#uterusdidelphys
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23.06.22
It has been quite a while since I made a post on here. I’ve been wanting to for a few weeks but kept getting overwhelmed by how much has happened and where to begin.
For this reason I’ve decided to share in dot point form
03.06.21 We began Cycle 3 of IVF at our new clinic. I felt confident going into this one as the new specialist was the right fit for us in both her expertise and patient manner. I also felt that we had a chance of getting more viable embryos because we had one in round 2. 8 eggs were collected, 4 top quality embryos were made and we waited for our PGD results.
26.06.21 we did a 7 hour round trip to pick up our puppy Kevin
02.07.21 I arranged for the result to be communicated to my partner as I was on placement and didn’t want to burst into tears if we got bad news. He got the call and despite me calling and texting him throughout the day, he would not give me any information. That was information enough.
When I called after placement he told me that none of the embryos were chromosomally normal. I cried the whole 1 hour car drive home.
-Our specialist was shocked. We were absolutely devastated.
-I had just started my Alcohol and Other Drugs 2 month placement on top of a team leader secondment in my current job and committed to the sleep, toilet and general training a puppy requires
I threw myself into work and puppy training, meaning I neglected any processing, self-care or healing from the trauma we’d just experienced.
06.08.21 I celebrated my 29th birthday at placement and in another Melbourne lockdown meaning I couldn’t distract myself with friends or social commitments.
-A few days after my birthday I had a really bad headache and neck pain
-After a week of doctor appointments, a CT scan and a hospital day admission I was diagnosed with Shingles behind my ear and spreading up my scalp. A migraine accompanied this
-Mid August I put placement on hold and applied for a new job which I was successful in getting
30.08.21 I started my new job and a week later had a bit of a scare when I got another migraine and lost my ability to speak temporarily. An ambulance was called by my partner and I was diagnosed with “atypical migraine” and discharged. Continual migraines with similar vagueness, pain and aura followed me until February 2022 (shingles and stress were suggested as the main culprit).
15.11.21 had an appointment with an “Uterus Didelphys” specialist who asked me if we’d considered “being childless.” I cried on my way to the car, in the car and when I got home
24.11.21 we moved into our dream house and decided we definitely wouldn’t be doing any more rounds of IVF until 2022.
January 22 Had an epiphany that if we want what is best for our kids as parents, how could I put our kids through inheriting my chromosome issues. Despite my partner being willing to continue with my eggs, I decided that using an egg donor would be our next step forward. He came around to the idea and I asked a friend who had offered her eggs previously if she was still interested and she said yes.
IVF was closed down in Melbourne due to pressure on hospitals and it being an ‘elective’ surgery *eye roll
11.03.22 Accounts session to discuss the costs associated with a donor cycle
16.03.22 First mandatory IVF donor counselling session
22.03.22 Joined telehealth consultation with a nurse and our donor to discuss the process
30.03.22 Second joined mandatory counselling session with myself, my partner, our donor and her partner to determine we were all on the same page and raise any questions or concerns
31.03.22 My partner was diagnosed as having an ‘active case’ of CMV which is dangerous in pregnancy. Our IVF specialist told us she had never seen this happen before! Alas, IVF Cycle 4 postponed for 6 weeks until virus cleared from both of us (it was assumed I would contract it from him).
11.05.22 Found out through repeated blood tests that my partner never had CMV (false positive on the test) and our cycle was postponed for no reason. Given the all clear to go ahead at the start of our donor’s next period.
21.05.22 Our 4th Cycle of IVF begins and all precautions are taken to avoid covid-19 postponing our cycle again
03.06.22 Eggs are collected from our donor and fertilised. A few days later we find out that 7 eggs had fertilised and a few more days after that, 2 embryos had made it to the freezing stage.
23.06.22 As I write this today I’m waiting for my period to start so our transfer cycle begins. We have 2 embryos, that is 2 chances of a pregnancy. Each transfer has a 50% chance of resulting in a positive pregnancy test.
In a few weeks I’ll have a scan to check my uterus lining and have a blood test around my predicted ovulation date to time the transfer. I’m guessing it will be around July 18th but that will depend on if my period arrives soon.
My feelings towards transfer fluctuate. Some days I’m overly positive and some days I feel like it’s never going to work for us because it hasn’t yet. At this moment, I feel premenstrually grumpy and exhausted. I’ve eaten half a bag of salt and vinegar chips, have pimples galore on my chin and can’t wait to lie on the couch with my current read - Jasper Jones by Craig SIlvey.
I want to make more of an effort to record my musings and appointments on here as it’s the only place I’ve been somewhat consistent over the past few years (a part from Instagram). I don’t care if tumblr has the reputation of an outdated teenage blog site. It’s the easiest one for my non coding brain to navigate.
Thanks for reading x
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This occurs when the two Mullerian ducts don't fuse during development & stay separated instead of developing into one. As the fetus develops, the tubes normally join to create one larger, but not in this instance.
