TG: i really
TG: dont want to be alone?
TG: i dont have any friends karkat
CG: DAVE.
CG: I AM YOUR FRIEND.
TG: hes all i have
CG: THAT’S NOT EVEN REMOTELY A TRUE THING.
TG: it is
CG: I MEAN I MIGHT NOT COUNT BECAUSE I’M MORTAL.
CG: SO IF YOU’RE GOING SUPER CATASTROPHIZING BIG PICTURE THEN YEAH I’M NOT GONNA BE AROUND FOREVER.
CG: BUT ROSE AND JADE EXIST, DUDE.
CG: THEY ARE ALSO FUNCTIONALLY IMMORTAL.
TG: they dont talk to me any more
TG: ive invited them over a few times
TG: john gets like
TG: jealous
CG: JOHN GETS JEALOUS.
CG: OF YOU TALKING TO ROSE AND JADE.
TG: he
TG: kind of has meltdowns whenever i pay attention to anyone thats not him
TG: but he cant help it
TG: i mean i can understand being insecure im trying to be sympathetic
CG: WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE MELTDOWNS?
TG: he just gets really cold and angry at me
TG: doesnt talk to me
TG: id prefer he talk to me
TG: so i dont talk to anyone else so hell keep talking to me
CG: DOES HE HAVE OTHER FRIENDS? PEOPLE HE TALKS TO OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP?
TG: yeah
TG: mostly other versions of me
TG: which feels great by the way i love it when he does that
TG: i guess im a jealous asshole too
CG: OK, LISTEN.
CG: IF I SAY SOMETHING WILL YOU PROMISE NOT TO FLIP OUT.
TG: can i remain perched on the handle even if i dont pirouette
CG: YEAH, THAT WORKS.
CG: ALRIGHT HERE’S THE THING.
CG: TAKE A DEEP BREATH:
CG: JOHN HAS ISSUES.
TG: no fuckin duh
TG: dont we all
CG: UH, NO.
CG: NOT THE KIND OF ISSUES YOU ARE DESCRIBING, NO.
TG: obviously we cant all have the same issues
TG: but we all do have issues
CG: GETTING COLD AND ANGRY DOESN’T SOUND LIKE A MELTDOWN AT ALL IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THAT IS VERY EASILY CONTROLLED.
TG: ok maybe i am the one having meltdowns
CG: WHEN HE’S UPSET BECAUSE YOU TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE DOES HE ACT COLD AND ANGRY TOWARD EVERYONE HE TALKS TO?
CG: OR JUST YOU?
TG: just me
CG: OKAY, SEE, THEN IT’S SOMETHING HE CAN HELP.
CG: IF IT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF HIS CONTROL THEN IT WOULDN’T BE DIRECTED AT A SPECIFIC PERSON.
TG: what if its out of his control because its our relationship though
TG: its kinda different from everything else isnt it??
TG: so
CG: I KIND OF FEEL LIKE YOU’RE REACHING.
CG: THERE ARE WAYS FOR HIM TO LET YOU KNOW HE’S UPSET WITHOUT BEING A FROTHING DOUCHENOZZLE.
CG: SEE: TALKING ABOUT THINGS.
CG: I MEAN EVEN IF HE TALKED TO YOU ABOUT IT I’D STILL SAY HE HAS ISSUES BECAUSE BEING THAT FANATICALLY JEALOUS IS KIND OF. UH.
CG: BUT AT LEAST IT’S BETTER THAN BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!
TG: we do kind of talk about it
TG: and like when we talk about it we seem to reach amicable agreements about what needs to be better
CG: SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS AGREE NEEDS TO BE BETTER?
TG: uh
TG: great this is gonna sound shit
TG: that i just need to remember he loves me and that as long as hes here im not alone
CG: …
TG: a lot of agreements about mental actions i need to be taking but not really any other actionable items
CG: OK I NEED TO SAY ANOTHER THING THAT MIGHT FREAK YOU OUT.
TG: im kneading my temples
TG: what
CG: REST ASSURED I’M ALSO KNEADING MY TEMPLES.
CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE HE’S ABUSING YOU.
