#we are staying TETHERED we aren’t zoning out we are making it through these next couple months

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

fist fighting my brain to try and stay present

#we are staying TETHERED we aren’t zoning out we are making it through these next couple months #for the last two years ive zoned out some time in january/February and then come back around march or april #and i really don’t want to do that this year because it’s scary to look back and not have Anything when you know you should #it’s not fully my choice really but I can try #vent tw

[haxballfan-blog]

When You're Sad, Your Skin Is Sad

Correlation doesn't prove causation, but I can't help but notice that both times I’ve lived in my teenage bedroom I’ve felt especially sad. In high school, it was an angry sadness that sought attention. But when I came back to my parents house in March to ride out COVID, the sadness became deep and dull—about everything and nothing. I go to bed dreading the next day like it holds a big test I haven’t studied for. In the morning, I alternately jolt awake while it’s still dark, or tether myself to my comforter well into the workday. I’ve been very privileged in the ways I’ve experienced the past few months, but also very anxious. And actually, the CDC estimates that 40-percent of adults exhibit symptoms of anxiety or depressive disorders as of this past July. (In 2019, that number was 11-percent.) So, yes, I’m crying a lot more than usual; maybe you are too. I’m also breaking out more than usual—and you?

“Yes, stress causes you to break out,” says Dr. Amy Wechsler, who, as one of only a handful of doctors in the US board-certified in both dermatology and psychiatry, is uniquely qualified to answer questions about this kind of stuff—she even wrote the book on it. Dr. Wechsler cites a well-known study done on a college campus during exam week, where researchers found a strong correlation between stress and the severity of acne. “But exam period is like two weeks long, and when the exams go away the breakouts go away. Imagine if you had exam period for five months, you know? That’s like what we’re going through right now.”

According to Dr. Wechsler, the root of stress acne lies in a molecule called cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone that’s pumped out by the body to fight illness, control blood sugar levels, regulate metabolism, and influence memory formation. In general it’s anti-inflammatory, but when you’re stressed, your body responds by producing more cortisol than it would normally as part of the fight-or-flight response meant to keep you alert when you need to be. If that stress is prolonged, and you don’t have the proper coping mechanisms to deal with it, cortisol starts to act very inflammatory.

“Inflammation is the root cause of acne, and eczema, and psoriasis,” says Dr. Wechsler, who also adds that high levels of cortisol over a long period of time will break down collagen, the molecule in your skin that keeps it looking plump. “That’s why when people are really stressed out for a while, they look like they aged overnight.” For a good, obvious example of this phenomenon, take a look at a photo of President Obama in his first year as president compared to his last. Cortisol also weakens your skin’s natural barrier, so you’ll start to experience more transepidermal water loss. Several months of anxiety may leave you with a totally different skin type: even if your skin is normally oily, it will start to dry out and get more sensitive. Dr. Wechsler notes that when your barrier is compromised, your skin is more likely to react to something that normally wouldn’t cause a problem. “That’s when people say things like, ‘I’ve been using the same product forever, they haven’t changed their ingredients, but now I can’t tolerate it.’”

The tricky part about cortisol is that once levels are high, it can be difficult to bring them down on your own. At minimum, you need to make sure you’re getting an adequate amount of sleep each night, which can be difficult when you’re feeling anxious. “Cortisol is at its lowest for everybody during sleep, and healing molecules like beta-endorphins, growth hormones, and oxytocin,” a mood enhancer, “are always at their highest,” says Dr. Wechsler, who compares the molecules’ relationship to a see-saw. If you’re not getting much sleep, you’re not giving the anti-inflammatories a chance to catch up to the cortisol.

During the daytime, you can sort of hack your body chemicals by engaging in activities that directly trigger a release of those happy molecules. Completing your skincare routine floods your brain with dopamine, otherwise known as the “feel-good neurotransmitter.” So would cooking a complicated dinner, or organizing your bedroom, or finishing a book. A workout can help balance too-low endorphins, a fact I always felt was fallacy until I experienced my first runner’s high a few months ago. Not into exercise? Pop on a John Mulaney stand up special—any will do!—for a rush of endorphins you don’t have to sweat for. And to raise your oxytocin levels, turn down the lights and grab your vibrator. Sex drive can lower when you’re depressed, but each time you orgasm your body releases cortisol-lowering, calm-inducing oxytocin.

Of course, these things won’t stop you from feeling anxious, but they might help you feel a little bit better on the day-to-day, and you also may see a difference in your skin. “When people are very anxious, they feel this loss of control over what’s going on in their lives, and normal routines fall by the wayside because they feel unimportant,” Dr. Wechsler explains. “A skincare routine gives you back a little control,” she adds, conceding that, at the very least, 10 minutes of caring for yourself will feel better than reading the news, or scrolling through Instagram.

The absolute easiest, low-effort way to help balance cortisol? For a sad person at least, it’s crying. Scientists aren’t quite sure how or why, but studies show that a good crying session decreases cortisol levels. It was once widely believed that tears were a way to expel excess stress hormones, but now, most researchers think that the benefits of crying have to do with social signaling: just getting out the message that you’re in distress seems to help alleviate some of that distress. And, if you’re crying to somebody, they’re likely to give you a hug, rub your back, or stroke your hair—all triggers for oxytocin.

But while crying is good for the skin internally, it can leave your face feeling… not so great. Which is the reason I called Dr. Wechsler in the first place—I wear my recent crying obviously, and am left frantically icing my face before morning meetings and check-ins with family. Beyond how I look, my post-crying face hurts. My eyes get incredibly puffy, and I often find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place when I cry at night. It happens, without fail, after I do my skincare routine, and I wasn’t sure whether the salty tears left on my skin were further contributing to breakouts. To make my outsides match my insides after a solid catharsis, I wanted to figure out a post-crying best practice—a sad girl beauty routine, if you will.

What I’d learn is that your eyes work overtime to produce tears, which draws an abundance of blood to the surface of your eyelids. If you cry at night, that blood doesn’t have anywhere to go—it pools in your face when you’re lying flat. “If you’re crying during the day and you’re standing up and walking around, gravity will take the swelling from your eyelids, bring it down your face, and flush it out,” adds Dr. Wechsler. For those particularly concerned about morning puffiness, you can stay upright until the swelling subsides, or try Dr. Weschler’s favorite method. “Put a teaspoon in a glass of ice water, let it get really cold, and then take the back of the teaspoon and put it on your eyelid with a little bit of pressure. Both the cold and the pressure really help those blood vessels calm back down,” says Dr. Wechsler, who learned the tip from one of her model patients. Doing that right away will probably help prevent morning puffiness, but if you aren’t feeling up to it, just go to sleep and try to keep your head elevated with an extra pillow. You can always try the spoon trick (and some vertical action) in the morning.

As for the tears themselves, Dr. Wechsler recommends rinsing them off to abate dryness. If you’ve cried within a half hour of doing your skincare routine, you can rinse with a gentle cleanser (or water, if you think another wash will be too drying) and re-apply your skincare products. Otherwise, just rinse and moisturize again.

Remember how I mentioned cortisol is difficult to lower on your own? If you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression, you might also consider seeking out the help of a trained therapist. While it’s easy to ruminate on how we look on the outside, it’s important to emphasize that this skin issue is indicative of a larger, internal problem. Aside from the auxiliary benefit of helping balance your skin, talking to someone can help alleviate the feelings of loneliness, grief, and uncertainty you might be feeling right now. Therapy for Black Girls, the National Queer & Trans Therapists of Color Network, and Open Path Collective all offer remote therapy options at accessible price points. You might also check out Psychology Today’s list of therapists, which is quite comprehensive—you can filter results by things like specialty, sexuality, and race. If you’re a Black woman, you can also apply for a grant from The Loveland Foundation to subsidize your sessions.

Knowing that my skin is feeling as vulnerable as I am right now, I’ve been taking it easy with my skincare. And the benefit is twofold: nixing breakout treatments lets my skin actually heal, and using fewer products means I’m more likely to actually do my routine (even when I don’t feel like it). I’ve noticed new pimples subsiding after fortifying my compromised skin barrier with products rich in ceramides, natural moisturizing factors, and lipids. I’ve also been chasing opportunities to feel good as often as I can, masked and tiptoeing around the border of my own shrunken comfort zone. Still the breakouts, and the tears, come in waves. But then again, they always have.

[thathomestar]

“Hey Zavala, wanna know what a transmat zone on the Dreadnaught looks like?” “You landed a Guardian on the Dreadnaught without authorization?!” “Oh right. Can I have authorization?”

Destiny is a first person shooter crossed with MMO elements made by former Halo developer Bungie and released in 2014 by Activision. While Destiny had a shallow launch and a lukewarm reception in it’s first year, it’s since had two mission packs and two full fledged expansions that have really helped the game come into it’s own. If you passed Destiny by on it’s launch, or dropped it within the first year, maybe it’s time to give it another chance!

BEFORE WE BEGIN...

There’s two things you ought to know before I lay down what Destiny is about. The first is that Destiny requires an online connection to play, and also requires a paid subscription to Microsoft’s Xbox Live or Sony’s Playstation Plus to play any of the online/matchmaking content, like co-op Strikes and Crucible PvP. The second is that the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 versions of Destiny have stopped receiving support and updates since August 2016. However, you can transfer your save file to the next-gen version of your respective platform (but not across different platforms), and keep your characters and progress.

This can be a dealbreaker for some, especially the always online thing. It’s just how the game is. If you buy the game new physically, it typically comes with a free 30 day online trial though.

With that out of the way, let’s get into this proper.

EYES UP, GUARDIAN

You have been dead for centuries.

Long after the the collapse of humanity from their Golden Age, a small diamond-shaped drone floats around the remains of Old Russia, searching for something. For someone. As luck would have it, that someone is you. As the curious robot resurrects you from death, it bestows you with Light and explains that it is a Ghost, born from the Traveler’s dying sacrifice to protect humanity from those who seek to destroy it.