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Breaking Point
We all have one, right? A breaking point? Maybe you let something small bug you for too long. Maybe you’ve just been doing everything you can to get through your day, but all of a sudden too many days have piled up and just getting through isn’t good enough any more. Sometimes you know the breaking point it coming. Sometimes it sneaks up on you.
Mine snuck up on me yesterday. I hit 29 weeks of pregnancy. The baby still looks great. It’s measuring a week ahead of schedule and they estimate it weighs around 3 lbs. 3 oz. My high risk doctors don’t seem to be concerned. I’ve only gained around 14 pounds, which is less than they’d like, but from their perspective, everything else is going really well. And everyday, I like to pretend that’s exactly how I feel... gleeful, chirpy, tickled pink... the happiest girl on the planet. It’s an act I can successfully pull off, until I reach my breaking point. After all, I have enough distractions: work, kids, life to name a few. Who has time to even think about themselves and how they are coping when the rest of the world needs to be taken care of? Then yesterday happened.
I failed my initial gestational diabetes test, and I had an emotional break down. And if I’m really being honest, I’m still reeling from it today. For the last 12 hours or so, I’ve been trying to figure out why this triggered me. Maybe it’s because I barely failed? The threshold measurement at my doctor’s office is 135... I got a 139. Maybe it’s because I know what’s coming next? I failed the first test with my son, too... then nearly passed out at the doctor’s office for the longer version and proceeded to feel like crap for the rest of the day. Maybe it’s because I’ve just had enough? My entire pregnancy I am poked at, prodded and examined. I hate needles, but needles are necessary when you’re high risk. Why NOT add something else to worry about to the list... gestational diabetes!? I kept coming up with reason after reason, until finally I realized it’s not just one thing. It’s all of them.
When I sit down and allow myself think and feel, I realize how worried I’ve been about this baby for the last seven months, and how I’ve shoved all those feelings aside. I have two children, 4 and 6 who need a lot of attention. The 6-year-old is in kindergarten, has homework, dance and swimming classes, friends’ parties and girl scouts. Have I mentioned it’s cookie season? The 4-year-old needed to be signed up for spring soccer, registered for kindergarten next year, and also has swim lessons. They each have emotional needs at the beginning and end of each day. While I know I’m raising compassionate little beings, most days it feels like the compassion ends with mommy.
My husband is desperately trying to keep up with and tolerate what I can’t or don’t do around the house. But I feel his frustration. Eating cereal at the end of the day is never ideal. And sometimes you just need a brain break!
I’ve written a list of things that need to get done before the baby arrives. Lord only knows if we’ll finish it. I only have a certain amount of energy every day. Once that’s over I know I can’t do anything else. I try to plan wisely, but in the back of my mind I know there’s still a lot of items on that list.
In the middle of it all I got sick. Judging by my fever, cough, body aches and fatigue... it could have been the flu. I had to miss days of work that I didn’t want to. Those lists of mine didn’t get touched for a couple of weeks and kids still came to me with needs.
Then there’s the life that is growing inside of me. Everyday I’m focused on making it to the next day or the next week. I’m constantly worried about whether I can feel the baby move. Most of the time the baby is active, but movements are different now as the baby gets bigger. They are slower and less ninja-like. I wonder if I’m feeling a contraction or if the baby stretching. And when it IS a contraction... I’m constantly worried that my water is going to break. Just a few days ago I had a dream that my water WAS breaking. When I woke up, I was in the middle of some pretty intense Braxton Hicks contractions. They stopped after I went to the bathroom and drank some water, but I was freaked out for the rest of the night. My joints hurt worse this time around than they ever did with my other two children. Sciatic pain is out of control on some days. I’m STILL throwing up in the morning. The baby is sitting low so my lower abdominal muscles hurt and so does my back.
My hormones are raging. I’m tired.
I’m still high risk. Doctors still measure the baby regularly to make sure everything is ok. But this thought is always looming: When’s the other shoe gonna drop?
And then... I failed my gestational diabetes test. Barely. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s just one more thing. And when, on God’s great earth, am I supposed to emotionally deal with it?
The other day I joked to some of my coworkers that we should start a new segment called “Bitch with Ditch”. You know... offer people a chance to vent with me, then we’ll end it with a 2 minute meditation session so we can all just let go of that anger. Maybe I need to take my own advice. Find some quiet time. Settle down and sit with my feelings... then when I’m done, let them go. Because the reality is, most of these things are out of my control.
If I need to find support, I’ll get it. I know first hand that depression is a real thing. I struggled while I was pregnant with my son and then after. For now, I think it’s time to focus, just a little bit, on me.
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Welcome Back to My Life
I wanted to start blogging but didn’t realize or remember I already had an account. I am here, yet again, to attempt another blog. This time I wanted to blog about my life and what I have been through. I want to start from the present and move to the past, because the past is most crippling. I’m starting with a big one, not quite as recent, but one that constantly crosses my mind.
