#will this renewed interest in hyadain remixes finally give us wood man and air man?

[secretgamergirl]

The Entire Plot of Final Fantasy 14, with all the expansions, and some serious analysis of how good it actually is. (Part 10 - Post-Endwalker... mostly.)

Last time, we covered Endwalker, the most recent expansion as of when I’m writing all these, and genuinely serving as an ending to the story. To date, the plot irons we’ve hard in the fire are the threat posed by this evil empire which was very much going for a nazi thing, this mysterious council of evil weirdos whose motives were never really pinned down until the third expansion, and this whole tragic cycle of races not considered to be human summoning gods that just exacerbate tensions with their neighbors, and we genuinely did resolve all of that. We also got uh... let’s say kind of ambitious, and established that basically all life anywhere in the entire universe has been wiped out except for the people on your planet and a few stragglers showing up at the cafe we’re helping some unstoppable killing machines set up as a change of pace. And I don’t actually expect them to walk any of that back, except maybe the god summoning, because I’m pretty sure the current writing team did in fact get the memo that people MUCH prefer the later relatively light-hearted self-contained adventures to the grim political stuff.

Also last time I tried to embed this cutscene from halfway through the final boss fight and it wouldn’t let me and I need to stick it in here because seriously it is hilarious how they just sucked all the tension out of fighting the would-be destroyer of all life in the universe to throw in this random silly nonsense.

I also didn’t really get a chance to share my closing thoughts on the expansion, which are of course that it’s kind of a huge mess? Tonally it is all over the map in a really jarring way. That’s largely true of the game as a whole, but usually there’s a much smoother ebb and flow to it. You build up to a big tense dramatic moment, leave to regroup somewhere, have some lighthearted encounters with the locals, and build back up. Then major side content between expansions is either all silly, or a raid that builds things up then releases the tension with some super sappy happy ending. Here though? Intrigue with NO payoff, then some hijinks, then torture and suicidal nazis, then a big action beat immediately giving way to cute little moon bunnes, then tender gay moments with the past selves of villains, then a really legitimately dark climax, and this jaw-droppingly comedic bit with Zenos here. Just what the hell? Plus you know the actual major threat that this big old apocalypse is really going to actually destroy the world and all its splintered off alternate dimensions simply holds no teeth, because we’re coming DIRECTLY on the heels of the expansion where you pull one of those back from the bring of destruction, and nobody in their right mind would retroactively make that some sick shaggy dog story. Also it doesn’t really make sense how it plays out. We built up this meteor shower imagery forever but then it’s literally just an ominous skybox and we’re actually dealing with some sort of psychic attack.

It’s also a weirdly comedic expansion on the whole. I don’t know if I really properly conveyed it but basically every major scene has someone kinda taking the piss out of the whole conversation by being too self-aware about things in one way or another, and like, I’d honestly say it all lands. Anyway, I can’t get into the entirety of the next between expansions interlude because as of time of writing only 60% of it has been released, and again, that’s 60% of each plotline going on, so nothing has a conclusion right now. But I said I’d cover what there was to cover so here we go.

After getting back from the far reaches of space we have no outstanding crises to deal with for the first time ever, and have some nice relaxed conversations with people. Mostly Krile and Tataru who respectively are responsible for the cutscene above to some degree, and uh... from where I sit the biggest remaining threat to the world? While everyone else was off saving all life in the universe, Tataru was just aggressively expanding her personal business dealings all over the world. She’s got this international trade network going, status as a fashion designer, her own personal airship, and she’s just rolling in cash to a point where she just gifts you your own private island.

The island is it’s whole THING where you basically play like Stardew valley in your downtime and I haven’t really personally gotten into it as I have work I’m trying to get done. Everyone else is off doing their own thing in semi-retirement. The twins are still doing relief work in what’s left of the empire, Krile and G’raha just sort of went back to college, with her clearly having a thing for him and him still having this hopeless crush on you. Pretty sure Thancred and Urianger are just shacked up somewhere and hanging out with the moon rabbits, and Estinein is hanging out with Vrtra and damn right do I ship’em. Hanging out in the markets though, he finds out about this secret underwater treasure vault which is another of the things Emet-Selch shouted out as something to maybe check out when you get home, and the most recent apocalpyse mainly hitting Thavnair means there’s a lot of orphans and such who could use rebuilding money. Y’shtola comes along too because any weird unexplored secret area could be of some help in her current personal project, working out how to hop dimensions at will, both because it just seems cool to do, and because she misses the cat man she was shacked up with in the First.