You make your way to The Last City, and begin your journey to fight against the biggest threats mankind has ever known.

At it’s absolute core, Destiny is a fairly standard modern first person shooter. It kinda controls like a slower-paced Call of Duty, what with the aim-down-sights and the sprinting and all that. That’s not to say it’s a bog-standard controlling game, far from it. If you played Halo 3 or Halo Reach, then you already know that Bungie are the masters of high quality core mechanics. Destiny’s gunplay feels effin’ great. Running and jumping has a good weight to it, and the many, many guns are all fun to shoot for the most part.

Where Destiny really starts to come into it’s own is with the different classes. While they don’t play that differently at a core level, the three classes wield their Light in different ways, in the form of three unique subclasses that only they can use. Each subclass based off of the elemental damage types in the game. Arc is Lightning, Solar is Fire, and Void is Gravity/Dark Energy.

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HUNTER

Armor: Medium

Recovery: Low

Agility: High

Jump Type: Double Jump

Class Item: Cloak

Hunters are scouts, exploring the wilderness and carving their own path. Quick but relatively fragile, Hunters are generally all about either staying back and picking off targets from afar, or jumping in, doing damage, and getting out before retaliation comes. The Hunter subclasses are:

Gunslinger (Solar): Summon your Golden Gun, a three-shot revolver, and rain fire on your enemies

Bladedancer (Arc): Wield the Arc Blade and cut down any who stand before you

Nightstalker (Void): Fire the Shadowshot bow and tether your foes to weaken them and restrict their movement

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TITAN

Armor: High

Recovery: Medium

Agility: Low

Jump Type: Lift

Class Item: Mark (butt towel)

Titans are the defenders of the Last City, patrolling the Wall and stomping out anything that might pose a threat to humanity. Titans can typically take more punishment than the other classes, so more often than not just jumping in the fray and drawing attention (or outright killing the enemy) is a good strategy. The Titan subclasses are:

Striker (Arc): Slam the ground with Fists of Havoc, wiping out everything surrounding you

Defender (Void): Spawn your Ward of Dawn, a protective bubble shield that provides your allies with various buffs

Sunbreaker (Solar): Throw the Hammers of Sol at your foes, causing them to erupt into flames

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WARLOCK

Armor: Low

Recovery: High

Agility: Medium

Jump Type: Glide

Class Item: Bond (bicep band)

Warlocks have dedicated themselves to understanding the true potential of their Light. Kinda like cross between a scholar and a mad scientist. Warlocks are kind of in the middle of the Hunter and Titan as far as playstyle goes, but the sheer power of their abilities give them an edge above others. The Warlock subclasses are:

Voidwalker (Void): Hurl your Nova Bomb to obliterate any enemy caught in it’s blast

Sunsinger (Solar): Fill yourself with Radiance, greatly reducing your grenade cooldown time and, fully upgraded, allows you to resurrect yourself after death

Stormcaller (Arc): Activate Stormtrance and become Emperor Palpatine, shooting lightning from your fingertips

---

While different classes can’t wear each other’s armor, weapons aren’t tied to classes outside of a small handful of specific ones, so no worries on missing out on those. Obviously there’s more to the subclasses than just their super abilities. Each subclass gets a choice between three grenade types, three jump augments, three melee augments, etc. With this system, there’s quite a few ways to play a single subclass!

When you initially begin the game for the first time, you’ll be prompted to pick a class and create a character. You can choose between the Human, Awoken, and Exo races. Humans are, well, human. Awoken are humans who underwent a strange transformation while trying to escape the Collapse, for unknown reasons. Exos are sapient war machines, constructed for a long forgotten conflict during the Golden Age.

Aside from race, you can also choose your face shape, skin color, eye color, hair and hair color, and various markings. Be aware that you cannot change your class or appearance after finalizing your choices, so make sure you’re happy with what you have!

In Destiny, there’s two different levels you have to keep track of: your Character Level and your Light Level.

As you kill enemies, complete quests, or turn in bounties, you gain experience. Gain enough experience, and you can level up your Character Level. Leveling up doesn’t honestly do a whole lot in Destiny outside of letting you wear better gear and access more difficult missions, as the gaining of experience itself is what levels up your subclasses and gear perks. The Character Level cap is at 40.

Your Light Level, AKA your gear level, is determined by the average of the various Attack and Defense scores of your gear. While you’re still leveling up your Character Level, your Light Level doesn’t matter as much, as you can just equip whatever has a bigger number. After you hit the Character Level cap though, your Light Level is what determines how much damage you can deal and how much damage you can take. The Light Level cap is at 400.

So how do you get better gear? The main way is through these curious shapes called Engrams. Occasionally when you kill an enemy, an engram will fall out of them for the taking. While you’re able to see what equipment slot the engram will be for, what’s actually inside is a complete mystery until brought to a Cryptarch. When given to one, they will decode it, turning it into a piece of gear, and give it back to you. The quality of engrams goes like this:

White - Common

Green - Uncommon

Blue - Rare

Purple - Legendary

Gold - Exotic

Of course, there’s other ways of getting gear, but this is the main method. If you have some form of colorblindness, there are options in the game that color these things and other HUD elements differently to help you out.

WEAPONS OF LIGHT

With the general gameplay, this is what you’ll be seeing for the most part. Your health/shields are at the top, and there’s a motion tracker at the top left. The bottom left has your more critical information, like your current ammo and your ability cooldown timers.

I’m not gonna go over what buttons do what, considering the game’s first mission is also a tutorial that goes over all that, but I will tell you how to switch between your three weapons, since I don’t think the game ever outright tells you. Switching between your first and second weapons only requires a single press of the Triangle/Y button, but switching between those and your third weapon requires you to hold down the button.

Pressing the select/back/whatever Xbox calls that button or the touchpad on PS4 brings out your Ghost. Doing so lets you view your current objective, view any quests or bounties you’re tracking, return to orbit, or summon your Sparrow (a speeder bike type of vehicle).

I suppose I ought to go over the kinds of weapons you’ll get to use in Destiny as well. Weapons are separated into three categories: Primary, Secondary, and Heavy.

PRIMARY

Auto Rifle: Pretty standard assault rifle. Hold the trigger, and it’ll keep firing.

Scout Rifle: Semi-auto. Fires one shot per trigger pull.

Pulse Rifle: Fires in three round bursts per trigger pull.

Hand Cannon: More than enough to kill anything that moves. The amount of rounds in the chamber isn’t just limited to six shots either!

SECONDARY

Shotgun: Close range, large spread. Most shotguns are pump-action, though a few specific ones can be fired rapidly.

Sniper Rifle: Long range, big scope. Aim for the head.

Fusion Rifle: They’re kind of like a close-medium range shotgun that you have to hold the trigger to charge up.

Sidearm: SPACE GLOCK BLAT BLAT BLAT

HEAVY

Machine Gun: Hold the trigger, lay waste to anything in your vision.

Rocket Launcher: Good for clearing groups. Watch out for the splash damage.

Sword: SWISH SWISH SWOOSH

Different “archetypes” exist for the various weapons. An example of this would be one Auto Rifle having a high fire rate, a large magazine size, but low impact, and another Auto Rifle having a low fire rate, a small magazine size, but higher impact.

Like I mentioned in the image above, unlocking gear perks requires you to just go out and gain experience. Once unlocked, you need to slot in some materials and money to actually acquire the perk for the weapon. Planetary materials are found on the various planets, either as a raw collectable out in the wild or in chests that randomly appear in the various zones. You can also get them as rewards for completing specific events or bounties.

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE

Let’s talk about your allies as well. You have friends out in the world, eager to help supply your crusade.

THE TOWER

Watching over the Last City is The Tower: home of the Guardians. This is will be your main base of operations. Many different factions and vendors reside in The Tower, supplying Guardians with the tools they need to fight against the hordes of Darkness.

The Vanguard are the main coordinators of efforts against the various things that threaten mankind. Commander Zavala, the Titan Vanguard, is the main leader of the group, with Warlock Vanguard Ikora Rey and Hunter Vanguard Cayde-6 supporting him and offering their consultations. Together, they help train new Guardians, sell class specific gear, and offer radio support during some missions.

Complete bounties and patrol missions, and you’ll rank up with the Vanguard, which scores you a free faction package full of Vanguard-flavored goodies.

Lord Shaxx rules over The Crucible, a warground that pits Guardians against each other as a way to train them and test their mettle. Shaxx sells Crucible-styled gear and offers Weekly Crucible bounties. He also personally acts as the Crucible’s announcer for all matches, and is known for being very... enthusiastic. Many legends have risen by making a name for themselves in The Crucible, and rising in the ranks yourself can earn you Crucible Packages, as well as gear that can only be obtained as an end-of-match reward.

Resident Gunsmith Banshee-44 aims to keep Guardians supplied with the arms they need. Alongside selling guns, he also sells upgrade materials and ammo packages, offers special weapon orders, and has a field-testing program. Field test enough guns, and Banshee will offer you a Gunsmith Package as a reward.

Xander 99-40 is the Bounty Tracker for the Tower. Accepting and completing the daily bounties are an essential way to make money, gain experience, and get faction reputation. Initially you only have Vanguard and Crucible bounties to pick from, but after getting to the higher Light Levels, Elite Vanguard bounties also become available. Check back every day for more bounties to complete!

Aside from the Vanguard, in which you are automatically enrolled into, there exist three joinable factions for you to choose between. They each have their own political agenda, and they each offer their members exclusive gear you can’t get anywhere else. You can only be a member of one of them at a time, though you can leave and join them without any consequences. You can only change factions once a week.

The New Monarchy aims to bring back the lost glory of the Golden Age, and seek to establish the leadership that will do so. They are fiercely loyal to the City, almost to a fault. Their colors are Red and White.

The Future War Cult believe that all-out warfare with The Darkness is an inevitability that must be faced, and seeks to arm any who decide to pledge their allegiance. At least, that’s what they say. Their colors are a deep Purple, with stripes of Gold, White, and Red.