This blog is about miscarriage, baby loss, and messed up reproduction organs (and a bunch of confusing terminology.) Last year in June, I found out I was pregnant. This is the part where everyone gets excited and I ruin it by saying... The next day, I had sharp pains that made me worry. Because a history of possible endometriosis, my first fear was that I had an ectopic pregnancy. After a trip to the emergency room, it was too early to suspect an aborted pregnancy of any kind. I was told to follow up with an OBGYN the next week. Long story short, I went to a specific doctor for follow up where they assumed I had a miscarriage. I went through what I thought was also a miscarriage. I had extremely heavy pain, large tissue clots that couldn’t pass, and was hurdled over in the shower crying tears from pain I had never experienced before. As routine protocol, I continued seeing the follow-up doctor and taking bloodwork to make sure I didn’t need a D&C. To their surprise, my HCG numbers had risen. They told me I had gotten pregnant again (just two short weeks later) but I knew there was absolutely no way. I was offended that I had just cried in his office over the loss of my baby, had been bleeding since the night of my miscarriage, and did not want anyone near my body in any way, let alone sexually but he thought I was “lying” to him and could be “honest” about having sex so soon after a miscarriage. For weeks, I took bloodwork every other day and saw the doctor multiple times. I tried my hardest to convince him this wasn’t another pregnancy. As a repeat of the “first pregnancy”, my HCG numbers weren’t going up normally. At one point, they declined and then increased again. I did my own research through Dr. Google and found many terms I wasn’t familiar with but one that caught my attention. At that point, my doctor sent me to a Gynocologist Oncologist. The term... a term I now will never forget.... “molar pregnancy”. My baby was never a baby at all, but instead a bunch of masses that sometimes can turn cancerous. I went through blooddraws every other day to once a week to once a month until I had 6 negative HCG levels. I had more vaginal exams than I could ever imagine for one lifetime and I knew all of the Quest workers by name, as they did me. I went through so much heartache and confusion while fighting with doctors who knew little about my conditions. While dealing with my pregnancy loss, I also found out I had uterus didelphys, another term I had never heard of until then. But I’ll talk about that another time.
Remember ladies, fight for what you know is right! And stay educated! My doctors didn’t (and still don’t) have any idea about any of my conditions: adenomyosis, endometriosis, uterus didelphys, molar pregnancy.
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Bacha Dani Ki Rasoli Ka ilaj in Urdu / بچہ دانی کی رسولی کو ختم کر کے حمل ٹھراہے https://mqshealthsite.com/bacha-dani-ki-rasoli-ka-ilaj/ #adenomyosisoftheuterus #bachadani #bachadaniinenglish #bachadaniinenglishmeaning #bachadaniinenglishword #bachadanikmasail #bachadanikamuhkitnedintakkhulirehtihaiperiodkebaad #bachadanikaoperation #bachadanikipic #bachadanikirasoli #bachadanikirasoliandisles #bachadanikirasoliinenglish #bachadanikirasolika #bachadanikirasolikadesiilajinurdu #bachadanikirasolikailaj #bachadanikirasolikailajbaba #bachadanikirasolikailajinbaba #bachadanikirasolikailajinhindi #bachadanikirasolikailajinurdu #bachadanikirasolikailajquran #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumain #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainginti #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainhamari #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainmazmoon #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainrumanvi #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainshayari #bachadanikirasolikidawai #bachadanikirasolikidawaiadalah #bachadanikirasolikidawaiasmara #bachadanikirasolikidawaibhi #bachadanikirasolikidawaiinenglish #bachadanikirasolikidawaionline #bachadanikirasolimazandaran #bachadanikirasollishoes #bachadanikoenglishmekyabolteh #bachadanimapani #bachadanimaiinfectionsymptomspictures #bachadanimainrasolikailaj #bachadanimainrasolikailajbaba #bachadanimainrasolikailajinbaba #bachadanimainrasolikailajinhindi #bachadanimainrasolikailajinurdu #bachadanimainrasolikailajquran #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilaj #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilajdrama #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilajinurdu #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilajmeaning #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilaja #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilaji #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilajus #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilaj #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilajbook #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilajdawateislami #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilajling #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilajurdu #bachedanimerasolikailaj #bicornuateuterus #binaoperationrasolikailaj #binaoperationrasolikailajbaba #binaoperationrasolikailajinbaba #binaoperationrasolikailajinhindi #binaoperationrasolikailajinurdu #binaoperationrasolikailajquran #fibroidsinuterus #ovarykirasolikailajinurdu #panikirasoli #panikirasoliandisles #panikirasoliinenglish #panikirasolika #panikirasolikailaj #panikirasolikailajbaba #panikirasolikailajinbaba #panikirasolikailajinhindi #panikirasolikailajinurdu #panikirasolikailajquran #panikirasolimazandaran #panikirasolioperation #prolapseduterus #rasoliinuterustreatmentinurdu #rasolikadesiilajinurdu #rasolikaisebantihaiinurdu #reham #rehamabdelghafour #rehamhagag #rehamhuizentekoop #rehamkhan #rehamkhanage #rehamkhanbook #rehamkhantwitter #rehamkirasoli #rehamkirasoliandisles #rehamkirasoliinenglish #rehamkirasolika #rehamkirasolikailaj #rehamkirasolikailajbaba #rehamkirasolikailajbydrsharafatali #rehamkirasolikailajinbaba #rehamkirasolikailajinhindi #rehamkirasolikailajinurdu #rehamkirasolikailajquran #rehamkirasolimazandaran #rehamkirasolioperation #rehammakelaar #rehammakelaardij #rehammartinezzyoutube #rehamsaeed #rehamsterling #rehamvastgoedbv #rehamverhuur #uterus #uterusanatomy #uteruscancer #uterusdefinition #uterusdidelphys #uterusfibroids #uterusfunction #uterusinfection #uterusinfectionsymptoms #uteruskirasoli #uteruskirasoliandisles #uteruskirasoliinenglish #uteruskirasolika #uteruskirasolikailaj #uteruskirasolikailajbaba #uteruskirasolikailajinbaba #uteruskirasolikailajinhindi #uteruskirasolikailajinurdu #uteruskirasolikailajquran #uteruskirasolimazandaran #uteruskirasolioperation #uterusmeaning #uteruspain #uterusprolapse #uterusremoval #بچہدانی #بچہدانیکیرسولی #بچہدانیکیرسولیکوختمکرکےحملٹھراہے
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Bacha Dani Ki Rasoli Ka ilaj in Urdu / بچہ دانی کی رسولی کو ختم کر کے حمل ٹھراہے https://mqshealthsite.com/bacha-dani-ki-rasoli-ka-ilaj/ #adenomyosisoftheuterus #bachadani #bachadaniinenglish #bachadaniinenglishmeaning #bachadaniinenglishword #bachadanikmasail #bachadanikamuhkitnedintakkhulirehtihaiperiodkebaad #bachadanikaoperation #bachadanikipic #bachadanikirasoli #bachadanikirasoliandisles #bachadanikirasoliinenglish #bachadanikirasolika #bachadanikirasolikadesiilajinurdu #bachadanikirasolikailaj #bachadanikirasolikailajbaba #bachadanikirasolikailajinbaba #bachadanikirasolikailajinhindi #bachadanikirasolikailajinurdu #bachadanikirasolikailajquran #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumain #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainginti #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainhamari #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainmazmoon #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainrumanvi #bachadanikirasolikailajurdumainshayari #bachadanikirasolikidawai #bachadanikirasolikidawaiadalah #bachadanikirasolikidawaiasmara #bachadanikirasolikidawaibhi #bachadanikirasolikidawaiinenglish #bachadanikirasolikidawaionline #bachadanikirasolimazandaran #bachadanikirasollishoes #bachadanikoenglishmekyabolteh #bachadanimapani #bachadanimaiinfectionsymptomspictures #bachadanimainrasolikailaj #bachadanimainrasolikailajbaba #bachadanimainrasolikailajinbaba #bachadanimainrasolikailajinhindi #bachadanimainrasolikailajinurdu #bachadanimainrasolikailajquran #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilaj #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilajdrama #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilajinurdu #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilajmeaning #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilaja #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilaji #bachedanikirasolikaayurvedicilajus #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilaj #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilajbook #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilajdawateislami #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilajling #bachedanikirasolikaghareluilajurdu #bachedanimerasolikailaj #bicornuateuterus #binaoperationrasolikailaj #binaoperationrasolikailajbaba #binaoperationrasolikailajinbaba #binaoperationrasolikailajinhindi #binaoperationrasolikailajinurdu #binaoperationrasolikailajquran #fibroidsinuterus #ovarykirasolikailajinurdu #panikirasoli #panikirasoliandisles #panikirasoliinenglish #panikirasolika #panikirasolikailaj #panikirasolikailajbaba #panikirasolikailajinbaba #panikirasolikailajinhindi #panikirasolikailajinurdu #panikirasolikailajquran #panikirasolimazandaran #panikirasolioperation #prolapseduterus #rasoliinuterustreatmentinurdu #rasolikadesiilajinurdu #rasolikaisebantihaiinurdu #reham #rehamabdelghafour #rehamhagag #rehamhuizentekoop #rehamkhan #rehamkhanage #rehamkhanbook #rehamkhantwitter #rehamkirasoli #rehamkirasoliandisles #rehamkirasoliinenglish #rehamkirasolika #rehamkirasolikailaj #rehamkirasolikailajbaba #rehamkirasolikailajbydrsharafatali #rehamkirasolikailajinbaba #rehamkirasolikailajinhindi #rehamkirasolikailajinurdu #rehamkirasolikailajquran #rehamkirasolimazandaran #rehamkirasolioperation #rehammakelaar #rehammakelaardij #rehammartinezzyoutube #rehamsaeed #rehamsterling #rehamvastgoedbv #rehamverhuur #uterus #uterusanatomy #uteruscancer #uterusdefinition #uterusdidelphys #uterusfibroids #uterusfunction #uterusinfection #uterusinfectionsymptoms #uteruskirasoli #uteruskirasoliandisles #uteruskirasoliinenglish #uteruskirasolika #uteruskirasolikailaj #uteruskirasolikailajbaba #uteruskirasolikailajinbaba #uteruskirasolikailajinhindi #uteruskirasolikailajinurdu #uteruskirasolikailajquran #uteruskirasolimazandaran #uteruskirasolioperation #uterusmeaning #uteruspain #uterusprolapse #uterusremoval #بچہدانی #بچہدانیکیرسولی #بچہدانیکیرسولیکوختمکرکےحملٹھراہے
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You had me at “balanced translocation.”
