tiwim

[tiwim]

Life must go on

Here i am sitting down while looking up at the clear blue sky. At first glance i might look ok but deep inside i'm somewhat depressed. Life took a big drop and i took the blame. Day by day i seen my changes and my decline. I let time tell the story after this and won't hope for much. This is the path i'm gonna take and this my last blog i'll be doing. Till the time comes, i'll just keep doing what i'm aiming for...to be a better man. Time...Space & Trust...im sorry heart that i broke u again...i'm just not strong and ready enough for all of this

[tiwim]

My mistakes my exp

Sometimes it's hard for me to express my feelings. But after facing some hardships and heartbreaks, it got alot harder. Not that i'm numbed out or what, it's just waiting for the mrs right took a toll on me. When i found her back, my ego build up and my confidence collapse. Doubts was enemy and anger was my weapon. Yes i was wrong to have those, hurting the one i loved made me see who i was. Back then i was a fine guy, loving and caring. True immature yet i can handle myself fine. As time passes by, some things just wont let me be me. I've changed after every break ups, i became a coward when i can't see my way out, i ran away from everything. When i was reunited with her early this year, i thought things will be better having her back in my life. Almost everything went smoothly but i didnt realize a few things were crawling up to me...namely fear,doubts n ego. Fear from losing her again, doubts if she ever run away again and ego from being pulled here n there. I was slowly hurting her, didnt knew she was serious bout the relationship. She had given up alot for the relationship. I was the one blinded, eventually i decided to let her go while i was angry. A decision that had made me wounded again. As time passes by, i calmed myself. Ran through articles and talked with people. I knew i was wrong and im determine to fix things up again. Casting away my current self, letting go of my grudges and doubts, overcome my anger n ego. Be a better man more did i was before. Yet time will tell the rest, im not fully ready yet but im willing to face my fears.

[tiwim]

Who noes one day i might see the real color...#colorblind

#colorblind

[tiwim]

It's no shame to admit my mistakes n my flaws...been going through em from time to time...all i need now are time n commitment...to fix this relationship will take alot of time n patience also...it's hard but when i know where to start...things can flow smoothly. Have to admit i was blinded...didn't saw her commitments and her seriousness for the relationship...i didn't expect things to go smoothly bearing my past with her wasn't really as what i've expected...kept my hopes in check n got cautious...once caught in an arguement over a small matter...my ego kicked in n things got crazy...up till now im trying my best to fix everything...trying to win her trust n heart again n again n again...till i get my ans be it good or bad...im just gonna hope for the best Its not that i forgot myself nor how to love...just forgot how to treat a girl right...previous failed relationship caught the best out of me...n i have to rely on google n my exp to guide me to be a better man...both for me n her...yes atm we r just so so...time to time chat with each other...i can feel her coldness yet im craving for her warmth... Funny how fate brings me back to her...a silly bet backfires...but if i am to be given another chance...surely i wanna treat her well n give her my best...not sure if she's reading this...i just wanted you to know dat i'll never gonna give up trying...to change myself...to love you...to win u over n over again...to let you see who i am again...i'll never gonna stop till i know im worthy again to be yours

[tiwim]

Be it fast or slow...im just gonna take my time to get over my depression...some say im strong...some say im weak...im just letting out what im feeling atm

[tiwim]

My usual rant

Some might say life is easy...some had it hard...i myself cant really say my life was easy nor hard...just certain phase of my life i had ups n downs From the day i was born...being pampered with this n that...had my 2nd brother...first day of school...up till now...my life was just normal i guess...felt heartbroken...felt lost...felt the urge to win her back... Im just rambling arnd here...just need to get things out of my head...dat feeling of loneliness just itching me...but i cnt rush things since at the moment im still not ready nor prepared fully...

[tiwim]

Things will get better

People change for a reason...be it good or bad...there's always be something that drives them to change...as for me...i wantwd to change for the best...to be with her i need a firm grip of myself...be motivated and confident...prepared for hardship dat i cant see yet in the future. I was lost before...after being in a failed relationship more than once really took a toll on me...everything have a price n ive paid the price for being heartless n blind She was there for me...trying her best to show me n proving her word were not empty...i was loved n cared by her unconditionally...i should be the same...just hope im not too late

[tiwim]

Missing you

Hmm…usually i would love to run n play in the rain…or mybe sit somewhere under the rain…thinking crying or just plain enjoying it

I find joy in the rain…as it washes things away…rain rain wash away the pain hehe…yet the pain in my heart still aches…

Im missing her alot…yet day by day i feel closer to her but not sure from her side…i worry bout her condition also…is she eating well? How’s thing on her side doing? So far for me to reach…just texting her day by day to receive updates

Gonna need my sleep…stop worrying and be positive…time will tell. Gdnight all

[tiwim]

[tiwim]

Crawling out of my shell

As time passes by...i had my ups n downs...struggling to push myself forward...letting go of my past n my old self...i wanna be a better man...i need to be one...breaking down my wall of ego...taking control of my anger...set goals in my life...be prepared well for the future I'll still be me if it's not for her...the times i spend with her really means alot to me...be it good or bad...everyday brings a new meaning to my life...i wanna change my words to actions...take chances...make mistakes...be daring...love trully from the heart n dun hold back

[tiwim]

Even in darkness...there's light

All this time i was walking in the dark...searching for a light to guide me out...only to rely on my senses as i keep walking When she came...be shines my world as bright as she can...showering me with all the love she can muster...but as time passes by...from the darkness my other side whispers n hungers for myself...i've fallen to the whispers n made her light disappear Yet now be it in this darkness...her light still shines be it not as bright as it used to be...i can still feel her love n her warmth...from light there's darkness n in darkness there's light...she didnt left me behind emptyhanded...she left behind a trail dat i should follow...so dat i can find my way again to her...be it her light is dim...i pummel through this darkness to reach her again

[tiwim]

Somewhat a fine day

Today felt ok...slowly accepting changes here n there...from the way i talk i walk i see...ehehehe...yet honestly i still cant fake my true feelings yet that i still miss her...