Dead Orbit believes that humanity must abandon Earth and The Traveler, and find another planet to inhabit altogether. They believe that the Darkness can be escaped, and that hiding beneath the Traveler will doom them all. Their colors are Black and White.

Ranking up in the factions is the same as the Vanguard and the Crucible, for the most part. Complete bounties, go on patrol missions, or compete in Crucible matches in their name, and you’ll get their Faction Packages as well.

Amanda Holliday is the local shipwright, performing maintenance on all assortments of Guardian vehicles. She also sells ships and sparrows for you to buy. During the wintertime, she’s the organizer of the Sparrow Racing League, where Guardians compete in high-speed races for prizes and glory.

Once a month, the Iron Banner is brought forth by Lord Saladin. The Iron Banner is a Crucible event that only the strongest will prevail in, and be rewarded with unique gear. What sets it apart from the normal Crucible is that the higher level you are, the more of an advantage you have. This is different from the Crucible, where players of unequal levels can still compete equally against each other. Gain enough reputation during Iron Banner week, and you’ll be able to buy exclusive gear from Saladin.

The Speaker has resided in the Last City long before the first walls were ever formed. He preaches of the Traveler, how it blessed the Guardians with Light, and how protecting it and reviving it are the only hope for The Last City, and all of humanity. Alongside issuing the occasional quest, he also sells Class Items, Ghost Shells, and trades in various special upgrade materials.

These are but a few of the allies you’ll come to know in your journey. The Tower isn’t the only place you’ll get to visit, after all. Know them well, and they will help you through your darkest times.

THE DARKNESS CONSUMES YOU...

Outside of the City’s protective walls, on Earth and throughout the Solar System, is an intensely dangerous environment, crawling with hostile alien forces who all too eager to finally snuff out what remains of humanity.

There are four major alien races in Destiny that you will encounter, each one visually distinct and structurally different from each other.

FALLEN

The Fallen are a race of four-armed pirates and scavengers, ruthless and cutthroat. Different factions, called houses, exist within the Fallen in the Solar System, each one flying different colors. The houses all have different views on how to approach their battles with the other races, and while they can feud with each other, they generally work together to fight for their kind. Fallen typically only really appeared around Earth, but they have since started showing up on other planets around the Solar System as well. The Fallen you encounter will consist of:

Dregs: The low-tier grunt of the Fallen. Small in stature and hardly ever armed with anything more than a pistol and a grenade. The worst they can honestly do is get in your face and try and cut you with a knife. Dregs are hardly ever a problem, and go down very easily.

Shanks: Sometimes the Fallen deploy Shanks, unmanned drones that hover around and generally annoy anyone it fires at. Shanks go down extremely easily, but there are variants to them that can be extremely dangerous if not dealt with.

Vandals: The next tier up in the Fallen chain of command. Vandals take on a variety of roles as far as combat goes, from distant snipers to medium-range foot soldiers to up-close-and-personal with cloaking stealth tech and dual swords. Certainly not a foe to underestimate.

Servitors: Another machine the Fallen deploy, Servitors are big floating spheres that mainly act as support for the other troops, giving them a minor buff and shooting from afar with it’s eye. Servitors are quite tough and take quite a bit of damage to go down.

Captains: The head honchos. Captains lead the charge with a variety of weapons and fearlessly attack any who oppose them. They’re also equipped with a regenerating shield and a short range teleport, so they can be a bit slippery as well. Captains come in various sizes as well, based on their political role within their house. The largest Captains in order of political power are Kells (House Leader), Archons (House Priest), and Barons (House Shipmaster).

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HIVE

The Hive are almost a complete antithesis to Light. They are an ancient race, pre-dating humanity by millions of years. Made of bone and chitin, shrouded by Darkness, and infested with worms, Hive are intensely bloodthirsty and will do anything and everything they can to consume Light. The Hive have almost completely overrun Earth’s moon and carved miles upon miles of underground tunnels into it, and have started assaults on Earth. The Hive you’ll encounter consist of:

Thralls: The cannon fodder of the Hive. Thralls are almost always in large groups and will rush down their enemies to tear them apart with their claws. However, they are extremely brittle and go down with not much effort.

Acolytes: The HIve’s main foot soldiers. They’re a lot like Dregs, honestly, though their weapons are quite a bit more lethal. They go down fairly easily.

Knights: The elite infantry of the Hive. Tall, imposing, and tough as nails. Knights are typically either equipped with a grenade launcher type of weapon or a huge sword. Sometimes, after taking enough damage or seeing a grenade heading their way, they will summon an impenetrable Wall of Darkness to hide behind, which also lets them regenerate a little bit of health. Knights are a force to be reckoned with.

Wizards: The schemers of the Hive. Wizards fly around the battlefield and fire successive blasts of high-damage energy from a distance, as well as lay down clouds of poisonous smoke near them. On top of this, they have a regenerating shield. When their shield depletes, they will flee to cover and wait for it to recharge before coming back out. Wizards are a huge threat, but they are not as tough as Knights.

Ogres: Hulking monstrosity. Ogres are said to be formed from Thrall that have undergone experimentation from Wizards. Regardless, Ogres are huge in size and can take a significantly large amount of damage. Their main way of dealing damage is shooting a rapid fire beam from their giant eye, as well as slamming the ground if you get too close.

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VEX

The Vex appear as bipedal robots for the most part, though their entire race is a hivemind machine. They’re essentially cyborgs: their bodies are all mechanical and are controlled by a brain of liquid mush in the abdomen area. The overall goal of the Vex is to convert everything into the perfect machine. They ritually convert entire planets into machines, for purposes unknown. On top of all this, they also have limited control over the flow of time. The Vex mainly reside on Venus, though they have recently been seen trying to gain a foothold on Mars as well. The Vex you’ll encounter are:

Goblin: The grunt of the Vex. Goblins are typically found in groups and basically act as a distraction away from the more powerful units. They go down easy. Shooting off their heads sends them into a frenzy, and they’ll try and rush you down.

Hobgoblin: The snipers of the Vex. Hobgoblins keep their distance and snipe from afar. If they sustain enough damage they’ll lock themselves down, becoming immune to all damage for a short time. Really annoying to deal with.

Minotaur: The heavy infantry of the Vex. Minotaurs are equipped with grenade launcher type weapons and use short-range teleportation to close the distance between them and their foes. Minotaurs also have no specific weak point you can target for critical damage, unlike most other enemies. They’re protected by a regenerating shield, as well.

Harpy: Quick and speedy, Harpies act as flankers, giving covering fire for the rest of the Vex troops. They are extremely weak and go down very easily. That being said, their shots do quite a bit of damage, so be careful around them.

Hydra: Less common but tough to kill, Hydras are large machines sporting a rapid fire energy bomb launcher and an impenetrable shield that slowly rotates around them. Even in death, their bodies explode with enough force to kill an unaware Guardian.

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CABAL

The Cabal are a race that only knows war and conquest. Their appearance resembles a weird anthropomorphic rhino, but in the shape of a Space Marine from Warhammer 40k. Their culture completely revolves around waging war and conquering territory, to the extent that they are not allowed to return home until they achieve victory. The Cabal are masters of attrition warfare, able to continue fighting long-term conflicts to the bitter end. They’re currently occupying Mars, mining it for resources. The Cabal you will see are:

Legionnaires: The common soldier of the Cabal. Equipped with jump jets and a heavy carbine, Legionnaires are typically front and center, constantly positioning themselves to give their squad an advantage.

Phalanxes: The defense of the Cabal. Phalanxes hold a large shield that they plant in front of them to use as cover while they fire at their targets. They’re more dangerous up close, as Phalanxes can swing their shield at you, more often sending you flying to your death.

Centurions: The leaders of the Cabal. Centurions have the command over their troops, but keep their distance to fire from afar with their launchers. They use their jump jets often, constantly looking for advantageous positions to fire at you from. They have a regenerating shield that protects them, as well.

Colossi: The heavy infantry of the Cabal. Colossi are clad in extremely thick armor that allows them to shrug off even the most damaging of attacks. Not only this, but they’re equipped with heavy machine guns and a backpack that can fire homing missiles. However, all this equipment makes them very slow. These guys are no joke.

Psions: Unlike the other Cabal, Psions are small and agile. While they are fairly weak and attack with a fairly weak weapon, they can employ a shockwave attack that does quite a bit of damage if you get hit with it. The higher rank the Psion, the more damage the shockwave can do.

NO TIME TO EXPLAIN

There are many stories that are told in Destiny. Unfortunately due to the nature of how the game was developed, most of them did not make it into the actual game. Instead, these stories are relegated to Grimoire Cards. The Grimoire is essentially a database of various information in Destiny, whether it’s more mundane stuff like a brief bio on a character or something grand in scale, like the entire written history of an enemy faction.

Unlocking Grimoire is fairly easy: just play the game. Whether it’s getting kills with certain guns, finding Dead Ghosts and reactivating them, or obtaining new pieces of gear, these things typically contribute to some counter that will reward you with a new card. However, Grimoire can only be viewed on Bungie.net (or on the Destiny app), and only after linking your Bnet account to your PSN ID or XBL Gamertag.

Of course, if you want to read these stories without having to unlock all of these (after all, the more interesting ones are often quite a pain to get), there’s many sites online that just have all that information compiled. Is it a shame that this stuff isn’t in the game? Absolutely, it’s one of Destiny’s weaker aspects that the interesting lore and world-building is hidden away outside of the game.

But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there, and that it doesn’t have some influence over the game. There’s a lot of great stories in there, from the diary of the humans who first encountered the Traveler to the philosophical quandaries of the Vex Simulations, from the Faction Wars that waged within the City to Osiris and his heretical ventures to find the truth between the Light and Dark.

There’s also small stories like how Cayde-6 once briefly fought alongside a Fallen Captain against a swarm of Hive, or how Lord Saladin was once thrown like a javelin straight into a Fallen Walker tank. And then there’s stuff like the Fallen’s tale of the Great Whirlwind, the Hive’s Sword-Logic, or the Vex and their Vault of Glass.