I sit on the couch sweating, laughing nervously and tapping my feet energetically against the floor. My dog feeds off this anxious energy and we need to put him outside to allow for better concentration. My partner is also sweating and red faced with the syringe in his hand and a fixed stare on the instruction booklet in front of him.
He raises his arm and says “Okay are you ready?” to which I laugh and say “should we put the TV on? It’s a bit too quiet isn’t it?.” He laughs nervously..
“C’mon this is a $12,000 process! We just have to do it” he says.
“Okay I’m ready” I say and grab at the skin on my stomach.
“Okay I’m doing it” he says.
“NO NOT YET” I squeal and turn away.
(This goes on for 10 minutes).
I guess you’re probably wondering how we got ourselves into this predicament? Surprisingly, it’s not routine for us to be handling needles and laughing nervously on Wednesday evenings, so let me fill you in.
My parents told me late into my adolescence that I had a balanced translocation of chromosomes 2, 3 and 8. I shelved that information in the ‘deal with that when I’m old enough’ box and only started looking into again at the beginning of this year. Through my extensive internet trawling I’ve come to understand that when I was developing as an embryo, parts of my chromosomes 2, 3 and 8 broke off and reattached on to each other. All of the right pieces are there, they’re just a bit muddled up.
Having a balanced translocation doesn’t have an impact on the carrier until they try to have a child, and this can result in three different scenarios. You can either give birth to a healthy child who also carries the balanced translocation (like me!), you can give birth to a child who is chromosomally normal (lucky them!), or you can conceive a child with an unbalanced translocation (70% chance of this happening, not ideal).
An unbalanced translocation means the exchange of chromosome material is unequal, resulting in extra or missing genes. If the unbalanced translocation doesn’t result in miscarriage's it will result in the birth of a child with congenital abnormalities, developmental delay or intellectual disability.
Unrelated to the chromosome problem, I was also born with an abnormal uterus (uterus didelphys), meaning double uterus. This means that my uterus didn’t properly develop and resulted in a septum dividing it into two halves. This means a foetus can only develop in one side of my uterus, meaning less space and higher chance of miscarriage's and pre-term labour.
For these reasons, I decided that seeing a specialist to discuss our options was appropriate. At the age of 27 neither of us had any immediate plans to start a family but as we had just bought our first house and we both knew we wanted children together, eventually, I thought it was the next appropriate step.
Despite being at home in Covid-19 isolation, we both made an effort to wear semi-formal clothes and portray ourselves as put together adults for our first IVF specialist appointment. During this appointment we were told that trying to conceive naturally would add risk upon risk and we were advised not to. I knew that my fertility issues would cause some hassle falling pregnant, but I didn’t preempt that ‘natural’ conception would be taken off the table almost completely. Adding to this we were told to start sooner, rather than later because the prognosis was only going to get worse the older I got.
July 9th 2020, was the day that we were bombarded with this information and IVF was introduced as our most suitable option for starting a family. After signing relentless consent forms, participating in numerous counselling sessions, an undergoing blood tests, ultrasounds and a laparoscopy you find us at the present day October 8th 2020. I’m typing this up while my partner goes on a run and in an hour from now we will be sitting on our gray couch, laughing nervously and injecting my stomach for the second time with GONAL-F (ovary stimulation hormones).
I wanted to give an open and honest account of what it’s like to navigate through infertility and assisted reproductive treatment in the hope that it will help you, trusty reader, feel less alone or better equipped to support someone you know.
Pregnancy is often paraded over social media as cute outfits placed next to ultrasound photos with words such as “Ready for our next adventure” or “Baby on board”, while those of us with infertility want to throw our phones and rip our hair out.
This blog isn’t a dig at these people.
Before all of this happened I can almost guarantee I would have been one of “those” people and I think that everyone should have the opportunity to be one of those people, but sadly, we don’t.
This blog is an acknowledgement of the often unspoken and isolating reality of infertility. An experience that isn’t pretty or Pinterest worthy.
This blog is my attempt at saying I see you friend and I feel your tears, financial strain, frustration and crippling anxiety, because I’m going through it too.