[tiwim]

To new adventures ahead

Heads up...smile n looking forward for a new day...cried my heart out way too much already...now have to learn to move along this path...accept the fact n learn my mistakes...hope for the best

[tiwim]

Let me fall completely...

Thinking back...why should i give up...if she really means alot to me...i should fix things n make it work...true i may not have her attention coz im not showing it yet...i havent fall completely yet...but once i got back up...im determine to gain her trust back. From pain n mistakes ive learn to love myself again...from there also i see a path be it thorny n narrow...once i see a way in...i'll take up the challenge...life is never easy...more like adventurous (am i saying it right)...its a world filled with suprises...left only me to open it up To the one that i love...i may hurt n broke u up...just to let you know dat i wont stop trying....im willing to change...make things work...make u happy once again...once im ready...i'll find you n make u mine

[tiwim]

Tackling my inner demons

Everyone have their own demons...so do i...and surely i need em out of my life after what ive done to someone i love 1.Ego Have to admit i was being egoistic...seeing myself being right n so stubborn to accept defeat n critics...not seeing things as it is and also turn a blind eye 2.short tempered As my past teaches me this n that...i turn to anger as my shield n sword...i am quite expressive when i get pissed...no brain just harsh words... 3. Unappreciative "What you give is what i get"...a word i need to think about...sometime i take things for granted without seeing the value...be it small or big... 4. Not being true to my word I really wasnt a man of my word...i may say this n that but overtime i forget or got careless...only to realize when its too late... 5. Not seeing eye to eye Love can only happen if two persons are seeing the same picture...i got caught up with my own drama...bringing in unwanted stuffs to the fray...letting em make me go blind...small issues got bigger by it 6. Having doubts n fears These two r the worst thing in my life...be it in love or at other things...these feelings make a man bow down n cower... 7. Being plain old me Well this is me...having all the above just ruins my life...all my dreams shattered...broke the heart of the one i loved...well i needed the wake up call n this time out...need to fix myself somehow... Those r the demons in me...which caught up to me from time to time...really need to tackle dis away...if true love dat i crave...i should work hard for it...not just by saying here but actually trying to change myself for the better...reading through articles...listening to other ppl...see the world differently...true it hurts to see my mistakes...but from there i can learn n grow...life doesnt always be happy...i cnt learn anything from there...its through hardship dat makes a boy be a man

[tiwim]

Something i need to ponder upon

Be on Time   My life seems to be a rocky ride since the beginning. When I was 9 years old, I thought my life is going to be simple. I’m going to study til the O levels, get a simple job, settle down and led a moderate life. It was also starting that young age, my life been a hustle up to today. Life were never easy, I faced challenges, family issues, struggling with voices in my head and keeping sane. I would never had imagined that today, the 28 years old me is having what she earned, living life to the fullest despite the troubles she faced… thanks to her stubborn nature. Without my stone-headed side, I know I wouldn’t be living today. All in all, I believe in “doing something” and not quitting. I mean, I have no one to fully rely on because it is others who rely on me. I have to keep hustling because who’s going to cover me up when I totally fall? No one but myself. I never had imagined that at this day that my parents need me. I never imagined that I will face serious health issues. I never imagined that I can’t get a descent job but run around here and there doing business. Being alone but not lonely to face life, over the years, you know being stone-headed is what keeping me rolling. The key word here is DETERMINATION. Once you’re determined - not giving up, listen to others, be observant, putting others before you – now, you’ll get a hang of RESPONSIBILITY. This is when you start to get entrusted with decisions, taking over things and having full control. Responsibility however doesn’t mean it is given. You find it yourself too. The moment you realize you are responsible regarding a certain thing without being directed, you know you have COMMITMENT. Now, being determined, responsible and committed - it all started with the easy phrase “doing something”. You have to start it, get back up when you fall, initiate moves and not giving up to the universe. My blog title today is Be on Time. What does it has to do with my writings so far? Napeleon 1 quoted “There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at … who steals what is most precious to men: time”. You can quickly conclude here that, a terrible thing to waste is someone elses time. If you’re a thinker like me, think deeply. If you waste your own time, you are robbing your own time too. You are the robber of your own time if you are not “doing something”. Being on time doesn’t always mean full perfection. It is all about progresses NOT perfection. You keep driving ahead, you progress no matter it is a 5KM, 5M or 5CM or 0.5MM etc ahead! You don’t reversed back but you paused, get yourself up and drive front again. Appreciate your time, appreciate others’ time. Small thoughts mean a lot.

[tiwim]

Life carries on

Its seems so long i have a good talk to myself...pondering whats life beyond frustration...who am i? What's my role? Am i strong enough to move beyond this...i surrendered n be in my small corner of my room....crying n crying...let myself fall down till i know i see a light that i can go to... True now im heartbroken...in despair but im not gonna give up...true i let my love one down n let her be on her path...true there's little to none hope of going back...yet i'm still gonna carry on trying...i was lost...i was careless n heartless...not seeing things as it was n appreciating the gift of love given to me.. Here i am now...try to change myself...battling my war on my own...trying to be a better man...in hopes one day i can win her back...