#whispersfrom221b dialogues

[whispersfrom221b]

Sherlock: Are you sure you want to wear … this?

John: What's wrong with it? Those are my normal clothes.

Sherlock: Exactly.

John: We're just going to have dinner somewhere.

Sherlock: If that's how you talk to all of your dates, it's no wonder that you're still single.

John: Date?

Sherlock: Yes, John, date.

John: We're going on a … date. You and I. Did I miss something? When did we decide to go on a date?

Sherlock: You asked me not four hours ago if we want to have dinner at Angelo's today. I agreed and you said, and I quote, "Great. It's a date."

John: That's a phrase.

Sherlock: I should have known that after your hundreds of attempts to find a wife, agreeing on a date turned into a phrase to you. Stupid, Sherlock.

John: No, I mean it. It's actually a phrase. But we could, if you like. You know, make it a real date.

Sherlock: Is that another phrase?

John: No, that's me asking you out.

Sherlock: For romantic purposes?

John: That's the general idea behind dating.

Sherlock: Fine.

John: Good. That's… good. Great, actually. Just give me a second and I will change in something different.

Sherlock: No need, the first impression is already ruined.

John: Dating you is going to be fun.

Sherlock: Of course. Everything with me is fun.

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: Thanks for ruining another relationship.

Sherlock: Did she end it?

John: Yeah, thanks to you.

Sherlock: Great.

John: Great? Do you have any idea how hard it is to date someone when your flatmate is constantly crashing your dates?

Sherlock: And do you have any idea how hard it is to date when the person you're trying to date is already in the next relationship barely a second after the previous one ended?

John: What do you mean?

Sherlock: You understood me perfectly well.

John: Wait. Where are you going?

Sherlock: Bart's, Molly has some interesting kidneys for me. Dinner at seven at Angelo's? Try to be single when you arrive.

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[whispersfrom221b]

Greg: The only reason I keep giving you cases is that I don't want my best friend in jail for murder.

Sherlock: Please. John would do a lot for me, but he wouldn't commit murder just so that I'd have something to solve. He knows that I know him better than he does himself, so it wouldn't be a mystery at all.

John: I think Greg means you'd be the victim in this scenario.

Sherlock: You wouldn't murder me. Would you?

John: Sometimes is it's a close call.

Sherlock: John, please. You practically confessed in front of the police. And most likely the government as well.

Greg: I think we'd all turn a blind eye in this case. It would be justified.

Sherlock: Make it quick, John, if death is inevitable.

John: Or, you know, you could simply apologise.

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: sighs This case was wild. I can't believe people do things like this.

Sherlock: People in love do the most insane things.

John: chuckles True. Say, have you ever been in love?

Sherlock: I have.

John: Really? What are you like when you are? Doing stupid things like the rest of us? Writing sappy poems for example?

Sherlock: You know me, I'd never do stupid things.

John: Liar.

Sherlock: Perhaps you just don't get my genius. chuckles But well, I'm very much as I am currently.

John: Does that mean you're currently in love with someone?

Sherlock: I might be.

John: Alright. I'll grab the whisky and then you'll tell me everything about her.

Sherlock: Him. And why should I do that?

John: Because you're my best friend. And the laws of friendship demands it.

Sherlock: Fine. Though I'll only do so if you promise me to not get angry and move out if you don't like what you hear.

John: There's nothing you could say or do that would make me ever want to move out

Sherlock: I could try to kill you.

John: I thought you were already doing that. Remember the marmalade?

Sherlock: I apologized.

John: You did. As you did for the other near kills. chuckles Alright, now drink and tell.

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[whispersfrom221b]

Greg: Alright. I've got another one. This one's good, I promise. So: How many Sherlocks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sherlock: I am totally capable of changing a lightbulb. I don't understand the question, Graham.

Greg: Wroooong!

Sherlock: How can my answer be wrong? I obviously know best what I'm capable of doing.

John: sighs Calm down and drink another shot. Greg is telling a – very bad – joke. It's not about if you're capable of doing something.

Greg: So what's the answer, Johnny-boy?

John: Zero, but it takes a John.

Sherlock: How's that the correct answer?

Greg: You're no fun, Sherly. Sherlock, sorry. And drink the bloody shot, you need to relax.

Sherlock: Fine. But I demand an answer.

John: exasperated You'd ignore the lightbulb until I fix it.

Sherlock: snorts That's actually pretty funny, John. Gavin, I demand another joke and another shot.

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: Cocktails?