So you head to the bottom of the ocean, fight some guardian constructs, reach a huge treasure vault, and it has both heaps of gold and some big ominous construct which turns out to have a small stable portal to the void inside. Oh and then Vrtra walks in and basically goes “hey guys, you’re uh.... not seriously breaking into my personal rainy day fund to rob me are you?” And uh, whoops? We also explains what’s up with the gate, and turns out that forever ago, during the backstory to that demons and air pirates raid after Heavensward, he had a big sister who charged straight on through a gate duing a big demon invasion to take the fight to their leader. I’m not really cool with us continuing to retroactively give Midgardsomnr more children we’d just never heard of so hopefully five is our final count? Anyway, he wanted to rescue her, which is the reason he made his weird little kid spy body to begin with, but figured it wasn’t worth the risk. Y’shtola is all about taking a field trip to hell, because hey, portals one can actually walk through open up to there all the time, and this was even a thing in the First with the offensive caster role quest. Vrtra has misgivings, being a responsible adult, but all you have to do is take those new warding scales we have all over to keep the protagonist from being the only one who can do most things, have Cid add some extra protective plating, research how to create an artificial version of a hell-mouth demon to absorb this stable portal and make it bigger, and in you go. Vrtra wants to come along personally and gets an upgraded version of his weird kid body that’s an adult with a worse voice actor because again, these days actually playing with other humans is strictly optional and you need a switch hitter tank/DPS to round things out. Oh and for some advanced scouting Y’shtola sends in some nixies she creates with a ritual she came up with when she was like 6 and is now deeply embarassed by.

Before we get into that though, we have some side quests to maybe deal with, and we are officially way overdue to check in on Hildibrand. After your last interaction where people got sucked through an interdimensional rift, Gilgamesh went off to do Gilgamesh things, and Hildy’s body got spit back out over in Thavnair somewhere, but he’s in a coma, so Nashu took him to a doctor. Doctors can’t fix souls being stuck in the First, which is clearly what’s happening here, so you just... rinse out that soul container you’re still carrying around and head off to grab him, and uh...

He’s fine, he just never ditched his ridiculous getup from the last time you saw him and has amnesia again. You apply the traditional cure of throwing big cartoon bombs at him and drag his soul home. There’s a bit of minor drama with Dr. Lugae’s sort of back from the dead form which ends with a big robot head in a jail cell, and then Hildy being kidnapped by a badly drawn alien in a crappy little UFO. You, Nashu and this conspiracy theorist crackpot you’re hanging out with head up to the moon to look at him, and find him... several times over. The little alien he met just kinda made a bunch of clones of him for fun. You deal with that, there’s more random shenanigans, his dad randomly shows up, as he’s wont to do, and messing around with the big stone face of mars type structure on the moon causes it’s mouth to open and this to happen.

Apparently this was a big welcoming party thing they set up and nobody remembered to call it off when people didn’t end up needing to evacuate to the moon. Also Godbert’s here looking for meteors to combine with his own extra manly sweat as the base for this expansion’s obligatory set of ultimate weapons with a very involved side quest. Kind of him to share his terrifying power.

Meanwhile, there’s those twelve gods people theoretically worship that you’ve never had a chance to kill. That’s not right. The nerd squad and some random wandering bard type guy, along with another glasses wearing orc girl nerd end up investigating a mystery spot that takes you to a big secret floating island right over Mor Dhona which turns out to kinda basically be Mt. Olympus. When you show up to poke around, a decent swath of The Twelve pop out and insist you fight them. At first they fake you out with this whole bit about being bent on taking over the world given the new power vacuum but after you go smack them around they just pop up again and apologize for messing with your head. They swear up and down that no, really, they aren’t actually gods someone summoned who are parasitic and mind controlling and all that (but yeah Louisoix totally did someone some of those based on his ideas of them the one time), and don’t actually have any evil plans. They’re just chill party people and they want you to beat them up, for reasons they’re all kinda weirdly coy about. Given that they have freaking adorable little animal alt forms they might have the same basic thing going on as the auspices, the cute animals in a cave who need to be beaten up periodically to not go berserk from post-Stormblood. They’re very upbeat in any case.