So why don’t you grab a blanket, cup of tea, mint slice (or packet) and settle in for a turbulent expedition. My infertility isn’t going anywhere.. and neither am I. x
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Week 19: pickles, string cheese and the baby’s kicks
Okay, it’s not the greatest picture! But this is what happens when there’s nothing but blue lights above your desk at work!
The week 19 bump is out in its full glory. I’ve gotten all the comments ranging from “Your bump doesn’t look like it’s growing too much.” to “When are you due again??” implying that the bump is huge. It is sometimes hard in the moment to process and emotionally deal with what people say to you, especially when you are pregnant. But I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last 5 years. My life has been a little bit of a roller coaster, and I’ve learned where I get my value. I’m okay with my body and how the baby is developing. My doctors are okay with those things too and they see me every 2 weeks. So people can have their opinions and that’s all that they are. Opinions that live in their space, not mine.
My high risk doctors want to see me every two weeks to monitor my cervix length and the stitch. The stitch doesn’t hurt as much as it did the first couple of weeks after I got it done. THANK GOD. As of two weeks ago, my cervix looked great, too! I still have my moments. I still get tired and every once in a while a part of my uterus will get uncomfortable, almost like a small part of it is contracting, but I’m told that is ALL normal. It was also nice to hear “There’s no such thing as crying wolf. We’d rather you call every time, us check it out and it be nothing, than you not call and it be something.” So I’m taking it one day at a time.
Something cool happened this week, too. I’ve been feeling the baby kick since about week 16. This week the baby kicked hard enough that my daughter was able to feel it. She was laying next to me watching tv when the kicks came on. They felt stronger than usual, so I put my hand where I thought they were and, sure enough, I felt them! So without alerting her I just took her hand and placed it on my belly. She jumped off the bed as soon as she felt the kicks and ran to the other room to tell her brother and her daddy. It was exciting for both of us. She was only 21 months old when her brother was born, so this is a brand new experience for her. She’s been asking when she’ll be able to feel the baby kick for a while. Unfortunately the kicks stopped when her brother came to check it out… but he’ll experience it soon enough!
I am also excited to say that my appetite has gotten a little better! Anti nausea drugs and Tums are mostly to thank for that! My favorite foods at the moment are pickles and string cheese. I’m not a big pickle fan in “real life” either, so devouring an entire jar of pickles in one sitting is a new one for me. They’re delicious and don’t make me sick. #winning.
On a final note, I cannot believe I’m almost half way through this pregnancy. Parents of 3 keep telling me that having 3 is “a lot”. A lot of challenges, but also a lot of fun. I’m sure it will mean a lot of changes for our family. I’m trying to predict how the kids will handle it. I’m worried about how the kids will handle it, so I’m doing my best to get ready. No matter what, this little bean will add so much more love to all of us in 2019.
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Partial contractions, a stuffy nose and a very active baby!
22 weeks! About a week and a half and baby reaches viability!
I’m definitely bigger now than I was with my first. In fact this pregnancy has been very different from the others. Aren’t they all?!
When I was pregnant with my 6-year-old, it was the first pregnancy I had where I carried a baby past the first trimester. My daughter was in my right uterus, the bigger one. As it stretched, I don’t really remember it contracting in weird places throughout the second trimester… but to be honest, I was pretty overwhelmed by the entire thing. EVERYTHING was new. It could have happened, but I was so concerned about a bat colony that had made its way into our house, a hemorrhoid that needed surgery and my emergency cerclage that I easily could have missed it.
Those partial contractions, however, are happening with this pregnancy. I compare it to that “first” one because this baby is in my left uterus. That uterus has never been pregnant before, it’s never been stretched by a growing human. But this time I’m a veteran. The bat colony no longer exists, I’ve figured out how to keep the hemorrhoid situation under control, and this is my third go around with a cerclage. Perhaps now I’ve allowed myself to notice different things.
My high risk doctor says it’s TOTALLY NORMAL. And, to be honest, these contractions have been happening for a few weeks now. What I mean by “partial” is that it’s a small part of my uterus that gets tight. I promise you’re freaking out right now more than me. Sometimes it’s on the left, sometimes it’s on the right, sometimes it’s high, sometimes it’s low. It does not hurt, but it’s a little uncomfortable and does cause me to pause for a moment, especially if it’s low. I manage it by rubbing my belly, giving it a little massage, and in a few seconds it goes away. My doctor says that it’s just that organ trying to “warm up” for the real thing. Most days I don’t notice much, but some days it happens a lot. Today was one of those days.
Unfortunately, today it took my breath away a bit and a couple of my coworkers and viewers noticed it on the air. I apologize! It doesn’t help that this pregnancy has also caused my nose to be constantly stuffy. Plus, this baby is measuring a full week ahead of schedule, so it’s growing quickly and taking up more space. All of those things are making it more difficult for me to manage my breath at times. I, sincerely, appreciate everyone’s patience.
