tobpdornottobpd

[tobpdornottobpd]

toxic feeling hours

[tobpdornottobpd]

[tobpdornottobpd]

that cluster b moment when you don't feel like being direct about your needs but get irritated when people can't read your mind and help you

[tobpdornottobpd]

love hiding the fact that i’m crying because the idea of anyone seeing me cry is almost as disgusting as the idea of anyone trying to comfort me

[tobpdornottobpd]

it’s exhausting to perform excitement and enthusiasm for people in order to appear normal

#vent

[tobpdornottobpd]

ID: colourful text against a beige background read: people with BPD deserve support and love. END ID.

[tobpdornottobpd]

Borderline Masking

I was having a think about masking today. People normally associate masking with autism, but very few people know about the masking that borderline people do. It actually serves two different functions with us. First, we mask like autistics do, in order to hide the “socially unacceptable” parts of ourselves from others. We can’t let them see our emotions, how we really feel about what they’ve said or how much they mean to us or how hurt we are. We mask so our passions don’t overwhelm others,  so that our intensity won’t frighten them away. We mask because we don’t want everyone to leave us.

The other reason we do it is because it helps us relate to others. We pick a new mask for every situation, one that’s made precisely to help us through that situation. When we make a new friend, we mirror them so they won’t hate us. When we’re in a meeting, we pretend we’re polite or “professional”. When we’re at work, we put on the face of someone who doesn’t abuse themselves regularly. We find new people to be all the time and we live so many different lives.

But the reason we mask in this second way is because we have no self to go home to. When we are alone, when there’s no one else to reflect, we look inside and we don’t find anyone. We don’t feel like a person. We might experience an intense chaos of emotions, but there’s nothing holding them together, no me to refer back to. We mask because the person we could have been died from all the pieces being taken away by people who were supposed to love us.

[tobpdornottobpd]

And hating every min of it xox

[tobpdornottobpd]

Bpd logic: I’m annoyed with you for not paying enough attention to me and a way to instantly fix that would be to hug me/hold me but I’m annoyed with you so if you touch me I’ll be pissed but I’m already pissed that you’re not touching me

[tobpdornottobpd]

i need attention 24/7 and i HATE it

[tobpdornottobpd]

if ur not borderline i promise u that u don’t get it. ppl have tried to tell me that they understand how obsessive i am in relationships because they get mad when their bf is talking to other girls. no. u don’t get it. and u should be happy u don’t get it. it’s not cute to have panic attacks in the middle of work because ur partner texted u in a “different tone”. it’s not fun having ur whole day ruined because u just remembered they have friend and ppl they care about outside of u. it’s not normal to genuinely want to die because they didn’t compliment u with the same enthusiasm they usually do. it’s scary and embarrassing and guilt inducing. u don’t get it and i’m so glad u don’t but pls stop trying to relate to something that u physically can’t. it doesn’t make me feel better it makes me feel invalidated and embarrassed because u DONT know how deep it goes.

[tobpdornottobpd]

bpd loneliness is so overwhelming

[tobpdornottobpd]

I wish I was important to you

[tobpdornottobpd]

you ever notice people be too busy for you but always available for everyone else??

[tobpdornottobpd]

[tobpdornottobpd]

i was so close to passive aggressively posting bpd memes on main and then i remembered the reason i have a vent blog in the first place is because nobody cares lol

[tobpdornottobpd]

“you’re so quiet” bro everyone ignores me and nobody cares about what i have to say