thefashionbum

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[thefashionbum]

[thefashionbum]

https://www.instagram.com/xeniaoverdose/

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Black Skinny Jeans

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https://nippydrive.com/v/76856c THE 1975 LINK REBLOG TO SAVE A LIFE

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I am getting so much positive feedback on my fashion blog and it’s making me so happy!!

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[thefashionbum]

Hi Tumblr!

Wowza, it’s been awhile. Why haven’t I been on here more often? Let’s see...

First off, work. Work, work, work. It’s never-ending and consumes a large portion of my day. For the majority of the year I was working in sales at Nordstrom, and boy oh boy did I despise that job. I ended up quitting in the beginning of August due to traveling. I’ve been wanting to quit way earlier, but I guess I never had a sudden push and traveling kind of gave me that push to quit. I mean, I had to if I were to travel. And if you know me, I choose travel over everything. 

Once I got back, I became an intern for Vanessa Mooney. At first it was awesome because I had the weekends off and it was from 10:30-6, which was great for my sleeping schedule. However, things soon spilled downhill as it wasn’t the best job for me. Plus, I didn’t want to go into the jewelry industry anyways, I was just working there because I needed to pay off my student loans. Things didn’t last so long there because just a week ago, I quit.

Second of all, school. I graduated from FIDM with my AA back in March and I took some time off to figure out what my next step would be. I decided to take some classes at my local community college because not all of my credits from FIDM would transfer over to my selected colleges that I wanted to attend. This has been the most stressful process because it’s so hard to find the time to meet up with a counselor to figure out the whole credits shenanigans. Not only that, but I’m second guessing school. At this point, I just want my bachelor’s to make my parents happy. But I mean, it would be pretty sick to say I got my bachelor’s.

Third of all, I’ve been traveling. I went to Hawaii for a week in August then at the end of August I was traveling around Europe for three weeks. I love love love to travel and see the world. Immersing myself into different cultures and lifestyles is one of the most rewarding and beautiful things to me. I’ve always heard people say how traveling is so fulfilling, and I 100% stand by this. I was also in Lake Tahoe this past weekend for the first time, and that was pretty rad!

Fourth of all, I’ve been trying to get my blog up and running and becoming consistent. I have so much content from traveling and shooting outfits in between work and school. I am absolutely in love with my blog and it’s my child. I’ve always known to follow your passion. For me, my passion is blogging about fashion/ lifestyle/ traveling. Might I say, it is so damn hard. It’s what makes me so incredibly happy though so I can’t give up on it. I have one life to live and I want to be as happy as can be and live up to my full potential. Honestly, I see my potential in blogging. Let’s just hope that’s my calling and that’s what I can find my success in.

Why am I coming back onto Tumblr at 5AM during the holiday season? Well, because I’m stressed, I’m stuck, and I am so utterly confused with life. This past year has been the best and the worst year of my life. I’ve lived through the most incredible experiences, I’ve been surrounded by my beautiful friends and family, and I’ve learned so so so much. Honestly, I have everything I need. But at the same time, there’s just this empty little hole in me. I probably sound so dramatic and cliché but I can’t help but feel this way.

I’m at the age where “figuring yourself out” is a thing and one of the biggest stepping stones in life. I am trying. I’ve hit a concrete wall, but I’m still trying. I’m trying my best to keep up with life and to continue doing what makes me happy, but at the end of the day, I just want to lay in bed and cry. Why? Because I don’t fucking know how to go about my life. I feel like I’ve grown up to go about it a certain way. Go to a 4 year college, graduate, get a stellar job, blah blah blah. But since the get-go, I’ve chosen a different route than to what I was expected to do.

I went to FIDM. A 2 year program where I would get my Associates degree. My parents weren’t really for it, but I insisted that it was my calling and it was my dream. Honestly, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I decided that I wanted to get my Bachelor’s at FIT in NY, but again, my parent’s weren’t really for it. I insisted, I applied with high hopes, and I got denied. Probably because FIDM’s credit system is pretty fucked up. Anyways-

Now that I’ve graduated FIDM and didn’t get accepted into FIT, my life was a mess. Things weren’t going the way I planned for them to and I let that eat me alive. I had no back up plan and my parent’s were not happy. This was back in the Spring time.

Fast forward to now, I’m taking classes at a CC to attain transferrable credits, I’m jobless, and I’m trying to pursue blogging regardless of the difficulty in reaching success through a highly saturated field. It scares the living shit out of me and gives me major anxiety thinking about what my next plan will be because I have no fucking idea.

I know I’ve disappointed my parents and that in itself, really hurts. But like I said, I am still trying even if I feel like a complete failure. At some point everyone reaches a breaking point, and I’ve hit mine. What if I’m not going to make it? What if my life is just one big joke? At this point, I’m playing with fire and it’s not fun. 

#personal #update

[thefashionbum]

[thefashionbum]

Currently-

1. I finish school in 3 weeks. What the actual fuck. I'm not prepared for this because school is my safety net and I don't even know how to live without being in school. Okay technically I still have to take classes at a CC so I have enough credits to transfer to FIT (IF I get accepted). I'm so stressed out about this, it makes me want to rip all of my hair out. I've been dreaming of New York, but is it even practical? It's where I want to grow in my career and I feel like there's just so many opportunities there that I can take advantage of. BUT, it's so damn expensive. How in the hell am I supposed to afford this shit? Thinking about all this just makes me want to cry and never stop. 

2. I need more creative, nice, and positive friends. I'm currently remodeling my fashion blog but I find it s difficult to form a team who would help out with it and people who are passionate about being creative and watching art come to life. I don't even know where to find these types of people. I want to make this a business but it's just so difficult. Helppppp.

3. No but really, why the hell do boys suck. This has been a reoccurring issue. Due to past experiences with stupid boys, it literally fucked me up. I feel like no guy will ever want me and would rather be with someone who's tall, blonde, and skinny. So pretty much everything I'm not. And I can't seem to find a nice boy that I'm actually attracted to-- mentally. The whole saying "guys only want one thing" is just too true and it sucks asshole. I just want someone loyal to love me and feed me food.

Also, there's this really cute boy I'm friends with on Facebook and I used to be friends with him in elementary school (this guy that was in my class introduced me to him through AIM or something, and never met in person but anyways...) and I really wish I continued talking to him. He has a girlfriend right now and they've been together for 3 years. But ugh, I'm so dumb. I really really wish I kept talking to him -_-

4. I have a spending issue and it stresses me out.

5. I never go to the gym anymore and I'm really unhappy with my body but I'm just so lazy and never have time. I lied, I just never want to make time and would rather lay in bed.

6. Work makes me want to jump off of a cliff but it's my only source of income and it helps pay for my stupid credit cards. So I have to stay until who knows how long, ugh.

7. All I ever want to do is just stay in bed and cry and eat shitty foods while watching romance movies.

8. I'm so confused and lost as to where the hell I'm heading in life.

I obviously have many issues. SOS.

#personal

[thefashionbum]

Still trying to figure out where I should be, what I should be doing, and just everything. I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to stay in bed forever and not do anything.

#personal

[thefashionbum]

[thefashionbum]