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domesticated-feral · 3 years

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Do you still do Sterek fics? If you do, do you think you could do a Derek angst fic? It could be about anything, getting hurt, tortured, or just plain sad...or could do a non-shippy fic. If you're not okay with it, please do tell. I'm a loser for angst, so I apologize. :/

Incredibly sorry for the huge delay, i haven't written sterek in a while, no have i written anything in a month or so but here you go anon! An angsty (i hope) sterek fic! Under the cut for it being awfully long

read on AO3

After Dark

Derek was about to walk out when Stiles grabbed his arm, stopping him in place.

“I can’t let you do this alone,” he said.

“I don’t want you to get involved, Stiles,” Derek said again, “not you, not Scott, not anyone. This is my fight, I caused this.” He paused, softly removing Stiles’ grip on his arm, “and I’m going to end it.”

“Let us help you.”

“Let me help you,” Stiles said again.

Derek looked at him. He couldn’t help but think this was his fault. How this 17-year-old teen and his friends got whipped into the cursed dumpster fire of the dark side of Beacon Hills. The supernatural side of Beacon Hills.

Of course, Peter was the one who knocked the first domino resulting in everything else falling into place, but Peter is gone. He’s dead and Derek was the last surviving Hale.

And now an old rival pack that loathed his mother was after him, regardless of whether he did anything or not. They were coming to shed blood. His blood.

Derek would feel even more guilty if anyone else got hurt. If Stiles got hurt.

“No.”

“No? What do you mean no?” Stiles said, he sounded more offended than before.

“I don’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me,” Derek said, “I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

Stiles took a step back, his face showing an array of emotions. Disbelief, Anger, Shock. His lips slightly parted as his eyes stayed in contact with Derek’s. His brows furrow, lips close as they upturned into a frown.

“Is this because I’m a human?” Stiles asked, a harsh salty tone in his voice, “because I’m weaker than you?” his frame tensed up as he leaned forward, “because you think I can’t protect myself?”

“Stiles, that’s not-”

“You don’t think I can help you, do you? Do you think I’m just going to be a liability? Something to drag you down with, huh?” He yelled, hands irrationally moving towards Derek.

Derek catches them, holding Stiles’ wrists firmly. Stiles tries to jerk them away but Derek holds on to them.

“It’s not that, Stiles. I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Derek said, “I don’t want to lose you. Like I lost everyone else that I ever cared about.”

“You-”

Stiles looked like he couldn’t believe what he just heard from Derek. Derek couldn’t believe that he just said that.

“You care about me?” Stiles asked, his voice a murmur.

Derek couldn’t bring himself to say yes. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He glanced at the window, the sun was setting quickly.

He looks back at Stiles, slowly letting go of his wrists before moving away. Stiles doesn’t follow him, Derek could sense him standing in his loft, his head towards the door. He walked down the hallway, bringing the duffel bag he had around his shoulder down so he held it in his left hand.

***

The car engine revved to a stop when he reached a motel. He had been driving for a few hours now and the moon was lifting up and away from the horizon. Beacon Hills was quite a few miles away now and hopefully, he wouldn’t run into the ones he was running away from here.

Booking himself a room for the night, he settles inside, making sure to double-check the locks on the doors and windows. The motel, even for a run-down cheap one had extraordinary heat control and it cooled Derek down enough to slip into a heavy slumber before he could even worry about anything.

***

He woke up to an aching pain on the side of his head. A cold sensation trickles down his temple and he realizes that he’s not in his hotel room anymore. He’s in a room, wooden walls and floors, scents of other werewolves shrouded the air. Everything looked blurred for a bit while he adjusted his eyes to his surroundings.

They stood in front of him, five werewolves, dark silhouettes all growling.

Derek looked at them, quickly realizing he wasn’t going to go anywhere if he wanted to. He’s been muzzled, hands and feet chained to a pole.

“Finally, you’re awake,” one of them said.

Derek doesn’t say anything.

One of them moves closer, face more visible, “Look, he’s got his mother’s eyes,” he teased.

