#we are NOT touching a single thing that doesnt help the dopamine machine make more dopamine for us so cut all other activities. work??? well

[clown-femme]

I kind of resent when other adhd people talk about hyperfocus only because I'm jealous that I don't do that. I WISH I could zero in and stay focused on one task at a time. Can you imagine. I can't even do that with things I like.

That said I am also annoyed when people misuse the term hyperfocus to just mean 'the thing I'm into right now' but that is Beside the point

#i think my Heavy depression makes it hard for me to get the brain chemical response needed for the adhd brain employees to go 'mm yummy' #'more of this please' and make me lock into focus #i think there is a factory between my ears and there are two departments that are at odds #and one is my depression and the other is the adhd #and the depression has halted production of dopamine. it cut funding on serotonin and dopamine because of my life's conga line of misfortune #and the adhd side is like. goddamn we need some dopamine bad. we are going to try to do everything at once to get some. 87 tabs. #14 rps going on at once. three songs stuck in head. click teeth together too. #we are NOT touching a single thing that doesnt help the dopamine machine make more dopamine for us so cut all other activities. work??? well #work is hard. actually most things are hard. and they take too many steps. now i know things like our hobbies Might produce dopamine but #well its not fast enough. and also tooooo many steps. everything too many steps. #sit on couch and 87 tabs just enough steps. #this has to be the case until we can get enough dopamine from anything at all to want to linger on an activity #and then back to depression #where its like. see?? look. we dont do anything and we hate ourselves. we cant make ourselves do things that we like or dislike. #this is why we cant have dopamine or serotonin. #and then i am left on the outside unable to focus on my work or my writing or even on fun things like rp #sorry for wall of tags