It wasn’t too difficult for him to catch a fish. He then picked out an iceberg and won a prize. It was a small stuffed cat. Claude didn’t like cats all that much, but seeing his date with a big smile on his face was joy enough. He took his arm and the two walked around the park some more. They saw people make ice sculptures, sell hot cocoa, and looked at a few different games.

Other than ice-skating and the lame fishing game, there wasn’t anything really exciting going on. It was just a gathering of people in the middle of town once he thought about it. Byleth needs to rethink his date ideas and actually plan them out. He thought a million thoughts trying to figure out a back-up plan for this failing date. It only got worse when he was going to tell Catherine about it. He can already imagine the delightful words she might use. Claude glanced over to him and smirked, he had the perfect back-up plan. Claude took his hand and started to walk in the opposite direction of the carnival.

“Where are you taking me?” Byleth asked.

“Somewhere special,” he winked.

“That doesn’t help.”

“I’m trying to surprise you.”

“That’s my job. I’m the one that asked you out.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything. We both are on this date and we both should try to surprise each other.”

“Oh, don’t spare my feelings. That carnival was lame.”

“Big time. No more questions until we get to the destination.”

“Fine.”

Before they got to their destination, Claude took Byleth to a firework stand. The two grabbed as many fireworks as they possibly could. It became a long walk filled with Claude and Byleth talking about anything that popped into their heads. When they got to their destination, Claude gestured to Byleth, giving him a big smile. He gave his date a big smile in return. This was going to be fun. They walked up to the sidewalk near the building, placing the fireworks on the ground.

They dug around in the boxes, grabbing the punks and a lighter. The two became frustrated when neither of the punks wanted to light. A sigh of relief and a little laugh came out of both of them when one of them finally lit up. But it wasn’t long before they became frustrated when the other punk wouldn’t light up. Byleth tossed it aside and held onto the one that was working. Claude dug into one of the boxes, finding a couple of tanks.

“Ooo, this one looks cool,” he said. “Let’s try it out!”

He walked a little ways away from the sidewalk before lighting them. He rushed back to Byleth to watch them explode. His anticipation dissipated when all the tanks did was spew out sparks. Not really exciting. Byleth chuckled when it didn’t turn out as planned. He grabbed the slab of firecrackers. He picked them off the wick one by one. He lit them up and started to throw them into the parking lot. Claude joined him in his little throwing fest. It was a great way to get his emotions out.

Claude laughed hard when Byleth scurried away in a panic when one of the fireworks started to shoot off earlier than it should have. It happened multiple times and it always made Claude laugh.They soon started to laugh together as they watched in awe when they set off mortars, Cathrine wheels, mines, bottle rockets, fountains, ground spinners, and every other firework they had. Claude glanced at Byleth who had a big smile on his face as he looked up at the sky that was being lit by colors of green, white, red, blue, yellow, and purple. It was a warm feeling inside his chest when he saw the smile.

Byleth watched as his date lit up a few more big fireworks. He could hear him laugh, it was a really nice laugh. His laugh was infectious and one that warmed up his soul in this cold weather. His heart warmed up even more when Claude started to dance. Byleth chuckled as he rushed over to him, grabbing his hands and started to dance with him.

After the little dance, they walked up to the boxes to see if they had any fireworks left. All they had left were a few sparklers and a couple of Dagdan Candles. On a count of three, they lit them up, watching them shootout six candles. Byleth lit up a sparkler and started to twirl it around. Claude laughed when he saw him make weird shapes. His heart started to beat faster and his face became a deep red when Byleth continuously made a heart shape with the sparkler. And to be completely honest, he felt the same for him.

“Now comes the ‘fun’ part,” Claude sighed.

“Cleaning up this mess,” Byleth finished his sentence.

The two took out their phones, turning on their flashlight to better see all the stuff they had to clean up. They threw everything into boxes that they had. Byleth let out a little groan. It was a bit frustrating that there was so much stuff. He didn’t know why they grabbed so many fireworks. But it was well worth it.

“It isn’t so bad,” Claude assured him, pointing up at the starry sky. “I always love looking up at the night sky. It’s filled with the stars; so bright and beautiful.”

Byleth looked up. He was right. They were so beautiful. “But they will never be as beautiful as you and they will never outshine you.”

Claude blushed heavily before his words sank in.

Byleth’s face became a deep red. He blurted out those words. Why did he blurt out those words?

Claude chuckled. “Thank you,” he smiled kindly. He looked back up at the sky. “Look, a shooting star.”

Byleth smiled and closed his eyes as he held his hand as he made a wish. Claude’s smile and blush only grew bigger. After everything at the parking lot, they walked hand-in-hand to the coffee shop and grabbed some hot cocoa before Byleth walked Claude back to his apartment.

“I hope I get to see you again,” Byleth said, giving him a light peck on the lips.

“Next time text me,” Claude chuckled.

“I will, I will.”

Claude smiled and walked into his apartment. He jumped around in happiness. He couldn’t believe he finally went out on a date with his cute customer that he had a crush on for months. And he was going to be able to see him again sometime soon. Nothing right now could possibly make him happier.

When Byleth got home, he rushed into his room, falling onto his bed. He excitedly punched and kicked the air. His heart was beating fast, he was so happy. He couldn’t believe that he had been so nervous for the date. He was just so happy that he finally was able to ask out the cute barista at the coffee shop. He couldn’t wait to go on another date with him.

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Ahhhh!! I was apart of the @claudelethzine and I'm allowed to finally share my piece with all of you! I'm so excited and I'm so happy that I was able to be apart of this zine!

#my writing #fire emblem three houses #claudeleth #claude von riegan #byleth eisner #claude x byleth #byleth x claude