It’s all quite interesting if you take your time to sink your teeth into it. But you have to be willing to go out and find it for yourself.

THE AGES OF DESTINY

Destiny first hit the shelves on September 9th, 2014. This game was hyped up to hell and beyond, in that kind of “No Man’s Sky” way that it could have never exceeded expectations. It was billed as this huge, sprawling game where you can go anywhere and do anything.

In reality, the campaign was pretty short, and there wasn’t much to do after that besides grind for better gear. The leveling system and gear level stuff used to be much more convoluted as well (leveling your character level past 20 required gear with higher Light Levels). All in all, Destiny was not so hot on release.

The first event was Queen’s Wrath, which happened a few weeks after Destiny’s release. Petra Venj, an emissary for the Awoken Queen in The Reef, offered special bounties and gear for those willing to give her some of their time. It briefly returned a week before the House of Wolves add-on was released.

The Dark Below came out on December 9th, 2014, just a couple of months after the initial launch. I wouldn’t call it a full expansion, but more of a DLC mission pack kind of thing. A new character, Eris Morn, has escaped the pits of the Hive on the Moon and brings a terrible tale: Crota, the Hive Prince, is coming back. It added a few new missions, a new raid, a new faction, some new gear, a new level cap of 32, and some minor tweaks. A modest add-on, but pretty much just more of the same.

The House of Wolves was released on May 19th, 2015. The Awoken in the Reef have requested the help of Guardians to hunt down Skolas, a Kell who has escaped their Prison of Elders, in new missions and strikes. It introduced the Sidearm genre of weapons, and increased the level cap to 34. This is also where Destiny started to actually develop it’s own personality.

The reclusive Awoken have opened their gates to Guardians, and the Vestian Outpost, a new social area in The Reef, can be accessed. The Prison of Elders itself is now a new wave-based PvE mode that can award huge prizes for those who hold a Treasure Key. Fight four waves in arenas based on the different enemy races, and then fight a final boss!

Alongside this is a weekend-only PvP event called the Trials of Osiris, which pits teams of three against each other. Respawning is disabled, you must be revived by a teammate to jump back into the fray. Kill all three opponents, and the round is yours. Win three rounds, and you win the game. Win nine games without a single loss, and you can gain access to the coveted Lighthouse on Mercury and score some extremely rare gear.

Destiny’s first major expansion, The Taken King, arrived one year after release on September 15th, 2015, and is almost effectively a new game in of itself. Oryx, God-King of the Hive, has heard of the fall of his son Crota, and has traveled to the Solar System to take revenge. Alongside an entirely new campaign of missions, strikes, and a raid, there’s also a new area to explore: Oryx’s Dreadnought.

TTK also brought with it major changes to various mechanics in the game. The new Character Level cap was 40, and Light Level, capped at 320, is now it’s own thing instead of being tied to the Character Level. Three new subclasses were introduced, as were Swords. Also introduced was a proper Quest system, where you can keep track of quests in an actual quest log. Believe it or not, quests were not really a thing in Destiny until TTK came out. Crazy.

However, the main new addition was the Taken, in which all existing enemies now have remixed Taken version of themselves, with entirely new attacks and AI. This essentially doubled the number of different enemies there are to fight in the game. Of course, alongside all of this was a huge slew of new gear to acquire. There’s also a new gear slot called Artifacts, which, I’ll be honest, doesn’t do a whole lot.

Later in October of 2015 was The Festival of the Lost. This Halloween event let players collect and wear masks, as well as complete a new quest. It also returned the following year in 2016, with new masks to collect and a new quest to complete.

During the winter in 2015 was the Sparrow Racing League. Players could race their Sparrows through two tracks, and get prizes like new Sparrow-related racing gear and different Sparrow horns to honk.

The racing itself is based on gates that racers must pass through in order to maintain maximum top speed. Miss a gate, and your overall top speed goes down a notch until you pass through another gate and gain that speed back. Going through gates also gives you more boost energy you can use to sideboost around tight corners or obstacles.

On the week of Valentine’s Day 2016, the Crimson Days event went down. A special 2v2 Crucible playlist could be played, and cute candy-themed Ghost shells could be obtained. This event did not return in 2017.

On April 12th, 2016, an update aptly named The April Update was released. The Light Level cap was raised to 335, and the Prison of Elders got a Taken update. A level 41 version of PoE was introduced, as well as Challenge of the Elders, which requires a special sigil to play. You also no longer need a Treasure Key to access the big treasure chest at the end.

It also introduced new gear called Chroma, which can be outfitted with a neon underglow, and Desolate, which is colored like the Taken are. It also updated some first year Legendary gear to be in line with the new Light Level system. All of this was completely free!

The Rise of Iron expansion came out on September 20th, 2016. Lord Saladin has left his post at the Iron Banner to stop a threat he thought had been long dead. The Fallen have gotten their hands on SIVA, a self-replicating nanotechnology able to consume and rewrite matter extremely quickly, and Saladin has employed Guardians to stop it.

Rise of Iron not only features a new campaign and raid, but a new social area, the Iron Temple. The Cosmodrone area on Earth is now under a thick blanket of snow, and a new area called the Plaguelands can now be accessed as well. New Fallen enemies called Splicers have appeared as well, having infused themselves with SIVA. A huge number of older strikes now have remixed versions of themselves as well.

This expansion also marked the sending off point for last-gen hardware, as the 360 and PS3 versions of Destiny did not get this. It wasn’t quite as big as The Taken King, but it still added quite a bit of stuff to the game.

2016′s winter event was called The Dawning. Alongside a few new little quests and some new gear, the Sparrow Racing League makes a return, featuring two new circuits and loads more Sparrow-themed goodies to get. It also introduced a new currency called Silver Dust, which let you buy all sorts of weird and specific items from the Silver Dust kiosk. Lemme tell you, SRL was a good way to rank up in the Crucible and quickly get good gear.

This finally brings us to Destiny’s final update, the Age of Triumph, which released on March 28th. This introduced new hard mode playlists for story missions, raids, and Challenge of Elders, as well as raid-specific loot to obtain. It also has a giant record book full of challenges and accomplishments to fill out.

SEE YOU STARSIDE

Destiny is one of those games I gave up on originally. I became bored of it a couple of weeks after launch. But when I picked it back up in March of 2016, I was kinda stunned to see how much better the game had become a year and a half later. I legitimately had a hard time putting it down. I eventually got my friends to get back into it as well, and we had a load of fun tackling the more difficult challenges in the game.

I dunno. After being such a dedicated Halo fan up until it changed hands, and after finding both Halo 4 and the original Destiny to be disappointing, I was feeling pretty down about Bungie and their 10 year plan for this new franchise. But I’m glad it bounced back, I’m glad I’m able to say that Destiny is a great game you ought to play, especially if you can find a good group to play the raids with.

If you’re going to buy the game, I’d recommend the “Destiny: The Collection” edition, as it includes all of the game’s content in one bundle. It’s regularly on sale for $40 or less for brand new as well. Buying it used might not be a good idea, as the codes for the expansions will likely have been used, requiring you to buy them digitally for full price.

If you only have a 360 or PS3, the Taken King version of the game comes with everything up until right before Rise of Iron came out and is typically less than $20, especially in Gamestops I’ve noticed. Plus, you can always move your character to the current-gen version of the game if you choose to upgrade in the future.

Regardless, please give Destiny a chance! I know Destiny 2 is on it’s way, but this game is also a good time and worth checking out. Thank you for reading!

#destiny #destiny the game #how to #ths writeups

[7fics]

I really want something like Jr and Jb have a date on the weekend but Jr's little cousen(youngjae) cames and he (and Jb) must look after him. But Jr becomes jealous and a bit sad as Jb does more things with cutie little Youngjae than with him.

Warnings: None

Author: Jo

Word Count: 4.4k

A/N: sorry for the wait TT-TT i hope you like it, this prompt was rlly rlly fun to write

—–

“Tada!!”

A butter yellow bow,prim and pretty, is clipped awkwardly onto the fringe of Jinyoung’s boyfriend.Youngjae’s only seven, seven-and-a-half specifically if the mentioned ispresent, and in courtesy of not breaking what tiny heart he has managed togrow, Jaebum smiles awkwardly and cheers along softly. He’s curled his handsinto fists and he shakes them in the air along to Youngjae’s small claps, butreally, it sounds like he’s trying not to shrivel and die inside.

It’s not an ideal datenight, Jinyoung laments. What was meant to be their apartment bare and cold asthey headed down to some fusion bullshit hole-in-the-wall restaurant, maybegetting tipsy in the bar next door, maybe making out in the cinema next tothat, and maybe then heating up their place with just their hands andtheir sleepy mouths, has now become a refuge for Jinyoung’s baby cousin.

An endless war zone oftoys, blankets and furniture skewed twenty degrees from their originalplacement, Jaebum had had to rescue his very expensive and verynot-child-friendly film equipment from toppling over tabletops in the firstfive minutes that Youngjae had arrived. They sit safely atop the highestkitchen cupboard, locked shut, because from past experience Jinyoung knows thekid’s a lot wilier than appearances would assume. The cracked screen of his oldlaptop would say so.

It’s not that Youngjae’sa bad kid. Just…danger prone. Precisely the reason why his parents had rungup twenty minutes after Jinyoung had managed to squeeze into his very specialjeans, begging him to take him for the night because their, in child-friendlyterminology, gosh-darn babysitter mcflipflopping cancelled in thelast danging minute and there’s no one else but him that they trust.

Jinyoung loves his auntand uncle. Honestly. They give him birthday presents that aren’t socks, getscoddled and spoilt at every family gathering with cheeks pinched and earstugged since he was two feet tall. It’s that really, that makes him pull thereceiver away from his mouth and sigh quietly, morose about the struggle hetook to squeeze into these gaze-gluing pants that physically pain Jaebum morethan it pains his thighs, and puts on an enthusiastic smile.