For now, the cerclage is holding wonderfully. Baby looks healthy every time we peek at him or her. And the baby is kicking like CRAZY! I love it. My four-year-old son likes to listen to the baby. He’ll put his ear on my belly while the baby kicks. He might get a swift kick to the face, but says he can hear it. LOL
My belly is getting high enough that acid reflux is a big issue this time around. Medicine is helping, but if I’m not careful it will make me sick… which by the way, is still happening every morning. YAAAAAAAAYYYYY.
Coming up next week, I get to see the baby again! My high risk doctors are doing growth scans once a month. They want to make sure that when growth does slow down, the baby is still getting enough nutrients. They believe that growth slows more significantly because the umbilical cord and placenta are not as efficient as they were earlier in the pregnancy when the baby wasn’t taking up so much space. Both my daughter and son were fast growers at first, measuring well ahead of schedule, then quickly falling behind during the third trimester. While both were small, they were both very healthy so that’s good!
This baby looks to be following in big brother and sister’s steps. He or she is measuring a full week ahead of schedule! We’ll see how that growth has continued next week.
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Miller Moths Remind me of Bat Season
It's that time of year again.
Miller Moth Season.
I know there's an appreciation out there for these things... but I think they're gross. They eat your clothes, they cling to you, and they stink when they fry on your lights. Quite honestly, they remind me of a not-so-fun time in my last pregnancy: Bat Season. I don't think "bat season" technically exists... but it does in my house and it coincides with the invasion of Miller Moths.
We get dozens of Miller Moths in our house this time of year. Thank God for my cat who likes to eat them.
Good boy, Cody.
But we get enough of them that we're not totally surprised if one flutters near our heads in the middle of the night. At least that's what you hope it is.
It was about this time of year, when I was pregnant with Hannah that I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. That's when what is typically considered a middle-of-the-night nuisance, turned quickly into my saving grace.
As I was returning to bed, Chris started swatting at what he thought were Miller Moths flying around his face. After he hit one, we suddenly heard pinging noises around the room and a horrible clicking sound. I don't know a lot about moths, but I'm pretty sure they don't make those sounds. Chris freaked out and I made an about face back to the bathroom. You can only imagine my immediate fear when my fearless husband, my protector started wigging out. I'm pretty sure I made it to the bathroom in record time, turned on the light and there it was.
Ok, so not this guy specifically, but one that looked just like him!!! A brown bat! Sprawled out on my pillow case!!
Initially I had no idea what it was... I was still VERY groggy. Great combo, I know: A panicked, groggy pregnant lady. Was it a lizard with wings? Some horrible mutant mouse? I screamed... and that's when my husband, who grew up in the south, yelled that it was a bat.
The reactions then went like this:
Cooper, our Golden Retriever, ran out of the room with his tail between his legs.
Cody, looked like he wanted to pounce on his new play toy.
And I immediately yelled for everyone to get out of the room because "Bats have rabies!!!"
Chris wanted to capture him and let the bat out the window... but I wouldn't allow anyone near the creature for at least 45 minutes. By the time he finally talked some sense into me, the bat had gone into hiding. In my bedroom.
There was NO WAY I was sleeping in there until that thing was gone.
That was Saturday night. I don't want to make a long story longer, so here's the short of what happened Sunday and Monday: I googled and called every bat removal company I could find... in the middle of the night. Turns out they are SUPER expensive, and it's useless to bring them out in the middle of the day anyway because bats are good hiders.
I then googled our situation. Turns out, in the state of Colorado, if a bat flies in your bedroom in the middle of the night and you can't find it... you have to get a rabies shot. Bats can bite you and you'd never know it because their fangs are so fine and tiny. The big question: Can you get a rabies shot while pregnant? So, now my high-risk pregnancy had become riskier.
We had to find the bat. I played the crazy, high-risk pregnant lady card and managed to get the Colorado Department of Wildlife out to my house to check for the bat, and possibly more. He was useless. Found nothing and said the bat was probably gone. I didn't buy that for a second.
My doctors decided I should at least go to labor and delivery to get checked out. Let me tell you, it's always fun when you can stump your high-risk hospital with a situation they've never seen before. Apparently the email exchange amongst my doctors was rather interesting, and quite humorous. At least they were able to get a hold of officials with the state health department (something I definitely couldn't do on a weekend), and we made a deal:
We had to find the bat by Monday at 1 p.m., otherwise the WHOLE family had to start getting rabies shots.
Even though it was up for debate whether myself or the animals got bit (my husband, not so lucky... he claims the bat performed some sort of sexual act on his head), we all had to get the shots because we were all in the room.
It was enough for me to know my baby could come early and possibly have problems because of that. This was just something I did not need. So, that Sunday night, my husband made himself bait.
Armed with ski gear, tupperware, duct tape and an old kitchen towel, he slept in the infested bedroom waiting to hear the bat make some noise. While bats are good hiders during the day, at dusk and dawn they get hungry and start to move around to find food and water. The ski gear was so Chris didn't get bit again. The kitchen towel was to smack the bat down to the ground... they can't take off from the floor. The tupperware was to trap the bat, and the duct tape was used to tape the tupperware to the floor.
