#until the end when i sprinke a lil of that

[novelcain]

OKAY! So when I was about 10/13 years old my mom took me to get a check up.. perfectly normal right? What could possibly go wrong.. oh yeah I was also there to get my shots.. I hate getting shots, always have always will.. it’s the syringe needles!! the fact that I know they have to be hollow enough for stuff to go in and out of the inside of those things is just wrong to me.. 😟 Anyway me and my Mom get there and everything SEEMS to be alright.. until the doctor comes back and says I have to get EVERY! SINGLE! SHOT! SINCE BIRTH!! OVER AGAIN!!!

Ya wanna know why??? BECAUSE THEY LOST ALL MY MEDICAL RECORDS!! ALL OF THEM!! 😡

Like okay yeah, shit happens I guess..

But.. my colorful, sugary sour Overlord.. They didn’t lose literally ALL my medical records once.. NOT twice!! NO no no no… BUT THREE FUCKING TIMES!!! In.. a.. row.. 😑 And all in the same Year.. I shit you not. 😤

Sssoooo yeah, I’m a bit traumatized and HATE going to the Doctor.. 😰

SO! 2020!! Covid shows up and I have to get a vaccine shot.. my Mom bless her heart comes with me, and I have to fill out the form… I spent an embarrassingly long time trying to write down my date of birth..

I was shaking so bad and ended up handing the paper & pen over to my Mom… Because I couldn’t remember which way the number 3 faced.. I was having a freaking mini panic attack.. at 21 🥲

I also had a panic attack & nearly fainted when I had to get my molars removed and the nurse showed up with the iv bag.. and I finally realized I was getting the syringe not the gas.. hadn’t panicked the whole time till that poor lady strolled in.. I think I scared her a lil when I started hyperventilating and asking my mom, wh-what what? What??? But it turned out okay!! That incident happened when I was about 18 I think..

🎃~

BRUH i know what you mean with the hating needles thing! I have had nothing but bad experiences with them. Like when I was younger I'd have to get allergy shots every week so I already HATED shots bc of that but then one day this super old bitch gave me my shot and literally stuck me so hard that the needle scraped my fucking bone! My bicep hurt for a whole month I couldn't do anything!

And then this one time I was in middle school and I had to get my blood drawn for testing, and some info about me I have always had very thick skin, and the nurse tried to use a butterfly needle but when she tried putting it in the damn thing broke against my skin! Anyways, everyone panicked for a hot sec and now it's in my file somewhere that they have to use big needles on me now! LIKE THE FUCK!?!?🤬🤬🤬

Ugh! If I sat here and told you all my needle stories we'd be here all day.

But my gods, how they gonna lose your damn records THREE FUCKIN TIMES!!!??? It's called a fuckin computer system you numb skulls! If it's really that hard to input the data yourselves then ffs just scan a pic of the records and save that!

Me: On behalf of my fruity heh subject, Skittle's gonna sue! *sprinkes dark matter on them bitches*

But fr tho same with the covid thing. In order to get my second vaccine I had to be drugged before going, and I STILL had a panic attack the whole time, not cause of my fear of needles tho. I mean it was a little bit because of the needles but mainly because of the agoraphobia. I think that was really the first instance of me being unable to function alone in public. I had to have Ritz and her mom there to talk for me and fill out the paper work cause I couldn't. I was shaking, I couldn't communicate outside of nodding to Ritz, and I couldn't even look at anyone other than Ritz. There were a few times I almost passed out inside of the clinic waiting room. I'm pretty sure now that I think about it that that was the last time I was out in public at all and that was almost 2 years ago. Definitely was NOT a good motivator to make me do it again lol. Sorry this is low key embarrassing for me to talk about and I honestly spent 30 minutes just deleting this and rewriting it over and over again before deciding to keep it

#🎃 anon #skittle answers #skittle rambles

[minijenn]

Mismatched Making Preview

By golly Dipper and Pacifica are cuties and I’m already loving writing their interactions in this chapter even though I’ve barely dived into them at all yet. Even so, here’s some starting cuteness to get ya’ll in that shippy mood. Enjoy!

***

“Oh, come on, Mabel, I’m not that predictable,” Dipper protested, sitting up. “Sure I like a good mystery hunt every now and then, but after dealing with so many of them this summer, I… kinda wouldn’t mind a change of pace. Maybe I’ll try my hand at hunting down something else for a change.”