Of course we’ll haveYoungjae over. No, no, I wasn’t going to do anything tonight anyway, it’ll be abreeze.

The little packagearrived twenty minutes later, dropped off in two more, and running around theirapartment within five. Stiff, Jaebum had lingered in the hallway upon the alienarrival. Whatever fragile, delicate hyper-masculine ego he had, he wasprotecting by staying a good five meters away from anybody under the age ofadolescence. Jinyoung always found it a little stupid, a little endearing, thatdespite his fondness for kids it was his permanent scowling bitch-face thatchased them behind their mother’s legs. Perhaps in tears, perhaps in mildsniffles, but always with their parental guardian mildly embarrassed and Jaebuminfinitely moreso.

Funny enough, much totheir pleasant surprise, Youngjae had taken a liking to Jaebum. A very attachedliking to Jaebum.

“Hyung, hyung,” Jinyounglooks up from where he’s behind the counter to see Youngjae gripping the sleeveof the older’s jacket, shaking it to and fro while stepping from foot to foot,pointing at the closed door of their shared bedroom “Can I pick up your cat?”

“Uh…” Jaebum glances toJinyoung for permission, and upon seeing the frantic shake of his head, smilesapologetically “Sorry Youngjae yah, not today.” He ruffles his feathery hairand pokes his round, pinking cheeks when they balloon up with a pout.

Two strong baby armssuddenly pull Jaebum’s own arms down and the younger blinks on the widest puppyeyes he can muster, “Jinyoung hyung’s just being mean! Don’t listen to him!”

Jinyoung sighs. Thiskid.

Jinyoung rounds over tothem, huffing out his own cheeks and swoops his cousin into his arms,maneuvering around his overnight duffel and setting him atop a fortress ofblankets that Jaebum had thrown his back over to construct. “What Jaebum hyungmeans by not today is never. You’re allergic to fur, remember?Nora’s locked in our room for a reason.”

“Maybe I’m not allergicto Nora,” Youngjae offers, his lips pursing into a smart smile stretchingacross his face. As much as Jinyoung loves to coo over cuteness, he’s a toughcustomer.

Tutting, he pinches alittle ear. It blooms pink and Youngjae yowls, indignant. “I find that hard tobelieve.”  

He turns his back thenand immediately feels the juvenile simmer of a glare. Pointedly ignoring it,Jinyoung retires back to the safe island of his kitchen corner, behind thegrape-juice stained marble and in front of his attempt at pasta boiling over onthe stove. He hurriedly lifts the metal-hot lid with his bare hands, lidclanging on the bench.

Half the time - it’sadmittedly a lot more than half, but no one’s actually counting at this point -it’s Jaebum the one who cooks dinner. It’s nothing Michelin worthy, but theiroptions run shallow. Neither of them have a lot of time, wholly preoccupiedwith their school studies, and even though Jaebum’s extent of culinaryknowledge only extends to chicken-based meals, it is, in Jackson’s words, atough choice between dying of carcinogenic take-away and Jinyoung’s homecooking.

But, you know, wholisten’s to Jackson anyway? Jinyoung snorts to himself as he turns down theheat so the froth isn’t leaking over the side of the pot. All that organic foodis probably growing organic mold in his brain or whatever.

The soft skin of hispalm is protesting red and he’s engulfed in a balmy wave of pearly steam whenhe hears a distinctive grunt of a certain man toppling over with the suddenweight of a certain child leaping on his back.

Lost in white vapour,Jinyoung peeks through to the sight of Jaebum’s knees righting itself from abuckle as his hands hooked Youngjae’s legs into a more comfortable grip againsthis hips so the little boy could grasp his neck better.

“Sorry, hyung!” hegiggles, then puffs his chest proudly, beaming at no one with a toothy smilebehind ruffled hair, “My mom says I’m getting bigger every day.”

Jinyoung wavessauce-soaked wooden spoon, its juices dripping down to his fingers, “Youngjae,be careful.”

He’s pointedly ignored,the little kid turning cheek from him, and Jaebum does no help by laughingbreathily. The pot, a few inches from Jinyoung’s chest and emanating a melting,ferocious heat, bubbles wickedly atop its blue simmer.

He sighs. This kid.

—–

The evening had lulledfurther along into a colder, hungrier hour yet the relentless, unwaning sourceof energy that Youngjae’s life essence seemed to be tethered to, was startingto take effect on Jaebum. His stubbornness, a leaden thing in his stomachalmost heavier than Jinyoung’s, forces him to keep up with all his younger,colourful and kaleidoscope antics.

He’s Youngjae’stransport for a solid half hour. The younger perched upon on his shoulders andmaneuvered around the cramped walls of their apartment, with the glimpse yellowof his shirt and the grey of Jaebum’s appearing from corner to corner. Theflash of a bare ankle, the slip of tousled black hair, and the slip of bluesocks on hardwood at speeds that make Jinyoung fret from where he’s beenbanished in his kitchen corner. Youngjae was still sore about the whole Norathing, apparently. 

Dubbed and knighted by awooden metre ruler, a device Jinyoung uses for planning out straight lines atopblue-grid paper and poking Jaebum for the television remote, not for promotingmedieval hierarchal values, Jaebum grins as Youngjae giggles himself silly fromthe now highest perch in their home.

“Hyung, don’t go sofast,” Jinyoung murmurs from where he’s leaning against the countertop. He goesunheard beneath raucous laughter. His phone is beside his elbow, screen smudgedfrom compulsively checking all his sns out of boredom and hoping to distracthimself as the other two boys left him alone. Jackson had sent him a sad winkyface when he tried to explain his predicament and then a link to a youtubevideo Jinyoung’s too wary to open. Mark sent him a snap of his weird dog, and -god knows he was desperate by reaching out to them - Yugyeom had recorded hisroommate Bambam trying to flip a bottle in response.

The repetitive thud ofplastic against a table and sloshing water against its crinkly barrier playsover and over in a loop in his head as he starts to doze out.

“Jinyoung!”

His eyes fly open.Dangling from an arm, Youngjae’s hanging off of Jaebum’s as if he were swingingfrom playground monkey bars.

“Jae’s hungry.”

Jinyoung narrows his eyes,“Well aren’t you two so chummy all of a sudden.”

Jaebum snickers, “Nyoung.”

“What?” He never said hewas above this, “The pasta’s barely warm anymore since you two played for solong.” This bubble of pettiness, shamelessness, pridefulness, whatever, he’snot above it he’ll admit.

Unfazed, Jaebum far tooaccommodated with his antics to even consider taking him seriously, a knack ofhis that makes Jinyoung both unbearably flustered yet also besmirched, hebegins to move his arm up and down. Youngjae smiles like a kid on a joyride, pleasantlythrilled at these babysitting services. Jinyoung does well to ignore hownicely-fitting the sleeves of his boyfriend’s shirt are.

“That’s okay, we’ll justmicrowave it. Is that okay, Youngjae yah?”

Delighted with the easylift of his entire weight, Youngjae giggles and begins swinging impressivelywith his sock-clad feet kicking out into the air, nodding as he hums a “Yep!And after food, can we play more?”

“I don’t know…” Jaebumsqueezes his face so that his nose is scrunched and began feigning a labouredbreath, a playful glitter adopting in his eyes, “I’m feeling…so tired.Youngjae, how did you get so heavy?” He suddenly tilts his supporting arm tothe ground and Youngjae hiccups on a yell as he dips suddenly down, “I don’tthink I can go on any longer!”

“Hyung, no! If I touchthe ground I’ll die!!”

“Well, we can’t havethat can we?” With an impressive maneuver, the boy’s hefted up into Jaebum’shold before being effortlessly lifted above his head, letting his short legsdangle and rest on his shoulders with knees bracketing his neck.

Lost in their own worldthese two become, and Jinyoung’s left to cook his indignant stew on the insideas they forget about him for another good half hour. His crappy dinner growscold on the counter.

When they do eat, thereminder punctuated by Jaebum’s stomach making a painful noise and Youngjaelaughing before his own smaller rendition growled out, the two of them arestill stacked like a totem pole. Jaebum lets Youngjae open the cabinets fromhis perch, grabbing two bowls in his grip and Jinyoung hovers close by,anticipating broken porcelain and a lot of blood and his aunt’s wrath squeezingaround his neck 

“Jinyoung.” ComesJaebum’s amused voice and arched brow. Funny how that look makes him moredefensive than flustered now.

“What? 

The other man takes thebowls from Youngjae’s hands and places them down, “Nothing,” he sighs, thenshakes his head, “You’re cute.”

Jinyoung’s ears tint alittle pink, “What?” he asks, puzzled.

“You’re cute when you’relike this. Whiny, but pandering.” He hands Jinyoung a bowl, who begins stabbinga wooden spoon into the pot. Youngjae has his thoroughly amused smile hiddenbehind the ruffled bird’s nest of Jaebum’s dye-job.

“I’m not whiny, and whatdo you mean? I’m not exactly bending my back to accommodate your and Youngjae’splaydate,” he makes sure Jaebum’s bowl has the least amount of sauce,that some of it even trickles over the edge and down the side. When he takesthe other bowl - a smaller one with small birds decorating the rim, he appeaseswith a close-eyed sigh to Youngjae’s cheer for more sauce! Please! Untilhalf the contents are drowned in it. What a weird kid.

“Exactly,”

Jinyoung whips his headaround, “What?”

“Nothing,” Jaebumsingsongs, opening the microwave.

—–

Youngjae slowly beginsto deflate by the time the dark fleece of the hour blanketed the horizon.Finally allowed retirement from being some sort of four-legged creature oftransport - Jinyoung doesn’t miss the way Jaebum massages his lower back andshoulders - the two of them resort to scribbling all over what Jinyoung hopesis not his sketchbook.

He’s still banned,apparently, from joining them.

