#vermont was wonderful and i'd definitely be open to moving back there someday esp. if i find someone

[moonbeamsmeantforme]

What made you want to move to the UK?

short answer: to start a life in a new place where i have the chance to be unapologetically myself and to have at least a shot at happiness.

long answer, as a continuation to the story of the previous ask:

cut to april 2022, when i'm living by myself in an apartment in alabama (a not-queer-friendly place if you don't know). heartstopper comes out, i read giovanni's room, i have a good long cry realizing i'm definitely gay (a fact that i had known for a bit but kept at bay for years due to a lot of shame/internalized homophobia). after having some dark thoughts about the potential course of my life not going in a good direction, i decide that i am not going to keep feeling sorry for myself and i am breaking out of the place i was by hook or by crook.

i had wanted to go for a phd prior to the pandemic but decided to hold off due to everything being virtual. i had looked at a few schools before covid in the states but had always wanted to go overseas on my own (context: my parents are both retired military and frequently moved around, and my mom's side of the family are immigrants). i took a shot at a program in japan, but that fell flat (and in hindsight would probably not have been the best move considering the culture differences and i am bad at languages). i looked around at europe, but the uk seemed to be the best fit for me both personally and in finding a program. i saw an ad for a phd position at the university in wales i'm moving to that nearly exactly fit my interests and decided *fuck it* i'll apply even though i don't think i'm qualified for it. i saw the opening literally less than half a week before it closed. turns out the committee liked me a lot, and although it took a hot minute finding the funding for my studies, i got accepted!

i'm in a much better headspace today and i feel i'm way more honest now about who i am and what i want for myself. i feel like starting fresh in the uk is exactly what i need to open up and start *living* (as opposed to just existing). nowhere's perfect but it's what i need to do at this point in my life. taking a mondo paycut but i've come to realize that life really is too short to prioritize financial comfort and social appearances in a heteronormative/religious/neurotypical culture that won't accept me for who i am over the pursuit of personal happiness and honesty. i'd much rather try and fail miserably to really fucking *live* than spend just a *comfortable* existence alone + repressed + unfulfilled, you know?

#asks #tw depression #again sorry/not sorry for the long-ass post #also p.s. i don't hate america with a passion as a whole like a lot of americans seem to do #vermont was wonderful and i'd definitely be open to moving back there someday esp. if i find someone #but - and i cannot stress this enough - fuck the south. never moving back there/here ever again in my life #<3 #six days now!