“Oh yeah?” Mabel asked with a challenging smirk. “Like what?”

“Like…” Dipper trailed off, admittedly unsure of what to say. After all, he’d spent so much time lately embroiled in one mystery, one fight, one disaster after another. So much time spent struggling in the loudest of moments to win the quiet moments like these. And now that they finally had these quiet moments, admittedly, he really had no idea what to do with them. 

Fortunately, he didn’t have to supply an answer to his sister’s question as the shack’s doorbell abruptly rang out. “Well, right now, I guess I’m hunting down the door,” he said succinctly, slipping out of the conversation to answer it. 

“Wait… how can you hunt down a door…?” Steven wondered, confused, though all the same, him and Mabel followed along after Dipper to see who had arrived. The initial speculation on all sides was that it was probably the Gems, though it was a bit odd for them to not just enter without knocking or ringing as they usually did. Though who was actually at the door was just about the very last person any of the kids could have expected, even from the moment Dipper first swung it open. 

“P-Pacifica!?” Dipper exclaimed, absolutely baffled to see the heiress standing in front of him. Even more bewildering was the fact that, unlike the last time she had ventured out to the shack to seek his help, this time, Pacifica hadn’t come in any sort of heavy coat or concealing disguise. Rather, she was in her usual fashionable attire, her expression pensive and her hands held tightly behind her back before she greeted him back with a somewhat awkward wave. 

“O-oh! Uh, h-hey, Dipper,” she said, smiling rather tightly. “Looks like you’re back--finally. N-not that I haven’t been hanging out around here waiting for you to get back ever since that day we spent at the mines, b-because that would be weird, obviously, but… um… what was I talking about again?”

“I… honestly have no idea,” Dipper frowned, confused before breaking into a small, cordial smile. “But anyway, hi, Pacifica. What brings you all the way out here-”

“Pacifica!” Mabel suddenly interrupted, pushing her brother aside to brightly greet the heiress. “Hi! How are you?! Did you come out here to invite all of us to another super glitzy, glamorous party? Because if you are, we are so on board, the last one was so fun! 

“Yeah, it was!” Steven interjected just as cheerfully. “Ya know, aside from the vengeful ghost and crazy Gem mutants. But that’s the sort of stuff we deal with all the time, so I guess it was nothing too out of the ordinary.”

“Oh… you guys are here too…” Pacifica’s smile fell as she looked between Steven and Mabel. “Great…”

“Uh, so…” Dipper cut in, squeezing his way back into the conversation between the pair. “Like I was trying to ask before, what’s up, Pacifica? You need some help busting another ghost or dealing with a pack of angry city slick dwarves?” 

The heiress couldn’t help but let out something of a small laugh at this, one that Dipper slightly joined in on, not noticing as Steven, and Mabel in particular, watched the exchange curiously. “No, nothing like that,” Pacifica smirked. “I was just… um… w-well, you remember how you said after your how drill thing was over, we’d… uh… h-hang out?”

“Yeah…?” Dipper nodded, raising an eyebrow before he realized Pacifica’s intention in coming all this way to see him. “Oh, wait, you mean right now?”

“Uh… I mean, if you wanna?” she shrugged apprehensively. “I-if you’re busy though, I-I totally get it. I can always come back some other time.”

“I mean, we did only get back from the barn for weeks on end just a few minutes ago…” Dipper noted with an earnest frown. “But…”

“But he’s totally free and he would totally love to hang out with you!” Mabel sharply interrupted, excitedly pushing her brother out the door a bit. “Wouldn’t you, Dipper?”

“Uh… well…” Dipper hesitated for a moment before meeting Pacifica’s hopeful expression. She offered him a small, almost demure smile, one that carried none of the cold haughtiness she often used to front, but instead, it was completely honest, completely genuine. And if there was something that Dipper knew well from experience, it was that Pacifica was always at her very best when she was at her most genuine. “You know what? Sure, why not. It’ll be fun.”

“R-really?” Pacifica asked, quite surprised to hear this as her cheeks flushed the slightest pink. 

“Yes, really!” Mabel exclaimed as she pushed Dipper out towards Pacifica even more, urging the pair off. “Now, go on, get outta here, you crazy kids! Go out and make some memories!”

