#vsljhdkbskjbda

[selfshippinglover]

Hey friend! Sorry I don't know much abt Rick and Morty but please tell me abt what's on your mind!!

EEEE HI COZZZY <3333 *WAVES SPORADICALLY* I don't mind at all friend! I just want an excuse to talk about the show :) Thank yoooou <3333 (tw: for spoilers for season 5 and kinda season 6??)

Throughout half of my work shift I was thinking about just how fucked up the trauma that Rick has been enduring really is and what processing that could possibly look like??

Like, it starts with Prime Rick offering him portal tech, the infinite multiverse, and being practically hailed as a god. Rick says no and Prime Rick for whatever reason murders the love of his life(Diane) and his young daughter(Beth) in retaliation. He is immediately ENRAGED, builds the quickest bs functioning portal gun he can throw together on pure adrenaline and goes on a 40 YEAR LONG REVENGE QUEST TO KILL THE GUY AND AVENGE HIS FAMILY!

He closes himself off to most of the world(mentally), solely focused on his revenge quest and nothing else. But since the multiverse is literally INFINITE and Prime Rick could be anywhere he decides to just starting killing any Rick he sees until he kills the right guy. This is a big part of his unending self-hatred.

Somewhere in his later 20′s-30′s he gets a high at a party and makes a friend named BirdPerson/BP. They eventually end up fighting together in the constant war against the Galactic Federation. After they start to turn the tide of the war, Rick confesses to caring about BP, even going so far to share the fact that he has multiversal travel and even admits to caring about HIM specifically and asking him to come travel with him. Everywhere, anywhere. It is also VERY obvious that he has a crush on BP and is confessing them through this action. Showing him the thing that started him on his current path, the thing that could be used to represent his trauma too. The first time he’s been open, emotional, vulnerable with another person since he lost his family and he’s rejected. (and you know, that happens. People don’t like you back sometime but it meant a lot and still does if he shows emotion around a person instead of his go to apathy)

Time continues marching forward and the killer isn’t found. by this he’s killed so many Ricks that he’s literally considered a threat to ALL ricks in the area and they beg to make a peace treaty so that’ll he stop killing them. He agrees and stops fighting them. But he still doesn’t have the guy. Drunk and empty he can only think of one last ditch effort to catch the guy; stake out his reality and hope he comes back.

Somewhere in that time he creates an ai that speaks in the voice of his dead wife to always remind himself of what he did to the ones he cares about and to fuel his revenge quest.He basically creates it to haunt himself. On top of all that, he’s developed a crippling alcohol problem, a general distance from any amount of expressing his feelings or attachment(after all, multiverse are infinite so what’s the point in caring anyways?) to/for others. The trauma accompanied by his experiences in the multiverse and BP’s rejection of his love push him to stop caring. To become apathetic to everything and everyone. to reject feelings and REAL connection because he and/or the people he loves will get hurt for it.

And that’s all before the show even starts!

After the show starts he meets up with one of his old flings, Unity. A wonderful hive mind that he finds himself able to open up to and become comfortable with. Is it only possible because he’s drunk and doing god knows what intergalactic drugs the entire time? Yes. but that’s just how bad it is at that point. He can only be open with others when he’s drowning in all his bad habits. He ends up ulling her down with him and she breaks it off because:

Female President: Rick, forgive me for doing this in notes; I’m not strong enough to do it in persons.

Delivery Guy: I realize now that I’m attracted to you for the same reason I can’t be with you: you can’t change.

Beggar: And I have no problem with that, but it clearly means I have a problem with myself.

Newspaper Vendor: I’m sure there’s no perfect version of me. I’m sure I’ll just unify species after species and never really be complete.

Female President (again): But I know how it goes with us. I lose who I am and become part of you. Because in a strange way, you’re better at what I do without even trying.

Thsi causes him to have his first BIG suicide attempt in the series. The attempts only increase as time goes on. Egging on Morty into killing him, throwing himself into deadly situations quietly hoping that he’ll finally be killed by rushing into a fight he wasn’t prepared enough for, and on and on it goes.

He even views loving someone else the way he cared for his wife, BP, his kid, his grandson as “irrational” and is happy to be rid of them!

All of this to say, what does moving on look like for someone that spent literally decades like this? Obviously it would start with being nicer to others and allowing himself to be open again but what else? It’d be a long and frustrating process. He’d need to lessen his use of drugs and alcohol despite those things being his go to painkillers for feelings, and somehow he’d also have to stop blaming himself for the death of his original family and except that it’s okay to move on from them, from the revenge quest....even though he’s said he doesn’t want to.

Like, I know he’s still a huge piece of shit and treats people like dirt to feel some sense of control and keep himself detached as much as possible(NOTHING excuses the way he treats others and I never want to excuse that) but like god it’s really gonna take a lot to move on.

#Cozy #long post #vsljhdkbskjbda #went off a bit but like #his backstory hurts man! #honestly #idk if i could even move on from all of that?like #goddamn that's really gonna take somke strength