theamazingchickenman

[theamazingchickenman]

GOOD KING SANTA CLAUS WAS HERE

EATING ALL OUR PRESENTS

HAS A CHAINSAW FOR A BEARD

LOOKS LIKE DONALD PLEASANCE!

#it's traditional

[theamazingchickenman]

"Dear Santa..."

“How are you? I’m good, thanks. I’m writing to ask if you can maybe bring me a bag to put all my cans in. That way, I can keep the squirrels out. Or a Nerf football. Also, Phoenyx needs some argyle socks.

If you don’t mind, could you give the rest of my gifts to that homeless shelter past the bus stop? They could use them more than me.

If you get this letter, I hope you can take time away from fighting crime in Gotham City to help Jesus battle the moon bison. They get nasty this time of year.

Thanks again for the toaster oven I found in the sewer! Sometimes it works!

Love, Chicken Man

p.s. Please don’t bring me anymore magazine subscriptions”

[theamazingchickenman]

"John Santa: Doome Marine."

[theamazingchickenman]

For real, I'm okay.

Planning for my wedding, studying for a heavy duty certification, and trying to survive the holidays.

Promised myself years ago that I'd keep this blog up until either Tumblr disappears or the Earth gets swallowed by the sun, so I'm not going anywhere.

[theamazingchickenman]

I hope you don't mind but I genuinely enjoy reading many of Chickenman's shenanigans. Great stuff 💯

"Thanks, splinky! Once I get my face unstuck from the sink, I'll be back more often!"

[theamazingchickenman]

"Dave Grohl is one of the most based men on the planet. Change my mind."

[theamazingchickenman]

Can you believe all this snow? It's so cold, I found a polar bear sleeping in my refrigerator to keep warm.

"It's so cold, I poured ice cubes down my pants. The two aren't related."

[theamazingchickenman]

"That's how you unlock cool heaven stuff. I would know. I'm an ordained reverend in Antarctica. I can perform penguin marriage."

"Good morning, congregation, today's opening prayer is sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends."

[theamazingchickenman]

"Good morning, congregation, today's opening prayer is sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends."

[theamazingchickenman]

"Show me the panda bits or I'm calling the FDA."

[theamazingchickenman]

What is it about going to the grocery store that gives me an existential crisis?

#ooc

[theamazingchickenman]

"Karl Urban.

Karl Suburban.

Karl Rural.

Karl Wilderness.

Karl Ocean.

Karl Swamp.

Karl Marx.

Karl Subterranean.

Karl Terrestrial.

Karl Extraterrestrial.

Karl Matter.

Karl Anti-Matter.

Karl Anti-Malware.

Karl Pro-Malware.

Karl Mal-Proware.

Karl Nation-state.

Karl Statehood.

Karl Region.

Karl Fifth-dimensional construst of pure energy that traverses planes between realities, altering them with his slipstream and creating ripples between the cosmos, thus preventing the rise of Colonel Santa Anna and the McRib while introducing three new favors of Scotch tape.

Karl Residential.

Karl Place of Business.

Karl International House of Pancakes.

Kevin.

[theamazingchickenman]

"Bugs Bunny in one. Mickey Mouse in the other. Both feature dudes with huge feet who are pulled in from another world. Both have beings from beyond time and space taking over or sapping the power of established heroes. Both features the power of friendship. Both have rabid fanbases that draw way too much porn. Both have sequels no one really understood."

"Kingdom Hearts and Space Jam are the same thing, change my mind."

[theamazingchickenman]

Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny aren't in Kingdom Hearts either.

"Not on camera."

[theamazingchickenman]

My favorite part of kingdom hearts was when the kingdom heartsed all over that one guy

"Where John Kingdom Hearts jumped out of an airplane with two Uzis, looked at the screen and said 'time to do something about all these Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep'? So good."

[theamazingchickenman]

Kingdom Hearts may or may not have Bill Jordan and Michael Murray

"My favorite Final Fantasy waifus."

[theamazingchickenman]

But...Kingdom Hearts doesn't have Michael Jordan in it. Or Bill Murray.

"Goofy is three Michael Jordans in a dog suit and Donald is three Bill Murrays funny."