Derek involuntarily flashes his eyes, lunging forward only to be jerked backward by the chains he’s bound by. A growl resonates from his throat. The muzzle restricted his jaw so he couldn’t say a single word.

“And they’re blue!” Another hissed.

“Wonder what his mother would think if she was still alive… oh wait, she knew didn’t she?”

“She knew how her son betrayed her law and she did nothing.”

Why did it matter so much to them? Derek thought. Why did he have killed an innocent matter to these old werewolves?

Then his questions are answered, one of them flashing their blue eyes, then another, then the next, and then all five of them flashed their eyes blue. They all had killed an innocent in their lives.

Derek was confused. Could his mother have judged these werewolves wrongly? Maybe they had the same reason as Derek did. A kill formed in the act of mercy.

But then, the werewolf in the center steps close, holding Derek by the chin and pulling him closer.

The face close gave Derek enough details to be pulled back into an old vague fragment of his childhood.

###

He was walking in the woods with Peter, sun low against the horizon as they walked through the preserve.

“Do you think it’s fair?” Peter asked.

Derek looks up at him, confused. “What is?”

“How your mother, my sister, banished those five werewolves out of the pack because they killed that journalist?”

“You mean the one that almost found out that we were werewolves?”

Peter nodded, “do you think it’s fair?” he asked again.

###

You! Derek shouted in his mind. You killed her! Mother was fair to do this to you. To All of you!

The claws pushed into Derek’s jaw, grip tightening.

“Tell Talia to fuck herself when you see her in hell,” he said, claws placed right against Derek’s chest, right at where his heart would be.

Sweat began to trickle down his skin, fear flooding in his veins with adrenaline. Was this it? Is this how he was going to die? His heart wrenched out because of a grudge this werewolf had for his dead mother?

He really wished he had admitted his feelings to Stiles before. It would ease the pain of leaving the Earth like this.

Claws began pushing in, the pinching pain growing as they cut in. Derek winces, blood beginning to rush out where the skin was getting cut at.

Then he hears Stiles’ voice yelling incoherent gibberish from behind him accompanied by roars and the splintering of wood as the door got broken down.

The werewolf, the leader Derek assumed, looks up, the other werewolves already moving towards Stiles.

Derek couldn’t turn to look at what was happening behind him, but he heard a few metal thunks of Stiles’ baseball hitting possibly the werewolves and Scott roaring as he tried to subdue the werewolves. Of course, not kill them. Scott wouldn’t do that.

Then, a piercing pain sprouted from his chest, the sensation of claws digging in deeper as the leader of the werewolves tries to salvage his revenge from within this losing battle.

Stiles comes and kicks him right in the head, dazing him for only a while. Scott pounces right at him before they could lunge towards Stiles.

“C’mon, big guy, let’s get you outta here,” Stiles said, catching a set of keys that Scott threw at him.

He unlocks the chains and muzzles, Scott managing to tie the werewolf up with the same chain.

Silence stilled the supposed cabin.

“What should we do about them?” Stiles asked.

The leader stayed silent, his head down while the rest were knocked out temporarily.

Scott looks at Derek and so does Stiles.

Derek crouches down, meeting the one who almost clawed his heart out eye-to-eye.

“Let’s leave them here with a warning,” Derek started, “If you ever come for me or any of them, you’ll be more than just tied up in these chains and your friends will be knocked out for way more than they would be,” he said, praising himself internally for sounding so sure because he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to do with them.

“Understood?” Stiles chimed in.

They nod, too ashamed to say another word.

Derek stands back up, walking out with Stiles and Scott.

“You got rid of them for sure, but you have something else waiting for you,” Scott said to Derek, jerking his head to Stiles.

Derek slightly chuckled, looking at Stiles who was waiting for him in the jeep.

Scott puts on his helmet, starting his motorbike up as Derek makes his way to the jeep.

There was no way he was going to get comfortable in the passenger seat of that jeep as long as it was silent.

“Look, I’m sorry for sort of confessing my love to you and then almost getting killed like that,” Derek said.

