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#wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach
yaoianime
·
1 month
Text
Soon im rly gonna do it
#🕸️
#sui mention
#< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are
#like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however
#every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day
#it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a
#wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach
#into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i
#cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening
#almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not
#only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is
#to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being
#or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in
#coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe
#its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont
#hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am
#im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf
#its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will
#i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to
#do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks
#thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me
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