Again, this chain is only two out of three 24 person dungeon raids in, time of writing, but they’re super friendly and after you’ve punched roughly 8 out of 12 in the face, a couple ask if you wouldn’t mind touring around with them, checking in on things, as they help the nerds research what their actual deal is more. Somewhere in here Halone, the goddess they worship in Ishgard, asks you for your honest opinion on what her worshipers are like these days and uh... you are diplomatic enough that the list of possible responses doesn’t include being REALLY honest. What with the calling everyone heretics and casting them into pits and waging holy wars against the dragons and all. She’s pretty disappointed in them.

Our other raid meanwhile involves heading into the past again to help some random Ascians deal with daddy issues and some security breaches at the incredibly haunted looking prison for really super dangerous monsters people make that for whatever reason people don’t just unmake. It... really isn’t grabbing me at all, because as I’ve said, they’ve only ever managed to make one Ascian even a little interesting as a character and I particularly can’t for the life of me be made to care about the tragic backstory of Lahabrea of all people. I will note that at one point you pretty much fight Dracula though, and at another point you fight the prehistoric megafauna version of carbuncle, the very pikachu-like starter the summoner class gets. Slightly less cute than the standard variation.

Also the current cliffhanger to all that involves the whole prison appearing in the present, which is less than ideal, but again, resolution to this currently on hold.

Oh and there’s also some sort of choose-your-own-adventure dungeon with 12 possible storylines I... really should have gotten around to before I sat down to write this, and a bit where Alpha and what’s left of Omega are exploring around as the latter continues to struggle with trying to work out the whole power of love and friendship thing. Mostly though, the real meat on the bone here is getting back to that field trip to hell, and a serious extension to Endwalker’s tribute to FF4.

You pop out at this big and honestly quite beautiful gothic castle with twisted and warped architecture just kinda floating in a big cloudy void, and start just kinda charging forward killing any demon who looks at you funny to secure the area, eventually reaching its master, which is... for some baffling reason a nod to Beatrix from FF9? But as soon as you take her down, in swoops another demon you immediately have to fight after he absorbs the big smoke cloudshe desolves into, the archfiend of earth, Scarmiglione, who yes, is the first in a series of four bosses we are going to fight in rapid succession, who are all serving a big super-powerful guy named Golbez, who I guess fairly appropriately swung by to seize power after the last time you were here and killed the final boss from FF3.

Having dealt with that, you just sort of have free reign of the place. There’s still various weird looking demons running around, but while it’s not particularly useful, they’ll talk to you rather than attack. Mostly begging you not to eat them and wondering what they’re going to do now that their mistress is gone. They do however point you to a smarter than average demon they have in the prison in the basement who Beatrice was planning to kill and eat later, who as you go down and let her out, recognizes you and asks if you’re Zenos’ friend.

OK look. You can’t just go and ask a thing like that. Especially not with Y’shtola standing right there, she is definitely the type to be too perceptive and never drop it. Not a conversation to really have in front of Estinien and his new boyfriend either for the matter. Turns out that when Zenos picked up that scythe, officially switching to the Reaper class, he bound his soul to this demon (that’s just what the class’ deal with, you get one too if you take it, proving you somehow learned absolutely nothing about giving random sketchy entities a space key to your soul after Shadowbringers), and ended up back here after he died. Which... is a little confusing to me. Like he DEFINITELY died, but that was at the end of Stormblood, before these two met. Before the credits rolled, the protagonist just had a knock down drag out fist fight with him, and I didn’t get the impression AT ALL that he got punched in the face hard enough to kill him. You could make some kind of argument about him just like burning himself out to get there or not having a way back or something but... there’s a nice cafe right there. Get rest up, get a sandwich and a coffee, show up for an awkward third date in another expansion or two. You don’t go to all that convoluted effort to bring this sick freak back and then give him an implied off camera death. Anyway, you clear up how you know her, and a big light crystal someone suggested you take along for elemental opposition purposes flashes and changes her to a less demonic form.

She’s pretty apathetic and doesn’t really recall a name she feels like giving you, so Y’shtola just decides to call her Zero, and apparently the developers claimed to be incredibly shocked when a huge chunk of the fanbase developed an instant crush on her. Which is about as plausible to me as when Capcom put out that press release about not wanting to see sexy doodles of the giant woman with the cool hat from RE8 and then proceeded to list her exact height and shoe size. Don’t go pretending to be surprised when people are into the badass futch slow to open up half-demon woman who acts tough but is secretly all caring and dresses like freaking Vampire Hunter D. We all see what you’re doing there! Anyway she has plenty of useful info but explains that all interactions here in the void are contract work with payment, generally in the form of draining aether out of each other. Also that the reason she looks human is that she hadn’t been born yet when everyone in the world started turning into demons because look for real she’s just female D here.