TG: oh fgudjfg
TG: no
TG: no he isnt
CG: DAVE
CG: BREATHE
CG: OK?
TG: no
CG: I COULD BE WRONG, I AM JUST GIVING YOU THE IMPRESSION I HAVE RIGHT NOW.
TG: thats not even remotely whats happening here you cant say that
TG: yeah
CG: OKAY.
TG: you dont know what were like
TG: he leaves me really sweet notes
TG: he buys me flowers
TG: he tells me nice things
CG: I AM STILL ABSOLUTELY NOT CONTESTING THAT YOU GUYS LOVE EACH OTHER.
CG: OKAY?
TG: ok
CG: I’M JUST SAYING THAT A LOT OF THIS IS REALLY WORRYING.
CG: AND I GET THAT IT’S HARD TO SEE THAT IT’S WORRYING OR WHY IT’S WORRYING SINCE YOU’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT RIGHT NOW.
CG: SO I’M JUST TELLING YOU WHAT I’M SEEING. AND YOU’RE RIGHT THAT I AM NOT IN THE ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP, SO MY IMPRESSION OF IT *MIGHT* BE SKEWED.
CG: PLEASE DON’T SHUT DOWN ON ME.
TG: ok i
TG: i wont
TG: im still present
TG: what if this is the best i deserve though
CG: IT’S NOT.
TG: it is
TG: i should be happy i even get this
TG: i should be happy to be alive
CG: THAT’S RATIONALIZING.
TG: i think im really just ungrateful
CG: I AM PRETTY SURE THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM.
TG: look maybe i do deserve this in all honesty maybe taking care of john even as he trains for the self-destruction olympics is how i can prove my worth to this world
TG: whos going to do it if not me??
TG: its not abusive if i can choose to leave at any time
CG: DRAGS MY HANDS DOWN MY FACE
CG: THAT’S ALSO NOT EVEN A TRUE THING
CG: AND BESIDES IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU CAN’T CHOOSE TO LEAVE!
CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE CUT OFF FROM ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS!
CG: AND COMMUNICATION WITH ANYONE WHO ISN’T HIM!
CG: YOU’RE COMPLETELY DEPENDENT ON HIM FOR COMFORT AND SAFETY AND SANITY SO OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO CONSIDER LEAVING AN OPTION.
TG: ok um fuck
TG: lets not zoom out so much
CG: ZOOM OUT.
TG: theres nothing i can do about
TG: well
TG: i just
TG: i want to make this work can we please just focus on how i can make this livable
CG: YOU NEED TO TELL JOHN THAT YOU’RE UNHAPPY AND WHY YOU’RE UNHAPPY.
CG: AND IF YOU FEEL UNSAFE DOING THAT THEN YOU NEED TO DO IT WITH A MEDIATOR THERE.
CG: AND YOU NEED TO FIND OUT IF HE’S WILLING TO LET GO OF HIS HANGUPS AND CHANGE OR NOT.
TG: i cant
TG: you just have to give me some jedi mindtricks to play on myself so im not as affected when things dont go my way ok
CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE ALL THE RELATIONSHIP TALKS YOU’VE BEEN HAVING HAVE BEEN ABOUT *HIS* ISSUES WITH *YOU*
CG: AND IT’S WELL AND GOOD THAT HE FEELS COMFORTABLE EXPLAINING THE THINGS THAT MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE
CG: BUT THAT HAS TO BE A TWO WAY STREET.
CG: BOTH PARTIES NEED TO BE WILLING TO COMPROMISE.
TG: i cant
TG: i cant do that
CG: OH MY GOD.
CG: LET ME GIVE THIS TO YOU STRAIGHT.
CG: THIS DYNAMIC CANNOT CONTINUE AS IT IS.
CG: THE RELATIONSHIP EITHER NEEDS TO END OR JOHN NEEDS TO BE WILLING TO FIX HIS END OF THINGS.
TG: karkat i cant tell him that i am unhappy
CG: DAVE.