“Yeah, and have fun!” Steven called after the two as they exchanged a somewhat startled glance, though ultimately decided to head off together towards town all the same. Leaving a very satisfied and a somewhat confused Steven behind.

#lol steven and mabel boutta snoop #and eventually matchmake these two crazy kids #adorable this chapter is such a fluff fest #until the end when i sprinke a lil of that #romantic angst on top of it #woo baby #jen writes #universe falls #uf preview #mismatched making

[gyllenhaalstories]

imagine taking rapper jake home to meet your parents.

i’m so sorry for the delay, anon! <3 buckle up, it got long and i’m emo!!!!! lil jakey jakes meeting your parents was not something i thought i’d cry about right now but here i am. i listened to nothing’s gonna hurt you baby by cigarettes after sex if you want to vibe with me!

<3

jake swore he was about to shit his pants when you reminded him of the dinner with your parents.

he ran all over his house, searching for nothing and everything at oncel. one second it was his tie, the next his phone and after that his keys. he was just so terrified. he wanted to leave a good impression.

he dressed up like he was going to the oscars. he put on a suit, a new one he got tailored to his body just for the occasion. he covered all of his tattoos, with those long sleeves. he hid his chain under the color of the shirt you buttoned lovingly. he went to the barbershop too, he got a fresh cut and his beard neat. he looked like a movie star and even if this was not the man with whom you fell in love, you still loved this new persona.

“you’re so stressed that i’m stressed” you’d scream at him while he paced around the bedroom as you put on a simple outfit, some jeans and a button up shirt too. dresses felt too formal. it was your parents, not the pope. “we’re not going. i’m calling them and i’ll say i’m sick”.

jake stopped moving and protested. “if i wanna ask your father for your hand, i better know how he looks like first. if he likes golf, i’m out”.

the joke was unexpected, but it made both of you laugh. he kept bringing up marriage. it was like a running gag, but it felt more and more real. one day you would be called mrs gyllenhaal. and this day would not happen if you died from a heart attack because you couldn’t face the judgement of your parents.

so jake waited for you in the car. he picked a black jaguar, he didn’t want to be too obnoxious. he had the head lights shining bright and blinked them so you pretended to walk like a model and twirl in front of the car before you sat on the passenger seat. “so fuckin’ gorgeous.” jake said and noticed you, too, wore the chain he got you for your birthday. he stretched his arm out to play with it lightly and then proceeded to drive to your parents’ house.

he stopped in the drive way. it was a tiny home, very old with a bunch of flower pots that were wrapped up for the winter. it was lovely already. jake stopped the car and took deep breaths.

“you sound like you’re about to get into labor”

“it’s a neat trick you’ll have to try it”

and you both breathed fast like two freaks in the car while the music was playing in the background. some U2 song. it calmed the two of you down. when you got out of the car, jake immediately grabbed your hand. he needed the comfort.

you were about to ring the door bell when your mother slammed the door open and wrapped you in a tight hug.

jake smiled and looked behind her. he waved at your father.

“mom, dad, this is my boyfriend, jake. jake, this is my mom and dad.”

“hi mom, hi dad” jake replied and it made the two of them laugh.

jake wanted to bring champagne and flowers, but you convinced him to not do too much. your parents were simple people. they would be happy as long as jake didn’t tease you from under the table (the jeans were definitely a good option) or mentioned politics. 

“our daughter has told us a lot about you” your mother said “yeah, we heard you are a singer? isn’t that the dream” your father added

“yeah.” jake smiled awkwardly and took a sip from the glass of water you both shared. you were sitting on his lap, on the love seat of the small living room. your parents asked him tons of questions. he answered them genuinely. he asked them questions too. he was relieved to find out your father preferred hockey to golf.

you sat around the table. it was weird that the fourth chair of the dining table was finally used.

none of your previous relationships lasted long enough to reach this level of intimacy. sex was one thing, but meeting your parents? that was a HUGE deal.

jake behaved like the best man in the world. he complimented the food. it was just simple spaghetti and storebought garlic bread. but it tasted like love and home. he asked for two other plates. your mom even reached to wipe his chin from the tomato sauce.

it filled him with joy. he had a tough relationship with his own family and he felt like he fit right in with yours.

you watched jake with heart eyes. he was so happy to explain his art and craft to your father who kept asking him if he had met blake shelton or the backstreet boys. you know, hip people. jake laughed and shook his head. he didn’t bother explaining that he sang about filthy things the two of you did. he was happy they considered his job as valid. he was not a carpenter or a doctor. but he was happy to spoil you nonetheless.