He hated apologies and situations like this and would rather have it be over than suffer in the silence.

“So you meant it?” Stiles asked, “You really meant it?”

“No? No, wait, not no, I don’t know, maybe? Yes?” Derek jumbled over his words.

Stiles only laughed, “I have never heard you say anything like that ever,” he said.

Derek rolled his eyes, “shut up.” He felt his cheeks heat, a smile threatening to crack out.

He spots Stiles glancing at him for a while from the corner of his eyes.

“Aww, you’re blushing!”

“Shut. Up.”

The car slows to a stop, the sun coming up amongst the hills.

“Why’d you stop?” Derek looks at Stiles.

“Because I’m impatient and I want to do this,” Stiles said, leaning forward and kissing Derek on the lips.

It was sloppy, amateur at first, but Derek kissed back leading Stiles instead of being led and suddenly the kiss felt better and Derek never wanted to pull back. His hand goes up against the back of Stiles’ nape, trying to pull him closer. The rush of endorphins paired with another type of adrenaline than he was feeling before.

#Sterek #Stiles Stilinski #Derek Hale #Teen Wolf #myfic

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ca-3 · 7 years

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For the honesty hour thing: So, how did you fall in love with Sakuya, and want attracts you to his character? Im interested in this!

Lol girl did I ever tell you that I love you?

It took me awhile to answer this because I needed to collect my thoughts about it. AHAHA TAKE A SEAT EVERYONE. Okay gosh where to begin….. THIS IS LIKE THE INTERVIEW I WAS WAITING FOR. HA.

Well, as some people know I wasn’t extremely fond of Sakuya when I first started Servamp about….7-8 months ago? I didn’t hate him or anything, just didn’t really care for him at first. (but that kinda goes for quite a bit of characters really, but everyone grows on me at some point. ^^)

I think what really got to me was after learning about his past and how it affected his motives, relationships and current situation in the series.

So many aspects about his characters just make so much sense but I feel like are just kinda looked over……. probably cause his backstory was kinda glazed over real quick, in my opinion at least. (Like why dammit? I have so many questions still, this series can’t do this to me.) It just really kills me inside, especially the more I thought about it and the more I think about his character.

I’m gonna kinda express some of my new random thoughts on his past , cause this intrigues me oddly: (Kinda theory time right now whoooo) AND ALL IS WHAT GIVE ME SO MANY FEELINGS MY GOSH.

Just thinking about the extent of the abuse he must’ve suffered is something that really boggles my mind…… We know it went on for years, those 6 years before his “death” and then probably a few more before that obviously, when his sister was still alive. Who’s knows how long she had to endure it though? She was much older, Sakuya was about 9 at the time, and she appeared to be High School (or maybe Middle School can’t really tell with the uniform.)

She was also the one covered in bandages after all, and we couldn’t see any visible scars or injuries on Sakuya. So she obviously took all the beatings so he wouldn’t have too most likely but after when she died I’m sure things got worse for poor little Sakuya.

But this is my other biggest thing about the abuse he went through…

How come he never tried running away?

We all know his parents threatened to do the same thing to him as they did to his older sister, but could he really not just try and leave before anything happened? Maybe not until he got a bit older.. but still….

Was his parents that controlling? I doubt his parents even cared enough to hunt him down if he did run away…. So why didn’t he try? Did they really keep him that locked in? Its so hard for me to imagine him being and feeling that hopeless, did he have zero fight inside him?

It’s hard to imagine him not fighting back in the slightest. But he could have been a very different person back when he was human too, of course. Maybe more meek and submissive… again who knows. (To be honest, I am extremely curious about to what most of the vampires characters were like before they were vampires and who and what they did before as well.

But anyway, do you think Sakuya put up with it…

Because it was ALSO a loyalty thing??!? I’m making no jokes here. Hear me out, even if he hated his parents(I’m sure he did obviously, even though he never explicitly said he did, because we had Tsubaki tell his story, and not Sakuya.)