TG: i have in the past
CG: THERE IS NO COMBINATION OF WORDS YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF THAT’S GOING TO RATIONALIZE ALL OF THIS SO HARD THAT IT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
CG: YOU CAN KEEP LYING TO YOURSELF AND IT’S GOING TO KEEP MAKING YOU FEEL FUCKING MISERABLE.
CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO WONDER WHAT YOU’RE DOING WRONG WHEN YOU’RE PUTTING SO MUCH INTO THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOU STILL FEEL SO SHITTY ABOUT IT.
CG: AND HIS BEHAVIOR IS STILL GOING TO HURT YOU BECAUSE HE’S NOT TREATING YOU FAIRLY.
CG: AND THE ONLY WAY YOU’RE GOING TO RATIONALIZE HIS BEHAVIOR IS IF YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU DESERVE IT.
CG: AND THAT’S GOING TO MAKE YOU CONTINUE FEELING LIKE A GARBAGE DUMP.
CG: SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE. YOU’VE CLEARLY TRIED RATIONALIZING ALREADY AND IT’S NOT WORKING OUT.
TG: karkat i cant talk to him about it and i need you to not make what im about to say a big deal because its not
TG: i have tried to talk to him about it before and he socked me in the face and
TG: told me i was
TG: i guess it doesnt matter
TG: but as long as i dont bring it up he wont hit me i need a solution that doesnt involve talking about how unhappy i am
CG: YOU NEED TO GET OUT.
TG: no
CG: NO DAVE I’M DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS.
TG: hes the only thing in this shitty world that makes me happy
CG: COME STAY WITH ME FOR A BIT.
TG: i cant
TG: he might need me
CG: OF COURSE YOU CAN. I HAVE SPACE.
TG: no karkat please listen to me
TG: i cant leave because hes the only person in the whole world that makes me feel okay
CG: DAVE
CG: YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE FOREVER.
TG: i dont want him to hate me hes my boyfriend
CG: OR CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.
CG: JUST COME STAY WITH ME FOR A WEEK OR TWO.
CG: GET SOME SPACE TO BREATHE FOR A BIT.
TG: i dont want to be a burden on you
CG: YOU WON’T BE.
TG: how on earth could i not be
CG: YOU’RE GOOD COMPANY AND SLIGHTLY LOWER MAINTENANCE THAN A CAT.
TG: i dont know how to tell john id be staying with you
TG: he might break up with me if i do
CG: I CAN TELL HIM IF YOU WANT.
TG: …
TG: ok
CG: OKAY.
CG: I’LL GET THE COUCH PULLED OUT SO YOU HAVE A PLACE TO SLEEP.
TG: fuck
TG: karkat i cant hes really mentally ill
TG: i have to be there for him
CG: YOU WILL HAVE YOUR PHONE.
CG: IF THERE’S AN EMERGENCY HE’LL BE ABLE TO CONTACT YOU.
CG: AND IF YOU NEED TO GO HOME I WILL COME WITH YOU.
CG: I’M INSERTING MYSELF AS THE MEDIATOR. THAT JUST HAPPENED.
TG: no no no oh god that is literally the exact definition of a burden
TG: i dont want to be that
CG: LITERALLY NOT BURDENING ME.
TG: im sorry for bothering you i gotta go ttyl
CG: IF IT WAS A PROBLEM I WOULDN’T DO IT.
CG: DAVE
CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE GET BACK HERE
CG: WHAT YOU’RE FAILING TO REMEMBER IS HOW MUCH I LOVE MEDDLING IN PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIPS GOD DAMMIT YOU ASSHOLE YOU DIDN’T BOTHER ME AT ALL I SWEAR TO GOD
TG: you promise
TG: that this isnt some massive inconvenience to you and you dont hate me
CG: I SWEAR ON TROLL WILL SMITH.
CG: I DON’T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER THIS ABOUT ME OR NOT, BUT I’M PRETTY FORWARD ABOUT HATING PEOPLE.
TG: hate me in a platonic despising way not a you wanna bang me way
CG: I DON’T HATE YOU IN EITHER A PLATONIC OR A ROMANTIC WAY.
CG: YOU WOULD KNOW IF I DID.
TG: ok
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