#yeah i yacked about 30 times today ...

[00127am]

tiger's not-so-interesting life update!

to explain my not-so-serious absence from my blog...

i'm taking a leave of absence from my university for the remainder of this semester for mental health reasons

i dyed my hair ginger!

the ghost of major birthdays past (quite literally every single milestone birthday i've been ill out of my mind) has come to haunt me and i got extremely sick the past two days but i'm feeling much better today!

the right arrow key on my laptop broke and it's more infuriating that anything i have ever experienced in my life

after a short-lived stint of not having the motivation to write/feeling as if it was a job, i feel excited to pick up all my works again and update them!

it's my birthday tomorrow (march 15th!)

thank you guys for all the love in my absence and i'm looking forward to get back into my daily posting and nonsense. more than that, i've missed everyone maybe a bit too much dearly so please take care of me for my revival!

#🗯️ titi talks! #yeah i yacked about 30 times today ... #only thing that cured me was watching my buzzfeed unsolved boys play poppy playtime (i screamed) #also started rewatching soul eater for the BILLIONTH time #and downloaded 10000 pieces of sims 4 cc... #AND rewatching an obscene amount of brooklyn 99 ... i was in love with jake perelta is it obvious? #thank yew for waiting for me guys #i love all of you and im excited to write again!

[cybermoonmoon]

“...day out”

Uncle Sidney’s day out. My pal Sharon aka “Pickles of the North” on da radio. Insisted on taking me to the local Mc-Clinic to get my shots. Sort of like going to da vet only for people. She was on my case for not taking staying alive seriously. I told her I was tired of the end of the world. She told me I don’t get out of this that easy. 

There were digressions along the way. The library post office supermarket and sitting along the parkway to watch humanity stumble by. That and to laugh over the 30+ years we shared in da biz. 

We also yacked about the swell fun of being old and our pals dropping dead all over the place. Which is why she dragged me out to get my damned shots. Covid booster my fourth #4 and Flu. There’s that killer strain that’s on the horizon. swell...what else is new.

We went to church too or tried to. The Parish church as so many in this town was locked up. These once open all day every day. Till they kept getting hit for their salvage value. Junkies’ thieves and the insane. Life in da big city. 

They just restored all the stained glass and icons. We’re both art history fans so I wanted to get some shots. I forgot my camera. Bleep it we hung out anyway. I told her stories of our long cold war with the Nuns and assorted clerical enforcers.

Where was I? Mc-Clinic...shots. Stop me if you heard this one.

We sat read old New Yorkers and local broadsheets. Lost dogs, junk for sale and implied sexual contacts. I thought all this was online now. Back long ago this is how newspapers evolved into the dead-ends they are today.  They took my assorted cards and shoved a form at me. There in were history lessons.

Once upon a time your name and social security number is all they wanted. Now a slice of your liver and list of your dream and desires. I said there wasn’t enough room on the page for that. So they settled for my ethnic stuff and gender orientation. 

...??? 

Things have become somewhat complicated in these enlightened times. I was given a choice of a pile of races and their subgroups to choose. Given my family I belonged to most of them. Sharon said chill and just tell them you’re Black and leave it at that. I said yeah but I’m a bunch of other things too. Sez she...just put a damned X somewhere...anywhere! Once upon a time in America this was a life and death choice. Now they don’t care what color or hat size you got but they want something anything. Progress.

It went on. Get this: “Current Gender ID”. Good grief shit has moved further along than I thought. “...your current gender identity. Woman Man Transgender Non-Binary Person Gender-Non-Conforming, Gender not listed...write-in Gender Unknown Not Sure/Self Questioning, Chose not to Respond, Preferred Pronouns. Etc. for near a quarter of the page.

It was like a Queer algebra test. If I took this thing I’d fail. There was no “All the Above” so I took the easy way out and put down Male. I figured it was a place to start from. I never saw George Jetson deal with this. I’m an old school mid-20th century Queer. The whole point back then was to stop people from killing us. 

