void-cloud

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cant a girl just do the best she can *does my worst*

#void mood

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wanting to talk to people is so fucking embarrassing. literally hi it's me again I wanted to have a conversation with you because I think you're fun to talk to. oh god you can just fucking kill me if you want sorry

#void mood

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they should make a gun that just makes u pass out for a few hours so i can use it for every minor inconvenience

#void mood

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I’m fine

#void mood

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Types of Amnesia

Diagram created by me

General criteria for amnesia:

Memory loss

Confusion

Inability to recognize familiar figures/places

Difficulty recalling names or places

Not remembering where you went

Worser ability to remember things that had happened

Generalized Amnesia Where a person completely forgets everything about themself and have no recollection of what, where, and who they spoke to. This can describe a blackout switch and may still recognize who they are.

Localized Amnesia Where a person is unable to recall a specific/series of event from the whole, which creates an incomplete picture of the situation. For example, remembering childhood but not the abuse.

Selective Amnesia Where a person only lost some and retain the rest, forgetting parts yet not all of them. This can describe greyouts as it grasps some information/sensory yet not enough to tell what exactly happened. One example is playing the phone and unable to recall what occured, only to jump its memory right to being at bed.

Emotional Amnesia Where a person has an intact memory and it's details on what had happened, but do not remember what the event feels like (e.g. was scared, happy, etc.). One description is that you're watching something that didn't happen to you, because you don't feel like being in the scene itself.

Continuous Amnesia Where a person fails to retain full parts of the event/day, for a set period of time (can vary from minutes to days) and create an accumulative, small bits of selective amnesias, continuously, leaving many gaps in a chronological timeline. This usually happens in times or stress, or abuse.

Fragmented Amnesia Where a person has an unrelated, and/or disjointed memories that does not go with the timeline's order, creating confusion and difficult to grasp the cohesive picture of what truly happened. Emotional amnesia may be present in this type. Bonus for systems:

Amnesia barriers Where a person fronting is not able to recall other alter's memories, which is a form of retrograde amnesia and compartmentalization. Because the fronter will only retain any information before switching out with the next one, the rest experiences anterograde amnesia as it cannot form and remember those memories, unless being coconcious or cofronting (even though, this is not always guaranteed).

Take notes that amnesia can still happen outside system things due to comorbidities like anxiety disorders or depression, this does mean systems are bound to experience more amnesia compared to non-systems folks out there.

Do you have any discussions about this? Or would like to describe your own way of seeing these different types of amnesia? Or have more to add? Feel free to tell them here!

- j

#brain cloud

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stay dehydrated❤️ fuck therapy❤️ kill your family❤️ throw your meds down the toilet❤️ die❤️

#void mood

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my favorite conspiracy theory is that they regret what they did to me

#void mood #rain cloud

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avpd/szpd culture is experiencing "love" more like a reptile would--in the sense that you are familiar to me and I appreciate you, however I cant feel any deep emotional connection to you.

#void mood

[void-cloud]

Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:

I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:

I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.

I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.

Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.

It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.

I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.

I don’t eat dinner.

The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.

#solidarity cloud

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Here’s some positivity for questioning systems!

Learning whether or not you are a system or part of one can be a long, challenging process - and it’s definitely not something that should be rushed! We’d encourage anyone questioning plurality to take their time and not hurry to make any conclusions. To those who are questioning, we’d like to share some positivity!

If you’ve been questioning for a long time, that’s okay! It’s totally fine to call yourself a questioning system, plural singlet, a label you’ve coined yourself, or not adhere to any labels at all. We commend you for taking your time with this process and not rushing to make any rash decisions! It’s okay (and encouraged!) to take things slow, and you will always be a welcome and important member of the plural community as long as you want to be here.

If you’ve just recently started questioning whether or not you’re a system or part of one, we want to remind you that, while it may seem overwhelming, answers will come with time! Know that you are absolutely welcome and wanted here. It’s okay for questioning systems to take up space in this community! It’s okay to ask questions, to be open and honest about your potentially plural experiences, and to be yourself while you are on this journey of self-discovery.

If you tend to waffle back and forth between questioning your plurality and being certain of it, know that indecision does not make you any less of a system or any less plural! It’s okay to go through periods where you’re more unsure, it’s okay to be confused or feel overwhelmed when considering plurality! Please allow yourself the time and self-compassion to feel your feelings and come to a better understanding of yourself without judgement.

For all questioning systems out there, we’re wishing y’all peace, comfort, and a deep understanding about yourself and your potential system. Even if it turns out you’re not a system after all, we’re touched to know that you considered plural experience when learning more about who you are! There’s no shame in being a system, a singlet, or anything in between - everyone, regardless of experience, is deserving of love, patience, compassion, and respect! And we hope you can show yourself and your potential headmates these traits as you discover more about yourself.

So please don’t treat yourself too harshly for questioning your plurality! Know that you are welcome in our community just the way you are, and there’s no need to rush to decide whether or not you’re plural too quickly. We hope you can have fun exploring your identity and that considering multiplicity can help you get a better sense of who you are! Please take care of yourself - thanks for reading, and have a great day!

#task cloud

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Hey, you! You who suspect you might have PTSD, DID or another trauma disorder, but you think you didn't experience trauma "bad enough" to have developed a mental disorder from it? Let me suggest looking at it differently:

"If there's smoke, there's fire"

Do you experience symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, memory problems, dissociation, ect? Then yes, it was "bad enough". Maybe you don't remember anything "really bad" happening or you don't "feel like" it affects you, but listen to your body. The body remembers and the body doesn't care if you think it is "stupid" or "weak" to have a panic attack when someone touches you or that you still have nightmares about that thing you saw when you were 4 years old

Trauma isn't what happened. Trauma is the reaction to what happened. So what I'm trying to say is that if the reason you think you can't have PTSD/DID/OSDD/ect is because you didn't go through anything horrific enough for that, then maybe forget about what happened to you for a moment and just look at the evidence your body and mind are showing. And then, most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. You're going through a lot and it's gonna be okay in the end. Take it easy, okay? <3

#brain cloud

[void-cloud]

i wish i were rich because that way i could comtinue being Insane & Useless and it would be fine like not even a problem

#void mood

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#void mood

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this ask polly comment..

#task cloud

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you may think your only options are

but in fact you can

#task cloud

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*has a reliable trigger that puts a certain voice into my head that also very much reacts to it's other surroundings inkl. my thoughts*

I'm sure that's just a very consistent funny coincidence :)

#been on and off talking with a plural friend #so far the conclusion is that we are both at similar levels of denial #and that I'm kinda happy I don't have to deal with hallucinations or a partner catching me talking to myself :| #yells at cloud #void cloud #plurality #osdd

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Even if I didn’t have a solid plan, in the back of my head, I always assumed I’d kill myself.

Now I’m an adult and people my age have their lives in order and I’m stuck here, confused, because I never planned to be alive and I’m so far behind.

I feel like I’ll never catch up.

#solidarity cloud