Anyway Scarmiglione, as is his deal from FF4, does not stay dead and jumps in with a second boss fight. He and his minions just keep coming back no matter how much you kill them, and Zero explains that yeah, death never sticks here. Now, I already knew that, it’s something I’ve been griping about this whole plot summary, but like, it’s an official canonical thing in the Void. The connection to the whole great aether flow/lifestream from FF7 deal is just broken like a lot of the laws of physics and general state of matter in the area, so when you die either another demon eats what’s left of you, getting stronger but then also having your soul and memories stuck in their head forever, or you just... come back from the dead after a bit, totally fine, at full HP even. She doesn’t actually say “full HP” but she comes weirdly close. So the only way to keep Scarmiglione down, since you not being demons can’t eat him, and she doesn’t want any jerks all bound to her soul like some kind of protagonist of this game, that just leaves her using her super cool ancient artifact scythe that kills you and converts you into a big magic crystal. But you know, gotta pay her first.

Anyway, the other deal with this place is the world’s kinda missing but if you’re sufficiently cool you get your own personally little castle on a floating rock and minions to boss around if you promise not to eat them. Zero invites you back to check hers out and see if any of the loser demons she lets live their if they promise not to start anything know anything useful about this missing dragon sister or this Golbez guy who’s apparently a real big shot she’s not personally familiar with. All the demons look like horrible evil things and they’re all just massive cowardly dorks and I kinda love it. There’s a mindflayer hiding out in a corner who’s all traumatized having gone in for one of those summoning deals and turns out it was just some real Hellraiser type psycho who wanted freaky bondage demon sex and knife play and just nope, nope nope, screw that, back to hell, never getting summoned again thanks!

Anyway on schedule, your next boss fight is Bayonetta. I mean Barbaccia. Or maybe I do mean Bayonetta because she totally has magic hair and halfway through the fight makes a skintight bodysuit out of it and starts making her hands and feat all super huge to smack you around.

After the fight you get one of those Echo flashbacks but all it tells you is Golbez doesn’t do face to face meetings so you still don’t know where to find him, but he does have our missing dragon, who still hasn’t become a demon because dragons are just tough like that. Except for the dragons you fought the first time you were here. OK elder wyrms are tough like that, OK? Anyway, Zero overexerted herself crystalizing Barb and a significant percentage of her mooks, and not really feeling cool leaving her unconscious with always hungry opportunistic demons around, you drag her back out with you. I appreciate how the whole party apologizes profusely for yanking her to another dimension without her consent, it is kind of a rude thing to do. In order to help her recover you bring her some apples, and she just goes “OK the deal was supposed to be that I take your aether directly, but, I guess this still works, holds her hand out, and drain’s an apple’s life force out.

And this of course leads into this whole “no no, eat it all regular, get the flavor” and her not really being impressed, and you giving her a tour around the place, and promising to take her home, and her just being “I literally don’t care about anything that isn’t basic survival, we’ve been over this. You wanna keep paying me in apples to help with your thing, sure, otherwise I’ll just sit around wherever.” But then you’ve got a whole thing with Cagnazzo getting conjured through by demon summoners Golbez has an in with in what’s left of the empire, Vrtra feeling his sister’s presence over there, which turns out to just be her eye, but it’s something, and generally dropping everything to run up that way. And while you’re distracted with that, Rubicante slips through the other portal and smashes it so you no longer have the upper hand on travel. Oh and I’m just kind of assuming you’re on a first name basis with the major bosses from FF4 here. If you aren’t go play FF4 already, it’s an absolute classic. But yeah, Italian names, elemental themes. Earth zombie, wind woman, water turtle-guy, fire flasher.

While you’re being distracted up in what’s left of them empire, because you know, they also brought a whole horde of demons around and the people who are survivng out there are just barely surviving, you run into the twins again. Alisaie is super jealous she didn’t get to go to hell. And you encourage Zero to socialize with the locals a little, figuring maybe she’ll get along better with depressed former nazis than socially functioning people. And she kinda does. Bonds with that jerk from the one cutscene I linked last time a little over buuz. Spicy mongolian dumplings. Imported from the steppe here, and the absolute food worship from Endwalker continues. It comes in a paper takeout bag too.