Here's what happened next according to my Facebook feed:
The problem was over... or so we thought.
Turns out, my cat is also a very good "Bat Hunter".
As he did before, he perched himself on the top of my husband's dresser, staring at the space between our fireplace and our wall. We originally attributed this behavior to him going nuts. But he saw and heard something we couldn't. We had a COLONY of bats living in the walls of our house.
You can't kill them, they're protected. And bats can get into a space the size of your pinky. So we spent more than $1000 for someone to come in, plug the holes and put in "exit" cones that bats can only fly out of.
We haven't had any problems since then. We made sure that bats can't fly into our bedroom anymore. But occasionally I do still find bat guano outside our home. Google it if you don't know what that is.
I think it's pretty obvious... I really dislike Miller Moth season. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous this time around.
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Last Blood Draw... Done! RESULTS
I think my brain is finally functioning normally again! No food, and barely any water from 10 p.m. until 12:45 p.m. the next day makes for a seriously loopy pregnant lady.
Today's goal was to rule out gestational diabetes. I really didn't need another complication on top of what is already going on. While my doctor was convinced everything was fine... and she was right... I wasn't always too sure. My last blood draw came back with a level of 100.
So to review: my fasting level was 77, one hour test after 10 oz of nasty liquid: 136, two hour test: 111, 3 hour test: 100. All falling within the normal range. Yay! My levels were so normal, that my doctor even asked if for the 1 hour regular test if I drank the whole 10 oz, or just half like I was supposed to. I mean, I'm a little nutty, but I'm not CRAZY. Who knows what happened with that first test. Maybe it was the two large breakfast tacos I devoured for lunch!
While today's lunch was no breakfast tacos, it was spectacular. Well, anything would have been spectacular after going THAT long without food! But I must say, my Reuben and sweet potato fries truly hit the spot. And it was hospital food! Who knew?
I then went right back upstairs to ultrasound for baby boy's growth measurement. He looks perfect, and is measuring in the 72nd percentile. The last growth measurement had him in the 85th... so he's slowing down a bit, but still a good week ahead of schedule. It makes me think he'll be a lot like his sister. And that is totally fine. I was totally okay with delivering a not-so-large baby. I am totally okay if history wants to repeat itself this time around! Ha!
Bonus... more 3D pictures!!!
Foot in his face
Umbilical cord by his face
hands up by his face
I'm a proud mama! And I'm very relieved. In all honesty, it has been a tough week for me. It's really hard not to think the worst, no matter what anyone says to you. I continue to learn to deal with problems as they come, but sometimes life can get overwhelming. There were points this week where I wasn't sure I could handle everything. And by everything I mean work, volunteering with my sorority, watching my child, cleaning my house, taking care of my animals... EVERYTHING. I wanted to stop everything, curl up in a ball and cry until it was over.
But that's not how life works. And there's no way I'm letting my husband and daughter down. It's a hard thing to even admit because I've always viewed myself as a positive person. But it all goes back to the point of this blog... total honesty. Dealing with a lot of emotion is a very real part of pregnancy. I'd be lying to myself if I didn't say these particular emotions don't worry me, because they do. So, at my next doctor's appointment, I'll be bringing this up. As hard as it is to admit, I've got to do it. Mostly because I'm not a quitter, and I know there's help out there for me if I need it. I owe that to my family and my unborn child.
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2nd Glucose test result
So, the nurse said my first blood draw after drinking the nasty liquid was high. I thought... Ok... maybe it will be similar to my last one hour test. I scored a 136. They'd like it to be less than 135. I seriously, could not have been closer!! Ugh. Just finished my 3rd blood draw. One more to go!
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1st Glucose test result!
My hospital has this super cool online feature where I can log in and see my test results as they are coming in! Good thing I brought my computer with me today! My doctor just sent a note saying my fasting levels look great! 77. We'll see how the next couple go!
Woo hoo! A little more than an hour and I'm done!
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2 blood draws down... 2 to go! This 3 hour glucose test is no fun. At least I can sip some water. I was starting to feel a little light headed.
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Day of the 3 hour glucose
Traffic was bad... and I'm so not used to driving in it. So I got here a little late. I haven't had anything to eat since about 10pm. My dinner? Corn on the cob, chicken parmesan pasta, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a glass of milk. Don't judge.
I just finished chugging this:
That's 10 ounces of syrupy orange deliciousness! (Not really) But at least it was cold. I'll have the orange cold every day of the week over warm lime. Even so, I thought I was gonna barf on the last sip.
They've already drawn my blood once for my fasting level.... and now I wait an hour for them to draw my blood again. I'll actually get my blood drawn 3 more times. It won't be until 12:30 that I can eat.
While I'm here, I get a growth scan today! Yay! That means I get to see my baby. And we'll get to see exactly how big he is.
It's been an emotional week. One that has me a little concerned about my mental state. Sometimes I feel like I don't know if I can do this. Other times, I'm ok.
So, the goal right now is to pass this test and get through today! Here goes nothing!
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