Sherlock: Yes. Problem?

John: I'm not sure I should trust you making cocktails.

Sherlock: It's just chemistry. They'll taste great.

John: I'm not worried about the taste.

Sherlock: I would never poison you.

John: You actually did. Twice.

Sherlock: Just some minor poisoning. But not with the cocktails. It wouldn't do well with what I've planned on doing after we're both a bit less inhibited.

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: Did you eat my chocolate muffin?

Sherlock: You know I don't eat during cases.

John: Good.

Mrs Hudson: whispers Good?

John: whispers That was Sherlockian for "yes".

Mrs Hudson: whispers And what's Sherlockian for "no"?

John: whispers It's "no".

Mrs Hudson: whispers How do you get him to eat? Perhaps I can use that trick for when you're not here.

John: whispers Simple. I put it somewhere near him and prepare it in a way he can eat it without focusing on it. Like get rid of the wrapper for the muffin or cut the meat and vegs into bite size and put a fork ready to grab on the plate. Then I just have to tell him to not touch it and it usually disappears within the next two hours.

Mrs Hudson: chuckles and whispers You really know your man.

John: whispers He's not my– sighs You're right. I have become his doting wife.

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[whispersfrom221b]

Rosie: Daddy, why can't I say Papa to Sh'lock?

John: Uhm … I guess he wouldn't want it.

Rosie: But Hanna said that when you have two Daddies, you say Daddy and Papa.

John: Oh darling. Sherlock is your godfather and he loves you very much, but it's difficult to explain. You see, a Daddy and a Papa are in love with each other and Sherlock and I are best friends.

Rosie: You don't love Sh'lock?

John: I do. But he doesn't love me.

Rosie: That's not true! He loves you. He told me. gasps I promised not to tell you. Daddy, don't be angry with Sh'lock. I don't wanna move away.

John: Bee, we won't move away. Why should we?

Rosie: Sh'lock said that you don't wanna live here if you find out. And that I have to go with you because you're my Daddy. If we move away, can Sh'lock come with us?

John: We won't move away, I promise. You know what, why don't you draw me a nice picture and I talk to Sherlock?

Rosie: Don't tell him I told you.

John: I won't. And everything will be alright, I promise. Who knows, maybe he'll even allow you to call him Papa.

Rosie: You ask him?

John: I will.

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: Happy New Year, Sherlock.

Sherlock: Happy New– Why did you kiss me?

John: I'm sorry. I thought, no I didn't think. Forget it. It just happened. Heat of the moment and traditional stuff and such. Can we pretend it didn't happen?

Sherlock: No we can't. I wanted to kiss you at midnight, not the other way around.

John: Oh, uhm, sorry. So, basically what I did was okay?

Sherlock: No, it was not. You've ruined my carefully crafted plan.

John: Can I ask what the plan was? Perhaps we can form a plan b together.

Sherlock: You'd get angry because of your repressed bisexuality, we'd argue, but eventually I'd convince you with my brilliant deductions and you'd realize that your feelings towards me aren't strictly platonic. Then we'd snog for approximately twenty minutes on the sofa until we continue in my bedroom getting more adventurous and doing things that are decidedly not heterosexual.

John: As we'd already started with the arguing, I'd say we should stick to that plan.

Sherlock: If you keep being so agreeable, I have to make some adjustments to make it work.

John: sighs Oh no, I poorly heterosexual man! I've kissed my best friend. A man. Oh no, I'm so confused. What should I do? How should I behave? I'm overwhelmed with this situation. And so angry, so so angry, because I don't know what to feel now. What does it mean for my extremely masculine masculinity? Am I still a man? giggles Can you work with that?

Sherlock: chuckles You're a terrible actor, but it'll do.

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: Did you steal a dog?

Sherlock: He's mine.

John: Since when?

Sherlock: Today. The adoption took a while, making sure he's safe with me and everything.

John: That's good. Responsible. Hello good boy, nice to meet you. What's his name and why did you suddenly want to get a dog?

Sherlock: Tobi. I got him because I always wanted to have a dog again.

John: Aaand?

Sherlock: huffs And because I am tired of being single and having a dog highly increases the chances to meet someone. Don't look at me like that, here are statistics that proof this. And with Tobi I can also make sure that I only meet someone who also likes dogs. It would be such a waste of time and energy if I date someone only to find out that he dislikes dogs. I couldn't spend the rest of my life with a dog hater.

John: You want to date someone? A man? And you got Tobi – a dog – as your wingman?

Sherlock: That's exactly what I've just said.

