#ummmm idk what this counts as. is this yearning? this feels violent

[yea-baiyi]

xie lian really is living the ultimate grey-ace fantasy though, because imagine you’ve gone 800 years not being attracted to anyone and you’ve been totally fine keeping a vow of abstinence you have no obligation to keep —

and then one day you run into this guy and your brain goes “he’d be a great husband” and suddenly you’re thinking about how he’s so tall and fixating on his hairline and his bone structure and wow his hands are so big, sure wouldn’t wanna be choked by him, and you’re a huge embarrassing mess around him. but turns out he is equally as embarrassing towards you and you end up liking him a lot and you guys flirt and joke around when you’re together and it’s great except you have massive walls up because of all of your centuries of trauma —

and THEN you find out that this guy has known you nearly your whole life, was actually the person beside you at all your lowest points, someone who has already been tested and come out fighting. he’s not nice and he’s seen some shit but he has literally crawled his way out from hell and proven himself to be good, and most of all already proven that he will stand with you and be by your side in every way that matters. all that before you guys even started dating, before you guys even MET in this lifetime. just the perfect alignment of a) attractiveness, b) compatibility, c) resilience as a life partner — and he came over and started talking to YOU.

maybe it’s just me but i’m chewing on the walls????

#tgcf #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #meta stuff #my hyperfixation demon #aroace mxtx analysis #ummmm idk what this counts as. is this yearning? this feels violent #i don’t know what this post is i just had caffeine this morning and i’m suffering the consequences and this is the result ig #no idea if this post is remotely coherent but i’m just like. #obsessed with how from xie lian’s perspective it’s like he’s been aroace for 800 years and suddenly this guy appears and He’s It #hua cheng ​gone girl voice i’m it baby. #i don’t even know if i wanna post this i don’t know if it makes any sense at all