“I guess I’ll just leaveyou kids to do whatever then,” he calls out from the dining table where he’sperched - not sulking - knees tucked to his chest and arms looped around hislegs. His laptop whirrs pitifully at him where a blank search page blinksalmost owlishly. “Don’t mind me at all whilst I do my homework. Like a goodstudent. With a student debt. And little to no career prospects on thehorizon. 

Jaebum smiles sheepishlyup at him with a tad of guilt that makes a little huff of triumph Jinyoung’schest, which immediately dampens when the impeccable handsomeness in those thinlips and brow overthrow the reminder that Jinyoung is kind of pissed at themoment. It’s impish almost, the sight of Jaebum and the way he’s forced tocramp his knees to his chest as he positions himself beside the low coffeetable where Youngjae’s little legs fit perfectly under. A bright violet crayonis grasped in Jaebum’s hand and the side of his wrist smudged in a rosy pinkchalk.

They’re lost in a smilefor moment - a honey warm thing. It’s tenderly domestic and the night isquaint, it’s something they’ll place away to look back on later - when Jaebum’schided for losing focus. A small palm pats his face, annoyed, and he mollifiesthe young one by dutifully filling in a crudely drawn chicken in purple.

Ah, loneliness.Jinyoung’s back to being ignored again. The light from the smile dissipatesthrough his chest back into nothing and he rubs his sternum, a littledisappointed. This was not what he was used to at all. He picks up his laptopand pads away into the darkness of their spare-bedroom-turned-workspace,closing the door with a quiet click and letting the darkness be dyed with theblue glow of his screen, foregoing the light switch.  

A ridiculouslyphotogenic portrait of Nora hangs above Jaebum’s desk and Jinyoung always hasto smile every time he sees it, affectionate, endeared, still disbelievingafter all these years, as he sits down at his boyfriend’s desk instead of hisown. A ring of coffee stains is permanent in the woodwork. The vinyl of theirchair scratched from their one-and-only girl.

Jinyoung quietly delvesinto his work, scourging through pdf after pdf, as he let’s the signaturesounds of a children’s animated movie starting to play in the background himsubdue over him.

—–

It’s after a solid hourof numbing his mind, that Jinyoung pads quietly out the room. He yawns andstretches, cracking his knuckles as he pulls his elbows over his head beforerealising the sudden lack of hushed whispers as from before. He reaches the endof the hallway and leans around the corner of the to peer into the lounge area.

Jaebum’s conked out,head lolling down into his chest and his chin gone soft as it’s squished intohis pullover. Colours from the movie, clouded impressions of oranges and pinksand blues, dance upon his sharp nose and mussed fringe and the shallow rise andfall of his chest. There’s a slight drooling at the corner of his lips. Hisarms hug a wad of blankets.

A seemingly empty wad ofblankets. Devoid of what should be a small, loud boy child.

“Shit.”

Jinyoung hurries overfor a closer inspection to the cradled bundle. Youngjae-less. He rounds over tothe kitchen island and checks behind the counter. Youngjae-less. He opens everybottom cabinet, even peeks into the oven and washing machine just in case.Still Youngjae-less.

Feeling the cold breathof his Aunt breathing down his neck, he scurries to Jaebum and crouches down,shaking his shoulder with restrained violence.

“Hnnrhgh?” Jaebum snortsunattractively, blindly swiping at him, “Wha? Good morning?”

Jinyoung would simper ifhe wasn’t feeling like he might’ve misplaced a very important living, breathingchild. “Hyung, where’s Youngjae?” he hisses.

Jaebum blinks, thequestion cutting through his fog of sleep and his arms squeeze the blankets inhis arm. It collapses in a shapeless form. Jaebum keeps trying, hands pattingup and down, searching the fabric for something solid and child-shaped.

“Oh,” his eyes widen alittle, then he snorts a little, “Yah, Jinyoung. Stop looking like that, I cansee your wrinkles already. Youngjae’s probably just wandered off somewhere,okay?”

The comfort backfiresand Jinyoung’s eyes fly open in alarm.

“Did we lock the door?The door’s locked, right? You don’t think he’s gone outside do you?”

Jaebum seizes his arm bythe sleeve and drags him down from where he was about to bolt, “I meantwandered somewhere in our home. And yes, Nyoung, I locked the door.”

Still, Jinyoung pullshis bottom lip with his teeth, chewing on it slightly. He pulls away fromJaebum’s hold and shoves his hands into his face, shaking his head andgroaning, “I leave you alone for one moment and you lose the baby and I lose myhead. We’re terrible parents.”

A warm, bumpy solidpresses against his cheek. Jaebum’s hand, cupping him delicately with a crinklylaugh, “I don’t believe that - wait.”

“What?”

“Shh.” A finger silencesJinyoung’s mouth and his brows rise, alert. He strains his ears to hear andfollows Jaebum’s suspicious glare around their apartment, an edgy nervousnesspushing against his sternum. There’s a hiccup of noise in the silence.

A sneeze.

A faint, very telltalesneeze from down the hallway. Jinyoung’s lips round into a small ‘o’ and atrembling relief floods the banks of his chest. A weak smile rises in him. He puffsa small breath out against Jaebum’s forehead and lets his hand come rest on hisexposed collar .

“Told you, youworrywart,” his infuriating boyfriend whispers, smirking, before a frown takesover, “Sounds like he’s caught a cold though.”

They stand up and followthe source of sound, coming to a still in front of their bedroom and theincriminating gap of its door creaked a slight angle ajar. Another sneeze,squeaky and loud. Jaebum hides a snort behind his hand.  

“At least it’s not a cold,”he murmurs and pushes the door open, flipping the lightswitch on and engulfingthe walls in a dim light, illuminating Youngjae who suddenly freezes - one handraised tenderly in mid pet over the fur of a curious Nora, her eyes openingfrom a nap in confused, blue slits - and Jinyoung coughs his laughter down histhroat from behind Jaebum’s shoulder.

Nora stirs, her tailswishing at the sight of her owners and she stands on her short legs, backarching and little feline teeth flashing before she leaps down gracefully. Herpaws thud softly on the floorboards. A quiet purr rumbles through their smallroom as she entwines herself around Jaebum’s ankles, content, pleased, a littlewhiney when she begins meowing loudly for dinner. With playful satisfaction,Jinyoung watches, tickled, at Youngjae’s still-turned back, too afraid to evendrop his hand from the air.

“Youngjae yah,” Jinyoungcalls out lyrically, “what are you doing in here?”

Jaebum bends down toscoop up his cat, “Hey, don’t tease,” he murmurs, tucking his girl to his chestand scratching the underside of her chin with a finger, a delighted grintwitching on his face as her eyes close again, tail tip twitching happilyagainst his stomach. Pursing his lips but still reaching over to give Nora agood scratch behind the ears, Jinyoung ignores the two of them and moves aroundhim to get into the room, coming to kneel beside Youngjae.

The boy is pouting, adangerous wobble to his bottom lip paired with quite a heart-wrenching pair ofpuppy eyes bulging in an innocent, allergy-induced watery display. A violentsneeze shakes his body, his chin bumping into his chest. Jinyoung coos.

“Youngjae,” his voiceturns into a soft butter and he pulls his shirt sleeve over his hand, using itwipe the escaped tears trickling down his blotched cheeks, “you know betterthan anyone Nora will make you all sniffly.”

Youngjae’s button nosecrinkles, “But she’s soft.”

Jinyoung breathes asmall laugh, eyes squeezed and head dipping down in a tender, partial mix ofamusement and exasperation. The blunt and unexpected honesty thunking rightagainst his heart. Fondly, he makes to pick the boy up and wipe the snifflefrom his nose, “She is, isn’t she? But that doesn’t mean your eyes won’t getitchy and that doesn’t mean your mom won’t get mad at me.”

Youngjae loops his armsaround his neck, his grabby fingers automatically playing with his collarmindlessly. With a bout of sniffles against his shirt, Jinyoung shuffles out oftheir cat-furred room and into the lounge space, rubbing smooth circles acrosshis back and bobbing his little form up and down in calm bounces until hisrunny nose settled into the occasional sniff.

His heart bumps againsthis sternum when Youngjae’s hold around his neck squeezes into a warm embrace,his fingers interlocking and palms pressing down onto the nape of his neck.Jinyoung shifts him higher into his hold, closing him to his chest. Younger’ssmaller heart was beating steadily against the fabric of his clothes.

“Are you mad at me,hyung?” the voice is tiny. So meek and milky with the late hour, the softticking of their clock is only second-loudest to their gentle breaths. It’soddly reminiscent in the casted shadows of the apartment and Jinyoung feels sorooted, anchored, only by the warm, snotty weight of a child in his arms. Asliver of golden light beams out from his bedroom, splintering against the blueof their walls and falling to colour the top of Youngjae’s hair to a brown. Awarm beacon coming from where Jinyoung knew Jaebum was leaning against thewall, eavesdropping.

Don’t tease. The gentle reprimand rings around his head witha startling, judgemental clarity, as if Jaebum was right beside his ear. Thethought nudges him.

“I’m not, Jae. I’m not.”

“Even though I was withJaebum hyung all night?”

“Mhm.”

“And that I touched Noraeven though you said no?”

“Mhm.”

“And I got mad at you?”

“Even that.”

“Even if I thought yourfood was icky?”

Jinyoung pulls his armsout a little so that he can see Youngjae, twisting his face into a frown withhis nose crinkled like paper and bottom lip indignantly jutting out. Hesqueezes the bridge of Youngjae’s nose, tweaking it, “Hmm, now I think I’mmad.”

His baby cousin laughsand it’s a sweet little sound like silver bells.

“You’re such a handful.Let’s get you to bed.” he sighs, bringing the sleepy face back down to hisshoulder to allow a squishy cheek to press against his sleeve. He rocks himgently, swaying side to side and humming nothing in particular. The faint lightpools at his feet and across Youngjae’s back. His shallow breaths soon evenout, exhausted, into a gradual lull.

Jaebum appears besidehim then with Nora still wrapped in his arms. One of her claws is stuck in aloose thread in his shirt and neither of them seem to mind.