Do you think he never tried running away or whatever, because he just felt like he just couldn’t? Like he was betraying something? Maybe not his parents, just because “They are my parents…. whether I like it or not. I have to listen to them…”

But maybe because of his sisters death? Like he felt like he had to endure it like she did for him?? I mean…. he was told:

“You don’t want your sister’s death to be a waste, right?”

YOU GUYS GET WHAT I AM SAYING HERE RIGHT? History can repeat itself….

(This boy is gonna kill me with his conflicted ass)

Maybe there wasn’t actually much physical abuse doing those years… Maybe at least for as long as he did what they said and stayed out of their way and kept their secret. But I kinda already talked about this part in a post about what I think happened to his parents after he became a vampire. (I am very sensitive about this topic alright?)

We know they killed his sister so they could get insurance money(ughh so sickening) but did they really try to kill Sakuya for more money? They would only be two people at that point…… so that’s why a part of me is like, “there’s gotta be a greater reason.” The best conclusion I came up with was “They killed him because maybe he tried to TELL someone.”

Think about it. Sakuya hates lies, he had to lie his whole life basically. He takes it very serious and to heart. WE KNOW THIS.

We know he only kept it a secret because he was threatened and didn’t want his sister’s death to be in vain…. But maybe he eventually cracked under all the pressure… And maybe tried speaking about it or was planning too and then… That was also the day he died…… Damn…. I just stabbed myself in the heart.

So yes, his past is a big factor on why I found him so interesting initially when I was new to this fandom/series, I was really hoping we would see his past elaborated a bit or learn more and see what he does and how on earth Mahiru was gonna “save him.”

I could go on and on about these two as well. Not in a shippy way…. but friendship or romantic, considering his past it makes sense to why he’s attached to Mahiru. Again in another post where I “defended his character” I guess you could say, I talked about how Sakuya’s “screwed up friendship methods” and how he really dug himself into a hole. -__- But I was saying its almost hard to blame him for going about the way he did. BECAUSE IT JUST MAKES SENSE SADLY.

Sakuya is a real lonely and distant kinda guy. After he sister died I’m sure he didn’t have much light in his life then. No one to talk too, no one who understood. No one who loved him. I’m sure growing up during those 6 years he was probably afraid to get close to anyone. What was school like for him then…. did he really have no friends at all for 6 years? It’s crazy to think about right? His childhood was anything but normal….

But then he received a “second chance” after Tsubaki found him and I’m sure Mahiru’s kind-hearted nature really drew him in, it’s not wrong for him to really want a friend, yeah he did go the complete wrong way about it, but unfortunately lies and deceit is all he knew how to do. He found some light in his life, and he was willing to do anything to hold on to that for as long as he could. Also HE KILLS ME because he regretted lying to Mahiru so much and did all the awful things he did/said, BECAUSE HE WAS HOPING MAHIRU WOULD HATE HIM and have his Servamp KILL HIM because he felt that was the only way to apologize for everything. and BOIII did that really kill me. AND THEN MAHIRU FORGAVE HIM STILL and now look at where he is with his conflicted loyalty….

YOU SEE WHERE I AM COMING FROM AVI!?!? AHHHH.

-inhales- ALSO ONE THING I NEED TO GET OFF MY CHEST BECAUSE THIS REALLY BOTHERS ME. Before ANYONE says “Mahiru is too forgiving about the whole fake memories thing and shouldn’t have forgiven Sakuya or be his friend.” Cause I HAVE heard someone say this and it makes me angry.

BECAUSE then you are ALSO SAYING:

Mahiru shouldn’t have forgiven and accepted Kuro for his past and all his sins and regrets, that he never shared with him. Also for attacking Mahiru that one time, lets not forget.

Mahiru shouldn’t be friends or ever trust Lawless because he’s killed so many eves and killed all of Tsubaki’s subclass and who knows what else he’s done?

Mahiru shouldn’t be finding a way to stop Tsubaki without killing him, because he’s not worth it.

Mahiru shouldn’t be trying to save Tsurugi either because he’s also done bad things.

AND SO ON.