We’ve got hair misaligned textures on hair that clips through people’s collars in cutscenes all the time still, but we are pushing these graphics to the absolute cutting edge to tear apart cheeseburgers and spicy dumplings. Like most depressed goth women I know, Zero is super into spicy food. Damn it I’m hungry now. Anyway people get spread around, Zero feels obligated to fight off a big horde of demons alone to pay back that free buuz. Partway through the boss does the fairly standard trick of dropping rocks from the sky that you need to face tank before they hit the ground, but there’s too many dropping at once to solo so down she goes (I have the same problem trying to solo a couple otherwise easy old bosses, it’s annoying). And then of course everyone else shows up to the rescue, heals her, and has a proper fight where she learns the meaning of friendship via standard boss mechanics. We get more of the spread out and catch the rocks, and some of the “everybody run to the person with the crosshairs on her to split the damage of an attack that’d otherwise kill her” thing, and yeah, thanks to the combined impact of that and spicy dumplings, she comes around to the concept of doing good things for people without a contract. Again I much prefer this sort of stock sappy love and friendship crap to the grey morality political crap from the start of the game.

That just leaves confronting Rubicante to ask about what Golbez’ deal even is, and fight him. And you know, then fight Golbez when these patches finish releasing. Turns out his plan is actually really straightforward. Every single demon has been alive and literally living in hell since the very first time Ascians tried to recombine things and messed it up, most are all screwed up from absorbing the souls of a bunch of wimps they beat to death, and let’s be frank here, a lot of them have real messed up bodies like just a floating head, or big wad of goop with a ton of eyeballs. Many of them would largely like to come over here where death at least theoretically sticks sometimes and properly get to he afterlife. It’s pretty hard to object to that, except you know, they’re also all big horrible monsters with the uncontrollable urge to eat people and it’d probably cause one of those cataclysmic elemental imbalances and also these guys are jerks literally delivering body parts of a hostage. And of course this is all in a big post-boss fight speech before Rubicante kills himself all honorable warrior style, so first we have this big fight with a fun gimmick tracing lines across moving puzzle pieces, and while the other three had pretty standard renditions of either the normal boss theme or the theme of Golbez and pals, when this fight starts we get the unmistakable strings and drums from an all-time classic remix.

No really. In one of the most impressive fan service moves of all time, they actually tracked down Hyadain for an official commission to use this remix. That’s just great even if they DID chicken out on the lyrics. Maybe later for one of those tell-this-bard-about-it remix fights with the whole set or something. As is here’s the version we actually have.

Anyway we leave off with a challenge to come face Golbez on the moon. The uh, moon in the Void to be clear. Which presumably has a nice Lunar Subterrane tribute going on. And past that, I don’t know. It certainly feels like we’re setting up dimension hopping for the next expansion, but if I stopped this far into the interlude after Heavensward I’d have thought we’d be going directly into Shadowbringers. This might resolve and then the last patch sets up some completely different thing. All I know is I’m not going to care about the whole Ascian prison raid, I don’t expect a real shocking twist to fighting the rest of the Twelve, and wow between Fray, Sadu, Gaia, Y’shtola’s class-change look, and Zero here, it is VERY clear the current head writer has a Type.

Short of double checking the last 10 levels of the few job quest lines I haven’t done for interesting bits, I have nothing left to sum up, at least until there’s another expansion to this. If you enjoyed all this though, again, money so I can survive would really be appreciated. I also have a wishlist of mostly games I’ll likely have thoughts on when I get to them. And if you somehow found this blog without seeing it, you might enjoy my also rather extensive multipart essay from a few years back about how Ranma, the character, is in fact trans, on top of the magic gender change stuff.

Past that, not sure what my next big project is going to be. Might get back to Twitch streaming, or just focus on this browser game I’ve been working on for a while. I have honestly enjoyed playing FF14 a hell of a lot more than most recent entries in the series and definitely more than any other MMO, so I could MAYBE be convinced to see what’s up with 11 if I can work out how to without costing me a ton of money and time I really don’t have? We’ll see.

#final fantasy 14 #ff14 #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #it was legit tempting to skip this and just end on that last part's note #will this renewed interest in hyadain remixes finally give us wood man and air man?