“I think it’s about timewe all slept.” Jaebum punctuates with a wide-mouthed silent yawn. His eyesdroop down into an affectionate smile as he lazily hooks an arm aroundJinyoung’s waist to lead all four of them back to bed.

“Aren’t you forgettingsomething?”

“Hm?” Jaebum blinksblearily.

Jinyoung rolls his eyesand nudges Jaebum’s shin with his foot. He nods down at Nora. “Your little furprincess here is a health hazard, remember?”

Jaebum blinks again.Gradual recognition opens his eyes by a fraction and his mouth curls into an‘o’. “Right, right. Forgot.”

He unhooks the clawtrapped in his shirt and lets Nora go regretfully, placing her down onto thefloor and watches her for a second as she stares up at him, confused about whyshe wasn’t joining them like every night. He scratches the underside of herchin quickly and pads over to a bemused Jinyoung.

“You spoil her toomuch.”

Jaebum snorts butdoesn’t deny it, “I spoil you too much.”

“Huh?” Unwanted heatblotches his neck and Jinyoung scrunches his nose, “No you don’t.”

“Oh, so you didn’t spendthe whole night pouty and jealous over a seven year-old? Okay.”

Jinyoung splutters,words strangled in his throat and the tips of his ears ignite. There was no wayhe was that obvious. Right? His back straightens and he summons his bestscowl, lips tight, and the other man has the gall to just crinkle his eyes athim. Jinyoung forcefully opens their bedroom door by a fraction and squeezesinside without leaving any room for Jaebum to do so too.

“You’re sleeping on thecouch tonight.” He hisses at him, grip on the handle.

Jaebum’s hand catchesthe door before it’s shut in his face, “Nyoung.” he huffs, unbelievingand trying to tame the laugh about to break surface.

“I’m serious!”

He doesn’t understandwhat’s so hilarious about the situation, seriously, but Jaebum’s facebreaks into its blinding grin, one made of all teeth and scrunched crescents,and he easily pries the door wide open, steps forward to cup Jinyoung’s cheekswith his warm hands, and ducks his head down by a slight to catch his refusinggaze. It wasn’t like Jinyoung was actually putting any muscle into it anyway,he does have a child in his arms.

“Jinyoung,” His voicedrops into a low whisper, a deep timber that only appears when they’re alone.It’s unbecoming to Jinyoung, just how much the little things Jaebum does can doto him, just the nuance, the degree, the touches paired with it that are sofamiliar, so ingrained, that it smooths away all the fractures. All ofJinyoung’s barriers drop and he completely leans into his touch, into hissoftened gaze and allows, just a little, the tempered quirk of his lips.

Naturally, it’s onlynecessary for Jaebum to open his big, fat mouth, “Don’t worry. You won’t stopbeing the biggest handful to me, even with Youngjae around.”

Jinyoung is about toclose the door on his foot but unfortunately, it’s such a devious move, Jaebumcatches his scowling lips into a kiss first, a messy press that Jinyoung is tooweak to do anything against but mold himself into, and he guesses it’s alrightif the couch stays cold tonight.

#jj project #jjproject #got7 #character:youngjae #character:jinyoung #character:jb #author:jo #genre:fluff #genre:romance

[moonlitfirefly]

A letter from an Ebola nurse (me) to the COVID-19 nurses (all of us):

It is OK to be scared.

Imma say that one more time.

It is totally, absolutely, completely, and wholly OK to be really, really, really, really scared.

It’s OK to be scared about going to work.

It’s OK to be scared about getting infected at work.

It’s OK to be scared about not being one of the “minor” cases if you DO get sick.

It’s OK to be scared about being on a ventilator.

It’s OK to be scared about dying.

It is completely normal to be scared about exposing your family to the virus.

It’s normal to be scared - terrified - that you might be the one who gets your husband/wife/partner sick.

Who gets your mother/father/Nana/Pops/beloved elder sick.

Or worse.

It is OK to be at the end of your tether about how to manage being the one who has to work, carry the health insurance, and figure out how to fill the next six open, isolated weeks with your children at home. And support your partner now that they’ve lost their job.

To be overwhelmed by being so frightened at the thought of having to go back to work tonight — but knowing that by doing so, you are the final fragile thread that is keeping your whole family’s life tied together.

It’s OK to be so unbelievably fucking pissed at your hospital. At the for-profit healthcare system we’ve got in this country that allows administration to endorse minimal precautions in an effort to not have to find/purchase/steal/commandeer the PPE that will keep you safe.

If they’re not fighting for you now, will they ever? (#Unionize)

It’s OK to be enraged at a country so broken, so politicized, so skewed away from the tenets of basic humanity that we aren’t immediately implementing comprehensive testing, and taking even more radical steps towards mass isolation to ensure most of us make it through this alive.

Because some of us won’t.

Us. Nurses. Doctors. Healthcare workers.

Some of us won’t make it out of this alive.

And it’s OK to grieve.

And grieve hard when it happens.

*

A little more than five years ago, I stood in the “green” zone of my Ebola Treatment Unit in Sierra Leone. I watched over the fence as one of my nurses, one of my ‘national’ nurses, a nurse from Sierra Leone, fighting to save her own country, her own people, was escorted out of the back of an ambulance into the “red” zone, tired and pale and sick, had her blood drawn by her co-workers in full PPE, and was housed in the “Suspected” ward.

I stood there, and I wept. I cried and cried and cried. I couldn’t touch my face to cover my tears, so I just wept openly under a hot, hazy sky.

Gabriel, having left his family safely in northern Sierra Leone to come south to fight for his country as well, was one of our ‘sprayers.’ (They walked with us in the Unit and sprayed everything except the patients with diluted bleach, both before and after we touched it.) He walked up behind me, and stayed precisely three feet away from me.

“Don’t cry, Martha.”

I kept crying. “I am so FUCKING SICK of nurses and doctors dying. I am so FUCKING SICK of this thing killing us.”

“Don’t cry. It will be OK.”

I looked at him, red-faced and swollen and utterly broken. “How do you know? How will it be OK?”

Gabriel paused for a minute, looked at the sun behind the clouds, looked at the big trees covered in red dust outside the walls of the ETU, looked at the walls of the red zone, at the shack behind the “Confirmed” ward where we stacked the bodies of the dead, soaked in chlorine bleach and zipped into bodybags, and soaked in bleach again.

“I don’t know.” He said. But he smiled at me, just a small, comforting smile. “I don’t know how. But it will be OK.”

*

I signed up to be an Ebola nurse.

I chose that path, deliberately, passionately.

You didn’t sign up to be COVID-19 nurse.

You didn’t choose this path.

You didn’t get any choices about this at all.

So.

It’s OK to be scared.

It’s OK to be angry.

It’s OK to be exhausted.

It’s OK to be sad.

It’s OK to grieve.

Find your steps along this path in the way that feels right to you.

Be angry. Scared. Tired. Sad. Terrified.

But never forget that along with all those other feelings, you’re still - and always will be - a nurse.

Never forget the strength and history and legacy that comes with that title.

Even if you don’t feel it, it’s there.

You are more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

And as an Ebola nurse, I’m more proud of all of you than I can ever possibly say.” -Martha Phillips

#registered nurse #nurse #ebola nurse #covid-19 #honest #intergrity #courageous #genuine

[newslegion-blog1]

Richard Dawkins / Bret Weinstein Conversation - Chicago 23-Oct-2018

BW rubbishes mathematical models as proving an imperfect method of arriving at absolute solution so says he doesn't like the maths. But RD rightly sceptical. It's a case of advancing accuracy. You can start with people power and words, and these can cover ground in leaps and bounds, but then precision needs to advance and this moves to a make necessary the maths. The fact the maths is imperfect is an error in the variables and the functions used - human error remains - but it's no reason to suppose a reversion to human-only progress will do anything but decrease precision. This is a foolish backward step. Baby with the bathwater just cuz mathematical model has been imperfectly constructed.

BW mistakes RD saying we're rem ote from evolution when talking about the complexities of human affairs as meaning we're not affected by evolution but RD is talking in terms of evolutionary timescales and our ability to perceive the natural selection in operation - in any meaningful sense - when it comes to interpreting the details of human history (a mere 8000 years).

BW is keen to confront 'what we are programmed for' because he knows that evolution has built us but many now be the absolute opposite instincts needed for humanity to progress - in its own timescales on its own terms.

Key point here is that while our evolved mind and body will contain instincts that drive all the themes in human history, that end up defining that history, this doesn't mean we can apply an absolute judgment of what is and what isn't FIT to be respected/perpetuated based on evolutionary theory. It must always be a humanistic layer that takes into account the evolved instincts but also factors in the strata data of a plethora of anthropomorophic fields of study. "Byproducts" as RD says.

BW is wrong again equating journey into the unknown is NOT a prior step to suicide when the land mass is full - i.e. self sacrifice. The pioneers aren't sacrificing themselves. This is another temporal mistake. The pioneer is optimistic, it's closer to the 'leap jump test if I can' urge that surfaces from some high place, which presumably comes from our primate origins leaping through the trees.

RD is absolutley right to point out the complicated mixture of human level affairs as being NOT Darwininian and the domain of other subjects. BW wants to be a polymath when it comes to the complex edgecases of science but it's a Deepak Chopra approach from an actual scientist. Tempting but bullshit.

RD correctly calls these byproducts - even vastly emotive ones - relics of our genetic construction. It can be interpreted using biology, insofar as what it represents from our biological past, but that doesn't mean biology has any helpful role in further more precise deconstruction.

BW argues that genocide having been a feature of human history for 8000 years is enough reason to apply evolutionary theory to explain and ... then what? This is a case of how it's packaged rather than how it's precisely and profoundly deconstructed. If anything trying to reduce to evolutionary motives is to miss the detail that's necessary for an ACTUAL useful understanding.

Catholicism example, memes that help pass on lineage genes, it's judging based on cherry picking just cuz it matches a version of Darwinian interpretation.