SO SCREW EVERYONE WHO SAYS THAT. Cause you’re basically saying NO CHARACTER deserves happiness. -exhales- Sorry I just feel very strongly about that and I forgot to mention this in my defense post awhile ago. I feel better now~

So about Sakuya’s damn conflicted loyalty between Tsubaki and Mahiru. How are things gonna go from here?.WHICH ROUTE MY GUY? I WANT TO KNOW.

Tbh he’s kinda similar to Tsurugi in a sense (a certain someone kinda opened my eyes about that) that the whole “afraid to start something new because this is all that I’ve ever known and honestly I don’t know how to feel anymore?” kinda sense.

Although Tsurugi is debatablely the saddest character in servamp right now (backstory and current situation and all ARE WAYYY more painful.)

What? Just cause Sakuya is my fave didn’t mean I’m completely biased about him. He sad. But not the SADDEST. I just thought I would mention this cause the parallels kinda fascinate me.

I WANT SAKUYA TO TAKE SOME ACTION. HE’S FREE NOW RIGHT??? What’s he gonna do now??? What’s he planning to do!?!? STILL WAITING HERE.

. Ughh its probably gonna be awhile until we get anything about Sakuya again. Which is fine. Cause its not his arc right now.

WE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS IN THE MANGA. MUCH MORE PRESSING THINGS INDEED.

But still I’m extremely curious… To what he might do in the future…. I mean Sakuya and even Lilac are still running around freely unlike the other melancholy members at the moment? So will he somehow be involved with that later??? Will he find Tsubaki??? WHERE ARE YOU MY BOY?

Ughh I’m having Sakuya withdraw lol… I hope he gets to do something exciting or important soon…. Tanaka strike is TEASING ME by putting him in so many recent official arts but then NOT IN THE ACTUAL STORY. WHYYYY. (well we do see Sakuya in a recent bonus chapter so….)

I HOPE THAT MEANS STRIKE PLANS TO INCLUDE HIM AGAIN SOON. I’ll take it as foreshadowing *sobs* Strike obviously hasn’t forgotten about him….so JUST waiting and watching now.

Waiting and watching….

Sorry, that got so angsty above I wanted this post to be positive too.. So here are good/fun things I like about him:

Even though he character design absolutely baffles me(yes I mean the hair) I gotta say I really love it~ His hair is really something original that’s for sure. HA. His design also helped immediately catch my attention to him also I may have a bit of a “stripes bias” ahaha I own A LOT of stripe shirts myself lol always have and always will.

He owns a lot of pink accessories and wears pink a lot too! LET. BOYS. WEAR. PINK. YES. YOU. GO. MY. BOY. He rocks it fight me.

He’s cool and I’m kinda curious on what his subclass ability is. If there is even one for him. Weapons seem to be his specialty. (F.E knives, chainsaw(which I am still trying to figure out how magically pulled out in AN ELEVATOR!?! And can make a sword outta blood apparently.

But I don’t really trust the animes canon….) Also his little black strap things have a function??? THEY ARE ALIVE. WHAT

Look how happy Mahiru makes him. His smile is precious. He loves his friend so much I cry. I want them to be together and be friends again.

All the Tsubaki and Sakuya shenanigans make me laugh. One minute he’s crying to Mahiru “please don’t kill him” and the next you’re trying to put the guy into a fox trap. What even boi.

WANTS TO BE CALLED SAKKUN HOW CUTE IS THAT.

Has the best “yandere” expressions.

HE PRETTY STRONG and has great potential to be truly terrifying and useful. UNLEASH THAT POTENTIAL YOU GREEN EMO CHILD.

Another random thought I had was what would have things been like if Mahiru did choose to tell Sakuya about Kuro in the beginning like he originally planned? Might’ve still gone down the same way. But who knows?

(I could keep going tbh)

But for now I’m just gonna sweat about the BIGGER MATTERS THAT ARE CURRENTLY HAPPENING IN THE MANGA RIGHT NOW. HA….

Thank you for asking Aviiiii~

#SCREAMSSSS #servamp #ca3 asks #too-many-goddamn-fandoms #sakuya watanuki #watanuki sakuya

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