#while simultaneously being doomed to never receive the love i crave and provide for others

[anjukoneko]

I strongly believe being truly, actually loved for once in my fucking life would fix/heal a good portion of what's wrong with me, possibly even the majority. Tragic that it looks like that'll never happen lmao.

#guess I'll just be fucked up and broken and insane until i die #I'm so emotionally drained and distraught rn sorry guys #it's probably because i started a new medication a couple of days ago tbh #I'm rather hurt at how my bestie has been treating me #actually im extremely hurt with how most of the important people in my life have been treating me #I'm tired of always being enthusiastic about their lives and asking questions and building them up #and doing them favors and going out of my way to help and doing sweet/thoughtful things to help ease their daily burdens #and not even being met with a FRACTION of that energy back. nor even any real appreciation #and yeah i dont do these things to get anything in return. i do them because i love these people and i want to show them that #but yall it HURTS being taken for granted in nearly every. fucking. relationship/friendship #and at a certain point it most definitely feels like I'm being used #but the sad thing is people are so self absorbed they probably dont even see it #it depresses me but i feel like my only purpose on earth is to lift up and inspire those around me #while simultaneously being doomed to never receive the love i crave and provide for others #why am i always loving others? why am i so full of love if no one will love me back? #why do i have to suffer this way? what kind of excruciating divine punishment is this? #am i truly so repulsive and undesirable? truly so uninteresting and boring? worthless? my only value is to serve others? #anju speaks #venting #dumb personal shit