John: But I thought you didn't do relationships.

Sherlock: Wrong. I just wasn't interested in entering a new relationship at the time that we met.

John: What about me?

Sherlock: You?

John: I'm a man. I like Tobi. I like the Work. And I like you. I'm meeting even more than the minimum requirements.

Sherlock: I knew getting Tobi would be a good idea. Come my boy, you deserve a treat, a big one. Who would have guessed that you could make John want me in less than five minutes?

John: Hey! I already liked you before. I just didn't know that it was an option.

Sherlock: Don't shatter Tobi's self-confidence. He's sensitive.

John: I'm sorry Tobi.

Sherlock: Good boyfriend. You deserve a treat as well. Why don't you get us some Indian?

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: Broccoli? You wrote your favourite colour is broccoli?

Sherlock: Does it matter what I wrote? It's just for a case, John.

John: Still, you should take it seriously. Or do you want your name forever associated with a dating profile that says your favourite colour is broccoli? Imagine the Yard getting to read it for their files.

Sherlock: Do you want me to answer it honestly, John?

John: I just doubt that you'd manage to spend a whole evening with a broccoli girl.

Sherlock: sighs Give me the sheet. Here, I changed it. Satisfied?

John: Oatmeal? Your favourite colour is oatmeal? Sherlock, are you sure you want to date an oatmeal girl?

Sherlock: Absolutely not.

John: See? So–

Sherlock: But I wouldn't mind dating an oatmeal guy.

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[whispersfrom221b]

Sherlock: John, what would you do if there was, hypothetically speaking, a monkey in your bedroom?

John: groans What did you do this time?

Sherlock: Nothing.

John: Sherlock, monkeys can be dangerous. Why did you put a monkey in my room, for heaven's sake. And don't come with 'science'.

Sherlock: I swear I'm entirely innocent.

John: Sure you are. yawns I knackered. We'll deal with it tomorrow. I'm sorry, but you'll have to share your room tonight. I refuse to sleep on this horrible couch when I have an early shift tomorrow.

…

bed sheets ruffling

John: Sherlock?

Sherlock: Yes, John?

John: Is there really a monkey in my room? It's so quiet.

Sherlock: There isn't. There never was.

John: Can I still stay the night?

Sherlock: As many nights as you like.

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: Hey Mycroft, Sherlock and I'd like Indian for dinner. The usual, extra naan.

Sherlock: This will never work.

John: That's how I've ordered dinner for the last two months. Living under constant surveillance should have its benefits.

Sherlock: What do you hold against him? I can't believe you managed to blackmail my brother.

John: I don't blackmail him. He's just aware that I've got your mother's number and that she trusts my word.

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: I am Sherlock Holmes. I know everything better than everyone. Oh, I'm so clever that rules don't apply to me. Do this John, do that John, pick up my phone that's lying next to me because I'm a lazy git who doesn't want to move his sexy arse.

Sherlock: You think my arse is sexy?

John: squeaks You're here?

Sherlock: I thought you weren't interested in the male form.

John: I… uhm Sherlock… I…

Sherlock: Shush, John. You know, I think your arse is not too bad, either.

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[whispersfrom221b]

Sherlock: John, will you marry me?

John: I beg your pardon? Is that for a case?

Sherlock: Not for a case. I want you to become my husband.

John: But we're not dating.

Sherlock: I'm painfully aware of that fact.

John: Okay. Right. Then could you please explain to me why you want us to marry when you're aware of that.

Sherlock: I came to the conclusion that us being married would significantly increase the chances of you agreeing to date me.

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[whispersfrom221b]

John: What are we doing?

Sherlock: Eating Thai and watching James Bond. That should be obvious. Are you not feeling well, John?

John: No, I don't mean this. I mean … gesticulates wildly … this. Us.

Sherlock: Us?

John: Look at how close we sit. We hug on a regular basis, we hold hands when nobody is watching. We share a bed for f's sake.

Sherlock: Isn't that normal?

John: For lovers, Sherlock, but not for friends.

Sherlock: I was under the impression that we were in a romantic relationship. Is that wrong?

John: You think that we are … you and I … dating?

Sherlock: Yes.

John: Since when?

Sherlock: I can't say for sure, but at least since the day you started sleeping in my bed.

John: Oh.

Sherlock: Don't you want us to date?

John: I want to! I was about to suggest that we finally should do that.

Sherlock: Good. Welcome to the relationship we've been in for several weeks now. It's nice from you to finally catch up.

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