“you’re doing great” you’d whisper to jake.

everything was fine. until your mom pulled out the baby photos albums. THE SHAME.

“look at that tiny baby booty!” jake pointed and melted. “toohtless! that gums only look, can’t wait to see it again when we’re old and grumpy.” he pulled out a photo. you were wearing matching ugly yellow zipped hoodie and plaid pants. you were holding a teddy bear of the same colour as the one he got you for your birthday. behind the photography it was written happy y/n at the park with her best friend. he asked if he could keep it. your parents agreed. (it was his phone home screen from now on, your lock screen being a post sex glow photo when he could see a tiny drop of cum at the corner of your eye, it was still cute to him). “so she’s always been bad at cooking?” he said and laughed when you found a picture of you and your grandparents where you held a plate of burnt cookies. “hey, not cool! i was only seven!” you pushed him gently. “look at you now, you burn bread in the toaster”. your parents were the ones who melted now.

“so, jacob...”

jake insisted that it was fine your father called him by his full name.

the two of you were so stressed out. the tone of your father’s voice was suddenly heavy and scary.

“yeah?”

“does it hurt to get tattoos?”

jake squinted and you coughed loud enough to cover the whispered what the fuck that came out of his open mouth. his sleeves were rolled up and exposing the ink. “i mean, yeah, it hurts a lot. it’s worth it though. i feel like an art collector.”

“in my young days, i’ve always wanted a tattoo. i got the concept. this lovely lady as a pin up girl, quite impressive, huh?.” he winked at your mom who blushed while you tried everything you could not to throw up.

jake rolled his sleeve a little higher and pointed at a spot near the veins of the inside of his arm, close to the elbow. he got the outline of a heart tattooed. you noticed how wobbly the lines were, that’s because it was the heart you always drew at the end of your notes that you left him when you were gone or when he was out working. “that’s my favourite.”

THE WAY YOU JUST BURST INTO TEARS and your mom shouted “time for dessert!”

great timing.

“our daughter told us you loved m&m’s”.

jake turned to look at you. you shrugged.

your mother came back with chocolate cake on which she had sprinked crushed m&m pieces on the frosting.

jake asked to get the biggest slice. “that’s the best fuckin’ cake i’ve had in my whole life.” (which was a lie because the best cake was your ass but details) he said, his mouth full. your mother laughed and your father agreed. they began talking about hockey when your mother asked for your help in the kitchen.

“if we learned anything from you,” she started and handed you a plate to dry. you hated to do the dishes, especially if you were to be lectured like a child. “it’s to never judge people by their covers. we love jake. he’s good to you. you’re good to him.”

you hugged your mom and the two of you cried so loudly that jake dropped his spoon. he thought something bad happened. that you cut yourself with the butter knife or something.

“welcome to the family, jake.” your father squeezed jake’s shoulder as you walked back to him to press a kiss on his cheek.

it was now time to leave, after hours and hours of anecdotes from your childhood or from the time you were convinced you’d marry brad pitt or when you put eyeshadow in your hair to act like you dyed them to be punk but it was raining that day and you came back looking like a sad frosty rainbow.

“you’re my favourite person.” jake told you when he gave you his vest as a coat. it was chilly outside.

you all hugged and shook hands, promising to come back soon for brunch. jake told them he’d make his famous pancakes.

“hold on!” jake exclaimed and pulled you by the arm. you followed him back in the kitchen and he fed you a spoon of the cake. you fed him one in return again. “tastes almost as good as your pussy” he whispered in your ear and kissed your chocolate covered lips.

you finally left the house, waving from the car at your parents who stood on the porch. they seemed satisfied. and you? you had never been more in love.

“can’t wait to rip those tight jeans off your body and fuck you like a bitch.” jake winked and started to drive away. “i’m looking forward to the toothless viagra boosted blowjobs too, that’s gonna feel divine.” 

you slapped his thigh and he moaned in pain. you rested your hand there and he brought it to his lips, planting a soft kiss.

“welcome to the family.” you repeated.

#Anonymous #topic: rapper!jake #series: southpaw