54m RD worldview summary.

Genes and viruses as replicators, the difference is just the method they use to get into the next generation. Genes look after bodies cuz that's their vehicle. Cooperation is therefore inbuilt, zygotes are inevitable without them genes are dead end. Viruses have to use other methods like sneezing and poo. Memes more like viruses. The world is a replicator soup, croutons being tools of phenotype replication.

Extended phenotypes, this concept is the grey zone where evolutionary biology crosses into sociology history etc. Depending how far one extends them. This extension could be defined as the necessary conditions created by the phenotypic behaviour/activity of the gene-vehicles. No choice is involved.

Memes are synthetic a posteriori. Hard to make precise statements about their behaviour.

It's funny how large scale systems with a lot of component people make less mistakes in discernment choices where more discerning individuals are part of any process of meritocracy. Either directly or stages removed.

RD to be commended for working up the enthusiasm to stay mostly attentive to BW whose self-regard is way out of whack with his evident stature in the field of biology. I may be biased here as I've read BW's post-show tweets and even the way he refers to DAWKINS lacks respect and the impression he'd somehow given a good account of himself speaks to what must be something of an echo chamber existence. I'm no longer surprised he hasn't found a new job.

Example: BW was correctly placed at Evergreen and RD is correctly placed at Oxford, relative intellectual stature aptly reflected in the relative status of these institutions. BW has been described as the best high school science teacher in America. This statement is one of the best examples of damning with faint praise.

BW wants to tether his keen eye for sociology and psychology with the heavy weight of scientific truth. This means he's prepared to claim the big trends in human culture - the long lived meme - religion for instance. RD says religion is a mind virus and though this was obviously hyperbole to goad the religious, he stuck by the distinction when BW challenged him to think of religion as a Darwinian meme.

Presumably this clash of definition reveals how the two think of religion. RD doesn't presume to consider religion part of the human culture survival toolkit, preferring to see it as a plethora of viral strains contracted by billions and heavily resistant to being cured; though we're getting better at it in parts of the world. BW says it's cultural meme, serving a purpose that's simpatico (or even beneficial) to the survival of the human fittest. Two problems with this, the first one of perspective, second one of anthropology.

First: to use the fact religion is with the human species, in various forms, as a proof of its symbiotic role is - as BW snipes at RD, to not see the forest for the trees. Today yes, we humans are alive and religion is here. But who knows a hundred years hence? What if religious war escalated to nuclear holocaust and all humans were wiped out? An observing alien would judge religion to have been ultimately fatal to homo sapiens. No more people, no more religion, not symbiotic at all. It's not enough to say a thing is a meme just because it's present at the time of observation.

Second: BW cites religion as a good meme because he says it codified important survival rules like people doing things in life to justify an afterlife in heaven. While it's not literally true, BW says it's metaphorically true as the tenets of religion teaches moral goodness, which makes for better behaviour, which means stability and better conditions to get the gene letters into the next generation. This is bolx. Islam is a blueprint for jihad, the Bible would have us killing for minor crimes and various life choices (like homosexuality). The only way to square religion as a force for good in human survival is to invent one that inculcates a bunch of rules preselected for beneficial effect. No religion does this. None ever tried to do so. Cherry picking bolx like Irish priest in the family encouraged success for the gene letter replication for a lineage despite the priest's celibacy is a daft spin on a convenient social mix that has as many versions antithetical to continuing the lineage. Think of those suicide cults where whole families died together to satisfy religious laws. Are those religions mind viruses where Irish Catholicism isn't?

BW in the after video links evolution in meme culture to natural selection which, ironically, is a cipher for post-modernism. But why?

Two points. Firstly, let's not mistake the lateral spread of an idea at a point in time, however widely it may go viral, with the extension of an idea across successive generations. These are different axis. Secondly, natural selection, if used as the arbiter of what is 'good' or 'bad' in the grand scheme of survival of the fittest, operates on a different timescale to the blink of human history (what little we know) since the first civilisations. It's wild speculation to presume the weight of evolutionary theory applies to ANY aspect of civilised human culture - religion included. Play with the techniques by all means, use natural selection as a neat metaphor sure, but don't kid yourself the 8000 years of vaguely documented homo sapiens activity amounts to anything profound or predictive of which (if any) of our current 'big' ideas will ultimately be selected by the generations to come.

For comparison sake, I’ve included a link to the conversation between physicist Brian Greene and Richard Dawkins from around the same time, this time in New York. The content speaks for itself and Brian Greene is always enthusiastic and engaging. The calibre of the conversation is much higher than the Weinstein event. This is mostly down to Greene being a far more mature, erudite and loose. He’s able to engage Dawkins, who begins sluggish but wakes up when he realises he’s been booked to talk to someone genuinely intelligent and interesting.

#schlumpfe

[cw-as-fieldresearch]

It isn’t always sunshine and rainbows

While doing fieldwork up here at Trail Valley, we get some pretty spectacular experiences; we’ve seen the sun transition from usual daylight/darkness routines to not seeing the sun ever set, we have had incredible animal encounter with local foxes, caribou (even a calf!), and snowy owls, there has been weeks of beautiful sunny, bug-free days while the tundra lit up with purple blankets of blooming flowers … and then there are stretches like the past few days.

It started off with thunderstorms rolling through a few nights ago. There were a few storms that passed by, and although we didn’t get much rain there was enough thunder nearby to keep us up for a good chunk of the night. We then had a pretty early morning (relative to our usual routine) due to the fact that we were pretty much cooking in the tent. Even early, it was a really hot day. I know that all of you reading in southern Ontario (or even southern NWT) will probably roll your eyes when we say that we are cooking up here at 24 degrees Celsius, but let me make a few things clear; we’ve been tenting here since it was -30 degrees Celsius, so for a long time we found the range between -5 and +5 degrees to be quite ideal temperatures, making 24 degrees pretty darn hot relative to our “comfort zone”. The other thing is that 24 degrees on the tundra on a windless day has no relief – you can’t get out of the sun if you’re out working! One day that Cory and I were doing our big walkaround day of measurements we found one scraggly white spruce tree on the route that is just big enough to cast a shadow, and what a relief it was! It’s a new favourite stopping point. And one last thing about the hot days – the bugs come out.

Well to add to the joys (sarcasm) of this super hot day, I managed to pinch a nerve in my neck/shoulder in a pretty bad way while walking to the furthest site that we work at. After finding that our work that day was, in true fieldwork fashion, going much much slower than we anticipated, we called it quits rather than prolonging our overheating and my worsening shoulder pain. Plus, we had our 9+ hour fieldwork day the next day, so we wanted to make sure we were still alive for that.

We made the effort to rest up for a fresh start, but this time our sleep was disturbed by what seemed like a hurricane blowing through camp. Despite the fact that we’ve become quite accustomed to the sound of our tent flapping in tundra-force winds, the wind was strong enough that we were both kept awake for much of the night. As it turns out, it looked like a hurricane blew through when we emerged from the tent in the morning. Chairs were toppled off of platforms, one of the big canvas tents had been shifted leaving only part of the frame standing (despite all four corners of the tent cover being tethered down), the seacan was blown open, a birdhouse on the shitter got rotated upside down, things were knocked off of shelves in the weather haven from the sides of it heaving so much, and a piece of cardboard hit the bear fence with such force that it pulled the corner post right up out of the permafrost. I’m surprised we managed to get any sleep at all considering the way things looked in the morning!

We did survive our science that day, and had a visit from a few folks in town who were just in camp for the afternoon (they brought me Shreddies, which made me super happy – we’ve been suffering from some pretty extreme camp cravings these days). We got some pretty amazing swag from our friendly neighbourhood helicopter pilot too, which was an exciting find at the end of a long day. And the shrubs have finally fully leafed out – we’ve been waiting weeks for that to happen!

Just when we thought that we were tired enough to sleep through anything, last night we had bucketloads of rainfall on several occasions. The rain was much needed – it has been incredibly dry and the fire risk in this region has been quite high. It would have been really nice if it had just been steady all night long though instead of raging torrents … I find steady rainfall on a tent to be quite soothing, but when it seems like the rain is coming down like bullets out of the sky, it just isn’t as relaxing, and definitely isn’t conducive to sleep.

It has stayed pretty weathery all day here today – a bunch of storms rumbling around us, some drizzle on and off, but we got the little bit of fieldwork on the schedule for today done with and only lost a small portion of our blood volume to mosquitoes before giving in and applying some deet. The fieldwork blues are definitely a thing and we definitely went through a few cycles of it in this last short stretch. In good news, we have our departure date finalized, so we’ll be leaving camp on July 4th and back in Ontario July 7th. Pushing through these less-than-pleasant days is much easier with an end date in sight!

Anyway, that just goes to show that it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows up here. We have some spectacular National Geographic-style experiences, but there’s a lot of blood, sweat, and tears (though mostly blood and sweat) that aren’t the Kodak moments that people often see. That being said, through the swarms of bugs, cold and wet days, uncomfortably hot shade-less days, sleepness nights due to weather being all over the place, and crap that we have to deal with (sometimes literally dealing with crap), we keep coming back. Why’s that?

-          we learn more than you ever could from reading any book or paper

-          we get to meet and pick the brains of a diverse group of researchers from different disciplines

-          we discover cool things (I might have come across the northernmost northern tent caterpillar nest the other day)

-          nobody cares what we wear or look like

-          you can hear the quietest quiet imaginable when the wind is still and the bugs aren’t out

-          you can live on an entirely different schedule from the rest of the world because it doesn’t affect anyone and the sun is always out anyway, so work when you want as long as it gets done

-          wildflowers and wildlife are everywhere

-          sunshine and rainbows!

For all of the “why am I doing this to myself?!” moments, there are countless “how did I get so lucky to be here doing this?!” moments, and we wouldn’t trade it all for anything (unless it was all the same, except maybe less bugs).

Until next time,

-Ana and Cory

p.s. my shoulder has regained some functionality with regular doses of Robax. Bonus!