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Body shaming is still a thing?
So I saw this post today. It was in Tagalog language so some might not understand it. So the content was saying that girls who are chubby is sexier than girls who is skinny. I kinda felt attacked by this, though I don't consider myself skinny 'cause I really do have a thick thigh. The girl who posted this is an acquittance of mine on my previous work and she is a little chubby. So I commented on that post as seen in the screenshot that I think that the content is body shaming, because why do we need validation from others if we're sexy or not just because of our figure? And then she replied back that I am just bitter because I am skinny. I was so turned off. I didn't think people feels that way still when it comes to figures. I am sexy on my ways and I do know that she is sexy on her own way. But content like that should be stop from circulating since engaging in social media makes young people influence on what they see and their perspective might change in not so good way. Plus I am not even skinny, so for replying back that I am just bitter for it is somewhat off the topic. It is very narrow minded.
PLEASE, do not share or post some kind of this stuff. All figures is needed to be loved by all. Body shaming should not be a thing anymore. Freedom of expression is not absolute and I don't support people who support this kind of shit. We always want people to love themselves but how can they even do that when we ourselves will let them down by pointing out flaws in their figures. For God's sake, stop doing this kind of content.
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College 101.
(Haba nito te 😂)
Last year of being in college was a tough round for me; doing my thesis (well alam na ng mga thesis mates ko yan, hahaha), edit sa film, radio broadcasting (not sure if this one is nung 4th year) and all the stuff, hahaha. Charot. I can't remember all the subject. Then, *drum roll* since I was the main head of our thesis, I have to cry every night for the rest of that sem just to get through it, not to mention I was also suffering from a heartache because of an ex who cheated on me *drum roll* *wink* hahahaha!!! Bes, I cannot. Hahaha. Pero di bale. So ayun, ang dami kong insert hahaha.
So! Ayun na nga, since all of this stuff is happening at the same time, naging pressure cooker na ako. I don't even know what to start first, time management was just literally trash, like bes, no you can't, kasi it's not only you who needs to adjust, di ka pwedeng pa-importante just because may other subject ka na you need to do kasi lahat kayo ng members mo meron din. Imagine sa liit kong 'to, kinaya ko. Ems. 😅 Then, since I am on that breaking point already, I guess everyone is, my depression knocks on my door, etong si tanga pinagbuksan naman hahaha. Ending, nalugmok si ako. My family was far away from me, and I needed them so badly. Parang inaraw araw ko na din uwi nun just to calm my nerves. I remember one time, I think sa radio broadcasting namin, I did edit out sfx and all those things for radio then nagpaalam ako na I badly need to go home at di ako papasok, na bansagan na nga akong absenera nung Prof ko, hahaha, pero can't blame her, she doesn't even know and won't understand what's going on with me.
*Pause*
I made sure everything was working, sfx, the intro I edit out, the song list. Like gurrrrl, I made freaking sure kasi nga wala ako kapag ginamit nila. Ending, hhahahaha, nung andun na, may mga sfx na di gumana and the song list... also not working. I was already back at Olongapo that time, and sobrang shitty nung feeling na dinagdagan ko trabaho nung mga members kasi palpak ako??? Like, Jram how dare you. I was so sorry that I literally type down a novel like message sa group mates ko to say sorry and if only I didn't go home at inunang pakalmahin sarili ko because I was depressed sana okay yung happenings. They did say it was not my fault naman, na okay lang. Pero no one wants to talk me pag pasok ko hahaha. Pero dude I cannot blame them, not because I am suffering doesn't mean that they also need to.
Tapos afterwards *drum roll* sabi ko diba I was the one who is editing our short film. Maloka kayo, hahaha. Criticism is a genuine tool for me when it comes to editing, kapag may kailangan gawin or palitan, every suggestion is humbly allowed. Pero I did not get any of those. I was editing to my core, napabayaan na yung ligo, yung tulog and yung kain and I was a zombie. Di ko nga alam pano pa ako nakakapasok nun hahaha. Then nung film showing na *drum roll ulit* pina-edit pala nila ulit. The whole film. WITHOUT TELLING ME. For real. Literal. All those sleepless night was put into trash. Walang nagsabi na "Uy jram ang panget nung edit kaya pina-edit na lang namin lahat nung pinaghirapan mo buong sem. Thanks sa effort." Tapos malupit pa, walang nag-sorry sakin in person. Bes, I was so down. Feeling ko sabog life ko. Hahaha. My ex and a friend of mine na nakapanuod nung film nung showing, nagtaka din sila kasi ako editor sa credits pero since alam na nila pano ako mag-edit gulat sila kasi di ganun galawan ko.
Biruin mo, depressed ka na that time, lalo ka pang na-depress. And no one even apologized in person. Deadma na lang ganun. Hahaha. Pero I was okay after ilang days. I was hurt, pero tinago ko na lang. Kasi I have subjects that I need to face too. Now, having this experienced from that times made me realized how to just cope up with your depression all alone.
I know, dramatic pero those people back then who said that they understand me for going home because of depression didn't actually made me feel like they do when I was back at school. Or those people who knew I was depressed but manage to bypass me and made me look literally shit. Those people doesn't need to understand me at all. I need to understand myself better than any of them. Most of the people back then is already aware and supporting mental awareness and I'm genuinely glad that they do. Because maybe it happened to them also.
This is what I learn, again, not because you are suffering doesn't mean everyone needs to suffer too. Only those who are aware and still manage to genuinely care for you are the once who are for keeps. You also cannot blame anyone just because they don't understand you. As long as there are few people who tried their best to be their for you then that will be good enough. Kahit gaano ka-shitty or taumatic yung experience mo because of depression, you are the only one can cope up with it, if you want. I am no expert and this is only based on my experienced pero sometimes remembering these kind of experience is helping me to remember how strong I am to get through with life's challenges.
Kapag binato ka ng bato, deadma.
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I was screaming again inside, tears fell down in minutes as I looked straight to Mia's face.
I told her, "Sorry, pagod na ako baby. Di ko na kaya." And she smiled. Looking also straight to my eyes while I am crying my heart out. She then sniffed and hugged me. She stayed there while I try to pour it all and I am so guilty that she have to witness me like this.
I am so guilty for being unhappy, broken and lost.
She does not deserve a terrible Mom like me, I just keep on depriving her from being the greatest because I am at my lowest. I am fighting all the emotions that I am feeling, but it hurts like hell. It's stopping my heart beat. It's making me weak. I am so lost with the urge to kill myself every night.
I need to stop killing myself... I need to stop... because I am so tired.
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“I’ve never been very good at leaving things behind. I tried, but I have always left fragments of myself there too, like seeds awaiting their chance to grow.”
— Joanne Harris
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via weheartit
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via weheartit
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I pray that none of you ever fall in love w/ someone who makes you hate the way your heart works. You don’t deserve any uncomfortableness.
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thinking of you
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Stay.
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