Marriage adopting the works. That was science fiction to us. All this progress makes me dizzy. Reminds me of that Holiday Party in the studio. I ate a bunch of what I thought were brownies. Two days later I came to in da Newsroom with my underwear on my head. Okay not literally but close...real close. 

I’m glad were moving along but I could use a drink. We just wanted to be left alone and not shot. I wonder what it’s like to be a Trans Gendered kid now. Like I wonder what a post Jim Crow youngster feels. These folks are different from me and my cohort. They have problems but not the ones we had. Like I said “...a history lesson”.

Thing is we don’t have a clue about the human heart lust love or the formula for the perfect doughnut. 100 years ago, they explained queers as the Third Sex and called it a day. 40 years later we became Gay then Lesbians and gays then all those letters now this. 100 years from now they’ll see the above erotic algebra test in the same way we view that Third Sex mayhem. 

Hey, I just wanted a couple of shots. Sharon told put some X’s down randomly. Figured that would make them happy. It did I got my shots. Such was my day out. Now to bed. Loves ya.

[chartreuseness]

puck in eye, stick in eye, finger in eye

THE GREAT DISCOURAGEMENT CONTINUES: game 5 of a best of 7 series pits the Dissatisfied Ennui against the Weepyville Sentamentalists in the quarter final round of the ‘we’re fucked’ playoffs. Weepyville leads the series 3-1 but the Ennui still have a few tricks up their sleeve, in addition to home ice advantage, tonight also marks the return of team captain Shrug O’Dunnough after six week out with a broken collarbone. Puck drops tonight at 7:30 EST at the Hostess Frito Lay Dissatisfamphitheatre.

Whoever wins the series goes on to face either the Doubtford Paranoiacs or last year’s Eastern conference champs the Wide-Eyed Panic in the semis. The ‘Yacks have taken the lead in that series 3-2 after last night’s victory in Doubtford. Panic’s head coach Spaz Henderson had some choice words for the media last night in a post-game press conference, describing the Paranoiacs defensive line as ‘projecting their own insecurities’ and ‘unable to see the big picture’. When asked about the comments, ‘Yacks foreward Branch Downey replied that he knew all along that that’s how Henderson really felt, because it’s the truth after all, and why are we even playing hockey anyway if you hate us so much and we’re so horrible.

Here with more hard hitting analysis are our own Chuck Cautiontothewind and Yawn M’Brain with all the finest talking points on another edition of ‘Fucked Up Mudroom!’

(Jaunty horn theme plays, lights go up to reveal hosts sitting at a desk. Chuck Cautiontothewind is wearing an elizebethan collar, a foam dome, Dame Edna’s glasses, and a houndstooth marching band uniform complete with a sousaphone.)

Yawn: Good evening, folks, and welcome to Fucked Up Mudroom. Now, Chuck, I want to start today with your thoughts on the recent-

Chuck: KIDS THESE DAYS HAVE NO GUMPTION I TELL YA. BACK IN MY DAY WE DIDN’T SIT AND FESTER IN SOME YUPPIE CONDO WHILE OUR LIVES TICK TOCKED AWAY, WE WENT OUT AND GOT DEGREES IN THINGS AND THEN YOU GOT REASONABLY PAYING JOBS SO YOU HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO HAVE BABIES AND BUY HOUSES AND FILL THEM UP WITH FABRIC SOFTENER AND PAPER NAPKINS AND DIAMONDS! NONE OF THIS MINIMALIST YOU-KNOW-WHAT! WE GOT ALL THESE EUROPEAN HOCKEY PLAYERS COMIN’ OVER AND NOW SUDDENLY EVERYONE HAS ANXIETY!

Yawn: *makes a face*

Chuck: I KNOW, I KNOW, YOU PC TYPES DON’T LIKE IT WHEN I SAY THINGS LIKE THAT, BUT I’M JUST SAYIN’, IF YOU WANT TO GO TO JAPAN SO BAD, YOU GO TO JAPAN! YOU DON’T JUST SIT AROUND IN A DISSOCIATIVE HAZE ALL DAMN DAY WAITING FOR YOUR HUSBAND TO WAKE UP! IT’S NOT HIS JOB TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU’RE A HUMAN!

