verymerrycrisus

[verymerrycrisus]

idk

[verymerrycrisus]

Gonna pretend I haven’t tried

I've pinched my skin in between my two fingers And wished I could cut some parts off with some scissors

- Nightmare

[verymerrycrisus]

Today I made a 5-year plan

Everyday feels pointless and dreary and routine and I have nothing I want to work towards. I want to kill myself but I’m lacking courage and determination to do even that. So I’m making a deal with myself. In five years, if I’m not happy, I’m gonna kill myself. I’m gonna drown myself in alcohol and sleeping pills and more alcohol. I’m gonna take a blade through my thigh, vertically down all the way to the bone. I’m gonna fill my tub with broken glass and water and sit there for hours as I bleed and sleep and I’ll friendly be free. But before tht I have things to do.

[verymerrycrisus]

Some days

I want to not wake up. I want to lie in bed for hours until my tears dry and my muddled brain calms down and I can finally breathe. I want to let time pass without meaning and not feel the suffocated while doing nothing. I want to stop feeling so guilty of living. I want to stop feeling my chest cave every time I think of all the things that need to be done. I want to be able to talk to people without having internal monologues about all the reasons they may hate me. I want to stop hurting every time I breathe.

#bad day #living with anxiety #depression #school #tired of waking up