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And you may never see Faltheriel again for that matter

Meanwhile, we're still in the Dalaran Daily Mail LIVE! studio with spooky Faltheriel of all people...

Faltheriel: ...Now I'm sure you can imagine why Ner'zhul insisted that Kel'thuzad be resurrected using an old, recycled urn and an existing, if ancient, power source. It was less costly to just have Arthas do that using his father's urn, his undead army and the Sunwell, than dare go through a bunch of greedy necromantic debt collectors.

Trixany: ... I'm a Blood Elf.

Faltheriel: *sips tea*

Trixany: And you're also a Blood Elf.

Faltheriel: True.

Trixany: At least I hope you are. We were talking about spring nail polish colors, what I thought would be a safe topic for you Faltheriel, you weirdo--when suddenly you got onto this tangent about undeath and phylacteries...

Faltheriel: I'm just. Very passionate about this topic. Young necromancers, warlocks, cultists, or any spellcasters at all getting taken advantage of. We are fragile, we are not like other people.

Trixany: You just tried to paint Arthas Menethil as some sort of maverick hero, beating the necromancer student loan debt system--which for some reason according to you, hinges on naive necromancers renting out phylacteries like timeshares--by re-contextualizing Arthas' horrid desecration of the Sunwell. You just warped Warcraft III around your own sick headcanon which is probably centered around a weird personal trauma I do NOT want to know about, Faltheriel!!

Faltheriel: Back when I was in the Burning Legion, I walked in on Kil'jaeden making Kael'thas play strip poker.

Trixany: You nut. Arthas destroyed our homeland!!

Faltheriel: Look. Arthas is already beloved by so many fans of the Warcraft universe--we may as well give them another reason. Right, everybody? Yeah! Let's hear that applause!!

Audience: *conflicted silence, one loose cheer*

Faltheriel: *stands up* I am no longer secretly ashamed of my time in the Burning Legion and how it fractured my psyche. The tea... must be spilled. *dramatically tips over his teacup*

Trixany: Hey, watch it! My set! Faltheriel, you can't just--

Faltheriel: It is done! Those of you who can stomach the topic of somewhat innocent Blood Elf mages being scammed by their evil superiors, follow me! The rest of you--

Producer, over the speaker: Ah, sorry Miss Cuomo. We can't watch you do this. *studio lights shut off* Show's been canceled.

Trixany: *drags a hand down her face* It's like the culling of Stratholme all over again.

#desperate-alts-lives #she compared her career to stratholme #poor kid smh

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Yes

blood elf sticker designs 4/?

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Commission for Rixas 💜

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#retail-therapy

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Kevin being just like me by going right for my fave - a red panda, and using the opportunity to dunk on Sami while he's at it

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I ended up shipping my evil Blood Elf warlock Morine and my good and kind Nightborne mage Kiranyth, cause they were giving me massive 60s film and comic vibes, but if it was WoW

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"Enjoy the sodium desgraciadas"

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clawed gauntlets save me. Save me clawed gauntlets

#retail-therapy

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If you needed to go wth!! today, well here it is!

*throws spoons*

#reblog to throw spoons #or yell about lisa #Youtube

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Sara Mrad | Ripples in the Wind

#retail-therapy

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Faltheriel finally showed up. Oh dear

Meanwhile on Trixany's talk show, Daily Mail Dalaran LIVE!

Trixany: So run this by me again old frenemy--

Faltheriel: *shrugs* Old friend is fine.

Trixany: No. So, why is a necromancer's phylactery like a timeshare?

Faltheriel: Well, they all get sold on this idea that they can avoid becoming like their undead victims, as long as they have one of those things.

Trixany: Hrmmm...

Faltheriel: Hey, so let's say Steve just died to a bunch of adventurers. Now he's lying on the ground, a fetid corpse like the rest of his undead minions! A waste.

Faltheriel: I'm not going all the way to Scholomance to train, go through years of school and watching my flesh deteriorate from using death magic, and worse, rack up student necromancer loan debt only to end up like that. Like Steve.

Trixany: Ohh, the apprentice loan debt angle. That'll reel a lot of people in.

Faltheriel: Yes, and so they see it as an investment, in the end. You finish necromancy school, next thing you know, you're hanging out in the Western Plaguelands with your freshly raised skeleton army, and then some Death's Head cultist offers you a tour of a phylactery. And then you're inside thinking, 'It's not so small in here. My soul could probably live in this. Like at least for a century.'

Trixany: *arches fingers thoughtfully* That's um. Fascinating. How sad.

Faltheriel: A century becomes a millenia. Meanwhile, you're racking up payments all the time. And while you're gone, guess what? Your minions have to make those payments. Or if you don't have minions yet, the school pays on your behalf. Then you owe the school. It's a terrible cycle, these institutions get you either way. *crosses his leg* That's why Scholomance has been notorious for letting phylactery recruiters onto their campus.

Trixany: What a scam!

Faltheriel: By their senior year, most apprentice necromancers have paid into a phylactery scheme or other. They'll never get out of it. Or, you know, if they do avoid getting scammed, they face dying to adventurers and well, oblivion.

Trixany: This is just excellent uh... advice, Faltheriel. I don't know what demographic we're serving right now, and I'm really worried about who is out there in the "live" studio audience...

Faltheriel: *raises his eyebrows* Oh, I wouldn't call them that. It's very offensive to the necromancer community.

Trixany: *taps earpiece as producers freak out* Nevermind--Everyone here is getting a free phylactery! You're getting a phylactery, you're getting a phylactery! Every--LOOK, EVERYONE IS GETTING A PHYLACTERY!!

Faltheriel: Better.

#desperate-alts-lives

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Time to parody The Room, at least how poorly written it was, but with Warcraft characters

Oh wait, that was Shadowlands

When Sylvanas/Lisa literally tore the sky apart

THE ROOM (2003) dir. Tommy Wiseau

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Only really did this to relax for a bit but it’s kinda cute 💕👀💕

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#retail-therapy

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lofi beats to game and relax to – illustration for jahara jayde! ✦

★ twitter | ko-fi | ig | prints ★