Yawn: now, not to disagree...

Chuck: YOU CAN’T DISAGREE ANYWAY CAUSE I’M RIGHT ARRRGH

Yawn: Going to Japan is not as simple as hopping on a bike, there’s airfare which costs money, and language concerns which take time, and what are you supposed to do whe-

Chuck: EXCUSES EXCUSES I’VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF... I TELL YA, YOU SEE, WHEN YOU, AW HOW’S IT GO... WHEN YOU REPEAT THE SAME THING ALL THE TIME YOU GO INSANE OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

Yawn: You mean ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different res-

Chuck: YEAH YEAH SAVE IT EINSTEIN

Yawn: hey, actually you’re right

Chuck: WHAT?

Yawn: The quote....nevermind, nothing

Chuck: OF COURSE I’M RIGHT, WEREN’T YOU LISTENING? ANYHOW THE POINT IS, YOU CAN’T JUST EXPEC THINGS TO WORK OUT PERFECT ON THEIR OWN, YOU GOTTA GET IN THERE AND STICK YOUR NECK OUT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN, SEE? WHAT REASON IS THERE TO STAY IN THIS DUMB OLD TOWN ANYWAY?

Yawn: well if you look at it the reasons to leave actually far outnumber the reasons to stay, I don’t believe anyone is looking to prolong the time here beyond how long it will take to raise the funds to pay rent with somewhere else, but no matter how you slice it, it’s a lot to come to terms with all at once, when you have to leave all your friends and your job and you miss your cat and your whole life changes within 6 months and everything you though you knew was-

Chuck: BALONEY! Y’HAD ENOUGH TIME ALREADY YE NO GOOD ANKLE BITERS! WHEN I WAS COACH I’D MOVED ACROSS THE WHOLE COUNTRY 3 TIMES BY YOUR AGE! ALL ON MY OWN TOO, DIDN’T NEED TO BORROW NOTHIN FROM NOBODY.

(Yawn M’Brain sighs, quietly gets up from his chair, unclips his microphone, and walks away from the set. Chuck Cautiontothewind does not notice and continues yelling at the camera:)

Chuck: AND ANOTHER THING, WHAT’S THE SENSE IN BEING SAD ABOUT YOU’RE GONNA MISS YOUR FRIENDS SO MUCH WHEN YOU NEVER SEE THEM AND YOU HAVE A PANIC ATTACK EVERY TIME THE PHONE RINGS? IF YOU’RE SO BROKE ALL’A TIME WHY YOU SAD ABOUT LEAVING YOUR JOB WHERE YOU CAN’T GET ENOUGH HOURS TO PAY THE BILLS? WHY ARE YOU SAD ABOUT LEAVING YOUR SCHOOL THAT NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF, WHERE YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN TOO CHICKEN TO EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH A PROFESSOR? THESE ARE QUESTIONS I SHOULDN’T EVEN HAVE TO ASK! IF YOU WANT THE ICE TIME GET OFFA’ THE DAMN BENCH! IT’S LIKE I ALWAYS USED TA SAY BEFORE ALL THESE EUROPEA- (lights quickly go down and Chuck’s rant is cut off by the jaunty horn theme resuming.)

Oh, that Chucky, you never know what’ll come tumbling out of his mouth. Stay tuned, we’re going to go to commercial but when we come back we’ll have more pregame coverage for tonight’s match, will Weepyville take the series and leave 'em all in tears or will Dissatifaction prevent this series from coming to a cathartic release? Ennui vs Sentimentalists game 5 at 7:30, more hard hitting action right after this.

#i think i'm losing my marbles for real #stuffing my feelings into a hockey night in canada frame #you want to fight about it? #cause i'll fight about it #i'll slam yer cupboards #feelin' right punchy today #that's some lack of emotional equilibrium right there #hockey night in canada #turmoil #feels bad man #whatta hoser i am